I am wondering if this is unusual. My husband doesn't seem interested in sex. We are intimate about once every 6-8 weeks. I used to try to initiate it but I've been turned down so many times that I have given up trying. He says he is stressed out about work and he is worn out. Also he has gained some weight and he doesn't feel good about the way he looks. We've talked about it and I said I thought it was usually the guy who wants more and the wife who 'has a headache'. He thinks that isn't true, that a lot of men feel the same way he does. I'm curious if there are other women out there who have or have had the same issue and if so what have you done to make it better. I will say this is the only problem we have right now. He is a good husband and father. He works hard so I can stay at home with our kids. I have complete control of the money. He doesn't even look at the credit card statements or bank statements. He helps out with the kids when he comes home. If he ever has an errand to run he will take one of the kids. I know he loves me, he says he's just not interested. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks for all the responses. First off, he is not cheating. He is the supervisor at work and can not leave work. He gets off at 5:00 and is home by 5:30 every day. If he has somewhere to go he either takes one of the kids or we all go together. Also as I mentioned before I take care of the finances. His check is deposited directly into our account. We use credit cards to pay for everything. I get the bills, look over them, and pay them. He has had a low sex drive pretty much since the start of our relationship. We were the most consistent while we were trying to get pregnant. Once I found out I was pregnant, it all but stopped completely. At the time I was hoping that by us being together so often that it would spark his interest but he was relieved that I was pregnant. I just mainly wanted to know if anyone else had these issues. I have tried all sorts of ways to get him interested. He says he just doesn't feel the need. Thanks again for the advice.
I don't think you mentioned if you used to have sex more often or if this is a change. I think maybe he should talk about it with his doctor. Get a physical... rule out depression. Try to just be affectionate without having it necessarily lead to lead to sex.
It is unusal for your husband not to want sex but I agree that he may be a little depressed. Do you and him ever have time to go out on dates with each other(dating in a marriage brings a different excitement). Sometimes we can get so involved in work and our kids we forget about each other as a couple, so I would suggest the following: Give him KING TREATMENT
1. Prepare a warm bath for him after work
2. Give him a nice massage afterwards
3. Bring him dinner while he relax in the bed
4. Every once in a while take a afternoon walk together
This may seem challenging with the two young children but the challenge is worth making your husband, who is a good husand, father, and provider for the family, feel appreciated because they can feel the same way we feel but just do not express it like we do.
I have been married 5 1/2 years and we have only one child a two year old daughter, in additional he is in the military and currently in Iraq. IT WORKED FOR US SO I PRAY IT WILL WORK FOR YOU TOO.
J., it could be several different issues but I always go for the physical ones first. If he is stressed out, that will shut down his immune system and also make his drive less. Vitamins, vitamins, vitamins! A good multi,(not Wal-Mart or GNC or such) but one that absorbs well. I can help you with that if you need me too. Also a good vitamin can help a man lose weight. My husband lost 110 pounds 2 years ago and has kept it off because of the vitamins I have him on (They are inexpensive too). And personally, I wish I had your problem more often.
Stress kills. It works against the immune system, the heart, the energy level, everything. Why are 25 year olds having heart attacks?? This would be my first step if your husband is willing. The vitamin my husband is on has a patented fructose compounded system that means the vitamin actually gets absorbed whether the digestive system is working right or not. (If he's stressed, his digestive system probably isnt working right either). Email me or call me at ###-###-#### and I'll get you more information.
The worst thing that can happen is he gets healthier! I hope this helps!!!
I disagree with the thought that he is cheating. It sounds more like he may be depressed or just plain worn out at the end of the day. I have had the same problem myself. My husband is awesome, and he really takes alot off of me, but I have been battling depression on and off since high school (there is more to that story), and between that, my own post pregnancy weight problems, and children- it's really no wonder. I agree that a night of "king treatment" is the best way to go. You may still not get anything out of him, but sometimes we all just need a good spoiling. At least if that doesn't work, you can then approach him easier with getting the whole family in better health which will boost everyone's endorphines and maybe even talking with a doctor or counselor that can better advise you if nothing else works.good luck.
Hi J....have you ever tried role playing? Maybe that will stimulate him and you. Try going to his job and bringing him lunch in nothing but a trench coat, fish nets, and sexy heels. Every man is a sucka for heels. Well I hope this works for you.
Oh My God.. You just told my life story.. WOW, that's crazy!! I know EXACTLY how you feel!! Me and my husband have been married 5years, 8yrs together.. we have 2 children, a 5&7yr old, I am a stay at home mother, he works 7am until 6pm, I manage money, He's great with kids and we have no problems other than sex! I honestly get it once every 6 or so weeks, JUST LIKE YOU!! I hate it, it makes me sad at times, and ugly at times and I know he loves me, but i need it! And like you, I dont know how to fix it.. Did you get any good advice that could maybe help me too! :( I love him soo much, and I try to spice things up, but he's never intrested. Is sex really that important in a marriage? It is at times to me, but should I just get over it, It just makes me mad at times when I want it...Thanks
I wouldn't say it's unusual some dads do get that way sometimes. My husband wasn't happy with the way he looked either...he got a Bowflex tread climber...quit smoking...started eating better...and I'm happy to tell you he's lost almost 25 lbs!!! He feels so much better about himself and he'll be around longer to enjoy the kids!!!
