My Husband's Kidneys Have Started to Fail! Please Help!

If he stays on his diet, his kidney function might improve.
His kidneys do not have an expiration date stamped on them, and the doctors estimate might be widely off.
Still, it would be a good idea for you to get to school then get a job as soon as possible.
Fate favors the well prepared.
He's got to come to terms with his condition - he will either beat it, or it will beat him.
Life happens while we're making other plans.
You dreamed of a larger family and you're angry that something has happened that might alter that dream.
Your husband might have a support group to help him with his issues, but I think you could use a support group yourself so you can talk about your anger with people who understand what you are dealing with.
You'll get through this.
Hang in there!

You could really benefit from counseling, or reading some of Melody Beatties books, such as "the language of letting go". Its for people dealing with an alochholic in their family but applies to anyone dealing with a family member who is out of control in any area of life. One idea that really helps is to plan for your future practically, ie getting educated for a new job, etc., but then once that is done to focus on Today, and what your duty is for today. And knowing you can't change him, nor can you take responsibility for his actions. Learning how to be there, doing your job and Mom and concerned wife, but being able to DETACH. It's a huge help to learn that lesson, maintains your sanity, And allows you to deal well with your situation. Good luck....

One of my tenants is on dialysis, has been for about 10 years. From my vantage point i see such a diminished quality of life, but she is always cheerful and handles it all very well.
She is not a candidate for a kidney transplant because she is overweight and cant seem to get it down due to lifestyle tendencies.
Take care of yourself, plan for your future, do your part to try to keep him well. If he doesnt want to be well, you cant force it. Through sickness and in health come to mind, it's not going to be easy on you by any means.
I think you are on the right track considering your future career. Go for it.
Walking away from a sick spouse would riddle me with guilt, even if they did have a bad attitude. I'm pretty sure I'd stick it out so I could know in my heart that I did the right thing. jmo.
You will be under a magnifying glass from family and friends, show them your true character, that's ultimately what this test is all about.

I am so sorry you are ogoing through this, and I would be upset with my husband if he wasn't doing everything he could to improve the quality of his life! I am sure you want kids, but its not fair to bring another child into the pic if your future is uncertain. Maybe he will get the point if you just take charge. Tell him you have to go back to school becasue he may not be around in a couple years, that you won't have more kids. I know it will be hard, but getting through to men IS hard. He probably feels that it will be ok, it will work out, he may not have totally accepted what happening.

I am sorry to hear about your husbands kidneys. I have never had to deal with this so I don't really know what to say except Dr's don't know everything so don't give up just help him stay on a good diet maybe this is just a wake up call before it is too late. The body is a wonderful thing and it does have the ability to heal itself so it is always possible (and with prayer and trust in God) it can reverse the damage. My prayers and hugs go out to you and your family. Getting your degree or both of them sounds like a good place to start.

My husband's diabetes was so out of wack he needed gastric by-pass surgery. Worked wonders but I always have the thought in the back of my head that it COULD have been prevented.

His issue was his vision. That scared him and things fell into place. Diabetes is NO JOKE!

Men tend to learn the hard way.

No offense but nothing in life is a guarantee. While I don' think it's a great idea now to try to have another kiddo I disagree with some of the posters below. Your husband could be perfectly healthy - you guys bring more kiddos in - and he could get hit by a car and die. Just like any one of us. The only difference now if you know what you are up against. I would work on getting him healthy - removed the focus from ttc - and see what happens.

Good luck.

You can't do it for your husband. You can put the food out and encourage him but it's up to him. Yes, I've dealt with it. I wonder if you want to add another child but your husband could live for some time yet although he could be in bad, worse, shape. You would have to be prepared to work and take care of the new baby and so that would be on your shoulders if he has to stop working, etc. You don't know how long the kidneys will remain active though so it's just something you both have to decide together as far as another child. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It's hard to see someone have such issues and not be able to do anything to help them.

