Kids FIGHTING over Toys!

I am in the same boat- I have a 9 yr old son and a 4 year old daughter- I was at my wits ends with the same situation. they fight constantly over toys. I have recently put an end to it. really it was simple- I learned it off watching the super Nanny.
I sat them both down and in terms they could both understand I made the rule that fighting over toys was off limits and if they fight over a toys anymore they would go to the naughty chair. Well my son was horrified being 9 and having to go to the naughty chair and my daughter follows his steps so she hated it too! The first day they were constantly in the naughty chair and soon it became less and less and now they have stopped fighting over toys!!!

it works! try it!

T.

Hey Stephanie. If you figure this one out, let me know. I have a 10 year old daughter that is the exact same way with her 2 & 3 year old sisters. And I have 3 month old twin boys in the mix also. I have yet to find a way to get them to quit fighting so much. My 2 & 3 year olds share pretty good when my 10 year old is not here. I'm afraid of instead of her getting better about sharing, she's gonna teach them to be the same way as her. I wonder if it has anything to do with them being the first & only child for so long.

I would advise buying him his own stuffed animals. Looks like she has a lot of respect for her toys (awesome trait). I have a sis. that is 7yrs. younger and I totally understand where your little girl is coming from. I am not recommending not teaching them to share, but value is very hard to teach and sounds like your little girl's got it!! I suggest buying them a few things together...take them to the store and get them a game for both, just don't store it either of their rooms...try a closet that's within both of their reach...good luck

The best invention in the world may help this situation...baby gate!!! Give your daughter an hour to play by herself with her toys and then have her play with her little brother for a little while (30 mins). The most important thing is that she doesn't feel like you are ALWAYS taking his side. It is hard enough that after 5 years she is having to share mommy and daddy with a new baby. My kids were the same way at first but once I got the baby gate and gave my oldest son time to play by himself, he was so much better at sharing with baby brother. Also let her pick one or two things that baby brother does not get to mess with.

I hope this helps.....I know it did for me.

Hi Stephanie!
Your situation sounds so familiar. I have a 3 year old son, as well as an 8 year old son & a 10 year old daughter. The fighting is ~ unfortunately ~ normal.
We originally tried 'making' the older children allow their little brother in their rooms, but the fact is that he IS rough & he DID break their toys. It just seemed unfair to them & was NOT helping them to feel closer to him ... just more anger & resentment.
We now have the 8 & 10 year old spend a little time each evening in the 3 year old's room. They play w/him w/HIS toys. Some evenings, they bring one of THEIR toys in that they know he can't break (a stuffed animal ~ tell her it can 'take a bath' if it gets dirty or "boogers on it" ~ or little toy soldiers ~ etc.).
Having the toys in HIS room seems to calm our 3 year old. NOT being in their rooms seems to make the older two children more willing to play & relax b/c they aren't worried a/b what their little brother is touching & can relax & focus on PLAYING with him.
A few times a week, the 3 year old DOES end up in the older chldren's rooms; however, it almost always ends up badly b/c he starts out calm, but becomes destructive ... I don't know if it's the overstimulus of their toys that are new to him or frustration of them hovering over him ... but they DO let him in their rooms, only to kick him out shortly.
Try having your 8 year old go into HIS room ... see if they can play on HIS turf ... then have her bring in a toy to share ... then ~ eventually ~ have her start letting him into HER room.
They DO have to learn to share ... but I don't think that forcing them to watch a younger sibling destroy things that are precious to them teaches them the importance of sharing ... & it definitely doesn't help them become closer.
He's a baby brother ... so this process takes baby steps.
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!

My children are 4 years apart (two girls, 6 & 2), and I know it can be difficult. Sharing is a learned skill, and it is not easy, especially since your oldest is used to having everything to herself.
This is what worked in our house: There are a few items that just belong to my oldest (breakables, treasures, etc), but all the rest are for everyone to enjoy. This means that if the kids are fighting over a toy, the toy goes to "time out". It may mean that all of her toys go to "time out" until she realizes that she will lose her precious possessions if she doesn't learn to get along with her brother. I know this seems harsh, but she needs to learn this life skill now, as it is an important one as she grows up with peers, etc.
I would just sit them down, explain the new rule, with the understanding that there are consequences for behavior that is unloving. Then, set a plan in place, and do not waiver... EVER.
You are the parent, and a child should not run your household or dictate the spirit of your home. Your home should be a santuary for your entire family.

The Nanny show had a similar thing on a month or so ago with a family- a range of boys between ages ~12-3 or 2. They really disrespected each other all the time and hurt each other. Nanny Jo had the boys each give one of their prized toys to another brother to take care of and keep safe. I think it was for about 3 days or a week. It seemed to work out well and the brothers learned to trust each other. She also had the whole family work on a treasure hunt or obstacle course together outside which helped unite the family because they were working together on one thing.

I also saw the musical group Undue Favor the other night. The sisters that sing- one said her mother made them sit on a step and hug cheek to cheek until they stopped bickering and made up. She said it was really hard to stay mad at someone when you are hugging them cheek to cheek.

Good luck!

From her perspective she probably gave up a lot when he came into the world- Just like if your husband brought in a new wife and told you to share the kitchen and your clothes- I am not seriously suggesting polygamy- but I have heard of this analogy before and it makes sense. She may not want to be the "big girl" or "the bigger sister" so using those phrases backfires in a sense. She may -need- to know she will still be your baby- until she is developmentally ready to grow up and move to the next stage of independance.

I just wanted you to know that your not alone with this issue. I to have the same issues with my three kids. I don't have advice, but I do understand what your going through.

My boys are almost 3 and 15 months. I love playing with them and I also love teaching them. We tell the 3 year old the same thing that we have to teach the baby how to share. When they keep on taking and throwing and fighting over a toy, ALL the toys go up and then there is NOTHING to fight over. We do not tolerate fighting with the two of them.