My 16-Month-old Son Is Throwing Temper Tantrums

I would watch a great DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp, "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". He goes over a great technique on how to communicate to toddlers. And it just works!!

And just to let you know, his horomones are changing and it is like a teenager's change in horomones. He's developing into a boy and out of baby hood. So it's a nice intro into the later years :-)

Hi my name is M. I am a 53 yr. old mother and grandmother I have 4 grandchildern that do the same thing Kids will not starve their selves Give him what you make and do not give in he will get the message.

I am the mom of 3 kids, a 13 yr old boy, a 5 yr old boy, and a 4 month old girl. I can offer a few suggestions that helped with my kids.

First let me say each kid is different, so you'll need to find a way that works best for him. What I did with my kids worked like a charm and although they had a few tantrums in the beginning, I found that the way I handled it worked so well they stopped almost immediately.

Ok so using your situation as an example... I first would say something like "Silly boy you can't eat your breakfast down there, did you need some help?" (I would say this using a slightly goofy voice) DON'T make a huge deal about the tantrum and don't let him sense that it stresses you. Then I would say something like, "Here let me help you up so WE can take a deep breath and try to tell mommy what is wrong" Get down to his level, like on your knees, take a deep breath together - show him how. If you understand him enough to figure out what he wants/needs than that is helpful, if not what I would do is say "Look at this Yummy breakfast!" Depending on what it is, put some on a fork or spoon and say "Wow this bite looks delicious! Don't anyone take this bite when I'm not looking" Hold it low enough for him to steal it, and look away. When he steals it from you, Pretend to go to eat that bite and then realize it's gone and say "Hey who took my bite!?" (again being a bit goofy) You may have to do a couple times, then maybe say "nobody better eat this whole plate, while I'm not looking" Now this may not always work, but somethings to try are getting down to his level and speaking to him like a little person rather than a baby, making him laugh, or getting him interested in something else.

IN a store situation, like for example for a toy he wants, I would tell him, "oh wow, that's a cool toy, we will have to put that on our birthday/christmas list. But I'm sorry right now we can't get that because mommy only has enough money to buy what we need. Do you think you could help me find the things on my list?" If that tantrum continues, quickly try to revert his attention elsewhere, or say "ok now, mommy said not today" and walk away, but being sure to ALWAYS keep him in your sight!! He will most likely run after you. If he rides in the carriage, try to revert his attention and perhaps even try to make him laugh as you get away from that area. (laughter is amazing) Let him know that he has to listen to you no matter where you are. Always remember NEVER let him see that it stresses you.

Now there will be times that these methods just won't work. AT that point what I did was tell them if their tantrum continued they would get a time out. My time outs always were as long as they were old. And sometimes yes, they will cry it out. After the time out is up go back to them and get back down to his level and say to him as you probably wipe his tears, "Ok time out is over, do you know why mommy put you in time out?" See if he answers, and explain to him what his bad behavior was, why it was bad... example "When you throw your tantrums, I can't understand what you need or want" AND then offer other ways he can handle it like "The next time you feel like you are getting upset, you tell mommy ok? That way I can know what you want or need, and we'll take a deep breath together, ok?" Give him a big hug and kiss and say "That's my big boy!" and tell him you love him.

Basically he is at the age where he is trying to see where he stands... He is trying to communicate but is probably getting frustrated with trying to convey what he feels or wants. Try to explain things to him as per his age and treat him like a little person and also show him lots of love and understanding. ALthough sometimes it is needed to be stern.

I see that you are a full time employee, I am a stay at home mom, but I DO NOT believe it has anything to do with how much you work. I worked full time when my oldest was little and he went to preschool since he was 3. I worked long hours back then as we needed the money. He was in preschool all day. One thing I did notice is that he would watch how the other kids acted with their parents and sometimes come home and try it out with us. Sometimes they will pick up the habits of other kids. That you will need to nip in the bud. Be stern and tell him that isn't how we act like a big boy. But again try to find something that you know will work with your child. It's all about how you handle him when you are there and the quality of the time together.

I always found that laughter or distraction helped to diffuse my situations. But there were times where I had to be stern. You have to not only find something that will work with your child but also you need to teach them that you & your husband/boyfriend/ect are the bosses. Also try giving him little duties around the house like dusting, sweeping or mopping and then praising him for doing so. (don't worry if it's not a great job) this will not only teach him resposibility but also that he is an important part of the family and he will most likely feel special to have a special job around the house and make him feel more like a big boy. And make sure you praise him and tell him what a great job he did, or how proud you are of him for how he handled a situation ect. If he does really good then maybe do a special activity or craft or whatever with him always telling him how proud of him your are.

I hope I offered at least a few ideas for you. I am hoping this works with my new little daughter! I plan on doing the same with her. Good luck!

