I'm Not Excited About My Pregnancy, Is This Normal?

TOTALLY NORMAL! I know you already have a lot of responses but I had to chime in! :) i had a very hard time getting pregnant the first time, so I wasn't really worried about prevention...and found out I was pregnant again when my oldest was 8 months old! I cried a lot and actually said very bad words when my pregnancy test was positive. :) I did not enjoy my. Second pregnancy at all and felt really guilty because of it, but I just couldn't quit worrying about how stressful two babies would be. I love reflecting on this now because he is truly the bright spot in my day and has the BEST heart--he'll be a great husband someday! And he and his brother are best friends since they're so close in age. I always say neither one of my kids were born when I wanted them to be, and I wouldn't have it any other way. :) best of luck--the happiness will come, but don't worry if it isn't this instant.

I hate hate hated being pregnant. I was never excited about being pregnant. The only things I got excited for were finding out the sex and going into labor, because it meant not being pregnant anymore, lol. I hate how everyone stares at you and suddenly feels its ok to ask any personal questions they want. I spent most of both my pregnancies cleaning rearranging and organizing the house, and stressing out about what we needed for the baby.
I bonded with both just fine. As much as I hate pregnancy, I loved breastfeeding and taking care of my babies. Go baby clothes shopping, start setting up babys room, it made me feel better once I knew we had everything ready.

First of all, there's no such thing as "normal." :-)

I totally understand your feelings. This is a big deal, and it will change your life, and it involves a lot of responsibility and pressure. I was always bothered by how people seem to act like everything about pregnancy and motherhood is all wonderful and magical and lovey-dovey. This is some real sh*t.

However, everything will be fine!! You will love this baby -- there is no question about that! And don't worry about the size of the house and the finances. That stuff will work itself out. Honestly. And even if there will be difficulties to work out, there's no point in stressing about it now.

Please, please, please, give yourself a break. I think your feelings are normal. Don't worry about the future. Live each day in the present, and try to appreciate all your blessings.

Sending you love and support, Mama. :-)

Of course you will!

Maybe already having O. gives you a more realistic idea of what is involved and what to expect?

Congrats!

No one can say 'how' you should feel in this situation. And hormones may have a lot to do with mood.

Cut yourself some slack, mama. It's not easy to have such a huge decision seemingly made for us, and I hope you give yourself time. Don't beat up on yourself for not feeling a certain way. If you have a counselor, just going to talk to someone and voicing your concerns will really help. Be honest with your husband about your feelings, too. You don't have to do this alone. You have very realistic concerns and please, try to remember that things usually do work out, just not always in the time frame that we imagine.

Hugs,
H.

You’re fine. My friend had her second in February. When I called her in April to say I was expecting my second baby, she told me flat out she was anxious not excited for almost all of her second pregnancy. She said not to worry, though, and not to beat yourself up. Within a short while after her second arrived, it came together for her. All of her bad feelings evaporated and she loved her new arrival. She said she was worrying preemptively - how am I going to do this with two, will there be enough of me to go around, am I cheating my first, etc. Her husband does NOTHING so she had major concerns. She said these feelings are no doubt just normal feelings when you have more children. The fears, the concerns, etc. are ones you had when you were expecting your first. Only the first time you didn’t necessarily know where to direct the concerns. Now they have a specific focus based on your experience of raising one. She told me to remember you actually know a little something about what to do this time around so that helps. Personally there are days I am not excited especially when I am running around after an unruly, tantruming toddler. Then those days he’s an absolute angel I wonder what am I doing to him since he’ll have to share soon. Fortunately I am able to talk to my husband and we share our fears and excitement in equal measures. It’s a big change and you know that. I say good luck, congratulations and no worries.

Well when I got pregnant with my second I was very excited and we were trying, etc. But when I got that positive pregnancy test I had a moment of freak out! I thought OMG, what did I DO! I second guessed all my decisions and even though deep down I knew I wanted another child I just sort of freaked out.

I adjusted fairly quickly but I do get kinda anxious about change in general so up until the moment he was born I was still a bit worried about everything (how will I love them both, how will I manage, what will I do, how will it work, etc.) but the second he was born all those fears were eliminated, literally. He was so adorable and I held him and loved him it all worked out.

As far as the house stuff goes, well if moving isn't an option then start now on reorganizing, getting rid of, etc. It takes so much longer than you think it does! Get your house to a place that makes you happy, even if it's small. Start early and give yourself time that way your house will be ready long before Baby arrives.

