My Nephew Thinks Hes Stupid!

Congratulations on shunning the meds. I assume in addition to the herbs you are attacking this nutritionally as well. As much as possible stay away from processed foods, sugars, simple carbs-white breads, white rice, pasta, white potatoes. Superfood is really recommended. Superfood is dehydrated greens such as wheatgrass, rye grass, spirulina that you add to a smoothie or juice. Great stuff, everyone should drink it. You can find it in any good health food store, Whole Foods and maybe Trader Joes. In addition to that, believe it or not, chiropractic adjustments can help. I am including the following link with an article on this subject.

http://www.chiro.org/research/ABSTRACTS/Children_ADD_ADHD...

Build up his self esteem as best you can. I know you are providing him with lots of love.

When I decided to put my daughter on ADD medication it wasn't something I took lightly. You seem to have the idea that medication will change who he is, that isn't the case. medication will allow him to be himself. It will help him concentrate and give him the self esteem that he needs. Do some research and see how the medication works and you will see that it isn't going to change him. There may be some medications that aren't working and it is a process but once you find the correct dose you won't regret it. I had finally decided after years of learning problems and social issues that my daughter needed it. she has become a wonderful child and finally does well in school A pill isn't going to solve his problems it will give him the ability to fix them himself. It won't make him behave, it will help him concentrate when he wants to. There are a lot of misconceptions out there and if you do some research you will see that it is truly a medical issue that needs to be treated. I am a Psychology Major and I did my thesis on ADD / ADHD and I learned a lot. I am not always a proponent of medication, but if he is getting depressed then it is something that you should try because as he gets bigger so will his problems. Contact me if you need anything.

child psychologists are trained to deal with kid's stress over ADD. Its is worth a try.

Do you know which parent mom/dad is also ADD? -- it is inherited directly from parent. Maybe if he thinks that adult is smart you can explain they have ADD too and he'll think he is smart like them.

FYI: Real Meds can make all the difference for some kids. Maybe his parents could let him try a few to see what works best for him.

I don't have any great advice, but I can sympathiize. My very intelligent children often insisted that they were stupid, even though their parents and teachers told them often how smart they were. A lot of it comes from being a perfectionist. A perfectionist cannot tolerate any slight imperfection in themselves, so they'll either insist that they're stupid or insist that a wrong answer really is right, and that everyone else must be mistaken.

There's a lot of great books out there. One about dealing with ADD is called, "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Crazy or Stupid?" by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo.

Hang in there! With lots of love and some more life experience, your nephew will undoubtedly develop a better outlook.

Sorry for the delay -

but your nephew is gifted :) my son is the same way - he is now 16. he learns differently than the average child. He will teach himself how to learn. teach him to look at someones nose or eye braws. My son says he cant stay looking into someones eyes because there is alot to see in someone one throguh they'er eyes. My son would play with the teachers too. he knew how to read before he went to Shcool... but the teacher told me he does not know his ABC's. lol

Your newphew is a special young person. I call my son " Young boy- Old soul"...

allso - I am sure he shares more than any other kid you know :)

S.

I know what your dealing with. My two boys have ADD and the youngest is ADHD on meds it's not a cure all! He has to look at us to even understand or in some cases hear us. Kids have made fun of him at school. He said, "Why am I the stupid one or Im stupid"! Breaks our heart but you reasure them they aren't give examples especially if it's something only he's done. Remind him kids can be so mean, sometimes people do it to make themselves feel better and it only matters what he thinks of himself not others! God made us all special and smart! My children have both been tested and are "gifted" so so much for him being "stupid" he loves that one! I think it's frustration not an actual belief on my son's part. If he doesn't do it how his brain wanted him to or how he thought he could he will say that! If they slow down, focus and think about it the outcome will be different and my son is learning that and it's builing up his confidence. It's not easy for them having ADD just as it's not for us. Sadly kids are mean he needs to learn to say "whatever" and walk away if others are calling him that.

J. -

You are doing a tremendous job already! I have two children - both highly intelligent. One has ADD and is also taking natural supplements as drugs did not work. My son with ADD has had similar struggles in school and thought he was stupid in 2nd grade. Here is what worked for us:

1. getting his diet and medicine in line. He was instrumental in understanding that when he ate correctly, (lower suger- higher protein) he felt better and could concentrate at school)
2. got help for reading (he has dyslexia too) This helped him realize that he was smart and could read with practice. Also, we checked books out from the library that discussed ADD at the kid level which he enjoyed. We also read biographies of famous people with ADD. We now enjoy reading together Hank Zipzer books written by Henry Winkler.
3. we joined a taekwondo studio. He has learned to concentrate and follow directions while having fun. He used to do more team oriented sports and has realized that he like martial arts a bit better. Being able to acquire higher belts, learn new moves, work up a good sweat have all really helped his self esteem.
4. We now spend time playing games/doing things that he is really good at. He is awesome at legos, drawing, etc. As he spends more time with things he is good at, he feels more confident and his self esteem has increased.
5. Give him weekly resonsibilities. Setting the table, emptying the dishwasher, fold laudry, etc. As he would accomplish tasks (and remembered them) he would earn something. This gave him a sense of competence, ability and self esteem.

