My 2 1/2 Year Old Daughter Won't Sleep in Her Bed!

You can try redoing her room and having her pick out everything. Ask her to tell you what it is that scares her about her room so that you can get rid of it, and after you do that you can tell her that you are going shopping for her room. You do not have to go over board in redoing her room just a few things to replace what she got rid of, but let it be what she picked out do not suggest anything.

Hi K.,,
well only have a couple of ideas 1. you put her in there and let her cry herself to sleep for a few nights 2you can read her a story whiles she in bed ,,and if you must stay there with her till she falls asleep not the better of the 2

very good luck to you

Don't feel bad! You did nothing wrong. Lots of people co sleep with thier babies. All of mine did and they are confident children for it. Now, having said that, it is not that hard to get them into thier own bed, but it is a process. My oldest (now 6) was really easy because she said she was ready. She moved to her own room at 3. She picked her bed and bedding and was so proud when she moved into her room. My son was a little tougher. It was a transision. First he slept on a toddler bed in our room (for a week or so). Next we moved the toddler bed to his room. We went in and read to him and talked to him until he fell asleep. We did this for a couple of weeks. Then we just read to him till he was nearly asleep and left the room. Both of them have radios in thier rooms which seems to help. My youngest is about to turn 2 and we are getting ready to transition her to her room in a few weeks. The most important thing to remember is to make a consistent ritual every night at bed time. Don't worry, she won't be sleeping with you when she is a teen ager! Good luck.

I don't think you're doing the wrong thing at all. My daughter slept with us until age 4 and my son (23 mos.) sleeps with us now. I don't think it's spoiling them. Nighttime can be really scary for children and think how comforting it must be for them to be able to sleep near mom and/or dad. I've read it can actually make them more independent later on because they feel more secure and attached early on. I think it's much more damaging to let them cry it out. That said, you (and your partner) must be OK with the arrangement. If you're not sleeping or feeling really bad about it, then you have to find a solution that works for you. Perhaps you could try moving a twin-size bed (hers?) next to yours so that she can sleep in her bed but it will be next to yours. Or you could put a mattress on the floor at the end of your bed. Those are compromises that might work. Good luck.

Go to askdrsears.com. Dr. Sears writes books about baby & child care. He has a section about sleep habits. I have lots of friends who co-sleep. I have trouble sleeping if my daughter is in the bed with me, too, because she moves around alot and I get kicked out of the bed. We've decided to have her sleep in her own room and she comes up with all kinds of excuses why she can't sleep in her own bed. What we did for awhile was let her fall asleep in our bed, then carry her to her bed before we went to sleep. Once she is asleep, she is a very sound sleeper, though. About once/week she will come and crawl into bed with us. I usually let her stay if it's close to wake time, but sometimes I let her stay awhile, then carry her back to her room and rock her to sleep. You could also try to use a reward system - give her a prize for staying in her "big girl bed" all night. (Use a sticker chart that you make together - that works for alot of behvior issues.) I like the idea about letting her sleep on a mattress on the floor in your room, if your bedroom is big enough. They make really small toddler beds at Ikea cheap. My daughter is small and used her crib as a toddler bed until she was almost 4, now she is sleeping on a twin size mattress on the floor of her room. You need to do what feels best for your family and don't let anyone tell you "what's right." Blessings.

It's never too late, you're just going to have to bite the bullet and re-train her! The only advise I have is based on what I've seen on TV... so I won't weigh in... but don't give up now or you'll never get your bed back :)
Just remember, even though it will be unpleasant at first, it's for the good of the whole family that she learns to sleep by herself.

My 6yr old slept in our room until a few months ago. He did sleep in his own bed, but it was in our room. When he was younger it made us both more comfortable that he was in my room. As he got older I started caring for children out of my home and what would have been his room became the "play room". When I stopped caring for kids and tried to move his bed to the play room he was not happy at all.

It ended up that my 15 yr old daughter wanted to switch rooms and beds with him about that time. She had a loft bed that her grandpa made for her when she was his age. He thought this was the coolest thing ever, and it made the transition to sleeping in his own room much easier because he was excited about it. I know it might be a little inconvenient, but maybe switching rooms around and trying some new "fun" kind of bed, or even new bedding to get her excited. Hope this helps.

P.S. He still has his nights that he tells me "I don't like this room, or I don't like this bed" and I just make a joke out of it and kind of make fun of him and tickle him a bit, and he gets over it. I also made the mistake of checking on him too many times as he was going to sleep in the beginning, and that just made him fuss more. Now I just talk to him from my room if he talks to me.