Hang in there! When you watch your two kids interact, even if the second one is just an infant you will realize it was all worth it!

We will be ttc in the fall & every time I think about it, I have serious anxiety attacks. I am so not excited & honestly, if it weren't for hubby wanting one so badly, It wouldn't be happening.

You are not alone. I'm sure you will love that baby once it's here. Good luck!

Yes my dear you are very normal. I cried for a week when we found out we were prego with our second. We weren't prepared and we neither had a very big house. It took a while for me to get excited. Don't worry about the house, they are small and it will work for several more years. Don't worry so much about the expenses. It will be fine. Once the new one comes, you will wonder how you only lived with one. I have been thru all of that. My girls are much older now and are great friends...when they aren't fighting, LOL, which really isn't often. Our lives are so much richer with two...and busier, but fun!! So relax and take it one day at a time. Good luck and God Bless.

my last little guy decided to join us WAY before I had planned. We knew we'd have another, but it took a lot for me to stay pregnant with his brother before him and figured we had months of trying ect. Well the boys are 14 months apart so someone had other plans for me.

I love them dearly and the baby is actually nothing but a joy, but I was terrified. It was to soon and I wasn't ready and OMG 5 kids with 2 so close in age....and I hadn't forgotten how miserable I was pregnant, and I still hadn't lost all the baby weight. So not excited. Actually at times really kinda unhappy about it. But it was simply the process, It wasn't that I didn't love the baby I was growing, I did and do, but I never did get around to loving the process of being pregnant again at that time.

Having been there I'm pretty sure you will adore this little one. Once you get adjusted to the idea, I bet you even enjoy parts of the pregnancy. Even mine didn't completely suck and I really have miserable pregnancies. :) But it will be ok, it's normal, it's a big change and it takes time, it'll come.

I had similar worries and concerns when I found out about my second.

I had to quit my job with the second due to childcare costs and become a stay at home mom.
We had to move to another state where we could find a cheaper apartment to rent.
My husband had to start working from home since we were moving out of state (thank goodness he had that option)
I was tremendously worried about the affect the newborn would have on 14 month old with developmental delays. I felt sad for him that he was going to loose some of my attention and affection.
I was concerned about how the heck I was going to put A. infant and a toddler to bed with out help (my husband worked until 1 AM frequently and was in school FT)
These concerns stuck with me until the end of my pregnancy and I remember telling my friend I wanted to stay pregnant because I was worries about the change/additional work load.
I think it is normal and you will start to get excited once you are further along. I did not get excited about seeing the baby honestly until I was overdue. and now i could not imagine not having him, perfect addition and completed our family.
It will get better :) don't worry

Sweetheart, I'm a great grandmother & I understand your feelings - OH SO WELL! I wanted another child...just not one quite that soon since my 1st child was such a needy person!!! I actually resented being pg again so quickly & couldn't imagine having another with Number One still in diapers & who was so clingy, whiny, fussy, never sleeps - you name it! But when my eyes fell on the beautiful face of my 2nd born, I fell in love. And for everything my 1st born was this new little human being was just the opposite. Well worth my stress & frustration! They are now 49 & soon to be 48 years old & I'm so VERY glad it happened just like it did. Yes, I know what you're going through, but it's OK. You're going to be just fine...being pg makes us a little crazy! Hang in there & CONGRATULATIONS!!! You're a WONDERFUL mother of #1 & will be even MORE wonderful for #2!!!! : )

I think you are just stunned.

I do not blame you. Once we had gone through all of those sleepless nights, we knew we were done. But f I had gotten pregnant, I am sure in the beginning I would belike you ate now, but would have adored the new baby.

Give yourself time. These are your feelings and it is fine.

I was excited with my 1st and 2nd neatly 10 years later... but when I got the possitive results on my 3rd - I cried... my 2nd was only 6 mo old at that time. All I could think about was that my oldest had 10 years of being the baby & my baby would not even get 2 years. My hubby let me cry it out and then told me I was weird... I tried for 10 years to have another baby & now one just happened and I'm crying about it. I did get excited about it as time got closer. # 4 & 5 were planned & I had no issues with them - now # 6 was not... and that was the one that scarred me the most. But I love her to death - just as all the other kids.

