My Son and Inappropriate Online Videos...

Can't you adjust the setting under restrictions for G or PG only?
I believe you can also limit adult content.
Go to settings, restrictions, and you'll see the list for music, podcasts, movies, etc. you make up as passcode and set the restrictions.

it sounds as if you're pretty buttoned-up about sex, probably due to your own history. so first off, understand that kids rarely watch inappropriate videos because they're young perverts in the making. it's usually just that it's something they haven't encountered before and it's fascinating.
don't make him feel like a pervert. DO have ongoing sensible conversations with him, not only about 'sexual activities' but relationships, and exploitation, and societal norms. not lectures, or uncomfortable forced dialogues. simply take advantage of natural opportunities to impart your family morals to him, in an evolving fashion that accounts for both his interest and his ability to grasp it.
his embarrassment is caused by what was almost certainly an over-reaction to finding him looking, and now he thinks it was 'bad' or that there's something wrong with him. the child doesn't need a counselor. he just needs calm, sensible parameters around what he should be viewing, and a family atmosphere in which questions and conversations aren't taboo.
khairete
S.

I'm sorry - you limit your PDA around your kids?? Sorry...I will happily kiss my husband (kids father) in front of them and grab his cute butt! We hold hands in front of them as well.

Your son is acting like a normal sheltered 8 year old who is curious about stuff he might see on TV and NOT at home.

Don't tell me, you don't argue in front of them either, right? Sorry. But your kids NEED to see you argue and resolve issues. This is how they learn. Your kids NEED to see you love each other in front of them.

I'm sorry you had to witness your mom having sex. That would be traumatic for many kids. I'm even more sorry you were molested. That's horrible. Please don't pass this on to your son. Start talking about sex and MATURE relationships. He NEEDS to know your morals and values on this. He does NOT need to know you were molested, but he DOES need to know he can talk to you ABOUT ANYTHING....that's key.

Ask him about it. Start the conversation like this: "Johnny, you know I check out the history on the iPad. I saw that you were looking at stuff that I do NOT feel is appropriate for you. Can you tell me what you saw? " Then let him answer. DO NOT get mad at him.

Ask OPEN-ENDED questions so that he does NOT answer "yes" or "NO" but "Mommy, I was watching minecraft and this ad popped up, so I clicked on it. It took me there." Then ask how he felt about it...girl this conversation should have been going on LONG before now...

Ask him WHY he's embarrassed. He shouldn't be embarrassed talking to his mom...heck my youngest son was 7 when he woke up with an erection and it wouldn't go away! LOL! And said "mom - what is this about??" My husband laughed and said it's stuff that happens, and went on to talk about it at his age level.

You NEED to breathe. You need to NOT freak out. You need to not let your past continue to haunt you. Your children NEED to know about sex, love, relationships. Don't keep them in a bubble and let them see all of this on TV or on a video....show him REAL LIFE LOVE...

Good luck!

A similar question was asked earlier this week. You might look at it - http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/17751439557842501633

As a separate strategy, are you aware that most internet providers can block explicit content at the server level? That means that it won't be able to be downloaded no matter what web browser is used. And it blocks the content for all computers and devices (phones, etc) that are on that server.

Of course, this doesn't stop him from downloading stuff when he's at someone else's house. So, another strategy is to have more open conversations. Maybe a car conversation (he can't run away but he also doesn't have to look you in the eye) when you can explain to him your values and why you think viewing that type of content is not appropriate.

I think you are overly sensitive to this subject because of your personal history, which is understandable.

But be careful not to go too far in the opposite direction, with your lack of displays of affection, etc. Remember that sexuality is natural and healthy. So is normal curiosity in a child.

Grounding him is NOT appropriate in this instance. He did not do anything wrong; he did what most other curious kids would do when they stumble upon such things. And like a couple of others below, I vividly recall my own adventures with pornography at about 8 or 9 when a group of us kids stumbled upon a porno novel. It was fun.

What you need to do is find parental controls for your kids' electronic devices. I don't know enough about technology, so I don't know how you do this for an iPod. But I'm sure others can tell you how to put controls on his iPod.

Please un-ground your son. He does not need to learn that sex is bad, because it's not. And don't have a long, embarrassing talk with him, simply tell him about the birds and the bees, if you haven't already, and then tell him that some things he is not ready for until he is much older.

Don't be stressed about this, it really won't harm him.