You're a mom and did what you felt was right. Who could fault you for that? I think you did the right thing by comforting her instead of making the situation worse by letting her scream in her bed; but sleeping in your bed may not have been the best solution. My kids sleep all over the bed and nobody gets any sleep. That's a lesson only learned by doing it in the first place.

My youngest daughter went through something similar when she was about 2. She was scared of the window. Anyhow, instead of letting her sleep with us, we let her sleep on the floor next to our bed. We put down a nap mat, blanket, and small pillow next to us; but we'd always start the evening by putting her into her bed and left the night light on for her. I think she slept in our room every night for 3 months. We would casually ask her what scared her and would go through the ritual of letting her spray "monster spray" (water) anywhere she thought monsters would be popping out at night. We didn't push the issue because, lets face it, we were all getting some sleep. Whatever her issue was, resolved itself. We just stayed patient; but didn't give in to letting her into our bed.

For you, since she's already been in your bed, you could just be honest with her and tell her that you know she's scared; but you're going to try a sleep out on your floor next to you. Don't ask her if she wants to, just tell her that's what she's going to do. If she cries and argues, then you can suggest she sleep in her bed where it's more comfortable. You need to stay firm on this one. She'll eventually get bored of staying on the floor and will give her room another chance. You could always suggest a camp out in her room, on the weekends.

Let us know how it turns out. Stay firm!

This is our case too!! don't know what to do!!!

K.,
Don't fear. You let her sleep in bed with you because that was what your instinct was telling you. Listen to it. There is no shame in it. For those that are naysayers. We have allowed both of our boys in bed with us and when our daughter is out of a crib she is welcome as well. And sure we do a musical beds of sorts at night but it is nice to spend this time with our kids. Just for those that doubt it I have given my oldest son the attachment he needs when he needs it and as much of the independence I can when he needs it. He is a normal healthy boy of almost 5 and actually, these days, only prefers to be cuddled occasionally in his bed. He no longer wants to be in ours. So they do leave your bed. Either when they make the decision or when you do.

Have you tried to cuddle with her in her bed? Maybe initially until she falls asleep then then start leaving earlier and earlier each time? The book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" had some great stuff in it and she has a toddler book out now. Maybe that would help?

I agree with Gayle, they are little for so long and we will miss these days when they grow up. Suck it up as much as you can now and don't regret letting her stay with you. It worked for you then ;)

Good Luck
J.

Hi there
Each child is different and we make the rules as we go suiting each child as needed. Never feel guilty for trying your best. NOt care and doing nothing, that is a different story.
My oldest girl was the only child for almost 4 yrs. She slept in her own bed till 1 1/2 also, because we had moved back to TX and were displaced while looking for a new home. She had to sleep with us, and then when we got a home she had started to like our bed.
She had a perfectly awesome little girls room, that she played in during the day and guests slept in. In our room was a smaller toddler bed. Just being in our room was enough and in a few months she was comfortable sleeping in her own room.
She never had a problem readjusting.
Now I have to figure something out of my 2 yr old. We're doing it all over but different personality so different method.
Good luck.

We had a family bed for many years with both my kids. Some thing to consider if you want to do this are that you should not have her sleep in between you and your husband. Get a bed rail, or bedside crib and let her sleep there. Make sure that you tuck her in early and then spend grown up time with your husband. Set some ground rules about family bed if you decide to do this. Your kids grow up fast enough, why kick them out at birth? My kids are well adjusted teens that don't sleep with us anymore. Like thumb sucking and potty training, most kids don't go to college in diapers. Do some reading about family bed and attachment parenting if you feel comfortable with her in your bed, and quit listening to people who say you spoil her and let her "cry it out".

I had the same problem with my little one he slepted with us for a while also did the same thing the kicking the moving sleeping horizantal. Yeap we were tired I could not get any sleep. I know exacly what you are going through. Let me tell you first it help a great deal that he had an older brother. It was not easy but I have to say it did help knowing there was someone in the same room. Belive me we still had our battles trying to make him stay with him though becaue of seperate beds same room just seperate beds. We did start by buying bed sheets and a comforter of his choice. We went to the store and let him pick the character he wanted for his bed. While picking it out I kept reminding him "Ok well this means you are going to be a big boy and that you will be staying in your own bed". "You are going to have your favorite character" at the time was Nemo. Yes he was very excited it worked for a couple of nights, but we were just consistant though. Talking to him explaining to him why he had to stay in his bed. He was still having a some trouble but not as much as in the beggining. So we went to Builder Bear and he picked his own stuff animal and again we reminded him to pick one very soft so he can snuggle at night with because this little stuff animal was going to help him sleep at night. Long and behold it worked little by little he understood finally. Sometime you just have to try different things specially with things you know your little one likes. It worked for me so hopefully it will work for you it will take time you just have to be patient and most of all think positive it will work. Like every milstone in there lives. I really hope my advice helps some. Good Luck K. wish you t and your little one best. I am a mother of two wonderful boys age 5 and 9 with the greatest husband in the world.

