My Elderly Mom Is Moving to a Nursing Home - HELP!

I'm sorry that you are all having to do this. I've worked in several nursing homes as an Activities Director. She is going to go through a lot of emotions. She is going to feel as if she has lost everything including herself. Don't be surprised if there is anger and resentment. It's part of the adjustment period. I would try to visit her on a regular basis have others do the same. Decorate her room or her side of the room how she would do it. Bring pictures of the family and have them throughout the room. Set up a routine if you can as to when you will visit. They tend to really look forward to those times and get disappointed when they don't happen.

However, one thing I would strongly suggest, is to not have anything of real value in her room. Unfortunately, things are known to come up missing in the homes. Not saying it will happen there but you can never be too sure. A lot of people come and go there so it's a strong possibility. It's a sad thing and very aggravating because a lot of them what they have in their room is all they have left in life. If she has a piece of jewelry she wears all the time, I would suggest replacing it if you can with one that doesn't have any monetary value or sentimental value.

You can probably talk to the social worker on site about what will help make her transition better. Get with the activities department to let them know what her interests are and get involved as much as you can.

And for you, please don't feel guilty. You are doing everything you can for your mom and she loves you for that. You are a wonderful daughter to be looking out for her. It's hard transition not just for her but the entire family. Good luck.

I have worked in many nursing homes and done family consulting on this very subject. First of all I must applaud you for doing everything you have for your mother. I know many people who wouldn't think twice about placing their parents in a home and forgetting about them. I know this is a very difficult time for your mother, you, and your family. If she already knows that this is a possibility then you need to calmly inform her. Crying during this process is normal, but it may scare her about the place that she is going. In most facilities they only have a bed, a night stand, a dresser, and possibly a closet or Amour. Pack her favorite clothing, pictures that make her feel at home, a few nick knacks or personal mementos and a favorite blanket. Also make sure that she has all of her favorite toiletries and perfumes with her. If you are concerned that something may not fit or be appropriate then contact the facility directly and ask. Make sure that you don't send precious family heirlooms or expensive jewelry, because sadly these things may get broken, stolen, misplace, and so on. Depression is a huge factor in the decline of health in the elderly, so make sure that your mother knows that she is not alone. That you and your family will make every visitation and that the staff will keep her informed of the activities the facility provides that she can participate in.

Sending Prayers and Hugs your way! Please feel free to message me if you have more questions.

We just placed my 86-year-old mother in a nursing home last June, due to dementia and falls. She put up a big fuss and had to be medicated with Haldol for several weeks.

If my mom were still ambulatory, I'd definitely take her places (but can't), but if you can, promise her some trips/visits outside the home.

We also had the chaplain visit, which calmed my mom for a while, once we got there. The home suggested we not come back for 2 weeks, to help her get adjusted.

The home told us to pack about a weeks' worth of clothes plus we brought her recliner, magazine rack, wall clock, LOTS of pictures for tabletop and walls. Photo albums, Bible, costume jewelry and jewelry box, silk flowers from her home. If I think of more things, I'll update my post.

We had her nurse accompany us when we took her. It was not pleasant, but I didn't cry until much later, to my surprise.

Best of luck to you! And blessings!!!

I would try to be positive. Great News! You got in! Woohoo, let's celebrate, now you wont be lonely anymore, you will have people around your age to talk to, and get to do fun things with everybody, you dont have to cook or clean anymore. What a great new adventure.
If that isn't getting you anywhere, let her know how relieved you will be and what a weight it takes off your mind to know she will be safe. None of us want to casue our kids any worry or trrouble, so, knowing this will ease your burden may help her accept it.

My personal opinion........I have visited many nursing homes and no matter how many perks; they are depressing........my mom passed away in 2001 and I would have never placed her in a nursing home.........the one word of advice I can give to you is that you should make sure that you visit her whenever you can.....they placed my aunt in a nursing home and the one thing that depressed her to her grave was that her children gave up there duties as children to that nursing home........

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I know it's hard (similar situation going on with my 86 year old father who is ill) and that your heart is breaking. You've received some excellent advice, (I've taken it in for my reference as well) so I just want to say God bless you for caring for your Mom and doing what's in her best interest.

{{HUGS}}

YOu said you applied for Medicaid did you look into a CASA program that provides aides and Medicaid pays for it? You can get a Home Attendent that help support your efforts to keep her home. Have you looked into an assisted living facility? They are so much better than nursing homes. I don't want to make you feel bad about your decision I just wanted you to know that there are different options.

Maybe planning some visits or outings now and through the holidays will help her transition go better. Maybe you can plan longer visits for the holiday days. Perhaps you can make a schedule of when relatives will visit her so she has it in her room and put people's phone numbers on it so she can keep track easily (and so can staff). I think pictures and an inexpensive music play are good ideas too. There are lots of labels you can order for most items.

My grandmother is still in her home but she was really happy to have her photos put into albums so she can page through them. I did that for her 85th birthday and scanned most of the pictures onto the computer for family members as well. I think you can scan things and order albums made online of at local photo places these days. It may be a nice thing to do for her for Christmas.

Good luck getting through this transition.

Your mom's sadness doesn't mean that this is not a good choice. She needs 24 hour care, and her being in a facility will give her that and allow the family to better enjoy the time they spend with her. Also, no mom ever wants to financially drain their children. Just tell her the truth lovingly. She is sad because of the passing of time, not because of you and the loving care you've given her. That care is the reason she's survived as long as she has.