This is a very common question. Just curious to see how you would respond...
gosh, my answer is so different from the others...I always say, "Grab a number and move to the back of the line, buddy, it's a long one." when my son comes back around I say, "hey, no line jumping" and he laughs and we are back to being okay!
"Keep it up, and I will give you something to hate me for," which usually involves something hideous like cleaning the litter box or picking up the dog poop in the back yard. If I am going to be hated, I at least want to earn it.
"You are allowed to hate me, but you are not allowed to not dis-respect me....and I love you even when you hate me."
That's really two sentences. I added the ... to fit with the "one sentence" rule. :)
Hmmm, how is old the child?
Little ones: "That makes me very sad. I love you very much."
Middle ones: "That's not nice to say and that hurts my feelings."
Older/teenagers: "Man, that must suck for you!"
Not one sentence, but one breath:
That's okay kiddo, I love you enough for both of us. Timeout. Scoot.
or
We HATE Hitler, we DISLIKE or get angry with other people.
or
You know what I hate? When I can't find the right word, so I end up hurting someone instead of getting them onside with how awful I'm feeling and get their help with it.
or
I hate spiders. Seriously. Lizards could do the same job, and lizards are cute. Who came up with 8 beady little eyes and drippy fangs? Shudder.
I don't need you to like me, I'm your mom, not your friend.
That's too bad, because I love you, even when you're angry at me.
That's alright, I love you enough for the both of us!
"I am so sad to hear that. Thankfully, I love you enough for borth of us."
You must be very mad at me, but I love you even when you are mad.
I don't see how it is disrespectful. It is an honest statement of a young child's feelings. I think punishing a child for their feelings is wrong. I think trying to use guilt to manipulate a young child's feelings is wrong as well - and that is what - 'oh, that really hurts my feelings' is. I teach my son that he is responsible for his own feelings. So am I.
Sometimes I feel mad at you, too - but I ALWAYS love you bunches!
That's ok. I love you enough for the both of us. (but on the inside I would be crying.)
"Well, I will always love you, but until you can learn to speak to your mother lovingly and respectfully, you will have to stay in your room."
Yep, I go with the old, "I love you too!" Smile and go back to what I was doing.
That makes me very sad, I don't hate you.
I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll always love you.
Also - we do not say we "hate" anyone - that word is NOT allowed in my family.
I always say, "Well, too bad, you're stuck with me and I love you!"
The response is very age-dependent. However, just responding with "I love you" doesn't teach your child that it is not the parent he/she hates but the situation that is taking place. It also doesn't teach we need to treat other people with respect regardless of how we feel in the moment. I like Riley J's response. It's more my style. In our house it is fine to show anger, but not fine to intentionally try to hurt other's feelings.
My response would be " I'm sorry you are angry you can not go to the park. Now, get your homework done." or whatever was appropriate to the situation. If they wanted to push it, they know there will be consequences for disrespect, and they still have to do whatever they are hating me for, or can't do whatever they are hating me for.
I would definitely circle the wagons back to the incident when the emotion was gone and discuss why it's not OK to behave that way. I would make sure to let the child know it hurts people's feelings to be treated with disrespect. I'd seal this conversation with an "I love you."
The line is designed to hook you, the parent, into confrontation, and ultimately to get what the child wants. It is very manipulative behavior and needs to be nipped in the bud.
I love you very much and I am sorry you feel that way.
"That's a shame, because I love you. I may not LIKE the way you are speaking to me or what you do but I will always love you, but now you need to go to your room and think about it"
"I am sorry to hear that, I love you very much!"
That's your prerogative.
"I'm very sorry you feel that way, but I always love you".
"Thats fine, your not the first, and not the last."
(Said with a very sad face) "I'm sorry to hear that, but I still love you".
Usually results in the child shedding tears and apologizing.
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
I still love you anyway.
I know you do right now, but I still love you.
"Well I love you and that hurts my feelings". I have also said "Sorry you feel that way, the answer is still no".
Thats a shame because i love you.
I'm really sorry you feel that way, but I love you more than the moon and stars.
I'm sorry to hear that because i love you soooooo much!
"That's really sad. I'm the only mommy you get."
we just say "I still love you"
"Good, that means I'm doing my job right".
or sometimes I would just say "Ok"
I love you too!! :) Seriously that is what I always said. They don't know what they are saying so a big production is useless.
It's okay -- because I love you. (hugs)
"Wow! You must be feeling really mad right now! That's okay. I just want you to know that I still love you, even when I'm mad at you. I could never hate you."
