Low Sex Drive - Houston,TX

See the dr. I had similar issues this fall, and found out I had an infection. Fixed with antibiotics. As for the drive it could be hormone levels. It is not uncommon for them to change after a kiddo, but after 21 months things should be better, although never the same.

Is the pain at the entrance or does it hurt deep? You may want to get checked out by your doctor. You should rule out possibilities of medical problems. I had endometriosis for many years and sex was very painful. After many surgeries, then finally a hysterectomy, the pain is gone! I am not saying you have this particular problem but it could be something medical. I don't think sex should be painful.
My deepest sympathies for the loss of your sister, many congratulations for sweet baby boy and many prayers for everything else to get back to normal!

When did you quit the pill? My experience was that I hated sex, had very painful intercourse, and had no sex drive while I was on the pill. Once I went off of the pill, things changed completely. I still have some pain due to a complication from my last labor/delivery. Any other discomfort is usually due to gas or dryness - those are easily remedied. Stress and emotional issues in your life will completely affect your physical desire, even when the mental desire is there (and vice versa). That's completely normal. As for your husband, what he's feeling is normal too. You prefer him to act out of love and desire to please you in all areas and don't like it as much when he does it out of guilt or duty. But, no matter how he reacts when you initiate, just tell him to shut up and enjoy it. Tell him not to worry about you and that you are doing what you want to. You don't need to get into specifics about exactly why you are doing things, like just to please him. You are doing it because you want to. That's that. He'll get over it and you will start to want to initiate it more after you "fake" it as you said. It's like exercise, sometimes we just have to force ourselves to put out the effort and then we enjoy it and are glad we did. It's getting over that initial hump - ha - no pun intended. Plus, in general, guys want it more than us. That's normal too. So, yes, many times you will be doing it just because you know he wants it. Just don't say it out loud too often.
:-) **Also, it wouldn't hurt to get checked out to rule out anything that could be hindering you.

This is totally normal after a child. The pain indicates a health issue-possibly dryness which is hormonal. Have your OB check your hormone levels.
Then get a sitter for a night and go stay at a motel where you can take your time and not have to worry about the baby.
Your attitude may have changed some after having a baby-find Bible quotes about having sex in marriage to put your perspective back to the fact that you are sexual and not just a mom.

Don't feel bad...you are completely normal! With everything that has gone on in your life, sex is the last thing popping into your mind, and rightly so.

Try speaking to your husband, in a neutral location, about some of your concerns. Let him understand that you WANT to take part, in every sense of the word, with what he has been asking you to do. Get him to understand that you are not doing any of this to please him, that you would like to do all of these things. But he needs to understand what is going on in your mind. The pain can be anatomical (did you tear or have an episiotomy during childbirth?), psychological, or something deep within you that is manifesting this way.

If your pain is from childbirth, go to your doctor and have things checked. There is usually some sort of nerve damage that can cause pain, but that is not always the answer. If it is not something physically wrong with your "girl parts", then maybe you might want to speak to a professional about the problem and see if you are able to work through some of the current issues. I'm not saying you need to seek out a sex counselor but with everything you have had happen as of late, talking to someone about those issues could very easily fix this one. If it doesn't, well, you are still talking to someone that could help quite a bit.

Hang in there, you've got a lot on your plate to deal with and sometimes the hubby has to take a back seat for your health and well being.

I would really think this happens to us all at one time or another. I also think stress and children would play a part. Just try to relax and maybe try to flirt through out the day. Call each other and talk about what you would want to do.... Sometimes just getting out of mommy mode, which I know is way hard to do. If it hurts I would try a lubricant. If it continues, I would talk to your doctor. Maybe he could give you something.

J.,

Don't feel bad this can happen to lots of people. I have experienced it 3 times now after I lost my job, and after all 3 pregnancies. I started selling Pure Romance products because of what one of the consultants did for me. So I will try to do the same for you online. I had trouble with dryness/pain and non interest so here is what she said.