My 5 year old daughter is just now being coaxed into her own queen sized bed, and only now because i am about to give birth., my advice would be to transition her, and not try to do it all at once, but to be consistent.

K.,

You are right that it was a bad idea to let her sleep with you, but we all make mistakes as parents. We do the best we can. When I was transitioning my first son, I let him go to the store with me and gave him a couple of choices and let him pick out the bed. Since you already bought a bed, take her to the store and let her pick out a new theme for her bed and maybe even a new night light if she is afraid of the dark. Explain to her that she has to start sleeping in her "new" bed that night. Talk about it all day and then start a new bedtime routine for her. If you read to her, take her to her new bed and sit with her on the bed for her story. Sometimes I even make up an extra story for my 3 and 1/2 year old son about him. The tales are really far-fetched and he loves it when I do that. Then kiss her goodnight and tuck her in. If she cries, go back in every few minutes to reassure her that everything is okay, but leave her in her bed. Don't pick her up for any reason. Rub her back or pat her, but make her stay there. It will be difficult for a few nights, but soon she will get the idea that you're not giving in. You have to take charge now so that she knows the boundaries. Besides, how can you deal with life if you're not getting enough sleep? Whenever someone was sick or had a really bad dream and came into our bed, I didn't sleep the rest of the night. I would be a mad woman if I didn't get my sleep!
Good luck and let me know how it works out.

Peace,
C.

I am so sad to hear you saying that you shouldn't have done what you did. There is plenty of evidence that parents should meet their child's needs...even the silly emotional ones. This helps them know you are dependable and a safe anchor for them...and when they are ready they can launch them selves!!! You're doing beautifully. You might want to move the bed into your own room again for a while and wait a little while, see if she outgrows this funny stage...and it is a stage. Parents don't say when their kids are grown, "I wish I had spent less time and effort on him/her..." They ALWAYS say " I wish I had held her more...I wish I had done more with her..." You might want to look into the Sears books on babies and toddlers...they have some wonderful advice.

Hi I am a grandma. I laughingly tell people that worry about their children sleeping with them the following: Dont worry about it! They will quit sleeping with you when they are 9 or 10 years old! My daughter did!

Seriously, I know that everyone would sleep better in their own beds, including your daughter. But when you think about it the time they are little flys by. Before you know it she will be moving into her own bed at college! Everyone makes such a big deal about this and I personally dont think they should.

You dont mention how deeply she sleeps. After she is asleep could you move her to her own bedroom? I would try that. Did this problem start after you moved to your new home?

If that doesnt work. Try putting a little toddler bed in your room so that she feels safe with you right there.

If she cant get to sleep there, then try transferring her to her toddler bed after she is asleep. If you keep reassuring her that you are right there she should settle down.

I do not believe in letting them cry it out in their beds. I think that just teaches them that no one cares about their feelings.

My daughter (only child) is now 29 years old and yes she is spoiled still. OH WELL! Now her son is sleeping in her bed!!!

GOOD LUCk!

Grammie

At some point in time both of my children slept in the bed with me. I don't see anything wrong with it. I was told that I shouldn't let my children sleep with me as well. Ok.... They are MY children and I will do as I please. It took me a while to break my daughter from sleeping with me when she was younger. My son was easier to get into his own bed.
With my children I just told them they had to sleep in their own rooms. I put them to bed while I was still awake in the livingroom. It took me weeks to finally get them in their bed without having to fight and argue with them.
I do have a suggestion though. Get you a comfortable chair to put in her room. Put her in bed and stay in the room with her until she falls asleep. Maybe it's just "I don't feel safe" issue. It may take a few days all the way up to a few months. When you put her in bed in her room, make sure and let her know that you will stay there for awhile and if she falls asleep in her own bed that she can get in bed with you if she has a bad dream. But she must sleep in her bed BEFORE she can come sleep in your bed.
After some time, she will get used to being in her bed. But don't forget. She may not ever completely outgrow sleeping with mommy. There are still some cases that my 10yr old will sleep with me. A few nights ago, my 13yr came into my room asking to sleep in my bed. I think he had a bad dream. Regardless of age, just remember. One day your baby will be teenager, and do you remember wanting to hang out with and/or crawl in bed with your mom? Hang on to "your baby" while she's still a baby.

