My 4 Year Old Waits Too Long to Go to the Bathroom

My daughter had this same problem and I took a different position. I told her that she was responsible for getting herself to the potty and not me. I stopped suggesting that she might need to go and we had a few accidents. I'd ask her what she was going to do about it and she would go and get a towel to clean it up (potty) and then I'd hand her a wet cloth. For poop, I had to supervise the cleanup more and also, I would hand her the poopy underwear to soak in the toilet. Then when I did laundry, I got her gloves to squeeze them out and then carry them to the washer. Basically I gave her as much of the cleanup responsibility as I could. That made it much more unpleasant for her and much less unpleasant for me. She only had a couple more accidents before she started getting herself to the bathroom on time.
M.

My daughter has been waiting too long to go for a long time (probably 4 years) She is 9 now. I haven't solved the problem yet but I recently found out that she has been having bladder infections and I think the two may be related. We are treating the infections and I let her wear pois pads to school so that she isn't stinky and embarrassed. I think her bladder control is better when there isn't an infection. Also, reminding her often like you are doing is a good idea, especially remind her before she gets really involved in something interesting. You could set a schedule for her like trying before or after each each meal. Good luck!

I don't have a 4 yr old, but I did have lots and bro's n' sisters younger than I :). Maybe try the reward system? If she can go a whole week with no accidents she gets something at the end of the week? Just a thought!

~ S.

Hi, I still have a little bit of time before potty training my youngest girl, but I have learned from my mother who has recently potty trained a two year old boy a four year old boy and is now potty training my 22month old neice that one way to help prevent accidents is to reward them after they go in the potty. After they go give them a little treat or a little toy(a new toy) and just let her know that you are proud of her for going in the right place. Also keep explaining to her that babies go in the diaper because they don't know how to use the potty yet, and try not to make a big deal out of your son going to the bathroom in his diaper. Then again your daughter just may be trying to tell you that she needs more attention but may be too afarid to come out and tell you. I don't know if this would help or if you already do it but maybe you could set aside one day a week, if she doesn't have an accident for a certain amount of time, and just go do something with her, make it a momy daughter day, and leave your son at home for more bonding time with daddy or grandma. But I really hope everything works out for you.

My daughter does the same thing. She is older now and it has not gotten any better. We went to see a doctor about it and the first thing she suggested to make her go on a schedule and stick to it. This way it teaches her to go before she is going to pee. We were told that every two hours will train them to know when they have to go and not when it is to late. Since we have been doing this it has helps alot. Make sure you do not give negative feedback but only positive when she goes and if she has accidents (this coming from the doctor). This will help her feel more confident about it. Help this helps.

i agree with april w's advice...don't discount the issues with the new baby...she's 4, as long as she's not doing it when she's 17 i'm sure she'll be fine..it's frustrating i know,but on the big scale of things it could be a lot worse..hang in there and remember..it's more frustrating for her than it is for you..rewarding is great too...if it worked for pavlov's dog, it'll work for just about anyone :P...anyway, good luck! :)

Hi!
She may just react to stress this way. Perhaps she was a bit worried before her brother was born; now the holidays are upon us. She may be thinking, "Have I been naughty or nice?" I had this problem when one of my teenagers was young. I planned a Mommy Date with him, which reassured him I was not angry, but wanted to help. Turns out he was worried about some similar types of things.... and the date made him feel that he wasn't "bad" but that we needed to work on timing. You made a great choice to coach her for the bathroom, rather than waiting.

Best of luck -- you are doing great!

I think that what you are doing is good! It's probably just a phase. Maybe try asking her a lot if she has to go potty. And take her a lot, like you are doing! I'm sure she'll pass through this soon!

C.

I know this is a very old post but I wanted to tell you that's exactly what happened to my daughter. I'm glad you got her to the doctor and that has pretty much solved the problem. You are not a bad mom. Had someone told you to get her to the doctor to get her checked out you would have. Arent' you glad that now you know the symptoms and can get her in again sooner if it happens again? My daughter got one and is now more prone to get them again. Although I think its because she is wiping the wrong way. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that getting help is being a great mom!

Hi, I realize this is a very old post, but I wanted to add a tip bit that I heard at a baby shower last night. My sister in law was discussing her little boy who is 5 who is reverting to peeing and pooping in his pants two of the other ladies said there kid had problems with this right after booster shots, Maybe there is a correlation.

I think there might be a jealousy issue. The 4 year old may feel like they are not getting enough attention and the only way they can get it is to have “accidents”…it doesn’t matter to them if the attention is “good” or “bad” attention. Just sit down and reassure them that you still love them just as much as you love the baby ~ But, the baby needs more attention right now because he/she can’t do it for themselves like the 4 year old can, then find little ways that the 4 year old can help you with the baby such as get mommy the diapers or wipes for the baby or small tasks like that. I had the same problem when my second child was born almost 3 years ago…this helped me. Hope it helps you!