I'm having serious problems with my 16 yr old son. He is disrepectful, talks ugly to me and when I call him on his behavior he acts likes its my problem. I have tried several different ways to handle him sometimes they work sometimes not. I'm just at my wits end. If anyone out there is having the same problems I would sure like to know that I'm not alone.
Hi everybody I thank ya'll so much for all the advice. I'm so glad to find that I'm not alone. My son and I have talked things are good for awhile at least. I think he just needs to understand that I'm his mother and I diserve no I demmand his respect. He wants to be treated like a young adult but his actions are of anything but. He acts and then he thinks he lets his emotions get the best of him. But in all honestly he has gotten better in the last 1yr. He also has to realize I have only his best interests at heart. He is not much of a talker but he is getting better I'm not really giving him much of a choice. I know alot of you had some questions I will try to answer some of them.
Yes, his father is in the picture he is the man I'm married too. His dad and I do present a united front we are a team in all things. It just seems that he thinks he can get away with this with me because he is big than me. My husband wasn't here when this problem occured so I dealt with it. He can't always fight my battles for me and my kids need to know that I can handle them by myself even if I'am smaller. Thanks again
Hi there T.,
I also have a sixteen year old son with the same attitude. I am always trying to make things better but most of the time nothing seems to work. My husband tells me this is just normal teenage behavior but it is really hard sometimes as a mom. I just relocated here from Utah and don't really know anyone. I am hoping to make some friends and people I can talk to. N.
Church, Therapy, taking away any special activities..like sports or going to different places, taking away privilages, there's many things you could do. Does he talk to you? does he have someone who he talks to and can relate to? There's many ways of handling it, but without knowing all details its hard to recommand things. You could set up a rewards program, and get him enticed in getting to do a special goal, or that he'll know right off the bat he's not allowed in going somewhere or doing something. Many ways of dealing with it.
hi my name is L. i know how you feel my son is 17 and every time i say something to him he blows up especially about his attitude and mouth grounding doesnt work because he says its my fault he is the way he is then blames me that he doesnt see his dad we are divorced and i have been remarried for almost 10 years i also have a daughter who has caused some problems along the way but nothing real serious she doesnt talk back to me he does that enough for both of them he his bipolar and has adhd but has meds to cotrol this but then the teenager kicks in and he yells at me gets snotty stomps off bangs doors then kisses butt later until his next episode his father signed off his rights to him and he blames me but the thing is he has a new family and wants it this way i dont blame him for being mad but why take it out on the parent who stayed.if ya wanna talk im here for you..L.
You are not alone I have a 17 year old boy his mouth is about to be tape shut. Just kidding i would like to at times at this age.My child thinks he is it. I call it the teenage attitude but i hold over him his drivers licence. This sounds mean but treat him the way he treats you. Dont talk to him!!!!!!!! that works for my kid.Dont let him know his attitude is bothering you. Good Luck.
Let me start by saying, DON'T GIVE UP. I have a 16 year old son and believe me, he is just now getting the picture of doing his homework, studying for tests, and taking responsibility for his own actions. My suggestions, when we bought my son a red camero for his 16th birthday months before his birthday, we told him he has to prove to us he is worthy of having it. Well, he already had gotten suspended from school that year alone by then 12 times and we tried using reverse psycology on him by having him see the car everyday and maybe his behavior would change. (this was going to be the first b-day party in 3 years because of behavior) Well, the day before his birthday low and behold, he got suspended for the 13th time that year. (his b-day is in April) Anyway, we said that was it. We sold the car and he didn't have his blow-out party that I had been planning for about a year and half. He also saw someone driving the sports car that was supposed to his and freaked out. I guess that was the straw that broke the camel's back because we have no kind of bad behavior, bad attitude, or actions out of him since. This school year he is studying like never before and passing all his classes with flying colors. The best part is, we haven't received one phone call home about. Now, I said all that to say this, don't fear what you help create and what you take of. Take things from him and don't do certain things for him. Like wash his clothes, BUY him clothes, presents for Christmas or b-days, I mean be MEAN and strict. And no matter if you have to go into the car or down the street, don't let him see you sweat (don't give him the satisfaction of letting him see you upset about what he does). If he thinks mom no longer cares, then he will snap into reality real quick. No child wants to think their parents don't care. Try some of these techniques and let me know how they go. Good luck, I am feeling and praying for you. JUST DON'T GIVE UP! SHOW YOU ARE STRONGER AND IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL.
T. - Ditto on my son. I have been thru this with 4 girls. I think the more stubborn they are by nature - the harder time you have with them. The Drivers Liscense is a good wedge to use. My DS wants his, but he continues to do things that will prevent that from happening. He can not see past today. We typically have to give immediate discipline. These are the worst years by far!
BTW - I have a daughter named T..
OMG!!!!!! I thought you were talking about my daughter! I think it is the age. Really....I have a 21 yr old son that I went thru that with (lucky since he has been on his own he is a gentleman) and now I have a 17 yr old and a 16 yr old that is acting the same way...My son I got him into the Marine Cadets located in Lapeer. The ride is long but it is worth it in the end. My girls I send them to March Walker on Miller Rd upstairs of the B-95 building, she is WONDERFUL!!!! Most kids outgrow this stage but the few are from parents who turn their backs, you sound like your a wonderful mother so I am positive something wonderful will come to you.
I dont know about boys, but I definately know about girls. I have a 15 yr old daughter and it seems to be getting worse by the day. She sees a therapist on a regular basis. The therapist mentioned that sleep plays a big part in their attitude. After she mentioned that I paid closer attention, she did have a better attitude when she got more sleep, also when she ate regular meals. Please know you are definately NOT alone. I am not looking forward to going thru this again. I also have 4 yr old boy boy girl triplets. What fun!! lol
T.,
You don't give enough background information to know how serious this problem is or make suggestions as to how to handle it. Is this totally out of character for your son? What kind of kid has he been up until now? Is this an abrupt change? How is he doing in school? Are you able to talk about anything? Some rebellion is normal, talking disrespectfully to parents is not acceptable. Is your husband his father? If so, what is his take on this? Are you a united front? What kind of friends does your son have? Do you know them? Has he changed friends recently? You have to open to the possibilities of illegal drug use. Of course, you have the power through control of money, car, etc., but you don't want it to get into a power struggle. And you and your husband need to have a plan, so that your son doesn't push your buttons. Rules, consequences, rewards. And church, counseling, may be needed.
LOL alone in raising a teen with an attitude your joking right!They call have attitude and a serious mouth !the advice i can give is to pick your battles wisely ! I have 2 teenage boys 13 and 15! Talk about attitude they gang up on me !Set him straight hold your ground and so long as he does what you ask let him have freedom !Best of luck girl it's not easy !
Several books come to mind, probably available from your local library (but also probably worth the money!):
"How To Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk" by Faber & Mazlish
http://www.fabermazlish.com/Books.htm#Teens
�Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way� by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
http://www.cnvc.org/raisekds.htm
"Kids Are Worth It!" by Barbara Coloroso
http://www.kidsareworthit.com/books.html
