I know my fiancé loves my baby, he cares for him well, for the most part. Today I walked in my room after I brushed my teeth and I saw that he fell asleep and the baby was asleep towards the edge of the bed. . how could he dare do that?? Just fall asleep with the baby on the edge of the bed like that??!! It makes me think he doesn’t care about our son the way I do. I would take a bullet in a heartbeat for my child and do anything in my power to make sure he’s happy and safe. But I just don’t think he would do the same. Idk. Anyone else feel this way :( it bums me out.. I know he loves him so much but at the same time I don’t think he loves him to the point where he would take a bullet for him if that makes sense? He said he would but not ina way where I would believe him. It makes me want to end things with him.
No I never felt that way, because I was married (we had been together for three years) and had a pretty solid home BEFORE I had a baby.
But also, I know I was much more "careful" than my husband ever was when they were little, that's pretty common.
I know you say you are 27 but you really sound much younger. Especially since you are willing to "end" things just because of this.
Honestly, you need to get over yourself. You are creating drama where there should be none. Did he make a poor choice? Yes, but most parents do at sometime or another. No one is perfect, not even you.
I get the "mama bear". But you need to stop acting like you are the only one that cares. This isn't just YOUR baby. It took two sweetie and that baby is as much his daddy's as he is yours. I don't see "I love the baby more than you so I'm leaving you" as a good reason to end something.
Please go see your doctor. I am wondering if you are suffering from postpartum depression. Good luck!
Are you aware that when/if the 2 of you split up he will have parenting time with your child on his own?
B.
You're part of the problem. That child is NOT just YOUR BABY - you refer to your child as MY BABY not OUR BABY. Only ONCE do you say "OUR SON" everything else is MY and ME...
You really sound like you're in postpartum depression going towards psychosis. GO TO YOUR OB/GYN TODAY!!! This is NOT A JOKE. Your last post about "not being enough" and now this?? Girl - you need help.
My husband sat on our son's head when he was 4 months old - he had rolled over on the coach. Does it mean he didn't care? no. It meant it was a mistake.
Your fiance was lying with his child and fell asleep. And you're hyper over the location. Girl. STEP BACK AND BREATHE..
PLEASE see your OB/GYN today. Tell him/her of your irrational fears and thoughts. And yes, this is TOTALLY IRRATIONAL. You cannot compare love and you can't allow ONE THING and your own insecurities boggle you down.,
GET HELP TODAY!!
Your post
I know my fiancé loves my baby, he cares for him well, for the most part. Today I walked in my room after I brushed my teeth and I saw that he fell asleep and the baby was asleep towards the edge of the bed. . how could he dare do that?? Just fall asleep with the baby on the edge of the bed like that??!! It makes me think he doesn’t care about our son the way I do. I would take a bullet in a heartbeat for my child and do anything in my power to make sure he’s happy and safe. But I just don’t think he would do the same. Idk. Anyone else feel this way :( it bums me out.. I know he loves him so much but at the same time I don’t think he loves him to the point where he would take a bullet for him if that makes sense? He said he would but not ina way where I would believe him. It makes me want to end things with him
Oh my God GROW UP.
If you are a teenager please take some parenting classes and maybe talk to your guidance counselor about resources to help you with your insecurity.
If you are an adult I hope you seek some therapy, because this kind of thinking sounds very, very unreasonable, and possibly unstable.
Oh Lordy. Dramatic much? You are drama mama. "Take a bullet"
How old are you??? You come across as a very immature young person.
You equate him falling asleep with the baby as not caring about the baby. Per your dramatic post, I personally can't believe the baby was that close to the edge. If you were just brushing your teeth it is not like you were gone for hours and the baby was unattended and asleep.
Oh and this baby is not YOUR baby. You share parentage with your finance... he is OUR baby.
You need to talk to a counselor or your Dr for your irrational fears before it seriously damages or ends your relationship or hurts the baby.
