My 2 1/2 Yr Old Daughter Keeps Crying in the Night/morning

Mom,
My heart aches for your little one in what she is going through. Be sure that she is seeing plenty of Daddy even in this tough time. Maybe you can start a new bedtime routine with her. A nice bath, some warm milk , get her favorite bedtime toy (teddy or a soft blanket she sleeps with)and get a few new sweet children's bedtime story books at her age level to read to her each night. Be sure you are reinforcing how much you both love her by telling her and giving her plenty of hugs and kisses. If she is verbal and talking in sentences I would also look into seeing a psychologist for some play therapy to help her but find one that is trained to work with young children. If at all possible too please consider marital counseling with your husband if you have not already, divorce is a devastating thing for a child.
Good Luck Mom

Hello, If there are no reasons why he can't see his daughter, I would ask that her father visit her as often as possible. If that means everyday, then so be it. She needs reassurance that he still loves her. Also, when she is upset, is it possible to call him and ask that he talk to her. Maybe you and he could have some of the same books. At bedtime, you could put him on speakerphone (with his knowledge) and he could read to her while you turn the pages. These are just thoughts.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

I'm so sorry, S.. Having a child who is hurting while you're going through your own turmoil has to be awful. If you have the resources I'd consult a therapist. Even very young children can benefit from play therapy and it might be a way for her to safely act out her feelings.

Is your ex seeing her at all? If not, I can see why this is an incredible loss for a toddler because their world is so small/so big all at the same time at this age. If he is still in her life I wonder if him spending more time with her would be helpful? I'm guessing like most divorcing couples you might not feel like he'd go out of his way to help you, but this is his daughter too.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care.

I'm not sure completely what will help - sorry! But you might want to try getting a radio or something that plays music... something you can play soft, relaxing songs for her with. That way she has a little back ground noise to listen to. My kids do watch tv when they go to sleep - eventhough most people don't agree with it. It gives them the noise they need to block out the neighborhood noise & enough light to make them feel safer.

When mommy isn't home to give my 3 yr old kisses & huggs good night - he is a bear for daddy to get down. He also has a harder time staying asleep during the night. We didn't use to have as much troubles with this issue, but he is so use to me being there now that he counts on mommy tucking him in. Yes, he is a BIG momma's boy!

Honestly, I think time is going to have to heal/fix this one. A new routen may be helpful. But right now she needs reassured everything is ok & that you won't just disappear out of her life as well. Make sure you tell her every night that you love her & that you will see her in the morning, when you are giving her hugs, kisses & tucking her in for the night... that way she understands that you will be there.

I wish you luck & hope she soon is able to sleep w/out crying for daddy.

I cried hysterically for my father when he left when I was three years old. I still remember running up and down the hallway at night, screaming and my mother begging me to stop. It's so painful to lose a parent. I would keep your little girl very close to you. Sing songs. Keep her on your lap. Let her sleep with you. This is a mourning period. She is helpless, wanting her Daddy and having no way to make him return. The ache and longing never really stop, but eventually the crying will. Best of luck to you and your sensitive, beautiful daughter.

This is the toughest thing when it comes to couples not being able to work out their differences or having problems-it really does affect the kids but sometimes it is what is best for them in the long run. I am so sorry that you have to go through this and it is very tough.
My twins had sleep issues mainly because they would sit up in their rooms and play and giggle for hours-it drove me crazy. I was told by another mom to give them some melatonin. Melatonin is an all natural herb and I would crush it up and give it to them in their nightly sippy cup 30 minutes before bedtime. I of course asked my Ped about it FIRST and she totally said it was okay to give but I would strongly suggest you check with your ped first before giving anything to your child. Melatonin saved my life! I must warn though with some people they do experience bad dreams. My mother cannot take Melatonin because of that but she also takes some really hard core pain meds for her back so that might have a factor in it but I have heard others claim this as well but I don't know what the circumstances are but my twins have never complained about this and I myself have taken on occassions and never experienced it either but another alternative is Chamomile but again talk to your ped about the situation -your daughter is going through alot of emotions right now just as you are so there might be other alternatives here that the ped can suggest to you. Bless both of your little hearts :()( I will keep ya'll in my prayers-this too shall pass my friend just stay strong!