Several things you can try... If she insists on sleeping in your room, put her crib mattress on your floor and have her sleep on that. or something else, but she can be in your room and not in your bed.. Maybe when she gets a bit older she can go and choose her own bed.. At this point if she already doesn't like her bed, she never will, she has it implanted in her mind that she doesn't like it... Or, you can sleep in her room with her until she realizes nothing is going to happen in there.. I think the best solution right now is to have her sleep elsewhere in your room. My older son didn't sleep in his crib very long, and instead of letting him sleep in our room, one of us always slept in his room. We hadn't bought a bed, we had a futon, so we slept on that and when he was about 3 1/2, he went out and chose his own bed and slept in it the very first night and has ever since.. Well except when one of us is out of town, we let him sleep in our room... As my Mom always said, he won't be 15 and still sleeping in our bed. Good luck! J.

I was in a similar predicament, except our daughter slept off and on in our bed as a baby/toddler and then with us for the majority of the time until she was 5. A lot of people will hate that, but my husband traveled a lot and was worried that something would happen to her. I am a light sleeper, so having her in the same room helped a lot. Did it damper our sex life- a little. It was great birth control though! When she was 5, we started shopping for a special bedroom suite. She got to pick it out w/ supervision from us (We got a double bed, which alleviated the fear of falling out). She decorated it, puts all of her stuffed animals on it, and finally sleeps in it almost every night. She's so proud of her room, that she usually stays in it. Do we have some nights that she comes back into our bed? Yes, esp. when it storms or she's really scared. She'll ask me to stay w/ her for a little bit till she falls asleep every once in awhile. She fixes it (very well)herself. I would encourage you to talk about her fears. They may be very real to her. You can start gradually moving her into her room/bed, maybe waiting until she goes to sleep and moving her. Best wishes. I know it can be hard, esp. w/ a lot of negative comments people like to give on this matter. You are walking in your shoes, so do what you need to do for your situation. Best wishes. (PS-you can always put the mattress on the floor in your room for a little while.....)