I hope this helps. It took about 6 months of consistently doing this and our son now has not said "I'm stupid" or I can't".

There are some good books that can be helpful for understanding and dealing with the challenges that come with being different from the statistical norms as a child in the way that one thinks, i.e. processes information.
General books on this topic include:
How Your Child Is Smart
In Their Own Way
Dreamers, Discoverers, & Dynamos

Perhaps your nephew is also one of the more evolved type of children being born now: Indigo, Crystal, Rainbow or Star Children. There are several books available on this phenomenon. One that describes the traits typical of these various types is The Children of Now. Others include:
How to Raise an Indigo Child
Spiritually Healing the Indigo Children
The Crystal Children

It may be helpful for you to show your nephew a bell curve and explain that most people fall into a middle range, but that it is normal for there to be people at both ends of the spectrum. Show him on the bell curve how most babies do not walk until they are 1 year old, but that he is "ahead of the bell curve" by achieving that milestone sooner. And tell him that if he were stupid that could not have happened. Motor milestones do not neccesarily correlate well with intelligence as later measurable, but a tendency to be ahead of developmental milestones may indicate higher intelligence or giftedness. He may also have already been administered an I.Q. test in school, the results of which could reassure him that he is not stupid.

Unfortunately, even children who are gifted may feel confusion and pain around being different, which is aggravated by lack of understanding and supportive responses from those around the child. Maybe he can't show his work to his teacher because he is brilliant enough that he skips steps and his teacher may not be able to follow his quick mind.

ADD is just a label that describes a behavior pattern but does little to explain the cause or to identify methods for him to function efficiently with minimal stress. In addition to herbs that may help, I'd recommend checking out Total Balance from DNRsite.com
It is safe (mineral waters) and powerful (encoded with frequencies of organic fruits and vegetables, counter-frequencies to neutralize dietary toxins like food dye, sugar, etc., and frequencies to optimize mental focus and concentration).

Feel free to contact me for more info if you'd like. I've been using DNR's products for over 10 years and carry them at our wellness center. If you'd like to order direct at a discount, you can do so under my name, T. Holter and #102285, I am a holistic psychotherapist working with children and adolescents as well as adults and have worked in the public school setting as a behavioral specialist.

Body work can assist the mind process in a more relaxed manner.

I have had fun and productive results with yoga therapy, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT),
Brain gym and Feldenkrais movement. I believe that the body can assist the brain and our processing that works best for us. We are each unique and appreciating that factor will help any of us who secretly feel 'stupid.' It is the labeling that is un-abling your son and the rest of us.

We can understand symptoms and look for door of opportunity to heal each other. Your child sounds connected to himself. Trust that he will recognize his own genius that may come in a different format that those who are his teachers and fellow students. Let him know that we are all in a process in 'being'
normal. Indigo Children is a book that might be of interest.

Best Intentions,
F.
Yoga Therapy,
High and Low Ropes
Self-Empowerment training

That is very sad.

It could be that he's hearing it from kids at school. Be sure that he knows that sometimes kids say mean things to or about people because they feel bad about themselves. They also sometimes us words out of context...they say "that was stupid" when it was really something silly.

Whatever the case, he is only 7 and a lot of 7 year olds have a hard time concentrating. You find that very often in children that are bright because they have so many other things going on inside those little brains. It may also be that he is just not interested in the subject matter at the time. If he's comparing himself to others then he needs to know that God made everyone different and to point out his positive qualities. You can tell him that the one great thing about being "stupid" (I am not saying that he is, just using the word that he uses) is you can always learn...maybe suggest making a list and adding one thing that he learned each day. It could be as simple as 4+4 = 8, but seeing all that he knows may give him the boost of confidence that he needs.

I suggest you focus on all the things he is really good at. Make a list and try to do those things with him frequently. Are there subjects he is better in than others? When he gets a good grade, tell him how smart he is. Ask him to help you figure out something that you cannot figure out, like how to do something around the house or yard. When he does it, say "You are so smart! I didn't even think of that!"

My grandson had a real tough time when he was younger also. When I could visit I would tell him that he may be having problems now but if he could do his best and hang in there when he got older he would be way ahead of other kids. I told him that his personality was something that some people might have a hard time with now but he was the stuff of greatness and just wait till he grew up!! Try praying with him and thanking God for him and the wonderful child he is and man he will be. Tell him God made him the way he is because He has a plan for him and has not forgotten him.
Good luck, I now have a 15 yr old grandson that is an awesome young man!