Dear M.,

Yeah, you have to let him cry it out. and as for your nerves, you need to just let his cries flow without making you feel guilty, or that they are bothering you. It is a very important thing that you have to do for your child. Learn to be firm, and not mean, loving, but not spoiling. You know that you are spoiling when you give in to the child and he or she has not done anything that you ask him to do. If you say that la, la, la, and then I will do thus and so. It is a contract between the two of you and he has to hold up his side of the bargain before getting his treat or whatever you promised. Be sure to keep your promise if he does his part. Otherwise it is spoiling, and we don't want to do that because it tortures everyone. C. N.

When my son, who is 23 months old now, started throwing tanturums for over something that he is not allowed to do, or somthing that he cannot explain, i try to treat him as an adult. By an adult I mean i try to explain the reasons behind the "no" he is getting in one short sentence. If that doesn't work then i tell him that if he continues that it will make mommy sorry/tired/being able to spend less time with him (some sort of emotional reason). Lately, i have seen that if I tell him "Mommy and daddy do not do the things that you don't want. In return, you should not do the things that mommy and daddy do not want", this seems to do miracles. While you are explaining things, speak extra softly (not panicy or laud)so that your soft caring voice would help him bal;ance his internal turmoil .Also I must tell that any negative attention would prevent him from internalizing the rules you have set (a psychological finding, not merely a personal opinion). If you can make him understand the reasons behind a "no", then he is much more likely to adopt it when he is alone (say at daycare).

I recently read that 'Toddlerhood" can be called the first adolescence. Scary-huh!?! But, I find with my 2 yr. old son that his frustration comes from not being able to fully communicate. Try and be patient, ask him to show you what's wrong, and if your frustration takes hold, put him in his crib, where it's safe, and take a deep breath for ten minutes or so.
I cannot lie and say it's going to get better, but for your own sanity, step back and put yourself in his shoes for a few minutes. He's frustrated, and so are you, so, that means you are both absolutely, though sometimes painfully, NORMAL...

My daughter used to throw temper tantrums all the time when she was smaller. She is now almost 11, but you just have to be firm with him, put him in his room and let him know that if he wants to pull his tantrum he has to stay in his room. If he wants to come out then he has to stop. Close the door behind you and let him rip. It is hard to not go inside his room and check on him but you have to hold your ground. You will see a couple times after you do this he will stop and this will not happen anymore. Good luck, and be strong.

M.

I have a 16 month old little girl. Do you live in Goleta? She just started getting very upset too when she doesn't get her way or if she wants something. I read in this newsletter that I get that the best way to respond to them is to get emotional in the same way that they do. It explained that you need to treat them like a caveman would. i.e., if they want a piece of candy and are screaming candy then you get excited and say back "You want candy, you want candy, How about an apple". It sounds kind of silly when you do it but I've tried and it works. My daughter so far acts a little confused when I do it but it distracts her enough for her to stop the behavior. It's supposed to make them feel like you're responding to their urgency. If you remain calm and talk softly to them they don't think you're reacting enough. It's worth a try right? If you live local I'm game to get our little one's together. It's always fun to see them interact and it gives them something new to do! Hope my advice helps.

Dude!...lol...my son has been doing the same thing also...ha ha ha...he is 16 mo. as well. I've tried to ignore him as well but, he seems to get louder and then starts to cry when I continue to ignore him and walk away from him. I'm sorry I dont have any real advice for you...but if it makes you feel any better...your not alone :)

My 14 month old is doing the same sort of thing...I'm calling it attatchment problems as well as just random tantrums. For the first time in his life (since he was small) he will sit in my lap for more than a few seconds. Anyone else is fine, but I would only get a minute or so. Anyway, when he's throwing a tantrum while I'm working on getting food for him, I ignore it. He's fine, and he'll be quiet when he gets his food. Also, it doesn't give him the attention he wants when he's throwing a fit. The crying is tough to deal with, but from what I understand, they just have to get through it and when they do, it'll be like night and day.

Take care,
M. M.

LOL! Welcome to the Terrible-Two's! My doc says they start anywhere from 14 to 27 months old, but most commonly right around their 2nd b-day. My son started at about 16 months.

As far as this morning goes, is it possible he was still groggy from waking up? This was a HUGE trigger for my little one. I have to give him about 30 minutes to wake up before we start getting ready for anything. It's Mommy cuddle time! :-) During other times ask him if he wants “A” or “B”. (I.e. “Joey, would you rather apple sauce or yogurt?” or “do you want to wear these red pants or your jeans?”)

A child development teacher I had said that “Toddlers often throw tantrums as a way of expressing their opinions. By giving them choices that you will agree to, they learn to make choices with fewer tantrums.” She also said NEVER say "please" when it comes to something you NEED them to do, such as getting in the car seat. Instead of saying “David, could you please get in your seat now?”, try “David, would you like to get in your car seat by yourself, or shall I help you?” This way you are allowing two expectable solutions, neither of which allow for the favorite answer of a toddler- “NO!”