Um sorry not to sound mean as I am sure your post is supposed to be different than what is coming across....But the last thing on my mind would be about bringing more children into the world when my husband is seriously ill. I think it is completely selfish! My main focus would be how to help my DH get healthy. 10-15 years from now you'd only have a teenager and then what if a kidney transplant isn't available. this is a life threatening situation and I certainly wouldn't want to risk having more children only to lose their father while they're young. Hopefully, these facts scared him enough into seeing a nutritionist and changing his unhealthy habits asap.

If he doesn't then you know he won't be here long term. Not fair then the burden is on you to be a single Mom. Not fair to you or your child or future children. Sorry you have to go through this. I am glad you are going back to school to prepare yourself and your family.

It is okay to be upset with your dreams as you see them flying out the window. Life has thrown you two a curve ball and now it is up to hubby how to go with the flow. He has to be the one to make ALL the decisions in his health. He has to be the one to WANT to make them.

You have heard the saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." The same is true with hubby.

Stop being angry as it does not good to you or your health. Yes, go back to school for you for what you want to do. Prepare a way for you and your child now so that if and when things change you can handle them. Should things get better down the road you could possible revisit the addition to the family but by then neithe of you may want any more.

Life is life and you learn day by day about yourself and what you can and cannot handle. Tests are always put before us some harder than others. As one poster put it she would not want to walk out on an ill spouse. I can relate to that comment and it is not a picnic. In fact I am still working and dealing with a spouse that is probably terminal but we have not gotten that word yet. The doctor is trying his best to do everything in his power before he says anything. In fact the doctor said at first he wasn't sure he wanted to take the case on but is glad that he has.

Do take care of yourself and your child health, wealth, and emotionally. Ask for help from friends and family when needed. If you have to take a break and go to a hotel for a few days do it. Start a journal to put down your anger and then walk away from it. Don't dwell on the what could have been deal with the now.

You all will be in my thoughts. My hubby became a diabetic because of his health issues but is not to this point yet. We do watch what he eats and I try to counter balance what he ate while I am away at work to keep things balanced.

The other S.

PS Tomorrow is not promised.

I do think that this is a grieving process. You are grieving the loss of the future as you pictured it. Work through the steps to acceptance. Your future is still a future, it just looks a lot different.
Please don't fall into the trap of making HIS health YOUR responsibility. HE needs to step up on this O. and I really, really hope he does.
Best of luck!

My mother is on dialysis. I hope you don't get there, but you can lead a normal life if you end up there. She goes three times a week for 4 hours at a time, and one can be on saturday. Annoying, but can be done.

I have just read about the upcoming supplementation of turmeric/curcumin. There is some talk of it repairing the kidney. Do a little research yourself and ask the doctor if it could hurt anything. Keep in mind most doctors don't know much about supplementation........ so all I ask is "can it hurt?"

My husband has diabetes and he did it to himself too. It could have been prevented if he had eaten right and lost weight........ however, when he did eat right and lost weight he cut all meds in half and is pretty healthy now. So your husband can make a difference for himself....... if he is willing. You can't control that and I sympathize with you at how frustrating that is, but keep in mind....... if he could control himself, wouldn't he? Certainly he doesn't want to have diabetes or kidney failure. All you can do is your best to help him stay on track.

You say he refuses counseling, but if you sign up for a class at your local hospital on how to eat as a diabetic, would he attend with you? That really helped us. Plus I have a great diet...... if he'll do it. Watch portions and learn how to eat a balanced meal....... you will be shocked to see that diabetes come under control if you really learn how to eat....... it's really simple and is a proper way of eating for EVERYONE.

GOOD LUCK!