Reassure him that he is smart and tell him constantly honey you are smart, good job, wow that's great. My son would say that to I was hurt especially when we were praying and he asked God for a smart brain, I told him baby God already did that and don't you ever forget that sometimes things will get hard and that's why we have to practice. Good luck
V. Guerrero

"Happiness always looks small while you hold it in your hands, but let it go, and you learn at once how big and precious it is."
– Aleksei Peshkov

Aloha J.,

It can be frustrating for everyone definitally. It took quite a while for my 11 year old to "not cry" about being asked to write out his work. He can do so much in his head and didn't understand the need to write out his work for others to see. Like we tell him all the time, we are not mind readers and we can't do the work in our heads like he does. He's more talented at that than we are. Being talented with mental capabilities is a blessing for him (now that he understands better how to communicate with others) because he can't be a physical kid due to heart defects. But that's a whole other realm of issues we have to deal with. Going back to ADD, Here's some information about Josh (another kid with ADD/ADHD) and his family's success.

Josh’s ADD/ADHD Story
Hi, my name is Kathy and my son Joshua is 13 years old. I would like to give you the Reader's Digest version of his life up until now. At 19 months, he was diagnosed with Lymphoma, a form of childhood cancer. After enduring 18 months of chemotherapy, we were told about the long-term side effects of all of the CHEMICALS they put into his body. They weakened his heart, and caused ADHD to mention only two things.

When he started kindergarten, right away, his teacher told us she thought he had an attention problem. We knew Josh was difficult, but we figured we spoiled him rotten when he was ill because we never knew which day might be his last. After urging from his teacher and the principal we made an appointment with a Doctor to test him. Sure enough, he was Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. A label we were never quite comfortable with anyway. So the Doctor suggested Ritalin, strongly I might add. We tried it. If the dosage was weak, it did not seem to do any good and a higher dose made him a zombie. We decided we did not care for this drug so we took him off of it. His doctor asked us never to come back to his office if we were going to do what we thought was best for Josh and not listen to what he told us to do.

We decided to try a Psychiatrist this time. He recommended Imipramine and Zoloft alternating the two. That did not work, so back we went and this time he suggested Clonidine. This one did not do any good either, so he told us to try Dexedrine. No luck. All the while we are fighting with his teachers, principals and school boards about his education. He was doing poorly in school because he could not pay attention long enough to learn what they were teaching. The worse he did, the worse his behavior got. The school decided to label him "Behavior Disordered" to go along with the label "ADHD". These are labels that will stick with him for the rest of his educational years. Not more than two days would go by that we did not get a call from a teacher, the principal, bus tickets from bus drivers and calls from school counselors.

I can not begin to tell you of the frustration, anger, turmoil and the strain it put on our marriage. Joshua was most frustrated of all of us. He wanted to be good, I could tell. He has such a kind heart. He would give the shirt off of his back if a friend needed it. He gets into fights sticking up for anyone who is being picked on at the time, no matter how big the bully was. We kept him off of drugs altogether for a couple of years
now. The teachers and the school really resent us for this. They want him drugged so they can handle him. We want them to do their job and teach him in a way he needs to be taught. What an uphill battle that is!

In October of 1999, my sister came up from North Carolina for my second
marriage. She gave me B Complex on that wonderful day to relieve some of the stress. I was amazed at how I felt. When she left to go home, she left me with a book and literature about Shaklee products. I read the book and was amazed to find out that they was somebody else out there that thought the way I did about ADHD. I began taking the Shaklee Basics and Soy protein. I feel wonderful, by the way. I talked my husband into taking them, which was no easy thing to do. He was convinced that his multivitamin from Walgreens was the way to go. He walks around work whistling now. He is the oldest guy in his department (only 49) and he is the one with the energy to unload 15 thousand pounds of produce from the truck. Then it hit me, what would this do for Joshua. Well, I can not begin to tell you how drastically it has changed our lives in such a short time. He has gone for 5 weeks now only getting in trouble once. He is calmer and more relaxed than he has ever been. He does not talk non stop anymore. He is the wonderful child I always knew was inside that body. So we were right about not keeping him on medication. None of them did any good, so is he really ADHD and Behavior Disordered? Or is it just that all of those drugs are horrible on the human body? Whatever, Joshua is a happy child now. In fact, he is sitting in his room right now writing a letter about how much better he feels. All in his very own words. He has asked me to type it for him We hope this will help any other parents out there who are as frustrated as we WERE. Shaklee is the way to go. Thanks Sis for loving us enough to share there wonderful products with us. We love ya! Kat >^..^<

Dear Aunt Cindy,
I thank you for giving my parents the idea of trying to take those vitamins. I think the vitamins are really helping me.

