Learning to Hit from Daycare- What Should I Do?

My sons have been in daycare since they were three months old. All kids see what other kids do, and some (most) I feel bring it home and try it where they are most comfortable. So, I think it is a little of both. My child comes home with new behaviors, he tries them and sees what happens, but that is when we decide if it is appropriate or not. But just think what they will see and learn at school!

First, I want to say whether you choose to work or you have to work, you are still a good mom. The fact that you show concern for your child's behavior says that loud and clear.

My son did a very similar thing. My advice would be to use whatever punishment you have decided on and let your child know that it is unacceptable behavior. With our son, we explained to him that hitting, biting, kicking, and pushing are not okay and they are automatic "corner" offenses. With most things, we give him a warning, but we crack down on those offenses. Once we knew he understood, he would immediately go in the corner for 1 1/2 minutes at that age if we caught him doing any of those things.
To answer your question, I think its a stage that all kids go through at some point (since most all kids go to school). I think daycare kids tend to go through them sooner then kids who don't b/c they are exposed to it sooner.

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Oh gosh...I remember those sorts of tots from the daycare/preschool I worked at. I like the suggestion that you stay on top of it with the teachers. There was one little boy that eventually received so many complaints from parents that he was removed from the school. It had gotten to the point that he really was hurting the other children and it was just too much. It was not a nice situation and the parents of the boy were understandably defensive and angry, but hopefully it helped open their eyes a bit. The teachers did the best they could with the situation in the classroom, but in the end it came down to the amount of concern and attention the other parents gave to the situation. That's so awesome there's a webcam in the room. Still, just take strides at home to teach him the right things...use timeouts without a 2nd or 3rd chance. One thing I learned was that warnings just slow down progress and make things harder for everyone. Good luck!

I agree with Jenna. After watching my oldest son go through these stages, it has a lot to do with learning from other children. And there is a little independence sneaking in there too. My oldest was so sweet, so quick to share, so eager to please those around him, was always happy and cheerful and soooo trusting. No so after being around other boys and girls his age, unfortunately. He's still a very happy boy, and loves to be around others, but he's learned to not be so trusting, and frankly, to be selfish and a bit of a bully himself. Now that he has a little brother, it really shows at home. So I've been working with him consistantly and he is doing better all the time. This is such a hard thing to deal with! We don't want our perfect little ones to turn into bullies, but we don't want them to be the bullied either! GOOD LUCK!

I completely agree with Michelle W. When moms stay home with their children, it is a much calmer environment where the kids don't have to contend with each other for toys, attention, etc. I suspect your child's recent behavior would stop within the first week of being cared for at home by his loving mommy. I suggest working out a budget that you and your family could live on, hand it to your husband and give two weeks notice at your job. When you leave your son in the hands of others to raise and discipline daily, there is too much "parenting" from other influences, and I'm sure that gets confusing to your son. I bet he would rather be home anyway. Just a thought.

I have a home daycare, and have three boys of my own, 4, 2.5, and 8months. It is amazing how much children learn from eachother.

I would definitely tell the teacher your concerns so they know there is a problem and you care. They might not even know there are parents paying attention to the webcam and it might improve their care! If they know there is a problem, they can do something about it. They might keep a better eye on the twins or work with them to change.

Be consistent with your child. Tell him hitting hurts, and don't let him have his way if that is what he is trying to do to get things. When he sees it doesn't work for him, he should stop doing it.

Part of it is probably a communication thing.. 18 month olds definitely don't have the greatest communications skills yet, and he's trying to get his point across, but he probably picking up some of it from frustrations at daycare too. Work with him to improve his communication, remain calm, respond to his needs without spoiling, and good luck!

Like Jenna, I also run an in home daycare and the bully here is mine. Which breaks my heart. He is a very sweet boy and a few months ago started hitting and bitting. I do not really know where he learned it and I think it may just be sometime he started to do on his own. We have decided that the problem is that he knows when in doubt hitting will always get you want you want, so we have been working very h*** o* giving him other methods to solve his problems. I would say that some of the problem is independence and not knowing how to express himself and some of the problem is the bad example from the other boys.

My advice for the daycare would be - talk to the provider. They are responsible for all the child and what they are learning while in their care. If the boys continue to be a problem that the daycare will not/cannot fix. Find another daycare.
As for your son at home right now. Just be patient and consistence. I used timeouts and after 3 timeouts he was just not allowed to play with the other kids or me until he was ready to be nice. Sending him to play alone made the biggest impact on him and now all I have to do is ask "if he needs to be alone" and he immediately changes his behavior. I noticed that he was especially mean when he was tired, so I paid more attention to his nap schedule. It took a few months but it did pay off and he is back to being a very sweet little boy again.

First deal with your child. As soon as he hits remove him from the situation, put him in time out and say "We do not hit"-That is it. Leave him for 2 minutes. If he gets up put him back and say "you are in timeout for hitting". You can't give him warnings--the more warning you give the more times he is getting away with it. The reality is it doesn't matter where he learned the behavior from--he has to know that you are not going to tolerate it at all. He will figure out that even though other children are allowed to do it, and even though other adults allow it, YOU do not.

Secondly, tell the teachers you are extremely concerned about the behavior of the other boys. It is your business since your child is there as well. Ask them point blank "What are you doing to address the behavior issue, and what is being done to ensure it does not continue? I am not comfortable with seeing them treat the other children this way."

Be aware as well that at 18 months it is not unusual for a child to begin asserting their independence, but you as a parent need to guide the WAY they do so. He is taking the cues from around him in how he does so, and you can tell him which of those cues are ok and not ok to follow.

Can you switch to another daycare center? I would! I have worked in several different daycare settings over the years, and I think the problem your son is having with agression is most probably a result of his exposure to the twins. Children learn behavior from other children, and unfortunately, some behaviors that are picked up from other kids are not desirable. My daughter has learned a few unsavory things at preschool from other children, but nothing serious. However, I think agressive beahvior, like the hitting your son has started with, should be nipped in the bud, and if you can move your son to another daycare with gentler children, I would! By the way, I think it is awesome that they have a webcam--I haven't seen one of those in an place I have visited or worked in. That is great! I wish my daughter's preschool had one!

If at all possible, get your little one out of daycare and stay home to take care of him. It's the best thing for him. Studies have shown children in daycare are much more aggressive.