My 6yo daughter frequently tells me something about one of the boys at school and then says "I love him." It is rarely the same boy twice, and I doubt there is anything special about these "relationships," it's just that I'm not comfortable with her using a phrase that she doesn't really understand. So how do I convince her she's using a word wrong when there really isn't a good definition for the word to begin with?
I'm adding here a response I wrote to Kelly, because it really does clarify my question:
"I do want my kids to love people, but my daughter says it in the sense that she wants to marry them. I don't really want her to think she can marry a different boy every couple of days, you know? I guess I'm trying to figure out if there's a way at her age she can learn the difference.
"I've asked her what it means to her and pointed out that she's being awfully fickle, but she just blows it off. It's not that there's anything "wrong" with it, just that it's not quite "right"."
My daughter will also say this about someone she just met and talked to for a couple of minutes at a basketball game, and I think it's wonderful that she's so friendly! She will not believe you have to know someone better to love them, and it definitely doesn't depend on whether they are nice to her or not, which is the part that does worry me a little. I'm not sure I want her to even like people who are mean to her.
I would try and explain what love is...
I use to kiss every boy in my K classroom everyday, they were all my boyfriends. It was only out of hand like that in kindergarten I slowed down in first grade and was normal by 2nd grade. It was a phase for me.
I can see how she tosses the word "love" around. Grown-ups do it all the time: "Oh, I love that song!"; "I love Chinese food!"; "Don't you just love these shoes!"; "I love my new car!".
Seriously--sit and keep track of how many times you hear or see the word "love" in one day.
Your daughter doesn't understand "love", but adults use words they don't understand--or don't understand fully-- all the time.
If this were my kid, I would ignore it for now. She is awfully young and probably just starting to get in on the boy/girl dynamics. I highly doubt she will be using this word next year. She's not capable of fully understanding love, and she's also not capable of fully understanding marriage, for that matter, either. I have heard young children say they want to marry their mommy or their daddy, because they love them. She is just starting to grasp this stuff--she will understand it more in her own time. Let her be a silly 6 year old.
Hi R.
I dont have any really good advice. When my daughter would do this I would say oh you like so&so and she would say ya she just need another word than love and to be remined to use it. Good Luck :)T.
My kids are telling me all the time that they love someone in their kindergarten class. I try to take them seriously (more or less) but I do coach them on what love really is. One time I went through all the people we know and asked them if they loved them...like "do you love grandma?" Do you love Aunt So-n-SO" then I moved onto people further out in the social circle like the neigbors "Do you love "billy" next door" No, but we LIKE him dont we? Just to try and get them to see/feel the difference between love and like. Good luck!
I teach my children to love everybody...
What's so wrong with her loving her classmates?
I would be concerned if she was telling you she was "in love" with other children, but I think because feelings of love are so relative and personal, I would let her use it to express her feelings.
I wouldn't be so quick to judge whether she understands what love is. Maybe her definition just isn't the same as yours.
R.,
I've gone *still going* through this with my son & daughter! I listen to their drama from the day and then ask what love means to them (or what being a boyfriend or girlfriend is) - my 7 yr old son told me it's when you like each other, are nice to each other and do fun things together. That means they're meant to be, too - if you take it with a grain of salt it's easier to deal with. My son's always in love iwth everyone - they're just trying to express how "big" their feelings are. When he says he loves someone he just met I'll ask what's their last name, where do they live, work, go to school, etc - that usually points out that we don't know that person well enough to "love" them but we sure do like them and want to get to know them better.
Hope this helps!
My mom's favorite story to tell people is how I was in love with a boy in kindergarten, so much that I told her I couldn't sleep at night! I also went through this with my daughter, and well things are a little different. Kids are exposed to way more now then back then. When my daughter would say she loved someone, I would say, love is a very big word. I wanted to emphasize that it wasn't something one just says about anybody. But, otherwise I would listen and as time progresses fill her in where I need to. I think it is important that we don't dismiss a child when they are expressing what they think is their feelings, so as time goes on and there is more going on (which happens tooo soon) they feel they can mention anything to us and not be dismissed or lectured, but guided.
Good luck!
PS my three year old son now has a tendency to say that he loves our waitresses when they talk to him! He will say I love that cooking girl.
