My Kids Are Out of Control HELP

M.,
I'm so glad you have internet access to reach out! With the added stress and cramped living space, it's no wonder tensions are high. Give yourself credit for doing the best you can. Here are some links to local resources that may be able to offer help with transportation, respite care (babysitting), and scholarships for kids summer activities:

All the best,

http://www.vsuw.org/
http://www.parentsresourceguide.com/_content/links.php
http://www.arizonaschildren.org/index.html
http://www.westvalleyparent.com/Resources/index.html?cate...

Oh girl. You are in the middle of some tough stuff. It shows in your post. I don't have the answer, just some support and suggestions.

We all have times we don't feel like we are the parent we want to be. Kids are very resilient and forgiving. Don't beat yourself up, just start over now.

Not being able to get out of bed is a symptom of depression. Can you see your regular doctor? That would be a good first step. Financial hardship, being cooped up in the house a lot, taking care of two little kids without much or any support -- these are a recipe for depression. I hope you will take the time to see your doctor and look into counseling. This might seem overwhelming. You can do it.

Getting out of the house will help so much. Can you take your husband to work, even just a couple days a week? It would give you the car and then you could get out to the park, meet people, just feel more connected with others.

I hope you'll take some baby steps to take care of yourself so you can do the best job you can for your kids and be ok. They don't need much - they don't need money or stuff, but they need you.

Bless your heart M.! I feel for ya. It is really hard having a family, raising a family, and feeling isolated at the same time. I'm in the same boat. We have one vehicle too. It is very hard to regain motivation after all you've been through.
I do have to tell you though, your kids do feel your pain, and since they cannot express in words that they do, they act out. Try changing your approach to them. I know it is hard to muster up the energy to play with them, but give it a try and put on a happy face! :-) Your kids will feel that, and return it to you. :-) I know when I get frustrated, or upset, my son feels it and I see it through his reaction. He's four and a half years old. And since he's been out of preschool, and with only one vehicle, it's hard for us to get out while dad is at work. I'm pregnant with our second child due on July 31st and energy, is what I don't have most of the time. LOL
Sounds like you and your hubby need a 'date night' too. I know my hubby and I could use one. Our family is out of state and that there makes it really hard as well.

You could be going through a slight depression stage too. It's not uncommon either. Been there done that myself. I would talk with your doctor and see what he/she says about this. Don't be ashamed to either. Most of us go through this from time to time. Especially when we're so isolated and money is tight, and we see our kids suffer from the lack of socialization and fun stuff to do outside the home. Just the other day I balled my eyes out because my son had a moment of sadness because he was lonely, and misses going to preschool, and mommy here is pregnant with little to no energy at this time to play for long periods of time. And with me being so hormonal right now, I cried for him. It just breaks my heart, as I know it does yours feeling the way you do.
I hope you do feel better soon and regain your inner strength. You can do it. Just don't give up!
Blessings to you and your family. PS: Try talking with your husband about how you are feeling too ok. Talking about it does help relieve the stress. And the more you talk, the more you release, and the better you will start to feel. :-)

Oh honey, it sounds like both you and the kids are out of control. However, getting peace and order has to start with you. Having a daily rhythm will help a lot in establishing peace and order in your home. Get up and have a rhythm in the morning of breakfast, getting dressed, etc. Take your kids for a walk daily to get them out. Take them to the park, read them books, go to library. Then have an afternoon rhythm with lunch, quiet time where you either invent a game, stories, do a craft. During that quiet time, try to take some time for a short period where you collect yourself. Maybe you can get some seeds and sprout some plants and let them help take care of them. Send me a message and I can give you some blogs on some things about daily rhythm (loose routine) that might help.

It sounds like you are going into a deep depression. That is how I was when I first moved out here and away from my entire family. It had to seek help from a psychologist to work through things. I would suggest you get some medical help. It can get dangerous for you, your kids and your husband otherwise. Depression is nothing to overlook.

D. P.

Hey Mama, I feel like I'm reading the same request I posted about a month ago! I deal with the same issues with my 3 children! And I live in a house! I go through depression stages with my kids as well and I have even felt at some points that I wish I was the one out there working while my husband stays at home with the kids so I can get a break from this house. We do have 2 vehicles but I still get stuck in these ruts of not wanting to go anywhere because of money and lack of motivation to get everyone ready to leave. I don't just sit here depressed all day every day, but I do have my days. Do you live in Casa Grande? I never really understood if these posts are sent to me from just C.G. Mamas or the whole valley. Maybe we could get our kids together to play or something? Send me back a msg if you'd like. If not, I really wish you luck with your children and I just keep telling myself "Lord, get me through this day, and the next, and the next, and the next..." Hahaha, who knew these beautiful children could be so hard to raise and manage? I think thats why they are so cute in their early years, so it won't be quite so easy to get mad at them.

