Looking for Thoughts on Child Spacing

Updated on March 21, 2008
A.T. asks from Parker, CO
12 answers

I was just curious about moms thoughts on child spacing. Based on your experiences, what do you feel is the best spacing and why?

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So What Happened?

Thanks to everyone for some great feedback!!! I think we will aim for three years apart but I don't think we'll fret anymore. It sounds like any spacing has it's ups and downs and that ultimately it is how you as a family handle it. I appreciate your taking the time to post your thoughts!

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answers from Charleston on

I have three children, with my first two being only 14 months apart, and 10 years between the middle and youngest. I have to say that the first two were so easy together. The third on the other hand is a handful. I would do it again def. Even though the first two were so close together they learned a great deal faster and were best friends. Now that I have my youngest, they love her so much, and seem to be able to enjoy her more than if they were younger.

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answers from Charlotte on

My children are older, so I can speak from a little experience.

I beleive that three years between is just about perfect. My kids are four years apart and two years apart (27-23-21-17). Two years apart and I was transitioning one from diapers and handling a baby. I was worn out. Four years apart and they don't play that much together.

Now that my babies are adults (or close to it), the spacing is still significant. My oldest doesn't have the tight ties to the younger three. The two middle ones are still very competitive. The youngest is like an only child.

No matter what the age difference, the older child will always be a help.

By the way, I tried for a three year difference between my third and fourth child and didn't get preganant when I thought that I would (took 8 months). The best planning doesn't always work.

Good luck with making your choice.




answers from Hickory on

well i have 3 boys and the first 2 are 6 1/2 years apart and the last one is almost 5 years from our middle one. There are ups and downs to spacing them that far apart as to if you only space them 2 years apart. My self i did not want 2 in diapers and wanted the first ones in school. but now i have one at home, 1 in elementary school and 1 in middle school. it is very hard keeping up with their school work at the different ages and now the oldest can't look after the middle because they are seperated. I am only 11 months from my brother and he really helped me in school and we are really close because of the age thing. my personal opinion now is that i should have spaced mine at about 3 years apart.



answers from Savannah on

I'm an only child but my two kiddos are almost 7 yrs apart and I'm quite happy with the space between them. My daughter is old enough to understand that her brother takes a lot of time from me and some things we just can't do because of his age. I don't have to worry about her playing with him in a way that will cause him to get hurt or anything either. And the fact that she is in school allows me to have one on one time with my son and then I can have one on one with her after school while he naps. I also think having a much older sister has caused my son to hit certain milestones soooner too because he watches her and wants to do the same things. When I had my son, I was really shocked of how much baby products have changed over the years too and some things that I really liked using with my daughter I couldn't find. I don't have anything negative yet about their ages so far apart.

Hope this helps you a bit and that you get a lot of opinions to help you make a decision!!




answers from Charlotte on

Hi A.,

My boys are 18 months apart and it was a lot of work at first, but it's great now. They love each other to death and they get along beautifully. I read somewhere that 3 years was supposed to be the optimal spacing between kids.

Good luck!



answers from Norfolk on

My kids will be almost 3 years apart. At first I thought I wanted children spaced two years apart. When my son was around a year, I knew I wasn't ready. We weren't ready to wean. He seemed like such a baby still. So I waited.

Now I'm so glad. He's so full of energy. I don't think I could have kept up with him being more pregnant.



answers from Charleston on

I have 4 kids. The first 3 are each 20 months apart, 4th is 27 months younger. They're now 8, 6, 5 and 2. Looking back, they look like they were all babies at once. It was crazy, hard work. But I am loving their ages right now. Most of them are in similar stages and enjoy the same kinds of things. They all play together well and they are all friends (I know....they're not that old yet). Right now, I'd say closer is overall better.

I am one of 4 also, but more spread out and was/am only really close to the one closest in age to me. Now that we're all older, we're much closer, but it took longer with the 2 that are 4 and 6 years away fom me.



answers from Norfolk on

I had my children almost exactly two years apart. It is hard when they are young but they seem to be able to relate better as they get older. It's a bitter sweet thing when they are this close. They are bestfriends as well as siblings but they also get in lots of trouble together.

The one I'm having now is going to be 4 years away from my youngest and 6 years away from my oldest. I'm not sure how that's going to go down but right now both my kids are loving that mommy is pregnant. When I was pregnant with my youngest, my oldest was clueless. He doens't remember the pregnancy now, so he didn't enjoy it as much. But every day I get belly rubs and kisses. Every day they hug my belly and tell me how much they love their baby sister.

I suppose spacing really isn't as big of a deal as most people make it. It all depends on personal preference. Do you want two babies at once? Or would you like a child to help you with your baby? Either way, I'm pretty sure they are going to love each other.



answers from Charlotte on

We have five children Boys: 12, 7 ,4 ,4 twins Girl: 2
The 12 and 7 yr old are constantly fighting because they are on such different levels, while I have heard this will work out after the 12 yr old is done with his hormonal change! Let's pray that happens soon! :) My 7 and twins get along great while playing. All the boys are wonderful to their sister (only girl), she takes advantage of them and they love her like crazy! So no matter how you space them they always have their days! It really falls back on what Mom & Dad can handle at once! I wish you the best and know with their parents love your kids will be great!!



answers from Jacksonville on

I think the spacing between kids has a lot more to do with when YOU are ready for the next one. No matter what you decide there will be challenges that come with that, but if you and your husband are completely ready for the next child, then thats the perfect time -- no matter how far apart (or close) your children are in age.



answers from Norfolk on

My daughters are 22 monthws apart and I wouldn't have it any other kind of way. Our oldest will be 2 next month and youngest 2 months next month. The oldest was never jealous, it was like her sister was there all along. She gets her diapers, wipes, and yells spit up before I even see it, so she is a lifesaver, plus she gives her sister tons of kisses and hugs. She is in her terrible twos but as soon as her sister is in the room she forgets all about it, its funny. Plus we have tons of stuff from the first baby so we didn't have to start all over, besides that, if I am going to loose sleep I preferablly want to loose it all at once so years down the road I don't have to do it all over again. Its nice since both take naps too.




answers from Myrtle Beach on

I think I read somewhere on Babycenter that the best spacing is to conceive when your youngest child is 18 mo's old. We got lucky and we conceived when our DS was 19 mo's. I think it's going to work well for us. Our DS is sweet, loving, well-adjusted and will be doing half day Pre-K2 classes in August (a month after our baby is due). I think some moms hesitate when their child is 18 mo's- 2ish yrs because that's just when things start to get easier and a sense of independence is gained (for child and parents). We bit the bullet and went for it. I don't think we're going to regret having two children that are a little more than two yrs apart. I think they'll be closer for it than if we had waited. It will be challenging at first but we'll manage.

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