Well, where should I start. Well, so far I don't crave sugar anymore, well not that much. I think it has changed me a lot. I have been good for a whole month without any detentions, or smart mouthing the teachers. For about a week now, I have had a sudden interests in puzzles, something I could never sit and do before. I just started one a few days ago, but I'm not very far. For about a month now I have been really mellowed out. I have been stronger and I am getting taller every week.

I hate the taste of vitamins but I'll get use to them in about a month, then I won't taste them hardly.

Love, Josh

Bob,
Yesterday I sent out an e-mail to Frank Frey asking him to forward it through his group and beyond on that very subject. Josh takes the "basics" and soy protein. He divides his time between mom's and dad's houses so we needed something easy to transport. Also he is 13 and has the Ritter hard-headedness so we needed something he would agree to take when mom was not standing over him. In other words we had to get his cooperation and
agreement. Josh was able to see how his cousin Tristan (my son) had grown since the last time we visited. Tristan is ADD without hyperactivity and has always been a pretty picky eater. After three months on shaklee Tristan had grown two and a half inches. Joshua noticed. Tristan has now gone from the shortest in his class at 5'4" to 5'7.5" and a regular on the school basketball team. Tristan is on all of the same as Joshua but we
have added:
"Alfalfa" and "Garlic" (alergies),
"Fiber tabs" and "Herb lax" (teen acne),
"DTX" (he was on Cylert for 2 years for his ADD - which can cause liver damage - we found out after the fact),
"Vita-Cal" and "Meal Shake" just to round things out.
And when he is not looking I toss a little extra "Energizing Soy Protein" into his shake.
As Ann Westergaard is fond of saying "The only thing we cure is malnutrition" Just think of how many children, even in this great country, are suffering from malnutrition. I saw signs of it in the military when I was stationed in Korea and the Philippines but never would have guessed the size of the problem in America.
Hope this is a help to all.

Sandra Ritter

I know that was a lot to read, but I know it's not an easy issue to deal with for everyone involved.
Marie-anne :O)

Hi J..

Please go to this link and read the article on ADHD.

http://www.naturalnews.com/001868.html

Then type ADHD in the search area and read some of those articles too.

Very informative.

Hey J.,
God bless you for wanting to help your nephew. My daughter was diagnosed with add, but we knew there was something more to it than that because she was so smart. She tested better if she said the answers to her teachers rather that writing them down. We had such a bad experience with her 5th grade teacher that I home schooled her for 6th and 7th grade. I found a couple of books that helped also: Help, my child isn't learning., and How they Learn. They are really great books. I was assigned a teacher to report to throgh the state who was wonderful. He tested her for iq, and found that she was in the top 98th percentile for adults
across the nation. He told my daughter that teachers don't know how to teach to the way she learns in the early grades, but that when she goes to college she would excell because teachers there learn and teach more like her. He was right!! She thrived in college and made straight A's. We also put her in art classes, as she was very gifted in art, and karate and soccer lessons. Everything helped a lot. I hope this helps you and your nephew. God loves him very much and has a plan to help him and not to harm him, and He has a plan for hope and a future. paraphrased Jeremiah 29:11.
Love and blessings,
V.

Wow what a loving Aunt! I think you are admirable in trying to give him a normal life and not drugging him! I have heard staying away from (or trying to as much as possible) to red dye (its in ALOT of foods can help! Your nephew sounds super intelligent and I think your positive encouragement helps him in more ways than you know. I would keep talking to him and enforcing that positive love and energy. My 7yrs old is behind when it comes to reading and I have had to do the same thing because he said he knows he isn't smart (where do they get this?) He is an amazingly smart little boy he just struggles in the reading department...much love and luck....

J., your post broke my heart. What a tender little guy. It occurred to me that I would ask him a question like this..."Jared, I heard you the other night asking God for a new brain. You know, God is in the business of answering prayers. How will you know when He has answered yours?" Then let him talk. I bet the solution to your post will be found in his answer and that you might even be able to point out to him right then and there how God has been answering his prayer...or, depending on your nephew's answer, helping him to see that maybe God has not answered his prayer because God does not think there is anything wrong with his brain and God knows best. Then you can point out all those great/smart things he did like walking and potty-training early.

I will pray for your little guy, he seems just precious!

God bless you both,
R.

