My 4 Year Old Won"t Go to Bed at a Decent Hour

I don't understand how a 4 yo won't go to bed. You decide what time is bed time. Have a calm get ready for bed routine that you stick with and that allows him to wind down. Put him to bed and every time he gets out of bed put him back in bed. Do not interact with him. No comments. No arguing. Just pick him up and put him back to bed. Do this every night without fail. He'll learn.

Hmmm, I think we need some more information? What time does he actually go to bed? What time do you want him to go to bed? Why does he scream when you turn off the TV (it is in his room?)?

If he has a TV in his room, that must go. Next stop letting him watch TV at least 2 hours before bedtime. TV gets a lot of kids all riled up (many adults too) and is one of the top causes for trouble falling asleep.

Lastly just be consistent. He comes out, take him back without a fuss every time. Do not scold, to not plead - say nothing just bring him back to his room, "goodnight". That's it.
You can also try a reward system... award a point for every night he stays in his room, then get him a little toy at the end of the week.

It will not work immediately, especially if you have been inconsistent - but once he gets that his little game (that is what it is to him) is over and you are no longer playing - it will stop.
Good luck!

Is he still napping? If so, it sounds like it's time to get rid of the nap =) My 4 year old has also gone through the stage of not wanting to go to bed. When you say a decent hour, what time are we talking about? It might be helpful to start pushing his bedtime a bit later than you were trying and get a nice routine going (brush teeth, book, etc). Then when he comes out of his room, walk him back to his room (it may take several times). You can also give him some time to just read in bed before lights out.

What do you consider "decent hour"? For example, many people put their kids to bed by 7:30 but my DD goes to bed by 9:30. What time does he need to be up? My DD can sleep in til 7:45 or 8 and still have time to get to school.

So I would start with determining what a decent hour for all of you entails and work backwards about an hour to hour and a half. Bath, book, bed. He gets up, he goes back to his room, no discussion. My DD is only allowed out of her room if she's scared, sick or needs to pee. She can read books in bed til she gets tired, but once she's in bed, that's pretty much it. If he screams when the TV goes off, then maybe he doesn't get TV the next day. My DD knows that if she fusses about the TV being off, then the TV is off longer. If there's a TV in his room, take it out.

You tell your child that his rules are over. Then you say the new bedtime routine is X :

Dinner 5pm
Play 5-5:30
Bath 6pm
Books 6:45-7:15
Bedtime 7:15

If you have to have a tv program, only do 30 min and have it be educational or a super boring show---nothing cartoon or exciting/wild etc.

Then you say I have every confidence you will do great and I will be SO excited to see you in the morning. But you Must go to sleep so I can be excited to see you when you wake me up.... :)

Also, if he keeps getting out of bed, put him back in silently with no words, no looking in the eyes etc. Just repeat the behavior over and over until he gets it that you mean business and are not going to let him come out of bed.

What time is "a decent hour"? What time does he get up? How much sleep is the important part. Is he getting enough activity during the day to be tired at night? How long does he nap in the afternoon? I know when my daughter naps at pre-k, that she's so not going to be tired enough to sleep at what should be a decent hour. Try having him play an 1/2 hr - 1 hr outside doing something active (playground, bike, tag) early in the evening to get that energy out , and then do the bedime routine. For us, we have cuddle time, books, then into bed where I sing the same three songs every night, then prayers and I lay with her a few minutes. If she's tired, she'll be asleep before the songs are over. If she's having an ordinary night, she'll be asleep a few minutes after her prayers. If she's got too much energy, I try to spend extra time on cuddles and books vs. fighting it.

If your child is getting enough activity and needs more sleep than he's receiving, you could also give him some liquid melatonin about 5-6pm to help his body prepare for sleep about 9.

What is decent? If you're talking about 7pm or even 8pm he may just not be tired. He may not need such an early bedtime. If you're talking about 11pm or even midnight then you do have a problem.

One thing I had to do with my daughter was to go to bed myself. I would put her in bed then all the lights in the house were out. It was dark except for a small light in my room where I was reading or doing homework on the bed.

If a kids sees everyone else gone to bed they often start processing it's time for bed easier.

If this doesn't work then there is a biological reason he's not going to sleep. That is not something a 4 year old has control over. He just isn't sleepy and there isn't anything you can do to "make" him go to sleep.

Does he still nap? If so, time to get rid of it.

Does he get lots of outdoor/active time during the day? If not, that needs to start.

No more TV close to bedtime.

Does he have a nighttime routine? If not, that also needs to start.

What is his diet like? Does he consume a lot of processed foods/sugar/caffeine? If so, that needs to go, especially during the last 1/2 of the day.

Is he having bad dreams? Have there been any changes in your home or in his life lately? Has he recently been sick & is still out of sorts or clingy?

It sounds like maybe there's not a lot of routine during bedtime, but it's hard to tell because your post is kind of vague. If you give more details, it will be easier to help you.

You are allowing this child to rule your house. You had better get a hold of this.

No more TV after dinner, period. He shouldn't be seeing much TV anyway - there is so much for a child to learn that doesn't include TV. It appears that one of the things he needs to learn is discipline and limits.

