Ideas for Activities to Help a 10 Year Old Be Less Self Centered

Hi Emily,
I have a 10 y/o son- I feel your pain!
He has a chore list of things that MUST be done each week to earn an allowance- chores not done= no allownace but he must do them all on Sat for free. He can also come to me for chores to earn extra $ to purchase the things he wants.
A bad attitude toawrds siblings gets him an evening w/o the game cube and on his bed reading. Basically if he can't play nice with the family, he can be removed from the family for awhile. Same holds true for comprimise- if everyone wants MExican and he doesn't he can stiull sit at the resteraunt table w/ us and drink water- it is his choice if he eats or not.
He and I have volunteered at Shakespear in the Park, just handing out programs. There is also For the Love of the LAke clean up, many charity runs have volunteers manning the water stations.
We are involved in our church and I make sure he gets a chance to speak w/ the missionaries about where they have been, living conditions, etc... He also reads different missionary biographies.
Basically- if I were you I would sit her down and excplain the "new rules" and what you expect from here. If she continues her ways start taking away privledges- the computer, the Gamecube, the dance... something will get her attention!
Oh! I am also a great believer in donating to charity- when a toy is misused, abused, ignored, not cleaned up it goes to charity!
Hope this helps!
Be tough!!!!!!!
D.

My kids were becoming very materialistic and wanted everything now. We started the good deed jar. They each had their own jar. So if we caught our daughter doing something nice or helpful (like taking a chore from her brother or sharing or letting him go first, etc) she would get a Hershey's kiss in her jar. In the beginning really look hard to find things to reward. Once the jar is full, they can go "shop" for the item that they have wanted so desperately. It makes them learn to wait, the value of good deeds, and realize how much they may or may not want an item. Do set a dollar amount on items allowed. One time my daughter wanted a larger, over budget item. She had to save that jarful and carry it over with the next jar.

It is not a perfect system, but it has helped us.

I agree with getting her involved with volunteering or scouts, something that is group orientated. Take her to the local food pantry or children's hospital where she can help kids her age. Also, do you ask her to help you with her little brother, as a warm up to babysitting? Tell her if she practices taking good care of her brother she will be able to babysit for money in a few years (appeal to her materialistic side for now and try to get her to out grow that in the next few years). Also, if she wants a new toy, etc tell her she must give up one or two of her old ones to make room for the new one. She must give up her old toy first because you know once you get home with the new one she'd pitch a fit about getting rid of the old one and end up with both. She sounds very manipulative, like my daughter. When my daughter would ask for things in the store, instead of arguing I would say, 'That's a nice toy, shirt, etc...let's put it on your list when we get home' usually by the time we got home she forgot and never mentioned the item again. We started this when she was young (3) and it still works today (7 1/2) and it stops lots of arguing. Write down the new rules so everybody remembers what they are and you can say 'The rule is...' thus taking the 'no' away from you and placing it on the rules so she can't argue with you. Have her sign it to show her agreement and if she argues just say calmly 'I'm sorry, that's the rule and you agreed to it'. Good luck and stick to your guns.

I have an 9 yr old the same way. So by any means I am not an expert but there are things that we started to change and therefore caused her to change. For every action there is a reaction. If she gives an negative action then you reward with a negative reaction. How about since she doesn't want to share decisions for the family she isn't allowed an input period. Since she isn't friendly towards others don't allow her to hang out with her friends. If she directions attention to herself then redirect it to something else. By doing what your daughter wants only feeds her ammunition. If you ignore by this I mean don't reward her actions eventually she will find it out it isn't worth it. Dose she have others who pay extra special attention to her, ask them kindly to knock it down a notch.I am not by any means saying be mean but because she has learned to be selfish now it's time to learn the consequences that come with. It is working with my daughter and she is coming around. Examples of others who aren't selfish is good too. Point them out. I hope this helps. Beware though - her actions may also rub off on your son.

I would get her involved in some sort of community service. Girl Scouts was a wonderful experience for me when I was growing up. It taught me the value of friendship, community and leadership. They do wonderful group activites and focus on developing the whole child and encourage self esteem through various activities, camps and crafts. It is such a positive environement. I would also consider something like Toys for Tots at Christmas, have her adopt a child, take clothes she's outgrown and give them to a women's shelter, even Habitat for Humanity will allow children to be involved in some way. If she can hammer a nail, she can be of service to them. She's more than old enough to understand that the world does not revolve around her and she needs to understand this lesson now or it will be even more difficult as an adult. Good luck!

I love the suggestion of the Good Deed Jar. And my grandchildren are very active in Scouts, as mentioned by someone else. Community Service and other selfless goals are part of their activities. Entertaining and helping with the elderly, Clothes closet for the less fortunate, gathering school supplies for kids who can't afford them....amongst many other things. Striving to earn badges for each level builds character. I, also, would suggest becoming active in church activities. If you don't have a church home look for one with a strong youth group.

One last thing....our children learn loads by our own examples. Spend time with her visiting/adopting an elderly neighbor or relative to focus on. Sort through old toys/stuffed animals to share with a children's hospital. Volunteer work at the local Human Society. Give her the ideas of how to share and spend time working on them with her.

Turn the television, video games, and computer off during the afternoon on the weekends to enjoy some of these things. It will do wonders for the entire family.

Good luck and God bless..

http://www.missBrenda.com

Does she earn her own money for things she wants? This will not only teach her responsibity but also to respect the value of money. (yours and hers). Is she involved in any volunteer work (ie through the curch, girl scouts, meals on wheels,). Maybe you guys could volunteer together and make it a mother/daughter thing. This might show her how less fortunate some people may be. If you are involved in church - most youth groups have activities like this set up for the kiddo's.
Good Luck.

Is she active in any sorts of groups like girl scouts? I did this as a child, and I clearly remember how much the troops I was a part of stressed social responsibility.

You might want to look into some volunteer opportunities for her too like at a hospital or a shelter. 10 years old might be a little young to volunteer, but I'm sure there is something out there. You might even be able to find a way to volunteer as a family. It would help her realize how blessed she is, and it would build her self esteem to feel like she's making a positive difference in the community she lives in. www.vounteermatch.org is a good site to search for volunteering opportunities in your area.

She not too young to do volunteer work. You can do it together as a family. You could do Meals on Wheels, your local hospital in a childrens wing, a soup kitchen. This could really open her self up to being thankful for what she has including her family (brother) and her health.