Leaving Daughter @ Daycare

I went through the same thing with my daughter when she started preschool at 3. For the first 2 weeks she flipped out when I left in the morning, but by the time I came back to get her in the afternoon the tables were turned and she didn't want to leave school to go home! Within a few weeks she caught on to the routine and we didn't have any problems with drop off or pick up. Your daughter may take a little longer to acclimate since she only attends the program for 3 hours a week, but rest assured this is a problem all daycare programs are familiar with handling, and if she doesn't adjust normally the people running the program will let you know. Most kids only cry for a few minutes and the benefits of socializing them with other kids far outweigh the stress of mommy leaving.

You should know that she probably stops crying about 2 minutes after you leave. I went through the same thing with my son this summer. I actually stayed at camp for several days, then a friend said...what happens if you leave? I said that he would cry.....but for how long? Yes it was hard, but he got over it and then loved camp.

I don't believe in sneaking out. They will notice and then get very upset. I would tell her in the morning that you are going to take her and then you (or grandma) will pick her up. We repetaed, "Mommy always comes back" about a thousand times. Get her involved, only stay a few minutes, hug and kiss her, and leave. They will call if they need you or you can call if you want to check in.

Don't feel bad about this. I am sure as soon as you left, it only took a couple minutes and she was playing again. I am sure that your daughter got over it quick and she is having a fabulous time with her new friends. Many Moms have done this before and your daughter is not going to remember this one time as long as you don't continue doing this. In the future, always say good-bye to her. Even if she crys, it is always better to let children know you are leaving and that you will come back. It is so hard sometimes to hear them cry, but eventually, they get through this phase. I went through this almost every day when my son was 18-24 months. I would actually sit outside the room when I left and wait until he stopped crying. It got down to like 5 seconds and then eventually he stopped remembering that he had to cry. He stopped crying around 2 and he is 4 now and looks forward to going to school every day. I am a firm believer that early socialization is a good thing, so keep sending her even if she crys. She will learn each day that you will come back. Good Luck!!

Having had a velcro child myself, I feel your pain. I have also been a nursery worker, and had to console children who were missing their moms. The best strategy is to get them busy in an activity to get their minds on something besides missing their mom or whoever.
I can also recommend playing pretend with a doll ahead of time. She can be the mom who has to leave her baby for a fun playtime at preschool. You can be the teacher - so she will see that teachers are good people like you.
She will likely stop crying in a couple of minutes. If she doesn't, trust me, the workers are going to call you to come get her.

You are doing the right thing by giving her this chance at being in a group with her peers.

Hello L.,

Please don't be so h*** o* yourself, you'd be a horrible mother had you dropped her off and you not cry or feel horrible. Its being a mom and leaving our child in an unfamiliar place and hoping they'll be ok and know you love them. But you did the right thing by not going back in, had you done that she would more than likely think you were going to take her with you. When you pick her up today she'll know that you love her and that you didn't just leave her there. Every morning when I drop my boy off at daycare I tell him I will see him after work so he has that assurance I will come back to get him. It takes getting use to for both of you. I hope this has helped.

Best of luck!
Katrina

Hi L.,

I understand what you are going through. As moms, our first and greatest desire is to insure that our children are happy and not hurt in any way. I think you are doing a good thing for your daughter, in that she is getting so social interaction and starting to learn skills that will serve her really well when she starts her schooling. She will also have a lot of fun!

I have been on both sides, as the mom and the teacher, and this is what I found was the best thing to do:

When you wake her up and get her ready, tell her where she gets to go today. Be positive and upbeat. She will sense your confidence and will be put at ease.

Take her in and find an activity for her.

Tell her you are leaving but Grammy (or whoever gets her) will pick her up.

Kiss her, hug her, then leave. Don't linger, don't lose your positive attitude. Don't lose your smile. If you linger or fall apart in front of her she will think that you are either staying with her, or afraid to leave her and she will become afraid.

Whatever you do, don't go back in. She will think you are coming to get her and be even more upset when you leave a second time. You did the right thing by not going back in.

It may take a few times, but I promis this WILL get better and she will end up looking forward to going. I know it is hard to leave them when we know they are sad, but it is usually short lived and you can make arrangements for them to call you if she is still upset 30 minutes later.

Hope this helps

Awh L.. I feel for you. I agree though that she probably stopped crying soon after you left. My 3 year old does better if my husband takes her to daycare instead of me, and it's easier for me too! I would suggest that you say goodbye to her instead of sneaking out, but don't go back after you say goodbye or she'll see that as a way to manipulate you into getting what she wants. If you sneak out she may start to feel afraid everytime she can't see you that you've left, and you don't want that either. I'm sure it will all work out. Hang in there!

Yeah, she probably quit crying two minutes after you left, but I know your heart was breaking!! :)

When I leave my daughters at daycare, I've found it best to have some sort of "good bye" routine. When the oldest was at kindercare, I'd leave when they were all having breakfast. Now (they're at the neighbor's), I'll tell them, "Okay, Mommy has to go." My oldest wants a hug and kiss, and usually some combination of the 3 of us race to the door for hugs and kisses, and I'll pass off the 2 year old to the sitter, and tell them both, "I love you, I'll see you soon!" and blow kisses. They do the same. My oldest says, "See you at 4!" even though it's usually 5 when we pick them up.

It might help her to bring a buddy with her too. My oldest has two purple bears - her buddies - who accompany her everywhere.

Lately though, we let her draw a heart on our hands, and everybody kisses it, and then we're allowed to leave.

For what it's worth...

You are doing just fine. My daughter is 7 and in the 2nd grade and I teared up on her first day of 2nd grade because she was nervous and scared and upset and I felt bad because I had to leave her to deal with it on her own...now imagine how I was the first time I left her at daycare.

You can call the daycare just to see how she is doing. Most likely they will tell you that she is playing and having a great time...and this is most likely also the truth.

If nothing else the phone call may just put your heart at ease. I would say that it gets easier to leave our children when they are upset but seriously I don't think it does...I think that is just one of the downfalls of being a good parent. :o)

Good luck!!!