We don't have a small house - it is an old 4 bedroom 1 bath - but it is small for 8 of us, but we are still able to love the kids & do the best that we can for them. But yes it is "normal" to worry about it all when you first find out... all your hormons are racing and that includes the ones that cause stress. So you will be hiped up for a little while... but I'm sure you will calm down & get excited about it as time goes by or atleast when you hold the little guy.

BTW - Congratz!

I felt this way too. Every pregnancy is different. Share your feelings with your husband! He is there to support you. Focus on how you FEEL. You will love your second as much as your first. It is understandable you feel this way but you need to get emotional support. I have dealt with depression and it only deepens if you keep it to yourself. Keep one foot in front of the other. First trimester was the toughest for me... I actually thought to myself "I understand how people have abortions". Not that I considered it but that is how detached I was. Hang in there!

Sounds completely 'normal' to me (if there is such a thing). Especially since you have experienced the challenges of living with infants, you might be a bit abnormal if you WEREN'T apprehensive. While we had been actively trying to conceive for both of our kids, I don't remember particularly enjoying pregnancy or being excited at the prospect of raising kids. With the first one, I was terrified about how our lives would change and wondering how I could possibly be a competent parent. With the second one, I KNEW how much baby-care would involve and on top of that, I worried about how I would cope with two kids and fulltime work. I do love having the kids in our lives and it has been wonderful to see how they love each other (despite all the fights), so if you're looking for positive possibilities to envision, that is one scenario you to add to your daydreams, to combat the fears.

This is normal, and you have plenty of reasons to be anxious and less-tha-thrilled. Many things will change, and your concerns are legitimate. And then there is the tidal wave of hormones you are in the middle of...Don't feel guilty about it.

I'm going to ask this question, even though I know it might rub a lot of people the wrong way...would you consider not having this baby? Because it is still early, and that is an option. Sometimes realizing that you do have choices can make it easier to make a definite decision, instead of feeling like you have been 'railroaded'.

However, it seems likely that since you've already talked to your husband about it, and you're posting about wanting to feel differently about it all, you have already made that decision. Given that assumption, you're right in knowing that your feelings need to become more positive towards your little one. Try curling up on your side for a little while - and whisper little messages of love towards your little embryo. Tell him/her that you and daddy are going to work everything out, and that you accept him/her, and send your love. Love can be intentional...you can just decide to do it.

My best to you. Things will get better!

My second was an accident - failed BC - and my oldest was only 8 months when I found out so I was crying pretty hard. I think my general frame of mind was dread the entire pregnancy... I was exhausted taking care of my first who was still so young, I work full time, my husband was working crazy hours, we have no family around, and I was pregnant again. I'm sure I was excited at times but I think more resigned though at least I knew I wanted a second in general. It was hard the first couple of years but now of course I'm thrilled it happened. Having a playmate close in age for my other daughter is fantastic. And while I don't bond super quickly with my babies, I couldn't love her more now. Don't worry if you're not excited during any of the pregnancy but be confident you will absolutely love this baby and everything will be ok.

You'll get through it! Remember there are always bunk beds. Don't worry about the size of your house. Kids are expensive, but we find ways to adjust and yes, you'll love the second one as much as the first.

courious as to the size of your "small" house, I really bet it isn't that small at all.

I think a lot of women go through this the first few months of pregnacy, regardless of the size of the house or cost of raising another child.

And I haven't met a single person that hasn't loved the second,third, fourth, etc as much as the first.

Hi S.,

You are not alone. AT ALL. We TTC for 6 years, and were over the moon with baby #1. She was easy, I was ready. Life was awesome. I even lost my job (my inlaws closed up the business) a month before I had her. Oh well! Well, the financial instability of not finding a job took its toll, and we were forced to downsize. I finally found a new job, and then found out I was pregnant with miracle baby #2. I had to quit that job a month after I got it (back in the day when everyone was losing their jobs).

It was a horrible pregnancy, and I had really bad depression through the pregnancy, as well as, post pardum depression. Baby #2 was super hard, and I was exhausted.

Fast forward to now (baby #2 is 2), life is AWESOME! I felt quilty for SEVERAL months for feeling the ways that I did, then I realized that hormones and depression can really mess you up.

My biggest advice is to keep yourself in check, and seek help if you even suspect depression. Try to celebrate this baby as much as possible. Have a Sprinkle for him/her, buy baby some new clothes, toys, etc. EVEN IF YOU HAVE EVERYTHING. Redecorate the baby's room (or corner). I felt that I had everything I needed for baby #2, and no one wanted to throw "her" a party (we had no idea of gender until she was born), so why should I celebrate her? (Part of the depression.)