ETA: Yes, I know that's more than one sentence. :-P
That's okay, I will always love you (even when I am mad at you).
I would say:
"I'm sorry you feel that way"
Thank gosh, I haven't heard that from my son...
I wouldn't respond, or I would smile and tell them I loved them anyway. But my kids have never said that to me. Seriously, I hear moms complain about this all the time, but I guess I'm lucky, I got the four kids on the planet that never thought to say this to their mom.
It is age and developmentally appropriate for a child to feel this way when they don't get their way. Punishing them for it or not depends on the circumstance. I never took tantrums personally, so I wouldn't take this personally either. I don't expect adult behavior from children. Kids get to lose their cool once in a while and be immediately forgiven for it.
I'm sorry to hear you feel that way but:
you still have to.....
or you do the crime you do the time
My son is 4 and he has never said that. Who knows if he ever will. In my book, that statement is extremely disrespectful and sorry, in my opinion saying something like "That's ok, I still love you" is pathetic. Having a child say that is the equivelent of a slap in the face (my son has never hit me either). I would say something like "That hurts me and it makes my heart break. I can't look at you". Then sent them to the naughty chair or other place they go when they are bad.
I usually tell him I love him anyway and to please stop kicking me.
If its a little one - That's ok honey, I love you.
to-be-teenagers and teenagers - (look to your left, look to your right, blink and speak), hey, guess what? I am still the mom, and you'll still do what I asked you to.
Very calmly, "That's nice dear".
depending on the situation...
"get in line"
"yep, got that"
"well, that hurts my heart"
"love you!"
My daughter has said this once and my response was simple: "I'm sorry you feel that way but no matter what I love you with all my heart, when you feel comfortable enough to talk to me please do."
A bit of time went by and once she was not overwhelmed she came to me apologized and cried that she would say such a mean thing. She stated that she knows it hurt me a lot because she would never want me to say that to her.
"Well, I really don't care how you feel about me right now."
My usual answer is " good you are supposed to it means i'm doing my job."
Okay, you may go to your room now.
I'm sorry to hear that. OR I love you, too.
Well, I still love you!
"That's okay. I love you."
I have not had to deal with this issue personally yet. I do see it is coming soon based on my daughter’s temperament and attitude. I am not sure how I will handle it but I do see some great response listed. That being said I came across a children’s book called "Why do you love me?" by Laura Schlessinger. I have been reading it to my daughter and it seems to give her the opening she needs to talk to me about her feelings.
I like Manda's answer! LOL.
Love Wendy's answer!
Seriously, I definitely try not to react! I would never punish my kids (who are only 3 and 5, so I realize my answer might change later) for just expressing their frustration in one of the few ways they know how at that age.
I just say, "Well I love you!" and move on. Reacting, getting upset, time-out's, etc., are very confusing on this issue. Don't get upset back. Let it go and deal with why the child is upset. That will be the most effective way of teaching them that there are better ways of dealing with their emotions and disappointments than saying, "I hate you."
Well I love you and I do what is best for you.
I ditto MandA. It's normally my 5 year old that comes up with that nonsense, so he gets the "that's not a very nice thing to say" speach. However, it normally comes out after a punishment and in the form of "can you call your mom and dad and see if you can go live with them so I'm not in trouble anymore."
"Go to your room until you're ready to re-join the rest of us."
Here's 32 more answers. I asked a very similar question earlier this month. Most common answer was "Well I still love you!"
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/1734432895331926017
This is what you say - "Well, I love YOU!" Then you tell them to again to do the same thing you told them to do in the FIRST place that they don't want to do. After all, their raw feelings come out and say this hurtful thing because they are upset at you because you're making them toe your line. The way to keep them from saying this for a different reason, (to manipulate you into getting what they want) is to ignore their statement other than what I have said above.
Above all, DON'T give into them when they say this. If you are willing to negotiate with them, teach them proper negotiation skills with you that DON'T include "I hate you."
It only took a few times with my kids with this same sentence, and acting the way I detail above, for them to not say it anymore.
Hope this helps!
Dawn
If at the store "Look! There's your school principal!" or "So? I'm still not buying you a new toy."
If at home "So? I'm still not letting you go over to play."
I think I would say something like, "That really hurts my feelings," or "How can you say that to your mama who loves you?" That's what I say when my kids hit me. When I used to baby-sit, I would say, "It's a free country" or "That's fine, but you still have to ~"
I suppose it would depend on the context.