You are such a great aunt! My sister was the same way and I really appreciated her support when I was going through this with my son. Please encourage your sister to have a lead test done on her son. The half life of lead is only 35 days, so a urine test may be better. 21% of kids with ADHD have elevated lead levels. You can check out the studies by going to www.bluedominoes.com - there are ADHD resources and lead resources. The lead resources are a bit more thorough. We saw great results from removing the lead, avoiding artificial food coloring and using supplements. Homeopathy was so helpful too. My son really responded well to Chenopodium and Androctonus homeopathics. Best of luck to your nephew. My son is now 7 and it made a world of difference for him. He also had an auditory processing problem that was helped with the homeopathics and interactive metronome (IM). IM has also been used successfully for children with ADD/ADHD. You can checkout their site at www.interactivemetronome.com. Our insurance covered it since it was done by an OT

There is lots of advice, but something I didn't see mentioned, is that with ADD/ADHD the most major side effect is depression. They say appx. 95% of children who have ADHD/ADD can suffer with depression. Maybe look into some counseling with him if you are truely concerned. It can't hurt. My son has ADHD, and we tried the herbal route, but found that the other drugs worked better, he is on Adderal. He was finally able to cope with things at school, and his grades increased to A's and B's. It really helped him to see how smart he truely is on his report card too. I don't know if you have looked into getting him on a 504 plan at school, but it helps a lot. You meet with the principal and the teacher with the student and parents and come up with a plan to best help the child. It was a true God sent for us. The teacher now helps him stay focused, and sits him in the front of the class. Look into it for him, it truely helps.

I Have a nephew with ADD who would also pray for a new brain. It took my breath away to think of him badgering himself whenever he made a mistake.
His mother and I finally decided to put quotes of some very famous people all over his room. All of the quotes had a refrence to the human nature of learning through our mistakes. His favorite is from Thomas Edison "I have not failed, I just found 10,000 ways that do not work". My favorite of all time though is "Many of lifes failures are people who do not realize how close they were to success when they gave up". (Thomas Edison)
I recommed that you stick with famous inventors or presidents, because most kids have heard of at least one or two of them and they can relate better to them. The more possitive reinforcement he gets at his age the better. There are literally thousands of quotes all pertaining to this topic throughout history.
God has gifted your nephew with a quick and sharp mind, it is your families job to gift him with the confidence to use it.

H. Stanley

This is not meant to be rude, but if the herbal meds aren't giving him the ability to control his brain, seriously think about regular medications. My son was diagnosed in 3rd grade. I fought to keep him off the med (I am an educator by profession,and knew the side affects.) I used all the ego boosting words I could and my heart goes out to you, because my son came in one day and said the same thing. The final straw to giving in to the meds, was that he got expelled for 3 days, supposedly touching a girls bottom during recess. The first day on meds, I went in and talked to his teacher, she said he was a completely different child. He was able to focus and stay on task. ****The one thing I told him all his life..Everyone has a mountain to climb in life. Most everyone goes up and over the top. You cant go over the top, BUT, you will EITHER go around, under, or even thru the middle..But you will get to the other side. Just differently. :-) He is now 27 and has a full time job (one year he had 7 different jobs, when he wouldnt take his meds) a 401k and a new truck that he is paying for. When he came home an announced that he made employee of the month, I reminded him..hey I told you that you would get to the other side, you just had to believe that you could and would. Hope this helps.

Hi J., I think the first thing is to ask him why he thinks he is stupid. Let him explain and then work on his individual feelings instead of tackling the whole problem at once. I suggest you read the Joey Pigza series of books. It is a semi-autobiographical series for young readers. He is ADD and he explains how it feels before meds and then how it feels when he's on medication. They are short books,easy reading, good for adults to read and understand children with ADD. Will you tell me what kind of herbal medications he is on? I would like to try some with my grandson over the summer. Thanks

My son has ADHD and school is a difficult place. He is not mainstreamed but in a special day class K-2. He has an IEP inplace, and Individualized Education Program, that maps out goals for him to reach. I have been watching other "High needs" children that are mainstreamed in my daughters regular education class and several of them have Aides that shadow them and help them in the classroom. These aides are prodived by the school district for children with IEP's. Someone helping your newphew to be successful in his class work, not on the academic side, but in staying on task, being organized and producing work that the teacher expects will make a huge difference in how he perceives himself and will also help with the teachers expectations.

Hi J.,
This young boy is lucky to have you in his life.

With many children who have any form of learning difficulty, they go see so many doctors, have so many folks talking about them (counselors, teachers, parents, support staff at school) that they are bound to internalize that there is a "problem" with them. Adults must be extremely sensitive NOT to talk about their kids "issues" within earshot. Remember, there are no secrets in a household with children! They see and hear everything!

You are right to be concerned, because this will follow him through his teens and adult years.

It's not just a matter of getting him to hear that people love him, and you value him in order for him to begin to turn his self-esteem around. It's also a matter of finding an outlet for him where he can prove himself, such as a sport,theater, boy-scouts, fishing, boating, or chess club, or having a neighborhood job such as dog-walking or house sitting. Some kids do well in organized team sports, others in indivual ones (tennis, swimming, surfing,...) These activities provide him with an outlet he can be proud of, and an area of his life where he feels he can measure up to standards he believes are important to society. Another measure is how much he is allowed to participate around the house, not only household chores, but special projects as well. Kids love to help plant the new garden, re-organize the garage, wash the car, vacuum the living room, paint their room. Their contribution matters, and that makes them feel super! So now there is tangible proof that they matter!