Hi, K.--I am so sorry for the situation that you and your husband are in but I think I have two answers for your needs...first, to help your husband possibly reverse his Type 2 diabetes and, second, to give you an opportunity to begin earning money immediately and still work out of your home. No, this is not a scam of any kind, it is a legitimate opportunity to help people restore health in their lives while being paid to help them. My wife, Luisa, and I are Health Coaches with Take Shape For Life. This program is a one-of-a-kind disease and weight management program that is physician led and clinically proven by Johns Hopkins University Hospital and the National Institutes of Health. The program for disease and weight management is so medically efficacious for people suffereing from Type 2 diabetes and hypertension and high cholesterol that Johns Hopkins has used it in their weight management center through the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Haelth for the last 9+ years. Plesae visit our website at www.RickandLuisa.TSFL.com. There is so much to see and learn there so look around but I suggest thaty9ou start by clicking on "Knowledge Center" and then clicking on "Videos." where you will find 3 videos. The first one explaines the weightloss program. The second one explains the business opportunity for non-doctors and the third one explains the business opportunity for doctors. My wife and I have helped type 2 diabetics get off of their insulin they had been taking for 5 years after just 3 weeks on the program and reduce their daily blood sugar levels from 300 to 100 or less in a matter of days. It is all accomplished by the foods you eat that are provided by the program and that are offered by Take Shape For Life. The foods are all nutritionally balanced with NO preservatives or harmful stimulants or herbs and are ALL low-glycemic. And my wife and I now earn over $84K annually as Take Shape For Life Health Coaches working only a total of 25 hours per week (combined). PLEASE check out the website and call us if you would like more details.

I am glad your husband is eating better and losing weight. It sounds like he is going to take care of himself with your help. However please do not forget to take care of yourself too! Your family needs you over the long term so please ask family and friends for help when you need it.

After the first of the year complete a fafsa get your financial aid in place. Go to www.fafsa.ed.gov to complete your financial information. It is free! Go there now to request a PIN from them so you can sign the form electronically.

Also touch base with your school to see if they have a financial aid form to complete. After you have a EFC (expected family contribution) make an appointment with a financial aid person at the school to request "professional judgement" so they will consider your husband's health issues in the calculation of your financial aid. Financial aid goes from September to August.

Sorry I do not have any help for you concerning the diabetes. Remember doctors "practice" medicine. It is not an exact science but they can make educated guesses based on education and experience. I will be praying for your family.

Watch the healing school videos on Kenneth Copeland's website. You'll see so many awesome testimonies about miracle cures. Also, the first 3 weeks of this year on Andrew Wommacks show, they show testimonies everyday for the entire 3 weeks. Again, miracles you can not deny. They have medical doctors on there verfiying the miracles. You can find those 3 weeks archived online to watch.

Doctors only know what they see in the flesh. But our bodies were created to heal themselves and if we get the spirit in line with the physical, meaning doing what you need in BOTH areas, you can get well. HE can get well.

This is a wake up call.

Have they put him on insulin? If his diabetes is out of control he should be on insulin, in addition to the diet and oral medication. I would highly recommend seeing a dietician and nutritionist that knows about kidney problems and diabetes (often the diets for each condition are very different; i.e. kidneys is low protein and diabetic is high protein etc.). He must become disciplined and realize that he could die, lose a limb, or go blind -- in addition to never having children of his own.

Also please make sure he gets his pancreas checked as high uncontrolled blood sugar, especially rapid onset is one sign of pancreatic cancer (not saying it is, but it doesnt hurt to get it looked at). If the diabetes is truly caused by weight issues maybe he should look into weight loss surgery (lap band or gastric bypass).

Try to convince him to go talk to a counselor with you so you can work through your issues (both of you) and not hold resentment that may lead you to a divorce over time...

Good luck to you and your hubby.

I think you should go to counseling even if he won't go with you. You have a LOT to proccess and decide. A counselor can't do that for you but they sure can help you do it!

The future is ALWAYS uncertain. Your husband could be a model patient and NEVER need dialysis and a transplant OR he could get hit by a bus on his way to work tomorow.

I know the hospital I work at offers FREE classes and groups to diabetics and their families. Call your local hospital and ask for the diabetes education department and see what's offered!

I don't blame you for having a lot of anger! I'm glad he's finally on board with being healthy, and hopefully it's not too late. I would table the TTC until more is known about his kidneys in the near future. I'm sorry - I know that's not what you want. Perhaps he should provide a sample your doctor could freeze and use later in case his DNA is no good then.

Go ahead and check into school immediately. Check to see if there are any aid packages for nursing or EMT training. Somtetimes if there's a shortage in a necessary field there are incentives. Good luck - I hope things work out well over the next few years! Just remember, only HE can change himself.