You are still very young and I understand how hard it is. I had my first two kids 16 months apart, starting when I was 18. Realize that your kids are reflecting you. If you aren't happy, they won't be either, and no one gets along. Do something for YOURSELF every day - even if it is just 15 minutes of quiet alone-time somewhere. Is there any way you can take your husband to work and keep the car a day or two (or more) a week? It is hard when you are depressed, but getting out of the house is good for everyone - the library always has great programs for kids that are free, plus just going to the park, or a movie, or shopping can mean a few hours "out". If you belong to a church they probably have some sort of programs, too. Also, instead of negative reinforcement ("no", time out, etc.) for behavior you want to correct - try redirecting to a positive action (say "instead of doing <this>, how about we all do <that> together"). Look for ways to have fun with your kids, involve them in whatever you are doing (gardening, yard work, house work, cooking, etc.) by teaching them to do it also. It builds their skills - plus will give you a helper now and then. Don't get me wrong, they won't turn into self-motivated dish-doers overnight, but they will learn to appreciate participating and helping others, and most of all, you will all feel better about being with each other. Good luck!

oh wow...I'd be moody too! LOL Where do you live? Its hard to live in such confined spaces with little ones. We had to stay with my SO sister where we all shared a room when we had our first two 8mos and 2yr and it was hard. I was also moody and snappy! I am the type that needs to be out and can't even stay in a big house all day but if its small thats worse!

Hi M., I have looked at your mamasource history and you have asked this question numerous times before and have gotten good advice each time. I think you are beyond reaching out to the online community and need to search out professional help before this gets any more serious than it already is. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get the help you need soon.

well, it always begins by knowing that something has to change. now you know that, you know that times are hard and somethings can't change right now. for instance where you live, buying two cars, finances.

things that can change, your husband can carpool or you can drive him to work on certain days to allow you to have access to the car, you could get a bike from a yard sale and a kid trailer and start biking. your 4 year old can ride beside you if towing both is too much weight. if biking doesn't work, walk! get a backpack at a yard sale and use it daily, letting your 4 year old walk next to you.

get to a library, they usually have kids activities and you can meet other parents.

get into sports, a lot of sports clubs can help you get sponsors or scholarships...soccer is the best...

get online for tons of kids activities, drawing, coloring, reading to your kids

the more you start to get away from the motor home, the more you will feel empowered. I think most woman feel the need to get out of the house, so do it!

Best wishes...

I'm so sorry your stuck in this situation. It is understandable that you are moody and depressed.

Try getting out of the house with the kids everyday. They do great outside and I'm sure it will do you wonders as well. You could go for walks and have your son do a scavanger hunt. You could buy a few outside toys (for $5 you could get 10 things at dollar tree) and just let them play. You can buy a little plastic pool for $8 and let them hang out in there for a while.

Can you get to the library? They have story time and you can check out books each week. Kids love to have anything "new". My daughter gets 10 books a week and is in heaven.

Try taking some time for yourself too. When your hubby gets home go for a walk. Go in your room (if you have one, or the bathroom) and shut the door and read or meditate for 30 minutes. Make a little space for you outside where you can read and relax.

It's hard not having extra money. You just have to be very creative with what you do have.

Have you talked to your hubby about how unhappy you are. I would talk to him, he may have some great ideas to help you get out of your funk.

Good luck...

M., I understand your frustration, at times I am on the verge of not being able to make it thru the day myself but what I did find (I am a single mom with a good job but never enough money) is that if I read the local paper I can find free activities for all of us to enjoy, like a concert in the park, free events at the local national parks, I live in Cottonwood but we do find these activities fun and it gets us out of the house! at first I didnt think the kids would like it but they actually enjoy doing anything with me they dont even care what it is! good luck to you I know its hard in a small space!

good luck!
A.

Your post is very concerning. If you are only 20 with a 4 year old, you had no time to grow up yourself and know how to handle your situation. Where is your family?
What is your husband doing to help you out? Why can't you drive your hubby to work so you can get the kids out of the home? There are lots of things to do that are free! Why are you living in a motor home? Is it safe where you are living? If money is tight, you need to get creative with your time. Even just to go for walks daily (one in the early morning and one after dinner). It is not fair to your kids to be cooped up in a small area all day nor is it fair for you to take out your frustration and anger out on them. I would seek professional help or join a mamma's group to get you involved and give you and the kids an outlet. Even if it is only once a week. It is not healthy to be cooped up all day, psychologically or physically! Get involved and get help fast! If you are a woman of faith, pray for inner strength to get you through this difficult time and seek guidance.
Good luck and God Bless.

Hello M.. I see that you had a response to your message. But I wanted to say that it is nice to have some sort of routine during the day so you have something to count on and to roughly follow. I also don't have much money to work with so it forces you to get creative. Trips to the park are always good, you can't go wrong with that.