I recall from your previous question that you are 27, and your fiance is 10 years older than you. I'm assuming this is your first baby, but of course we have no idea if your fiance has a child from any previous relationships, or if he has dated other women with children. My point is, he may be much more comfortable around babies than you.
That was the case when my dh and I had our first child. I was a complete baby rookie. I had very very little experience with newborns or infants. I had one brother who was not much younger than me. Dh, on the other hand, was from a large family. His family adopted a newborn when he was a teen. He had lots of cousins and nieces and nephews, and there was always a baby in the house.
I was panicked at first, when our child was born, thinking you can't hold a baby that way, don't you have to wrap them in a very particular way, oh he pinched his finger a tiny bit in the stroller maybe we should rush him to the ER, maybe he's really sick because he just spit up a little, etc. Dh was much more calm and rational and relaxed. At first I wondered if it was a lack of care, then I realized that you don't have to raise a baby with the baby in one arm and a complete comprehensive book about babies in the other. It took me a while to relax.
You are really jumping several steps ahead when you go right to thinking of ending things with your fiance over a momentary lack of baby care when, as you say, he loves and cares for the baby most of the time. There most likely will be a time when you do something that makes the baby cry - like burning his little tongue because you heated the bottle too long, or accidentally scratching his cheek with your fingernail, or clipping his toenail just a little too closely. If there's a new mother out there who hasn't done something similar, I'd like to meet her. It doesn't mean the mother doesn't love the baby.
You might benefit from some counseling to find a happy middle ground in your emotional state.
I don’t know how many times I’ve read fathers often aren’t as engaged with babies. It can take until toddler years for the father to seem to be as attentive. And even then, as others have said, fathers can be more carefree than mothers. If you read up, the way fathers care and interact with their children is important partly bc it’s is different than how the mother does. So try not to always be criticizing his ways. Did you really ask him if he’d take a bullet? I’d be so put off if I were him. I agree with others you may need some medication or counseling. You didn’t plan this pregnancy. You weren’t married before the birth. Your first child is a huge shock even when planned and married before etc. Don’t drive your fiancé away. Get some help.
Have you never fallen asleep accidentally, without warning? I doubt he purposely put the baby there and then closed his eyes to fall asleep. The poor man may be exhausted, may even have a sleeping disorder. Chill. From your tone, I wonder if the baby really WAS at the edge of the bed, or your hyper-panic mode kicked in and you over-exaggerated things. Good grief. No one is perfect and there is no such thing as not having ever almost had an accident that you luckily escaped. You seem to have severe trust issues, and if you think an accident, which didn't even produce anything in the end, is a reason to end things, sounds to me like you don't love this man very much and want to end things. If that is the case, consider couples counseling or stop making excuses for wanting to break off the engagement and just do it already.
Why do you expect your fiance to have the exact same feelings as you?And why would consider ending things with him because he doesn't feel the exact thing as you?
No. I don't and never did feel this way. I was married when I had children. My husband was (and is) committed to me and our children. Have we had tough times? oh heck yeah but "divorce" isn't an option for us. And for you since you're not married? you don't have an issue just walking out. You're not committed.
I think you need to see your doctor. I really do. These feelings you have, the insecurity and this?? I think you're having hormonal issues. And if left untreated? Can cause some serious mental health issues. Please. Go to your doctor.
Also I'd like to point out that my husband didn't immediate bond with our children. It took him upwards of a year maybe more. There was NO DOUBT he loves our children. However, we both acknowledged they are OUR children. You need to acknowledge OUR child and not "MINE". Also? Men don't get the same bonding experience we women get. We get to hold them in our womb for months and feel them. And guess what? There are women out in the world that are mothers and don't have the "maternal instinct" to take a bullet for their child. Please. Seek help
You are making a mountain out of a mole hill and to imply that a father does not love his child like you because he fell asleep (as overly tired new parents sometimes do) is just crazy. I am sure he felt the child was in a safe position when he closed his eyes, and probably did not intend to fall asleep. I remember dozing off before with my children in my lap or even breast feeding because I was just so exhausted from the sleepless nights and constantly being needed, I also work at a day care and have had more then one infant parent explain that a bruise was from the infant falling off the bed or chair, usually after being in a safe position and moving more then the parents thought they would be able too. You are jumping on to some big conclusions here that are down right unfair to the father of your child. I hope you didn't over react in the moment and make him feel like you think he doesn't care about his child because if someone kept treating me like that over and over I would find someone new to be with.