It sounds like your daughter is going through her own grieving process. There is alot going on that she doesn't understand and she is going through all the emotions and stress that you are going through, but she doesn't fully understand it or know how to cope with it.

My son went through something similar when we first moved to San Diego. He was VERY close to my parents and sister. At least one of them would come over and see him at least 3 times a week, especially my Dad. So when we moved, my son would get up crying for hours in the middle of the night. It lasted about 3 weeks. The first week we coddled him. The second week we let him cry for about 10 mins before we went in and coddled him. The third week we let him cry for about 20 mins then went in and got him. During the day we would let him call my Mom and Dad just to hear their voices. My son was barely 1 at the time, but recognized their voices. At night he would scream "Ga Pa" (Grandpa). At the end of 3 weeks he self soothed himself at night and no longer got up screaming.

Maybe you could call your Ex when she wakes up crying and let him soothe her over the phone? Or maybe you guys can set up webcams on your computers so that she can see Daddy on the screen via Skype whenever she needs to see/talk to Daddy?

It is a phase that she will get through. Just give her lots of love and keep reassuring her that she is loved. And try to get your Ex on board in helping your daughter through this stressful time in her life too.

Hugs.

There is something called "Hyland's Calms Forte- for kids" that is all natural. My friends, give it to their kids when traveling for on the plane. It helps some kids, but being 'natural' it will either work or not. But it is homeopathic. Found at any Whole Foods or natural food store.
The have adult versions too. If you look on Amazon... you can read about it there and the reviews of it.

Next, yes play therapy can benefit very young children. It is therapeutic.

Next, when a family friend of ours Divorced, the Mom got counseling for her kids, who were the same age as yours. She said that this was the BEST thing she did for her kids, and that it helped IMMENSELY. So you might consider that. A kid needs help... it is a real doozy for a child, to all of a sudden, not be with their parent... and their home life changed.
A kid does not know how to handle that. At all.

Her age, is also not an easy one, developmentally. Their emotions are not even fully developed, nor their understanding of it.

I would really consider play therapy or counseling... at this age it will be age appropriate and consist of play therapy etc.

There are times that we Moms, need extra help... to help our child, beyond what we are capable of. Thus, counseling.

But though it is frustrating... for you... it is even more so for her. You are doing your best.... it will take time. Lots of time.

All the best,
Susan

I'm sorry your having to go through this, both of you. This may not be the case, however, she is at an age where night terrors are common. My daughter would wake up screaming and hysterical and not tell me why. At the time I didn't understand it. The only thing I can recomment is to comfort her and hold her and talk to her. Hopefully this will calm her down. Good luck.

I think that this is a phase. My 3 year old just got over the phase of waking in the middle of the night (sometimes inconsolably) and we would either let him sleep with us or sometimes getting him some of his toys would help him sleep. Usually he wasn't quite himself though - and that's waht I think may be going on. She doesn't know what she needs, she doesn't quite feel ok, so she turns to asking for him. Maybe try buying a special doll with her to be her "sleepy doll" or something to comfort her at night. And explain to her that this will help her sleep ok even without the ex. Then when she wakes up, give it to her and just keep referring to it as her sleepy doll and it will help her sleep and try to talk softly and comforting. She very well might scream and reject it (my son certainly did that a few times) but just keep trying. Getting her a drink of water to fully wake her up. Something like that might help?!

When your daughter is crying for her father, why don't you call him and let her speak to him. That might help. If he lives close by, let him come by each night and put her to bed or each morning to have breakfast with her. If he can't be there you can do video chatting on the computer so your daughter can see him. Whatever you can do to help her not miss him.

I hope you can work things out with your husband for your daughter's sake.

Good luck!