Advice on Spacing Siblings

my first 2 are 5 years apart and my next child is 18 months younger. I like both ways. It's nice to be able to give them more individual attention when they're far apart. It's nice to have them so close and watch them interact and grow up together.

My third child is much more independent than her siblings. (she's only 18 months old). I've heard that's pretty common in a third child.

S.,
There isn't a right or wrong answer. My 2 kids are 16 months apart but my brother and I are 12 months apart. We grew up close together. My best friend is 5 years older than her brother, she has a 13 month old and isn't planning her second for atleast another 2 years. So she says. I think it is more about when it feels right for you then you know it is the right time. I like mine close I was still in the baby mode and now my 21/1yo son is potty trained and a big helper to his little sister. I wouldn't change it for anything.

Working morther of 2 crazy beautiful children and the most wonderful husband any woman or mother could ever ask for.

I have 3 little boys, 7, 5 & 3 1/2. The older 2 are 22 months apart and the younger two are 18 months apart. I love it, they all look alike and are little stair-steps. They have fun together and I know as they grow their interests will be similar because of their close age and vacations and outings will be fun for all of them. It was hard at times when they were really little (3 1/2, 18 mos. & newborn), 2 in diapers is not cheap either. But I've really enjoyed having them this close. Good luck with your decision!
J.

I only have two, not three, but they are a little over 2 years apart, and I really like it. They play together really well now that the younger one is a toddler. You never know how long it will take to concieve, so start trying whenever you feel ready, and see what happens from there!

Hi S.,

I had to chuckle when I ready your question about how far apart to space your kids. I have only one tiny bit of advice. Don't space them 19 yrs apart like I did! (Talk about out of the baby mode!!) Whatever you decide, best of luck!

My first 2 are 22 months apart and I am loving it. They are now almost 2 and almost 4 and are becoming good friends already. OF course the sibling rivalry has started but its fun to watch. We are 17 weeks pg with our 3rd and the 2nd and 3rd will be almost 21/2 years apart. I am working this summer to potty train #2 and hope she'll be trained by October. Great thing about #3 is we have 2 girls and this one, our final, is a BOY!. We would have been just as happy with a girl but its a bonus. I also have heard that 2 is much more difficult to adjust to than 3 so I look forward to that. Whatever you decide, as always its a personal decision and you will adjust however far apart they are.

Spacing siblings is a personal matter, you have already gotten advice on the whole range (close and farther apart). I have 6 kids. They range from as far as 6 yrs apart to as close as 14 months. I actually feel I have 2 families...I have my oldest child in one family and then I have the other 5 in a family because they are all with in 2 yrs or less of the next one (the 6 yrs is between my oldest 2). The hardest part that I have found with raise my large family with them being close together is they all want to do the same things at the same time....so that means I have to have multiples of toys, games etc so that we can all play with it at the same time. The other factor is juggling the needs of all the kids. I have found that the hardest transitions are the ones from being newlweds (or with no kids) to 1 kid then from 1 to 2 children...once you can do 2 then you know how to handle the rest and adding one more is not a big deal. But like I started out, spacing is personal and sometimes the Lord has His hand in it and you don't have a choice (the child comes when they are needed). Good luck and let this be a choice for you and your DH, and then don't let anyone make you second guess what you feel is right for your family.
J.

I say space them to what works for you and your family! I have six children, 17 & 15, 11 & 10, 5 & 4. It seems as though they came in pairs, with a larger break between each two. For me it worked out great as the ones closest in age are each others playmates. I could handle a couple and would need a break. I know others who have had 4 or 5 children in a short period of time and others who space each child 3 years apart.
I also know we find a way to deal with what we get when we get them. I personally didn't plan for any of mine, I just knew I wanted six and I believe they came to me in a way that I could best handle. The important thing is that you and your husband are on the same page with this!

i have 2 boys who will be 5 and 3 when my third baby is born. when the second was born, my oldest was in a hitting stage (it started before the baby was born) and it was very stressful. for several weeks i couldn't even have the baby within his reach. my second son went through a similar stage of fits and hitting at about the same age, but is now past it. so i'm hopeful that this baby won't be a target because he is older and more in control of his emotions. also, it is really nice that my oldest is potty trained and my second only pees occasionally in his pull up. it really makes a difference to only have one kid in diapers at a time-- financially as well as amount of work for mom. but ultimately, i believe that the timing of kids is best when both you and your husband are ready and feel right about it. sometimes prayer helps me decide.