B.
You sound so young and immature. I'm sorry. But really? To expect another person to "feel" the EXACT SAME WAY you do about something is irrational. Even your own parents won't feel the same way about you or their grandchild.
To want to end things because you feel he doesn't love "your baby" (sorry, the child is HIS too) over your irrational and yes, your feelings are irrational, because you feel he wouldn't take a bullet for your child.
I think someone here told you to go to your doctor. I second that. It sounds like you are going through a lot of postpartum stress and before you lose it, you need to be treated. Don't tell everyone you're "fine" when you're not.
Men can take longer to bond with a baby/child than women. Why? Because we are carrying that baby for, hopefully, 9 months before we give birth.
Would I be upset if he fell asleep with OUR BABY so close to the edge? Yeah, I would and I did. However, my HUSBAND was deployed and gone when the boys were small. He took every opportunity to bond with them when he was home. Did this mean he fell asleep sometimes? Heck yeah. Does this mean he doesn't love them less than I do? Hell no.
I'm not sure why you had a baby with a guy who isn't your husband. I know that happens so much lately and there's no commitment there. So you are feeling insecure about everything (witness your last post) and now this? Please seek help.
I don't doubt for one second that my husband wouldn't move heaven and earth for ANY of our boys or me. But you have doubts. WHY did you have a baby with a man you have doubts about??
Please. Get help.
I read your last post as well as this one. I think there is more at play here.
Yes, we moms often bond more or faster with our babies if we have carried them for 9 months, felt every kick and shift, felt every labor pain, and been blessed (and cursed) by surging hormones.
I think the "take a bullet" analogy needs to be set aside. I understand we are in the age of mass shootings and that emotions are raw, but I urge you to stop talking this way because you'll keep saying it to a child who understands your words. Kids do not need to think about bullets. They do not need to know that there may be a choice to save them by dying ourselves. That ruins their sense of security and puts them into a full panic. Please stop.
Now, should your child's father have had the baby on the edge of the bed? No. Should a baby capable of rolling over be in the bed rather than a crib? No. But being an inexperienced caretaker and making a judgment mistake is not the same as not caring or loving. Parenting is not always innate, and there are parenting classes and infant CPR/first aid classes that are very helpful and taught by objective and positive experts. Check with your pediatrician, the children's librarian and your local fire department/paramedics to see what's available. And get a sitter so you both can take it.
But your other post comes into focus - you are having relationship problems. It's not about the baby on the bed, not really. You don't feel he loves and values you, and now you are saying he doesn't love and value the baby. You also make it very clear that this is your baby and that you do not consider him to be an equal parent. You're possessive of the baby. Maybe you don't feel loved and valued by your man - and based on your other post, I can see why. Ask yourself if you are clinging to the baby because you want someone to love you always and forever. If you are giving the baby a "job," to be in charge of your emotional health and security, you're being unfair.
If you feel alone in this, and it's clear that you do, get a counselor. That doesn't mean everything is your fault. It means you need some help in sorting things out, and you need a neutral and experienced person to talk to. Maybe your man is a loser. Maybe he needs help in this relationship. Maybe it's in between. But maybe you need support as well - to feel whole, to feel loved, to accept yourself and not focus on your body changes (last post) and so on. One way we tend to make ourselves feel better is to criticize other people in our lives. Maybe you're doing some of that.