Actually, I think it's pretty common. Does not make it right though. I would take iPod. I doubt he needs to see a counselor. Let's see what everyone else says. Kids are just naturally curious.

There is nothing wrong with him. The reason it is important to shield young kids from this stuff is that they will be fascinated by it once they are exposed.

I grew up in the most proper Lutheran home in America. I never ONCE witnessed or heard any sex in my house. I never heard profanity. I never saw an R-rated movie until I was babysitting and watched them on HBO...

When I was about 7 or 8, the neighborhood kids and I found a Hustler magazine hidden up in a tree where teens hung out smoking and stuff. We must have gone to that tree to look at that magazine like 1000 times that summer until it was completely shredded. We could not get enough of staring at the pornographic photos. Not because we were molested or anything else, but because that's what kids do.

The reason my 9 year old has no phone and no access to internet unless she's using my laptop under my supervision, or the school's in tech class, is because of exactly what you describe. Every kid I know with phones and internet access is misusing it if their parents aren't primo censor wizards of electronics with a firm grasp of the situation.

So don't make more of this than it is, like thinking he's got problems for wanting to look at it. And don't be mad at him. It's a shame he was exposed so young. He can't unsee it now. Just work proactively to keep him engaged other ways, speak frankly about the negatives in what he saw, explain why it's not OK to watch...and keep it away from him as long as you can.

First of all I am so sorry about your childhood. I completely suggest some counseling so that you can work through this trauma.

You do not want your son to be so coddled and over protected because of your childhood trauma.

Children in general are naturally curious about bodies and sex. It is part of being human. 8 is not too young to be having conversations openly about his body, his feelings and the changes that are about to happen. If you do not feel comfortable, then get dad to do this or the 2 of you speak with your son together.

The way you handle these situations is to limit the use of his ipad, or when you are around with him and the ipad. He is allowed more freedoms when he learns that there are places he is not allowed to visit in real life and online. If he cannot handle these responsibilities, you need to handle them for him.

Each family makes their own rules and expectations, but as parents we are our children's best teachers. We were honest with our daughter about our bodies and sexuality. At 8 she asked about condoms and so I started the conversation about their use. I also told her this was not information she should be sharing with others, instead to come to me with any questions and if her friends talked or asked questions about these subjects, she was to behave in a way that made her feel comfortable. So to either walk away, remind these people they should be talking to their parents about this, or to come to me for advice.

I think he sounds normal. He's curious, he found something on his own or he heard kids talking about it - either way, it happens all the time. Of course, as parents, we wish it wouldn't happen at all. I agree with the post below about kids (pre-internet) finding Playboy or Hustler magazines either at home or at other people's houses (I found some when I was babysitting - and I do wish I had been able to discuss with my parents). I don't think there's any indication that anything has happened to your son - I understand your hyper-vigilance because of your own history. You saw too much sex for a child, and you were molested, which is horrible.

But kids talk about all kinds of things on the school bus and at recess - sometimes they know what they're talking about, usually they don't. In fact, bringing it up is sometimes a way to see if anyone else knows more than they do. It's a completely normal search for information.

I think kids have to use electronics around their parents, and there have to be parental controls. You're doing a good job at that, and this one thing got past you. It's okay. I do think it would be good if you and your husband had a good talk about how to approach these subjects with your son, especially given your history. It's normal to want to protect your child and to be on the lookout for signs of trauma. While this doesn't sound like it happened to him, I do think a good family counselor could help all of you develop some language to use to open things up. Your son might be more open to talking to someone if he knew you were all going - it takes the pressure off him and takes away the shame involved. He has disappointed you, yes, but I'm sure he doesn't know why this is so alarming to you. A counselor can help you figure out how better to communicate without making your son privy to the specifics of your background.

And I'm sorry you felt it necessary to say "rude comments" are not appreciated - I don't know what you were expecting or concerned about. 99% of the people on this forum don't intend to be rude at all. But sometimes you are going to get answers you don't agree with. Hopefully you can be open to all of the perspectives put forth here, and hopefully you won't get anything mean-spirited.

I'm sorry about your childhood. Have you had counseling in order to come to terms and deal with this.

Your child is a normal, curious kid. All kids find a way to look at inappropriate things at times. It's natural.

Sadly, you are allowing your issues to effect your child.

It's sad that he can't see his parents show affection to each other. How can he understand a "normal" relationship when that is portrayed as something dirty to him. You keep track that closely of sleep patterns, etc, before you have sex? I understand not having sex or heavy making out in front if a child but wow... Think about balance!!!