He just may have so much on his mind...try giving a massage or rubbing his feet or something intamate like that...eventually he'll come around LOL!!! And don't forget most of all...hugging, kissing, and being together doesn't mean sex has to be the conclusion of a great date!!!
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm 20 years old, my husband is 35, and we have a 3 year old daughter. Everything is great, except for the fact that we don't sleep together. AT ALL. About 2 years ago he had an affair that resulted in a child, the other woman and other child are out of our lives, ( as far as I know), but things have never been the same since. He just always says he's too tired. He won't even touch me. It's so frusterating because I don't think I'm that bad looking and have had many chances to cheat, but never have. I just don't know what to do either. It makes me feel a little better to know I'm not the only one out there with this problem, though.
IT IS NOT UNUSUAL!!! Your husband doesn't sound like he is cheating on you, nor does he sound like he is depressed. From what you said I would bet that he just has a lower sex drive than most men. My husband (a med student) says that this is typically caused by one of two things: 1) He has a lower level of testosterone than average. (No big deal by the way) Or 2) He's just plain worn out by his job or life in general just like we get.
A couple of pointers for you though. First of all, don't let his lower sex drive effect how you think he sees you. He married you because he loves you and if his sex drive hasn't diminished then he's just like this. Don't stress about it. Second, don't let it effect how you see yourself. Remember, there are others ways of experiencing intimacy and just relax in the fact that you have a great husband who is a wonderful father and a supportive husband. Lastly, there is no one "normal" amount of sex one couple is supposed to have. Just let whatever is between you happen and don't compare to others. Good luck!
My situation was similiar. I found that the more stress my husband experienced on the job, the more he closed up. Yes, he was there physicially, working and providing support as a husband, however, he was emotionally detached. He was simply going through the motions. I saw it and I felt it. I started making it a point to create in-home dates. I would put the kids to bed on time! I would call to check on him at work, cook his favorites, prepare a tray of fruit and cheese for our bedroom every Friday night, give him facials, and provide companionship while he simply shaved or ate his meal. I kept up my appearance. I wouldn't be in his presence without a little lipstick on or a small dab of perfume oil. I just made it a point to surround him in my aura and reconnect our bond. Also, I completely redecorated our bedroom with romantic colors and symbols. There's a possibility he may be depressed, but, hides it well. A good vitamin would be perfect and you may also want to try a supplement called 5-HTP, it works wonders. These things may help to bring down his guard and encourage him to express on a deeper level. You would be surprised at what a man can hold inside! Another thing, if he may show a slight interest in someone else, ok so what? He does have two eyes and you can't control all of that. You're his adored wife and the mother of his precious children, you are his queen and be confident in wearing your crown! So by making some changes within your own environment, you will definitely shift the energy for the better and he will exhale and not only see you with his eyes, but with his total mind, body and soul.
Be Well,
S.
From my experience, it sounds as though he may be depressed. Not majorly, but just a little. You may want to ask him to see his doctor for a routine physical. Lack of interest in sex is one of the signs of depression. Especially since he has gained some weight and doesn't like the way his body looks, that can contribute. Good luck to you.
It seems really unusual. Yes, usually the women are the "tired" ones. Is he on any medications that could cause this? Are you sure he is faithful? If you know he is healthy and he is faithful, then he could be tired. Offer to go back to work and him stay home...just see what he says to that.
Also, i know that i have a slow sex drive, but i am happy other than this. I mean...if we had sex once a month or twice, I would be soo content. Maybe he truely does have a slow sex drive.
Have you called his Dr?
This intrest me...my hubby and I used to argue all the time about sex (b/c I didn't want...not him) my hubby would have sex 2 times a day if I would. It's weird how people end up together and want such different stuff....
Good luck, sounds like he is perfect other than this.
I read this post to my husband. He said from a guy's point of view, it is not normal. I hope you figure out the issue and it all works out.
I have this same problem with my husband. we have been married 8 yr as of august 17. since have two kids. he has loss his's will to want sex for more than 4 to 8 wks. he just start see a dr and his dr say he has low male hormone. the dr say he also has some cholesterol problem too. the treatment she is plan for him will have him feel better in 6 mth to a yr. and she also plan for him to slowed low his cholesterol.. he is slowly get better at try to be imitate with me.
He's cheating!!! Become invisible and follow him for a week.
From my perspective, this is very unusual. I agree that this could be a chemical problem. A balanced, healthy man would want sex more than once every 6-8 weeks. More like 6-8 times a week! My husband gets up at 5 and comes home at 5:30 as well, and he takes care of kid duties when he walks in the door. His job is physically and mentally demanding. He still wants sex. A lot. there is something else going on.
Well, I don't know if you are still out there after all this time, but I would be THRILLED if my husband wanted sex every 6-8 weeks. He will initiate sex AT MOST 3x year and I can't get him to have his blood checked out. He tells me he's NEVER been very interested in sex. I could be OK with that but...I had no idea it meant celibacy. My husband isn't cheating either (and amazingly, neither am I). You are not alone.
