My Son Is Scared to Go on the Potty..........

Does his dad take him potty or just you? My boys go most of the time when my husband takes them, but uaually just sit there and do nothing when I take them. Also I have heard that it's normal for them to be more likely to go for the same gender parent.

Maybe he's feeling too much pressure. Try making it fun and see what happens. Tell him you have no expectations. If he goes fine, if not we'll try later. If he's frightened of the flush, make it a game to flush cheerios down the potty. There are lot's of books on the topic for children. Go to amazon and under children's fiction you can find many funny books about kids afraid of flushing.

Try using a "potty pal". I used a teddy bear, and just before the time would come and I'd think my son would need to use the potty, I'd say "Oh, it's time for Berry-bear to use the potty." Then I'd lead my son and the bear to the potty seat (don't do this in the actual toilet or you might clog it!), and have a couple of miniature candy bars (oh henry's and babe ruth's look convincing) and a tiny squirt bottle of water on hand. I'd take a diaper (used a real one) off the bear and seat it over the potty like he was going to the bathroom and would squirt the water and then drop the candy from behind to give the impression he was going numbers 1 & 2. You can add yellow food color to the water to make it more believeable.

My son thought this was hilarious, but all the while was actually taking it all in. The important part here is to let your son look into the potty bowl and see the "good job" Berry bear did. We'd clap and then we had the bear take tissue, and even pretend to wash his paws. Then I'd ask my son if he was ready to do the same. Sometimes he could go right away. Sometimes not. But I think the routine helped he relax because he enjoyed the stage production so much.

Another thing I'd do is leave some books about potty time in a nearby basket so he could read about going potty while sitting on the potty. I'd tell him it was okay to take a while if he needed to. Sometimes I think he got a little stressed out about "performance" with me hovering nearby, so I gave him a little space and would either sit down nearby but not near him and read too, or straighten up the bathroom and he'd be able to go.

If he's not liking his potty seat for whatever reason, try using the big potty now. My oldest didn't like potty chairs/seats. So we used one of those cushioned rings. When he needed to do #1 we put cheerios in the water and he'd do "target" practice. He couldn't wait. He'd find reasons to have to do target practice. For number 2, we named it "making rocks". He was a big fan of Bob the Builder and construction and so we'd make pretend we were quarry workers making rocks for the crusher. He couldn't wait to send the rocks to the crusher (flushing) and would get the job done pretty quick once we made it this big game.

Just some ideas. Hope they help.

My oldest child was different then my second one. I am sure this isn't going to agree with most moms; but I would let my daughter go and get an Oreo cookie after she got done going #1 or #2. We read the books to her, we applauded her and all of those things. She thought she was being rewarded for going into the potty...some may call it bribing :) But either way you want to call it, she was potty trained in a month. We did explain after she was potty trained that Big Girls don't get cookies every time they go potty and cut her off from the cookies.
May not be the right way, but it worked :)

I think this topic gets so much attention bc it is one of the must frustrating things in parenthood. Some train like magic and others....it's they think we are asking them to reinvent the wheel.

My oldest was 3 1/2 when he trained....but before that....we were vascilate from interest to fear of the potty. I just didn't push it. My mom kept saying that he would do it when he was ready. One day to the next he decided he could do and he did. He didn't even need a pull-up at night. (I know...tooo easy....)

Right now I'm working on it with my 2nd. He'll be 4 in September and I've decided that I'm not buying any more pull-ups. He has run around in his birthday suit for a couple days and I hope that he is getting it. It just seems like every time he gets underwear on he poops in them. Today was pretty good, except he didn't poop. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Your son will figure it out. Sounds like he is lucky to have you. YOur not stressing out about it even though he is. Just keep letting him try to figure it out.

When you think he needs to poop you can help teach him how to push by giving him a balloon to blow up, or a pinwheel to blow. We use the same muscles to blow that we use to push out poop. Sometimes I will hold something about a foot in front of my son and tell him to try blowing it out of my hands. When my son refused to pee in the potty chair I let him run around naked. I kept a constant eye on him and when he got into that "I gotta pee" stance I held the potty in his pee stream and then praised him for peeing in the potty. It solved the problem. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Two things:

He needs friends who poop and pee like him. Read to him - Once Upon a Potty and Everybody Poops. Look for books that include bathroom visits so that he can have some "friends" who use the toilet.