I think that this is a personal issue. You are going to get all kinds of views on how far apart to have children. And lots of different factors play into when you feel really to have another child.(Job security, how good your other children were as babies, your health, how well you handle stress, how you feel your youngest will handle a new baby, ect.) I think that if you feel ready to have another than go for it! but if you are a little unsure than you may want to wait until you and your husband really feel ready. Me personally, i think that 2 years is a good space. My daughter is 17 months and my husband and i have just started to try for #2. But i know some would say that is not a far enough space and others would tell me I waited too long. So again it's what ever you feel comfortable with. So good luck.

My husband and I have been thinking the same thing. I have two girls 4 and 2. They are exactly 2yrs and 3 days apart. Now if we have another they will be closer to 6 and 4 and a part of me thinks that is to far apart but my husband doesnt think so since that is what him and his siblings are. I wish you luck on what ever you decide. Which ever it will be i am sure you guys will make it work. Children adapt, so I wouldnt be to concerned about that.

My two oldest sons are exactly 2 years 3 months apart. It was so much fun to have two but so much work with them being so close in age. Now we have a wonderful baby who will be 1 on Memorial Day. I was very out of baby mode since my baby at the time was 15. I don't recommend waiting that long but 3 or 4 years is such a great age gap. I am the youngest by 10 years and see that my siblings that have 3 or 4 years between them are so much closer then we were until we were all adults. I hope that helps.

I have two boys exactly 4 years apart to the day and am pregnant with my third who will be about 23 months younger than the second. I am nervous about having them this close together since the transition with the first two was so smooth and I think I owe alot of that to my older son's maturity. Everyone warned me that they would be too far apart and wouldn't be friends, but that wasn't the case at all, they are such good buddies!

Hi S.. I think that's awesome that you want to have another one. I have 12 myself and most of them are spaced at about 2 years apart. I have a three year space in there and that was nice, but like you mentioned, it gets you out of the baby mode. So the next time around, I went back to the 2 year spacing. It is just so FUN to have all these kids and when they are closer together like that, I think they can relate to each other a little better too and they become really great friends. My older ones have helped alot and that is always nice when you have a little extra help! Your 4 year old would be an excellent helper I'm sure, with getting diapers and bottles and toys or whatever else, even just sitting with the babies so you can go potty! (that does happen ya know! LOL) Anyway, that's how I have done it-hope it helps you with your decision making!

There's no perfect age difference, it really shouldn't matter whatsoever, so many people make such a big deal about, and really, who cares? It's up to your own preference as to what you feel comfortable with. But looking at the whole picture, see what would work best for you. I personally like my kids 3-4 years apart, it gives them their own lives and dealing with things seperately, especially as they get older, with teenage years, driving and such, you only have to do it one at a time instead of going broke!

In my family, my siblings are spaced far apart and I didn't want that to be the case when I had children. However, it did work out that way. My boys are 4 years apart, then there are 6 years between my middle son and my daughter.

While it is difficult to go back to babyhood and diaper bags when you've been through with it for some time, it is also nice to have so much one-on-one time with each child. I love the way my children interact with each other and are friends with each other. The older children help me a lot with their younger sister.

I think there are challenges with close spacing and with big spacing, it all depends on your temperament and your family and what will work best for you. Looking back, I know I am not the kind of mother that could handle all the kids really close together.

