Lost and Don't Know What to Do!!!

J.:

I am sooo sorry you are going through this.

You need to prioritize your life.

I know it's hard but you have to.

First things first
1. Job. If you don't have one - find one. Don't be too proud to take a job at McDonalds or some place else - it's a job and that's what matters. You can make a difference. Go to the unemployment office and see what's out there.

2. Housing. If you cannot afford it - go to your local shelter and ask them for help. If you can't do that - then go to your church and talk with the Priest or Pastor. Many churches have slush funds to help people. You would be surprised to find out what people will do for you - there may be someone in your church who has a job for you, a place for you to live and a car for you to drive! I've seen it happen! God is a GREAT resource!! He can make so many things happen for you!

3. Finances - seek out a financial counselor. You need to be able to keep a budget and learn self-control. It's not easy (you are listening to the former queen of "charge it") but YOU CAN DO IT!!! I know live on a CASH ONLY basis and have no credit card debt. It was not easy and it's not always fun - but it's the responsible thing to do.

4. You need to make YOURSELF a priority. No man should ever be your life. This is MY personal opinion - but if you don't like yourself or love yourself - no one else really will either. You have to be responsible for you - you have to make yourself happy and NOT depend upon someone else to do it for you.

There are hotlines you can call as well -

http://www.allaboutcounseling.com/crisis_hotlines.htm
http://www.oneapopka.com/CommunityServices.html

These are just two of the many I found. Read them and reach out to them - they can help you get on the right path.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! NEVER GIVE UP!!!

Trust in God - pray to Him - He will guide you to where you need to be!

You are going to be fine! In fact, you'll be better, I promise! Do you have any friends/family you can lean on during this time?

I applaud you for keeping it together for your sweet daughter. You can be a great example to her. She is watching your every move. My Mom LOST IT - I MEAN LOST IT when my Dad left. I was 15 though, so I sort of understood things a little more, but the way she was at first kind of haunts me to this day. That being said - she DID come around and picked herself up and came out on the other side better than she was when she was married to my Dad. I respect her so much for what she has accomplished.

You're grieving the loss of your boyfriend. Accept that it is normal to feel lost and alone. Like everything, as time goes by, you'll feel better. Take care of YOU and focus on your future.
Hugs,
M.

I'm sorry you are going through this alone. Where is your family? Do you have a mom or a sister to talk to or to stay with for a while? You said your problems were due to financial reasons. Can you get a job either within walking distance or is there public transportation. If you need help in that way you can get councelling, job training, etc. Try calling unemployment or social services for information.My mom lived in Fla. and they were very helpful. Is your house empty or are you feeling empty.(or both) I'm glad you are keeping yourself together for your daughter, but you need to do it for yourself too. You are going to be ok. Stand on your feet,brush yourself off, and make up your mind to be who you want to be.Hold your head high and take it one step at a time.

This sounds like me about 7 years ago. I have walked in your shoes and it is tough. The best thing I can say is move on and make your daughter your number one focus. She needs you right now. With that said, do not say anything negative about her dad. Pick yourself up and brush yourself off. This is a new day and you will make it through. Time will heal this pain of loss you have. It will take a while but it will get easier. As for the house and money, you will be fine, you will do what you need to and it will work out. Just stay focus. As for the family and only a few friends, I've been there and it is difficult but this is your chance to become independent and stronger. It is a hard lesson to learn but I'm sure you can do this, for the sake of your daughter. Should you need anyone to talk to, feel free to contact me. Keep your chin up and don't give up. This will pass!! :)

I think the best things is, if you can, rely on family - move back in, get back on your feet. We females can be a very powerful force on our own. Remember that you are complete - you and your daughter - even without a man.

Best of luck!

You were a substantial legitimate person prior to living with your SO. You will be that again. You must. You have a daughter who is looking to you to model what a strong competent woman is like every minute of every day.

You WILL get through it. The lonely moments WILL be fewer and fewer. You already know you cannot control your ex's actions, only your own. You will rise above and move on and be proud of yourself for it.

I promise.

Mom, I would move out when you have to and move bk to your parents house if they are good people and will allow it, even if they are far away. Your daughter is who you need to think about , she needs a positive male role model like her Gpa assuming he is a good man. First I would go to court for child support for your daughter. You didnt say if you are working or not, if not try to find a PT job after you get a car. I would get involved in a church too if you are not already and talk to the pastor there for some advice and counseling.You have to stay strong for your child mom. It sounds like you are pretty down but you have to stay strong. You have lots of blessings like your daughter and good health and friends too. Good luck with this and hugs

Is there any type of counseling center you can go to? Many places and churches offer counseling at a greatly reduced fee or free. I think it would really help you to talk to someone one on one about where you are right now and where you want to be. If that's not an option -try it on your own. Sit down and make a list of where you are now -financially, emotionally, as a parent, age -etc. and where you want to be. Next, figure out what has to happen to get you where you want to be. Try not to get mired down in the past. I'm sorry for the end of your relationship, but constantly look to the future instead of getting caught up in the , "If he'd only come back," or "What if we can get back together?" daydreaming. I know that's hard, but you'll be better faster! Are you currently working? Do you have a degree or training in anything? Finding a job could make you feel much better about things if you don't have one. I also think when you go through the closing and get out of that house -that will help you because it will be a fresh start in a new place. Have you made preparations for where you and your daughter are going to move? Start on that now if you haven't! I know all of this seems (and is) really scary, but see if you can find a counseling service or support group or something to help boost you up. Talk to the friends you have there and ask their advice and if they know anywhere you could turn for help. You don't say where your family is, but are you close with them? You may have to rely on them a bit until you get on your feet if that's a possibility. If they're out of state, you'll have to work something out custody-wise with your ex, but you have to do what you have to do! Good luck with everything! Keep your daughter in your mind all the time and know that you'll climb out of this. Remember the Winston Churchill quote - "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Well first of all let this be a lesson to you. You know what you did to help the relationship fail, so do not do that with your next one.
Friends come in very handy in times like these.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. We all know how hard it would be to be homeless.
Get advice from well meaning friends and family, and move on with your life.
Try to stay amicable with your daughters dad.
Make yourself a budget and stick to it.
Maybe if you get yourself back on track your family will be able to mend itself.
Prayers to you for strength and endurance.....

J. - consider attending a DivorceCare ministry. You can go to www.divorcecare.org and find one close to your home plus find out more about the program. I have been involved with it over 10 years at my church and it has been a lifesaver for folks in your situation. Look for one that has a DC4K program for your child. Email me at ____@____.com if I can answer any questions.