He needs to go to the bathroom with you and your husband while you pee and poop. If he does this already, good for you!

It is best to put the potty chair in the bathroom and have everyone take a potty break at the same time. If you sit down, he sits down. When you get up, he gets up. If he hasn't done anything - just let him get up. Then, always sit on the toilet yourself when HE needs to pee or poop.

Also, don't ask, "Do you need to use the bathroom?" or say "I need to use the bathroom..." Say, "I need to pee/poop... let's take a potty break shall we?"

Going the "bathroom" is meaningless to toddlers. You must start to call it what it is so that he can understand that everybody does it - not just him.

My son was 3 1/2 before he was potty trained. My ped. just kept telling me to be patient but it was so hard. My son knew when he had to go, knew when he had just gone and needed to be changed, but refused to go on the toilet. We even tried using Hot Wheel cars as bribes, but he would just tell us to take the cars back to the store, he didn't want it. I was afraid he was never going to start preschool! Finally one weekend we were at my mother's house for a cookout. My brother and my son were goofing around by a big tree. My brother told my son that boys were really special because they could water trees without a hose. My son wanted to see how and my brother showed him. My son thought that was so cool he tried it too. Then the next time he had to pee he showed my huband and me, then his grandma, then his sisters. And from that time on he's been potty trained. He never once went in his pants or had any kind of accident. He still likes to pee outside but now we have a designated spot for him to pee on. I know it feels like nothing will work but I'm sure you'll find something that works for your son. Good luck! And by the way, if it works for your family don't let anyone tell you it's wrong!
B.

Lots of potty training questions lately. My daughter was trained at 21 months and my son with Down syndrome, was day trained shortly before 4 years.

We used a book called The Potty Trainer. It was easy to read, very well laid out, and made a lot of sense to us. Like anything, I tend to use my best judgement and pick out the pieces that make sense to me and my kid's personalities and the majority of this book did.

This is a downloadable book that can be found at www.thepottytrainer.com

Good luck,
K.

My boy will turn 3 this November. He has the similar problem. He is scared to pee without diaper. He will hold and cry when he needs to go. We have to put his diaper back. We do not know how to handle it now. We plan to train him next year. Good luck to your son.

My son acted the same way. So I tried to make it fun and silly. I would sit with him and tell him funny things to say like "Poopy go away" or have him make loud grunting sounds. He would laugh and relax enough to go. I know it sounds goofy, but it worked for him because he loves to be silly and laugh.

Hi, J.:

When my son was potty training, we had a lot of inconsistency as well. I did several things:

1. Put cheerios in the toilet to see if he could "hit" them. That got him distracted about "losing" part of himself and we just made a game out of it. He caught on quickly.

2. Regarding #2, that was a little more tricky. I like your pediatricians advice about the party. My first maternal lie was on this topic - I told him he had to poop to feed the fish who lived under the house - it was up to him! I know, GROSS! But, it worked! It didn't take long to sink in and then when he had to go #2 he'd say "Mommy! Time to feed the fish!" People had no idea what we were talking about.

Good luck. Typically, I think they'll just do it when they are ready.

He is willingly sitting on the toilet, so it doesn't sound to me like he is scared. I don't think he is realizing yet what he has to do to go--what the "signals" are, what it feels like. Also, it sounds like from your post that he is sitting on your regular toilet, and that might just be too big for him.

I would go ahead and put him in underwear, and let him experience getting wet. That way, he can realize what it feels like when he has to pee. Also, no one likes to be wet, so this will make potty training important to him. You don't say if you're using disposable or cloth diapers, but I have read that disposable diapers are made so absorbent now, that kids who wear them have no experience in feeling wet, or even realizing that they've gone. Kids are getting potty-trained later than in the past.

I would also buy him a potty chair, if you haven't already. Let him help you pick it out, if he's interested. They make all different kinds now--Peapods on Snelling Avenue in St. Paul carries some great models you won't see at Wal-Mart or Target. One is a little chamber pot--perfect for boys to pee in. Another is more like a regular chair with a splash guard in front of it.

Whatever you do, good luck!