When he is at home with you, you need a real schedule. Bedtime should be the same time every night. Getting up should be the same time every morning. What time do you try to get him to bed? If you are trying for 7:00 pm, that's probably too early. 8:00 or 8:30 with a wakeup time of 6:30 is appropriate. (Depends a bit on what time you have to leave the house.) Headstart has a real schedule - you need one too. If he has tantrums, put him in his room and don't pay any attention to his tantrums. When he is done, have a talk with him about how tantrums do nothing but lose him what he wants.

At night time, have quiet time after dinner. At bedtime, have a short and simple routine. Perhaps a bedtime CD would help.

I would sit in his room with the light off after book reading, with your back away from him. Everytime he gets out of the bed, put him back in it and do NOT talk to him. It might take hours the first night. Keep up with it for as many nights as it takes for him to finally get in his head that nothing he does will change having to be in that bed. It will get boring and eventually he will give in and go to sleep.

In a few weeks, you probably won't have to sit in his room anymore, or maybe only for a few minutes. Remember, keep night time calm and quiet. He may want to have a "burst" of energy. Don't let him. Keeping him corralled in his room with quiet activities will help this. No fussing, no yelling. Quiet music, quiet talk.

Good luck, E..

Dawn

If you are getting him up at the same time everyday and he is doing this every night, perhaps you are not being realistic about how much sleep he needs and what time he really needs to go to bed.

Last spring my 3 year old was napping at daycare. I needed to wake every morning at 6 am, and this child was wide awake until about 11 pm. Wow, was I tired. But the thing is, he really wasn't tired. I teach, so I had the summer off. I decided it was time to get rid of the nap. Now he goes to bed around 7:30 or 8:00 and wakes between 630 and 7:00. Finally, momma got some sleep!!! (Thank goodness he's in the afternoon PreK this year ... don't know what I'd do if he was still napping at daycare :-)

You have to look at what's realistic. If he's not tired, you can't make him sleep.

Routine, routine, routine!! Its vital in a child's life!! And my kids went through that when they were young, I started saying u get outa bed and there Will be consequences for your actions!! And u have to follow through even if u don't want to. because actions speak louder than words. So if u tell him he's going to get disciplined and then u don't he's going to know that u won't ever! Follow through, eventually he ll know that when mommas says stay in bed she means it!! Finally at night I just need to be kid free! Mommy needs mommy time! And children need to obey on the 1st time... Its been a lot of work but it shows everywhere shopping they don't ask for everything anymore nor grab anything at home went I ask um to pick up whatever it be? They do it! I love them dearly and knew if I letta get away with a lot then I figured thats how they would raise there's also! I no it sounds harsh but in the end its SOOOOOO worth it! And if u don't agree!! That's fine my way of disciplineing is not the next persons! I just got tired of fighting with children all the time... But cutting out naps could help and reading a couple books b4 bed and I also did the laying beside that helps too went there scared!

no nap and wake him up nice and early. A nice warm bath, a book and bedtime. Warm milk might help him get relaxed. In other words keep a routine.

But some kids just need less sleep than others. In that case, after the book. let him keep a light on and read or play in bed. Keep the door open if he gets afraid so that he can hear you talking or watching tv..... but it's time for Mommy and Daddy to have quiet time in the other room alone.

He's the same age as mine! I know when mine naps he plays longer at night.. Is yours still napping? Can you skip or shorten it? I would also cut the media an hour before bed - play a game with him or legos, so you are there with him, but it will calm him down. My daughter doesn't like to be alone, so I do lay down with her. 10 minutes and she's out (19/20 times).

In the afternoon - run him around outside as much as possible.
He can have 1/2 hr tv before supper - then it goes off for the evening (it's too stimulating any closer to bedtime).
After supper he can play quietly, then bath time and bed time routine.
Bedtime can be 8pm.
We all went to bed at the same time (early, but we were all tired).
So the lights in the house went off, his room had a night light and there was no where else to be.
When he was a toddler, he'd wake up in the night then come to me, and I'd put him back to bed.
Eventually he got wise and just tucked himself into the foot of our bed without waking us.
We'd find him there in the morning - but we all got sleep.

This may seem harsh, but I have one of those kids too and it is hard bc they are probably naturally hardwired night owls, but well, kids need sleep, end of story. So what we do is put a toy on the 'chopping block' every night. We pick some toy that is from like a happy meal or something that is actually falling apart, but it doesn't matter bc he loves his toys. But we never pick like the toy story doll he sleeps with every night, I mean we aren't trying to break the kid or anything. But anyway, we tell him if he gets up for anything silly he has to throw away his toy. And we really do make him do it. It has actually happened like 3 times in over a year. But when it does, it's rough, on everyone. But it is so effective. You have to be willing to do it if you threaten it though and you have to stay calm throughout the process. Just bc you have a child who wants to stay up doesn't mean you aren't an awesome parent. I have one who would stay up all night and fought us every step of the way with naps etc, I have one that will go get in his bed and just go to sleep bc he is tired and has never given a moments trouble on that, and I have a baby that is kind of in the middle. Don't beat yourself up, just find out what his hot button is. For us the toy thing did it. Now he can of course get up to potty or if he has a runny nose. But if those pop ups start getting extreme, he gets a warning and if he gets up again, bye bye toy. Good luck!