First off why are you apologizing for your child sleeping in your bed? Why do you think that is a mistake? Just because someone gets a college education or writes a book doesn't make them King about how to raise your child. Most of them are over-educated idiots. It seems funny to me that there can be so many differences from one person to the next in every other way but when it comes to raising a kid they are all the same. I work more than full time and always have. I only take contracts that allow me to bring my kids when I want. I used to take my baby to the job interview. Now I don't because they are both in school. But they go with me if they are out of school and in the summer. Most of the offices now have other kids from time to time too. It's not a problem, we even have a room for them to play and sleep. It wasn't easy and there were contracts I did not get because the owner couldn't see it working. I am glad I stood my ground because it worked out anyway. 2 of my older sisters told me I 'couln't do that'. 'It will never work.' 'You can't expect people to accomodate your kids.' Well it worked for me and she still has a job where they treat her badly. She is 61, works in a white collar office, does her job well, and can't have her cell phone on or take personal calls. You get what you settle for. I know I am off topic but this is just one way in which I did not do what I was told to do. That same sister told me to NEVER put your baby in bed with you because you can't get them out. The other sister disagreed and said 'they won't be sleeping with you when they are 16 no matter what' that was all the agreement I needed to do what I felt was good for my baby. My baby wanted me and my husband, not the crib. I wasn't getting any sleep, I was exhausted to the point of delirium and had already left the baby, in the car, in the driveway, one night after coming home from the grocery store, I fell asleep in the chair for about 30 minutes. Thank goodness it was night and the baby was asleep. So I put the baby in the bed with us and started using the crib as a clean clothes pile. Baby was happy, she could nurse anytime during the night (many times I didn't even wake up),I got some sleep ( and quit having panicky dreams by the way), and my husband was calm and not worried about every little sound. (My children both nursed for 2 1/2 years). My second was born 3 1/2 years after the first. She never used the crib. The toddler bed was right next to my bed and the oldest used it starting at 5 years old. She could touch me and I could touch her without getting up. When the oldest was 7 we put a queen bed in our room against the other wall( now we can't touch). The oldest was in it by herself for 3 weeks and the youngest decided to join her. Now my husband and I have our bed and they have theirs. We are still in the same room ( called the sleeping room). They have a play and stuff room. We all have a clothes room. This has worked great for 3 years. This year we will convert to them having a traditional bedroom, at their request.
Yes, we are not usual, or average, and so what. There has only been 1 downside, my kids have not had sleep-overs. That is why they want their own room now. Other than that we have been very pleased with the system. My girls are healthy, outgoing, confident, tops in their class, extremely well behaved, best friends, and they trust me with everything. My 11 year old can read out loud in front of her class better than her teacher. I have a much closer relationship with my daughters than most of their friends have with their mom's. Their friends will ask my opinion or will ask my oldest to ask me. My kids don't have 'phases' and are not mellodramatic, I don't buy into that key-rap. They never used a bottle, pacifier, thumb, babyfood, or formula. They nursed and transitioned into table food. They have no food allergies. They have no unexpected sleep issues. (About 15 members of my family walk and talk in our sleep in varying degrees, so do my girls, no suprise.) They eat all vegetables: brocolli, broussel sprouts, cabbage, yellow squash, zuchinni, okra, onions, mushrooms, olives, celery, they eat it.
I only tell you all of this because if your baby sleeping with you is a problem or causes issues then I don't know what those issues are. I don't see it. My kids have no problems or issues from sleeping with me. Only positives. They were comforted. I was releived. My husband was calm. It felt safe to all invloved. I still get a hug and 'I Love You' several times a day from both girls. The junior high principle said in the orientation meeting that the kids really don't want mom or dad on campus walking them to class the first day or coming for lunch because they are older and mom and dad are imbarrassing around their friends. My oldest looked at me and said 'that's just sad, what kind of parents do they have'. I walked her to class the first day of 6th grade and I got 14 hugs from her classmates coming to me to say hi. So personally I don't think the 'professional educator' knows what she is talking about either. Many of those kids are begging for a parent to be close and involved so they can have security and comfort. I am not suggesting being overbearing or hovering. I am talking about playing the role of parent, being a brick wall to lean on, a confidant, a guidance, a boundary maker, and 2 arms to fall into. I think all of this is somewhat connected to my girls sleeping with me. My husband snores alot. My youngest wasn't feeling good one morning last spring and I asked her is dad kept her up with the snoring. She replied no, that she liked to hear dad snore, she knew he was right there. That pretty much answers it for me and I hope helps you in some way. I have had many detractors. You shouldn't let them sleep with you, Why have them nurse so long, You are the pacifier, They're not going to be independant, You get no private time, If you nurse you can't leave them with a babysitter, You'll spoil that baby. Well, whatever. So far my kids are doing better than most. I still don't do babysitters. My children can behave in any situation. They have been attending the symphony since the youngest was almost 3. Jones Hall usually does not let children in under the age of 6. I got special permission and was approved when the hall master met them. They can eat in any resturant. My girls even functioned last year at my husbands companies banquet as greeters and formal table escorts dressed in gowns.
There again I only say all of this because I don't see the downside of being there for your child. I didn't let my babies cry it out. I think that is ridiculous. When a baby cries it needs something. You have to figure out what. Maybe its just comfort. If the baby wants to be held all the time then too bad for you. The baby has to feel security and confidence first. It has to trust you to be there. Then the baby won't have any trouble sitting beside you on the couch or watching you work from a bouncy chair or whatever. Different people have different levels of need about different things, so do babies. If the babies stomach aches a little or has a headache you may not be able to tell. Maybe you holding it takes just enough edge of the total stress that the baby doesn't cry, but left alone the baby can only think about the pain. This may look like spoiled but I don't think so. I have seen spoiled in babies and it looks like spoiled in a teenager, same appearance. But crying to be picked up is not necessarily spoiled.

Sorry so long, I am passionate about this issue. I took lots of criticism early on and it was difficult at times to do what I knew in my heart was good for my baby. When my way worked out just fine I would hear comments like, 'your lucky'. Only after several years did my mom choose to chime in the topic and said that all of us slept with her. She didn't say anything because my older sisters had already shot all of her child rearing ideas down with 'Dr.Spock' rules. The 60's and 70's were not friendly times for some parents. Well I think he is an idiot and he does not make the rules for my family. Nor does anyone else whom has not carried and delivered a child. I don't listen to people that have only book knowledge or people that have bratty, socially unexceptable kids.
Again sorry so long,
Good luck,
Pray about guidance alot,
Laugh and play with your family,
Darlaaa