Kids are smart though, and they know when compliments are hollow. The message of imparting self esteem to our kids by complimenting them "good job" "you're great" for too many little things, has watered down the intended effect and turned many into spoiled brats. Encouragement and recognition must be sincere, for an effort that was also sincere on the part of the child. Children can see right through you "wow, why does she think I'm so great when this was like...no big deal?!"

Another danger is that many parents want their kids to participate in activities, but then demand perfection and badger or nag their kids during the whole experience. This is also true in sports, where I see parents comparing their child to the star hitter. Not everyone can be a star, and the star cannot shine without the rest of the team supporting them to do so! If this child's coach does not operate in this manner, then move the kid to a new team. Furthermore, if the parent doesn't have the patience to model and teach a new skill to their child, then don't even start. We need to recognize each of our children's abilities, and adjust our expectations accordingly. The measure here is can they do better than yesterday? Are they sincerely applying themselves to the best of their ability? AND are they enjoying the activity enough to awaken that innate ability and drive to want to do better.

It's a matter of teaching them how to plug into the person they are: self esteem only works when the child has awareness of himself as a person: what he likes, dislikes, and why. It's a discovery process in itself. What are his interests, how can you tap into these... As his auntie, you can assist him and his parents in finding activities he can explore (and not liking something doesn't equal failure, not every kid wants to be an all-star!) Remember also, there are many organizations that offer scholarships to participate. I am doing ok financially now, but there was a time when I was unable to pay for some of my kids activities. I traded volunteer time to make up for their participation. So don't let $$ stop you!

A child's support network is essential: the more adults and family members surround our children, in a loving and supporting environment, the more they thrive. "It takes a village" will always be a correct statement.

Remember also the quiet times count: playing a board game with him, reading him a special book, and lots and lots of cuddle time! Keep the hugs and cuddles pouring in: this is pure intimate love and our children of all ages thrive on affection!

In friendship and support,
V.

HI J.,
I have a son just like this. ADD is just a description of symptoms--so don't let that label stick to him. His situation sounds a lot like my son's and it is related to his walking early. There are a series of reflexes all babies have, that get "turned off" with sufficient crawling. It focuses their right and left brains. When kids are early walkers, these reflexes continue to operate, when they should be extinguished. These kids are REALLY smart, but they are aware that their brains are not working at its best, and they do feel stupid. The older they get, the more is expected of them, and it is not a matter of "trying harder" but doing some exercises that mimic their earlier crawling. I took my child to Brain Highways in San Diego (Encinitas), and you can google it to get more information. It is an amazing, but hard, program. It absolutely saved my child's life, and he is able to perform at his grade level, and he is far less anxious and more confident. I wish we had done it earlier.
Good luck!

Hi J.,
I don't have any advice but I wanted to say that I think you're a wonderful aunt for trying to help him and he's lucky you care so much. Good luck whatever you do. I'm sure your nephew is a bright little boy with many gifts to offer. All kids have potential and brains, it just takes a little work helping them to express all their gifts. Best of luck:)

I would hope that he's being followed by a child psychologist--even at school. I think he needs real ADD meds--not just herbal. This is a long, hard road--but better to have good meds and I'd start with minimal doses and WORK VERY closely with a doctor for optimal monitoring. He does sound very smart. Did you ask why he's stupid? And if someone told him that, who?

Hello, my suggestion would be to do a study on some of the world's best super brains...Einstein, Edison, etc. If I recall correctly, they all had their challenges as younger boys. Hope this helps. ____@____.com

Has he been tested? My son had an auditory proccessing disorder (possible ADD, also) and must look at people when they speak to remember what is being said. Also had virtually no short term memory! BUT...he has just been accepted to 6 out of 7 colleges he has applied to and they were NOT easy adsmissions schools.

Please, research auditory proccessing disorder...
N.

I am not trying to be rude, but I encourage you to reconsider the meds. We struggled for 3 years (K-2nd grade) trying to avoid the meds because I really don't like to take or give meds. But finally, I realized that HE was the one really suffering and I gave in. It took a year or two to find the right med and dose as it was trial and error. We finally ended up on Concerta and he's doing fabulous. I just came from the Jr Hi where he got an Academic Scholarship Award! He isn't sleepy and drugged, he's doing great, and he actually says the meds make him feel more "settled and in control" and will remind us if we forget to give it to him. My friends struggled all the way through 5th grade, and finally at my prompting gave in this year and their son is doing so much better. She says she wishes she hadn't been so stubborn, that she regrets that all of those years didn't have to be so difficult for him. I've been ther and I know it's hard, so I wish you only the best of luck! Many people just want that quick fix and dole out the drugs at the drop of a hat, I just wanted you to hear from someone who was very "anti-drug" that the drugs are not all that bad.