It also helped me to know I wasn't the only one feeling this way (via MP and a close friend). The guilt was so much....especially when I knew what infertility felt like.

It will get better. I promise!

Good luck, mama. Hugs and prayers your way. :)

TOTALLY normal.

However...

Pregnancy hormones do weird things. Most people get happy glowy from pregnancy hormones. Bipolar people usually 'even out' on them. And for MANY women the sudden lack of them cause PPD. SOME women, however, get antepardum depression.

Antepardum Depression is as misery making as PPD, it's just far less common. It runs in my family, so I didn't even realize it wasn't normal. My OB / midwife team were HORRIFIED I didn't say anything until after he was born (spontaneous / excited utterance I was so surprised/thrilled about not wanting to die the next day during my usual 'suicide hours'. Antepardum depression expresses in several ways ... A common one is having 'suicide hours', where for a couple hours every single day... You just want to die. It's a running joke in my family, because it's really, really awful. For all of my 2nd & 3rd trimester somewhere between 5pm & 7pm I'd rock and cry and scream and just literally hold onto my chair (or go completely still) to keep from killing myself.

Then almost 1 hour later, I'd be just fine. The rest of the day? Just fine. NOT happy/glowy but not wanting to die, either!!!

I was first in my gen to get pregnant, so via ME we found out that APD doesn't have to be suffered through and laughed art, anymore. There are antidepressants that are safe to take while pregnant. Doh!

The upside of APD is that typically starting on day 1 after birth, you feel over the moon happy. That eventually wears off, but it's helpful for the first sleep deprived year.

SO... Point being... If it starts getting WORSE; sadness, anxiety attacks, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts... TALK with someone about it (OB), because there is a fix. Hormones do reeeeally wacky things!!!

But also remember... With #1... You still had good sleep and a life of your own. Having a toddler you're responsible for, sleep dep, and 'BTDT' / pregnancy isn't a 'surprise/fear/excitement/fear' is a game changer. You've already ridden this ride and gotten the teeshirt, so now it's not excited fear, but TIRED fear because you know what's coming and ... Yikes! But what about?!?

FYI, #3 is a similar game change, because you've already got how to manage another kid while pregnant DOWN. (Sayibg in my family : 2 is 3x the work of 1, 3 is HALF the work of 2, and 4 on out just gets easier s d easier).

Oh god no, there is nothing wrong with you!
I HATED HATED HATED every single SECOND of being pregnant both times.
Like, HATED it. Counted the days until it was over.
I wasn't sick and didn't have issues. I just hated getting bigger and bigger and being a slave to my body. HATED it.

Of course you'll love your new baby. And you know that. But that doens't mean that you have to love the process! LOL!

Feelings of ambivalence are normal, even in a planned pregnancy. When I got pregnant for the first time my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for about 6 months and it STILL felt like a shock and I wondered how in the world I had thought I was ready for this?!?!!!! When I was pregnant with my second baby when I was 20 weeks along my husband quit his job to start his own company, I freaked out and thought that baby #2 was a terrible mistake since of course we were going to go bankrupt (we didn’t) and couldn’t afford a new baby (we could). In the end, it all turned out OK for me, and it was only with my 3rd and last pregnancy that I just felt happy and excited without the fear and doubt, I guess I finally realized that it was really going to be OK! Once you have that precious baby in your arms, you will love him or her so much you will wonder how you ever could have doubted that this was right!

I wasn't as concerned about the expenses the second time, they were more clear since we had been through it with #1. I was most concerned with how could I love #2 as much as #1. And you know what - you just do. I wasn't super excited during my 2nd pregnancy at all....I hate being pregnant. But, my #2 was easier because I wasn't as afraid. Okay, so baby didn't poop for a week - been there done that. Okay, so he is crying and I want a shower - he'll have to deal - I'm taking a shower and he will live. Okay, baby had a blow out and I have to pick up #1 from school - he will live and so will I. My diaper bag was 1/2 the size the second time around - even with carrying crayons and snacks for #1 also! I was basically just better because I had survived before. And #2 is now 22 months old and he is amazing - and my boys adore each other. #1 is asking for another baby. I'm less than sure.

Hang in there - you will live and you will love baby #2.