I agree w/ one other mom who says that she feels like she has two families, I have my teens and then my little ones who are under six, the whole spacing thing is really up to you I thought I was done when we had the older 4 but when the youngest of that group was 9 I decided to go for it again, I can say it was a big adjustment, I had been sleeping through the night, letting the kids get themselves up for school etc,.. and then came the night waking, no more sleeping late, and the constant demand, I like them a little spaced in between cause they are little more independent, but have also done the REALLY close togather, my oldest 2 are Irish Twins, only 11 months and 20 odd days apart, and that was challenging, but also nice becuase I was already in the mode! I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, there is only what your heart tells you!

My boys are 2 years apart. Their diaper days only overlapped a little bit. I didn't want to start potty training so soon after adding a baby brother, but big brother wanted to. And how do you say no to that? :)
I thought that my oldest would have been more gentle and loving with a baby at 18 months old. It would have been perfect. But I don't know how I would have liked the rest of having them so close.
Right now, I'm following my mom's advice to not have more than 2 at home all day. My oldest starts kindergarten in a little over a year. My youngest turned 2 last week. I've been antsy for another baby, but I just can't imagine three kids at home all day long! I don't know if I could stay strong enough to not go ahead and get pregnant again if my husband (and marriage)weren't having some issues right now, though. The baby hunger is getting pretty bad!
I guess waiting just a few more months would space your youngest about 2 years apart, and I'm guessing your 4 year old will start kindergarten in Sept/Aug 2009? If you had another in summer 2009, you could get past all the newborn stuff before starting him in school. Sounds like what I would want to do if things were going well in other parts of my life!

I think two years is great. I have a 5 year old boy, a 2.5 year old girl, and a 2 month old baby boy. I love having about two years difference. They are old enough to have some independence, but not so long that you are not used to baby stages. I am planning on having a forth around the time that my baby will be two. Three has not been as hard as a lot of poeple said. It has not changed much in our house. Good luck.

Hi S.-
I only have 2 children but they are 3 years apart to almost the day! I LOVE it. As you probably know, the oldest is potty trained, more helpful, and less dependent on me, and I can give the baby more of my attention like I was able to with the oldest.

Good luck!

My kids are three years apart. That said, I have to add that the second one wasn't really planned. He was totally wanted and I do not regret having him. Both of mine were in diapers for a while at the same time. Hard and expensive.
Now, to your problem. My sister had her first two four years apart and the last two less than three years apart. She's having a harder time, this time because the oldest girl, almost three is very jealous of the baby and there are times when she still wants to be held and rocked and can't be because mommy is with the baby. My BIL is in Irac right now and my sister is getting very tired of being a "single mom". There is just not anyone to help her. I mean she has great friends. Three of which are also new mothers but it's not the same as having a husband around all the time.
Also, my sisters and I were five and five and a half years apart. I get along with my youngest sister, she was like my own baby, I was ten when she was born. We are like best friends. My middle sister and I don't get along very well. We are just too different. That may have happened anyway. She and my youngest sister don't get along either. And the middle sister has lots of her own friends and is a really good person. Just not like me and my youngest sister.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to give the overall picture of our family. Good luck with your decision!!!

Hi S.!

I have three children and there are less than two years between them. The third's a charm!!! I loved having them close together when they were young and I still do during the teenage years. They have more in common with each other and you aren't dealing with an infant while your oldest is dealing with middle school, etc.

L.

My children are 21-months apart and even though it was challenging at times with an infant and toddler, the thing I liked was that I was still in baby-mode. I was ready and prepared for all the work that a baby entails because it hadn't been that long since dealing with one. It was a lot easier the second time, too. The oldest one still napped so I got "me time" every day.

I would think if you want to add one, maybe sooner rather than later would be good. You'd still have your older son who could do A LOT to help you and help with your middle child. But then again, I don't have three children, so I can't say much about how much more work it is or if it's not that much more.

Anyway, I liked having my children close together. It worked well for me.