J.,
I had had the same type of problem with my add girl. Look into Neurofeedback. I run my own office in Temecula which treats ADD/ADHD effectively without medication and am a single mom of 3, all of whom have imroved dramatically. There are many options besides medication and Neurofeedback is one of the most effective and it also helped to improved her self esteem.

Good luck!
C. E.

Hi J.,
First off, I have a Gifted and Talented little boy. He too is very smart, gets really good grades but he also fits the typical GT student (which also has a lot of the same "symptoms" of ADD)
Is he in a special class at school? Was he tested for ADD and by who? If he's in special classes, that "calls him out" at school and honestly kids can be very cruel.
He didn't see you hearing him pray right? Then go to him and say that God has a message for him. Tell him God said he has a wonderful brain and that one day his brain is going to make a lot of money for him and likely put him in charge of all the kids that make fun of him now. (Pay attention to the one post about lack of crawling since he walked so soon too-that really does affect how they do stuff later)
I also really wanted you to look at a few things.
First, GREAT he's not being medicated. The fact that he does well in school really has me question his ADD diagnosis. I've known a lot of kids in my life a couple with true ADD and they are smart but they fail miserably in school because they CANNOT concentrate.
Like I mentioned before, my son is gifted and in the GT program at school. He was and is teased. He marches to his own drummer but when he was tested (later as I wouldn't do it sooner and it wasn't teachers suggesting he be tested. Just adults who weren't used to energetic little boys) ADD and ADHD was shot down. If he can't show his work (like my son) then perhaps it's because he's smart, his brain is a calculator for him and does the work for him. It's hard to put down on paper things that you JUST KNOW.
It's surprising to notice that intelligence, extremely high intelligence has the same symptoms so look at this link and tell me, does this describe him better?
http://www.sengifted.org/articles_counseling/Webb_Misdiag...
The book The War Against Boys is a good start regarding how boys are mishandled by the education system and how NATURAL learning characteristics in boys are labeled as defects when at one time they were encouraged and celebrated
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200005/war-against-boys
And most importantly how we are not allowing our boys to develop normally in our schools with expectations that are not conducive to the young male brain
http://www.stuff.co.nz/westcoast/4460035a6662.html

It's hard to organize your thoughts and express yourself and I imagine that it must be doubly so for a little boy with ADD or ADHD. Does your nephew have an IEP? If so, I would suggest to his mom/dad that they may want to request another IEP meeting to add a goal that by the end of his annual IEP, he will be able to do this. The goal should be tailored to specifically address the subject(s) that he is having trouble with such as math. I'm sure that the special ed or resource teacher at his school can help him learn this skill.

On the homefront, I would suggest telling him or reading to him inspirational stories about historical figures that encountered failure or difficulties but kept on trying anyway and were eventually able to become successful such as the story of Thomas Edison and Bill Gates. There are some great quotes out there about perserverance. Whenever you hear him saying something negative about himself, immediately counter it with one of those quotes and have him say it to himself as well several times. For most of us, we have to be self-confident, brave and our own little cheerleader and the sooner that you teach your nephew to replace his self-defeating thoughts with postive, empowering ones, the better off he will be for it.

Oh, and I agree with you that Rx meds for ADD is not necessarily the answer for every kid. I have a couple of friends who have given their sons prescription meds for their ADD and there's always been an equally serious side effect to the medication. My son is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum and may have an underlying ADD or ADHD issue that hasn't been diagnosed yet. I'm currently reading this book that you may be intrested in (or maybe your sister/brother would be). It's called Healing the New Childhood Epidemics: Autism, ADHD, Asthma and Allergies by Dr. Kenneth Bock.

Good luck and thank you for being a caring aunt. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child.

I have a little brother who does the same thing, also seven years old. We are not biologically related, and I am considerably older than him. When I babysit them (I have several) and he (or any of them) makes that kind of statement, I stop him and ask him to tell me Five Nice Things about himself. One can be cheater like "I have a cute smile" or "I have cool shoes". The others have to be personality related. We also do this with adults around us (if the opportuntiy comes up), so the kids don't feel singled out. This has been effective, because it gets him thinking about nice things about himeself. Sometimes his brothers help him with this by making suggestions if he has a hard time...that is nice too, but he has to repeat wthat they suggest. He is getting to the point that he rarely needs suggestions, and indeed he is less negative with himself.

Have his mom check out www.testingkit.com. It is the site for a wonderful place that really helps kids (and adults) just like him. There are 8 tests online that she can do with him and then send them the results. They will evaluate the results and give her different things to do with him to help him. The best part is that it's $49 and they do not use drugs!