It IS normal and advised that children see parents show affection by hugging, kissing, holding hands, grabbing a butt now and then.

If he is so sheltered and believes sex and bodies are dirty and forbidden, then he'll be more interested in learning about this forbidden fruit.

You say he is almost 9. Believe me, he knows a lot more than you think he does about sex. I encourage open communication with him. Even if you are too embarrassed to chat, do it on a drive or walk. The last thing you want ( I would think) would be for your child to self educate himself on the human body and learn from peers. I assume you wiukd want him to be aware of factual information. Don't talk to him, talk with him and listen.

I don't think he deserves a drastic punishment because part of the curiosity is derived from his home life. Use parental controls and establish open communication with your children.

Don't make your children pay for your childhood.

You'll probably interpret my response as "rude" but it is in no way meant that way. Please seek counseling so you can raise mentally healthy and stable children.

Best wishes

#1 You don't get to decide how we answer your post. You asked a question in a public forum so deal with it. This sort of thing makes people mad and they won't give you nice answers. If you don't like someone's answer the scroll the heck on past it.

#2. This has absolutely nothing to do with how you and dad conduct yourself around your kids. It has to do with He's already seen it and now he knows how to find it and he's curious because his body is growing and doing new things.

#3. He's perfectly normal and taking him to a therapist is inadvertently going to put you in therapy along with him and they'll help you get to the root of your issues about sex and displays of affection.

#4. If you don't want him watching stuff like that then put better parental controls on his device. I am so THANKFUL for Google tablets. They come with Kids Place installed on the device when you buy it and the kids con't go online or search or play or view ANYTHING that isn't on Kids Place. To put something on Kids Place the parent has to put in their password and download it then put the device back in Kids Place. Then they can play it to their hearts content without fear.

So, don't tell us how we can or cannot answer your questions. If you don't want honest answers don't ask a pubic forum for answers to your dilemma.

Then figure out how to do better parental controls. Also, talk to the other parent and let them know their child was involved in this. They might have even been the one to go to that sight and show your kiddo where it was and how to find it. Your child might have done it completely on their own too.

This is normal behavior. Before the internet kids would find dad's playboys and sneak peaks in them and then go masturbate. Now they have almost as much showing during the super bowl half time show or the awards shows or Miss America contests.

Perhaps you and he should talk things through with a counselor.
You have your own issues to deal with and that's complicating how you should talk things over with your son.
In the mean time - cut off his internet access - it's a privilege - not a right.
He can do his homework in a public location in your house and then he can play on devices that are not connected or maybe he should learn how to play Go Fish with a real deck of cards.

No, not every kid is curious.
We've never had this issue with our son.
But then he was a lot older before he had any internet access.

I wish we could tag our answers to be found easily in the future. Here is my answer to a similar question from last week. I hope it helps.

We've been through this, but not at 7 years old. A bit older. However, I think that we handled it very well.

We found inappropriate content on my oldest son's iPod. We were surprised, and our initial reaction was to put him on restriction from all devices to punish him. But after my husband and I thought about it for awhile, we determined that restriction and locking his devices down even more would not teach him to navigate the world more effectively. So we took a different tack.

We discussed with the kids why it's not appropriate for kids to be looking at that sort of adult stuff. Heck, it's not appropriate for adults. Of course, we broke this down in age-appropriate terms. We talked about intimacy and how that it is supposed to be special, between two people who love one another, such as a husband and wife; and how the internet has perverted intimacy to the point that it causes problems in marriages and relationships. We want our kids to grow up with healthy ideas about intimate relationships, and we explained that stuff like that is not what healthy relationships are all about. Also, all of those naked people are someone's son, daughter, sister, brother... and some are victims of human trafficking and don't want their pictures on the internet. Every time someone searches and clicks, they are contributing to human trafficking. We don't want to be the kind of people who do that. We still have ongoing conversations about guarding our hearts and minds from evil and inappropriate things, and why.

And then, after we discussed at length, and answered their questions, and deleted their browser history...we handed their devices back. We said, "Now that you know, I think that you will choose better." And they have. We still check their browser history, we still block explicit content. But you and I both know that even the "safe" browsers can't block everything. Still, we haven't had a problem since, and the kids have learned a valuable lesson about self worth, intimacy, and the worth of other people.