I’m sure your member the beginning of the "twos" with your three year old. Do they EVER actually end? Especially with BOYS? I think my hubby at times reverts back to the 2’s syndrome. (but not me- I’m perfect! HAHA! Just ask him!)

Hope some of this helps, and good luck! –Janell-

i know it's nerve racking but ignore the tantrums if your at home or at a safe place. when my daughter started doing this we had no idea what to do either. so we tried everything, until we read somewhere that ignoring them was the best way to deal cause it teaches them that by acting that way they don't get the results they want or any attention and they stop. we used to have to step over our daughter and pretend she wasn't even there. and then when she acted or asked for things properly we praised her to show her that when she was "good" she got better results. good luck
T. s

My 18 mo son started the same kind of tantrums about a month ago. I let him fuss till he gets over it (yes it get my nerves too)but sometimes he'll lay down and bang his head on the floor which of course hurts and then he'll really throw a fit. This is just for attention, so then i pick him up take him to the couch and give him a book or a toy, if that doesn't work and he's just trying my patience or being bratty he goes and sits in the corner until he's calm, usually only a min or 2. It does'nt always work but it's the best i've come up with so far...he's my first born:)

My 16 month old is doing the exact same thing, how frustrating!!! When my son gets like that I try my best to ignore him to show him that he's not going to get any kind of attention (good or bad) when he acts that way. If I think that he might hurt himself or his little brother I'll put him on his bed where he is less likely hurt anyone. My mom says that this is the start of the "terrible two's", and that it will get better when he can communicate what he wants more clearly. I hope this helps, have a great day!

I find it interesting to read all of the other experiences and advice. I love to be able to see what other people are doing and then decide which bits and pieces will work for me. My own personal experience is that my son just turned 2 and we are just starting to see some tantrums although they are pretty short lived. We have been doing Baby Signs since he was an infant and although he has quite a few words now he still uses a lot of the signs for harder words. I truly feel that his ability to communicate with us and our ability to acknowledge his feelings or needs has really helped a lot in this regard. That is not to say we don't say no or that we do whatever he wants but I feel like it is the acknowledging that helps. He might get upset because he really wants to go outside - he uses the sign for outside and I say "do you want to go outside? (to acknowledge what he is saying) and then if I don't want him to go out I'll say - we can't go outside because we are going to eat dinner. Now I'm not saying this always works and certainly transitions from one activity to another cause some issues. The other thing that people mentioned was the choice issue. Sometimes he might be upset because he wanted a particular cup with fish on it and I gave him the one with the dog on it. He might make the sign for fish and then I realize oh okay you want the fish cup and then he is happy. For a child unable to communicate they have no way of indicating this to you other than getting upset. Again, its not an issue of granting their every whim by any means but if he wants the blue bowl or the green cup and it makes him happy its no bigee to me. One of the best signs I taught him was "help" - sometimes he gets frustrated if something isn't working the way he wants (he wants a lid to go on something that it isn't meant for) - he'll get upset and then I'll ask if he wants help (I don't have to do the sign anymore) and this calms him down and he says yes and then I can help him. Each child has a different temperment so I can understand that people have to utilize different techniques but this is what has really worked for us so far. Good luck!

My 16 month old has been experiencing the "tantrums for anything and nothing" for about a month and a half now. Lucky me, we're going through the terrible twos at 16 months - and it sounds like you are all too. Congrats. LOL.

This is a normal part of child developement that EVERY MOTHER experiences. You suck it up, steel yourself against the shrieks, and leave the room. Your son is pushing the boundaries, and you are the one that needs to set them (or else the temper tantrums will go on forever).
When he does something he know's he is not allowed to do, and throws a tempter tantrum, you must remove him from the situation and put him in a designated "naughty spot". The leave the room, do not reward your child with attention. Explain to him why he is there, and leave it at that. You may have to do this over and over again for weeks - but eventually, the tantrums will stop. My child is particularly stubborn, but some very small fruits of my labor are beginning to show. Take a lesson from the super nanny: set the limits, and be ALWAYS consistant, or the tantrums will continue for years longer than they should. If he throws a tantrum in public or at a restaurant, know that you may have to take him out and leave - I have left a cart half-full of groceries at the store, or had to get the rest of my meal to go at a restaurant. But my child knows that her naughty behavior will not be rewarded with attention - and she begins to learn, and then behaves! Its really amazing what you can accomplish with your child and the behavior if you really just set your mind to it and be consistent about everything.

Dont worry, it WILL get better. Always remember that you are the mommy, you are the one in charge, and dont let your little one take control of the situations. You can discipline in a loving, but firm way.