Hey J.,
I am a therapist that works with a lot of children in the Manhattan Beach and Torrance areas. There is a place called The Learning Gym in Manhattan Beach and it sounds like it would be a great fit for your nephew. ADD children are actually very smart so it breaks my heart to hear he doesn't think that he is...but trust me, I hear this all the time from little ones. The best way to talk to him about it is to draw a picture of a brain and then show him that his brain is wonderful and has lots of little "highways." He is actually so smart, but sometimes in super smart brains the cars (or information) can't get to where it needs to go. The information and all the answers are in there just like other smart kids, but his brain just works a little different. It is because of that that he will one day be able to do so many great things, but not it sounds a little frustrating.

I STRONGLY recommend the Learning Gym. It can do a comprehensive evaluation of him to check for visual or auditory processing problems. They will educate you on everything you need to know about ADD or alternative diagnosis. They have the "brain gym" which is a set of activities to help children get control of the ADD brain and also they have the newest advances in computer training even for little guys his age. Please contact them, they would love to help! Also feel free to contact me for any other questions!
____@____.com
Good Luck,
S. W

Here a few ideas that worked with my son and my students (I've taught 7-12 for 15 years)...

1)When you can, have "cuddle parties." Hold your nephew in your lap and tell him all the wonderful things he does and is. This worked wonders for my son.

2)Keep telling him that everyone learns differently. ADD isn't a learning "disability" it's a learning "difference." The challenge and the goal is to find a way he can successfully learn.

3)Remind your nephew that learning happens when we make mistakes, not when we get it right the first time. The more mistakes he makes the more he learns!

4)Have his mom make sure he's in the best learning environment at school. Is his teacher supportive? Have high expectations, despite the learning difference? After 15 years of teaching, both public and private, I've learned that the number one way to make a student with learning differences feel stupid is for their IEP's to give teachers a green light to modify the lesson into uselessness.

My 10 year old's second grade year was a real eye opener for me. Although not diagnosed with a learning difference, my son has many. He's easily bored and thus can be a discipline problem. He likes to work standing up. He's easily frustrated. His teacher was bound and determined to smash my square peg into her classroom's round hole. It didn't work. He could do her 7.5 hours worth of work in an hour at home with me. He walked away from his 2nd grade year believing he was the stupidest creature on the planet. I spent hours observing in this classroom and determined for myself that, while and excellent teacher, this teacher was just awful for my son's needs. My biggest regret (so far <g>), is that I didn't immediately switch him out of that class.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Hi J.,

It's very sad to say, but doctors do the same thing to kids as they do adults. They are scaring people into thinking they really have something wrong with them when all it could be is the junk we all eat and slather on our bodies...processed foods and the types of products we use. Look up Momosodium Glutamate (MSG), High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS). The stats are pretty scary!

Clinical studies indicate that there is a link to dietary and environmental factors. Simple sugar cravings and intolerance to sugar appear to be indicated. Several studies show a link to essential fatty acid deficiencies (omega-3's) within the brain.

Identify any and all food, food additives, household cleaners, and synthetic substances shown to be reactive, and remove them from the environment. Convert your home to environmentally friendly cleaning and personal care products. Reduce any fried foods, cooked and rancid oils (potato chips, french fries, etc.), sugar, (including artificial sweetners), and food colorings.

A good quality childrens multivitamin and supplements along with appropriate dietary changes may be useful to help improve sypmtoms.

Also, for more scientific info on environmental factors and what you can do about it, watch this 10 minute video... www.sharethecause.com/T.

J., I pray some of this info helps your nephew. No child should have to feel this way about themselves. It is unacceptable.

Hugs and Blessings,

T.

My first thought is this. If he was potty trained at a year of age, it indicates that his parents must have outrageously unrealistic expectations. That can absolutely destroy a child's self-esteem.

Hi J.:
I can see why over hearing your young nephew,while saying that heart-wrenching prayer would concern you.It sounds to me, that his (knowing) about his condition,is becoming more of a concern to him than the condition itself.If A teacher has said anything at all in class,shame on her!I have known some scatterbrains like that. Ones that don't think before opening their mouth.Your nephew, may have the wrong impression about his condition.His prayer would indicate to me, that he believes there is something terribly wrong with his brain and he needs a new one.You need to do your best to reasure him.Sit him down and let him know, that his brain is fine. I'd tell him, that as a matter of fact, The reason he has a hard time concentrating, is because he is (so smart)He has a High IQ. I have done some reading on the subject,and discovered,that children with high IQs can have problems in this area.It doesn't mean he will always have a problem concentrating.I think I would also ask him, if a teacher or student has made mention of this at school,and nip that in the bud.He just sounds worried about his self.Possibly, you could point out some of his great qualities or talents to others,while hes an ears length away.: ) So he can regain self confidence.The very best to you and your darlin nephew.