Use some lubricant, this will help with 2 issues. First it will make the sex easier for both of you. You because no matter your interest level you will be moist enough for penitration, him because it will feel good. Also, when sex is painful you are often creating little tears internally and this will cause scar tissue to build up over time and that will make sex less pleasurable and cause you to have less sensitivity. There are several types of lubricant so I can help you pick which is best. Second thing is mood enhansors and I don't mean something you swallow. Pure Romance sells Nympho Niagra and Bosom Buddie. These are designed for you to apply about 10 - 20 minutes before sex and they will help you get into the mood. They both increase your sensitivity and for most individuals they start your juices flowing (so to speak). Sometimes you are so depressed and so stressed that your mind can't migrate away from the situation at hand. You may find that by initiating the romance a few times your sex drive will come back full force.

If you have any questions I will be glad to help. Good luck with everything, I know it can be hard loosing loved ones and my prayers will be with your family.

R.
www.roxannebruce.pureromance.com

I am a mom of 3 babies, 3 years, 21 months and 7 months and the wife of a wonderful Active Duty Army Soldier.

Hi J.,
Since you have a LOT going on it is no wonder that you don't feel responsive. I suggest you see a Naturopathy Doctor. Mine is in Houston and can make suggestions for you to discover the root of your discomfort. I can totally appreciate your grief issue being part of your lack of response. I take a supplement which soothes grief and still allows me to enjoy my husband. Grief showed up as fatigue, or headache, backache, lack of interest. I tried the faking routine. Don't do that. It is untrue to your husband but more importantly is untrue to yourself. Respect what your body is telling you by finding out what that is. You will be back in the swing of things and honestly enjoy yourself again. HTH

talk to your doctor...the pain part - even if it is minor- could be a big inhibitor -even if just on a subconscious level.

Hi J.,
you should definitely tell your dr about the pain. Stress is a big factor in our everday lives and controls alot of our bodies in different ways. Have you tried maybe having a date night either at home or make plans for a night out on the town doing something you both enjoy alone. Maybe getting away for evening and try to leave everything behind for several hours would be more enjoyable and you would get you more more relax and ready for your husband. Also, if you take any medications that can be a factor. Definitely talk to your dr.
I do in home parties for women called Pure Romance. We offer alot of different products to help as well. You are more than welcome to visit my website and if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.
www.kimberlywilkinson.pureromance.com
Good luck, dont let go untreated.

Go see your doctor!!!!!!!! Ignore what you've read online. Pain during sex is NOT psychological. That is such a blame the woman holdover from the past. Yes, you've had a lot of stresses and yes that affects our sex drive and yes sometimes it's good to go ahead and have sex even when you're not totally in the mood. Pain, however, is not normal, it's not mental, and you need to get it checked out.

J.,

Wow, your story is my story. As for the drive...dunno, I think I'd probably give it some time for things to settle down emotionally.

HOWEVER... for the discomfort, I'd try a couple of things. First, I would definately talk to my doctor.

In the mean time... this is also personal, but: I have a slow bowel issue, and stayed consitpated my entire life. I struggled with low back pain, fatigue, pressure, incontinence...and uncomfortable/painful sex. Always.

A couple of years ago I had a hysterectomy and some of the problems resolved themselves, but not the constipation. However, I have recently managed to find some things that really helped in that area and have been pain-free (during sex) for several months. Could the same thing be contributing to your problem?

My solution... believe it or not, an older friend made a comment about too much coffee giving them loose bowels. That got me to thinking and I began experimenting. I found that a cup of coffee and bowl of oatmean in the mornings (just works for me it they are eaten/drunk TOGETHER)does the trick that all sorts of medical therapies didn't do. Whooda thunk... LOL

Good luck!

T.

Hi J.,
I believe you should definitely see your dr. It could be something as simple as hormonal- it could be some form of depression having just lost your sister- it could b something physical that needs correction. Before it goes on too long, just visit your dr and give him/her all the details-- good medical attention and if you need some counseling for a little while- will help you get thru this. It is not uncommon for someone who has just gone thru a loss to experience changes.
Good luck and blessings

See a doctor. Pain during sex is not normal.
I'm sorry to hear about all of the things that you have been going through. Some of it might be in your head, with good reason, but if you try to push past it and you physicaly can't it is probably more serious. Even if it is not, maybe your doctor can help yuo find ways to still enjoy this part of your life safely.
Good luck.