Libido Problems

Sweetheart, you're stressed and you just lost your mom! Cut yourself some slack here. Have an extensive heart-to-heart with your man. He may need to be made to understand a little bit better. And both of you need to give yourself a little time to recover from some life-changing events. Nurse, work on your home, love on your babies, and get some rest and refreshment for YOU.

And maybe give your guy some different kinds of love - write him a note of appreciation for being a great provider, make him his favorite breakfast on one of his days off, etc. Let him know that the fact that the two of you aren't on the same physical wavelength these days doesn't diminish your love for him.

I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with so much loss and stress right now, D.. Take care of yourself!

All my best to your family ~
R.

If you are breast nursing the hormones produced during nursing do suppress libido. Other cultures besides ours are very aware of this and do not expect women to feel as they did before. Your husband can not change this chemical/biological fact any more than you can.
Pill popping is probably not the answer while breast feeding...as stuff gets into the milk. Your Ob may have some prescription available, but will they tell you the side effects? Remember that this state you are in (maybe your OB could run your blood hormone levels to be sure) is normal...not a real medical problem to be fixed. You will be making an artificial alteration if you take anything.
Other Choices:
You can stop breast feeding.
You both could try some more help around the house or with the kids so you are not so tired.
You can psych yourself up for intimacy so that you don't show so much of the unspoken resistance.
You both can accept the situation and make some compromises.
You could give husband the freedom to find satisfaction elsewhere, or by himself. ( most Americans just scream at this one..but it honestly has to be mentioned. Question..what would your husband do if you were very ill or away for a long time?)
This will pass...as breastfeeding decreases/stops...you will feel as you did before. A stage of life to be lived. Good luck...and courage.

Sorry to hear of your loss. I completely understand the no sex drive! My libido was non-existent after having my first son. It was partly due to pain from a small tear but mostly from breastfeeding. Same with my second. But it didn't come back. I saw my PCP and we decided to try a very small dose of anti-depressant to help with stress and mood swings from my now abnormal cycle. It has really helped, I now have a drive again. Now I don't think you can take any while your bf, but if you still have problems when you are done it may be an option. But I would talk to your OB or PCP about it. There might be something safe to take while bf, maybe even just an estrogen cream since it wouldn't be going through your whole body. Your body purposely reduces your drive while you are bf so that you will be able to focus all your love and care on the baby giving it the best chance for survival rather than getting pregnant again. It's nature's way ensuring the health of your baby. It's hard for our dh to understand that, but by the end of the day you are "touched out", you don't need anymore affection. So unless he wants to help takeover household chores and care of the children, he'll have to deal with what you can give him or (sorry to be crude) take care of himself. Besides, the stress of losing your mother has to be weighing heavily on you. It'll take awhile before things will get back to normal.

Hi there
I think this is something most women struggle with at least once in thier life time. I would suggest trying to find help so you can get out and do your own thing once in a while and also make date nights a regular thing so you don't loose that "something" that brought you two together. About love making maybe try and spice it up or have him help make it more romantic and about the two of you. Good luck and you are going to do great!!
A.
p.s. check out my website for some helpful hints
www.romance2nite.com

I remember well the days of the demands of being a stay-at-home mom of two little ones. It is physically and emotionally exhausting, but remember how much fun it was to have those romantic evenings before kids? You need to plan those even with kids. (You may have to get creative.) Your children are a major focus on your life right now (great!) but your marriage must be something to fight for. There are too many people who let it go without even realizing it. Start by imagining a very romantic evening. Picture what your husband would love you to wear. Then plan a fun night with candles, whip cream or whatever. Then think about it throughout the day. It will change your mind about how tired you are. You do that a few times and you won't believe how much more helpful your husband will be around the house. He will start looking for ways to return the favor.

I had the same problem with my libido while I was breastfeeding my younger son. All day long I had these 2 little boys clinging to, climbing on, or just needing me. It can be taxing. Then add breastfeeding on top of that and you begin to feel like your body isn't yours anymore. My husband used to get offended when he'd come home from work and want to cuddle but all I wanted to do was leave the room for a while to clear my head and not be touched by anyone. After the kids were asleep, he'd try to coax me into wanting sex but I just couldn't get into it. Like you, I never flat out refused, but I just felt no desire whatsoever which in turn frustrated him. I breastfed for a year so you can imagine how bummed my husband must have been!

Once I weaned the baby, my libido came back full-force and we became much more active in the bedroom. I think it helped that once I was done with breastfeeding, I was able to lose weight a lot more easily which helped my body image. (I was not one of the lucky women that breastfeeding helped to lose the baby weight.) It has also helped tremendously that I make a conscious effort to get in a little exercise a few mornings a week. Even though it means I have to get up an hour before my kids, just 30 minutes of brisk walking on the treadmill and some ab crunches boost my energy and I feel better about myself.

You need and DESERVE a break at least once a week. I think men tend to misunderstand what it means to be a stay-at-home mom. Yes, we can choose not to wear makeup or wear pj's all day, but it's not like we sit around on the couch eating chocolate and watching soap operas all day. Raising children is work. If you get some time to relax, you may be more apt to want attention from your husband. Ask him to watch the girls while you take an afternoon to yourself to do whatever you want. At first it might feel strange to leave the house without kids in tow, but there's also a sense of freedom. I've found that getting a pedicure while reading a magazine is very relaxing. Maybe meet with a friend for a lunch date and some good conversation. Maybe you could shop for a few new clothing items or undergarments that make you feel good about yourself and the way you look. Sometimes, it's nice just to go to the grocery store by myself! Just know that you're not alone and things will get better. Explain to your husband why you're feeling this way and try not to get down on yourself about the situation. Hopefully he'll understand and respect your needs. I hope this helps. :)