What you're going through is normal. What's not helpful is getting so worked up that you can't think straight and make a better choice about getting help. If your fiancé is such a problem that you want to end it with him, then you need a plan and a vision - and you need someone to help you with that. Your child cannot function and thrive and be loved if one parent is a non-loving irresponsible person who comments on other women's looks and if the other parent is talking about taking bullets but not about taking responsibility for her emotional wellbeing. Taking care of a child means taking care of yourself. Think of the flight attendant safety speech: "Put the oxygen mask on yourself before assisting those around you."
Sounds to me like others have said that you need to go talk to your OBGYN and possibly get put on some meds. Which is fairly common for new mothers. You are way overly hormonal. Not everything he does is because he doesn't care about your or ya'lls baby. I am sure he loved his son very much but men can be oblivious to some things such as where they baby is laying on the bed. He may not have been planning on falling asleep just it just happened. And like others have said as well if he's the father you ending it with him doesn't mean he wont get the baby it just means when he gets him you wont be there. And you telling a judge he fell asleep with the baby too close to the end of the bed will not keep him from getting visitation rights. But you being necrotic could cause them to question your fitness as a parent. If you feel that meds are not the answer I suggest couples and individual counseling for you both. If you have not even stated your marriage and having these issues how are you going to be once much or serious issues come up. You need coping tools.
awful lot of drama here.
yes, it was careless of your fiance to doze off with the baby in a precarious position. i too wouldn't have a sense of humor about it.
but your insistence that he feel EXACTLY the same way as you and react in EXACTLY the same way you do and mirror your omg drama language is silly.
you thinking about leaving because you don't believe he would take a bullet for the baby while you're thinking about all the wild ways you would nobly sacrifice yourself is just pure drama.
knock it off.
your fiance didn't just build a human and squeeze it out into the world. he's getting to know the being you've known intimately for months. since you're not married, his commitment to YOU might be rocky- i don't know. but it's not unusual for men's bonds with their babies to grow at a different pace from the mothers'. all other things being equal, sensible women don't end things with their baby daddies over it.
no, i can't say i feel the same way you do because a) i never expected my husband to mimic my own emotions to this extent and b) i created my babies with a man whose commitment to me and to them was unshakeable. that made dealing with any post-partum emotional waves a lot easier.
if he's a loser, if he's not providing for you, if he's disinterested in the baby, if he's drinking and doing drugs, if he's hound dogging with other women, if he's got a slew of babies for whom he's not providing, if he's emotionally distant or physically abusive, by all means, take off and plan to raise this baby alone.
if he's a good guy who made one marginal decision, stop fantasizing fondly about how many ways you'd die to prove your devotion to your baby, and get over it.
khairete
S.
This sounds familiar.
Someone was asking about feeling safe about leaving baby with husband who gets drunk and passes out even when watching his kid while mom runs errands but maybe that was someone else.
How old is your baby?
Adult beds are made for adults.
Cribs are made for babies - it's where they are safe from falling out (until they are old enough to climb out) and where they can't be smothered by a sleeping adult rolling over on them or getting tangled in the blankets.
As for dads caring like you do - you've got a 9 month start on him.
Also some men don't really connect well with an infant but become more interested when baby can walk and talk or is out of diapers.
Also - if the fiance is the biological dad - ending the relationship for you is not ending it for your child - it's his baby too and dad can get custody as well as you can.
If your baby is under a year old your emotions cans still be all over the place from hormones and sleep deprivation.
You should talk over your feeling with your doctor and see if postpartum depression is a possibility.
I think you have to ask yourself if this incident is part of a larger pattern of behavior or not. It is really hard for me to tell from your description. I think most parents, moms and dads, are capable of being careless sometimes, maybe out of exhaustion, maybe as part of a learning curve. You say you know he loves the baby, cares for him well. Unless there is something else going on that you are not describing, then I would focus on you and your intense anxiety.
Becoming a parent is a huge step and can feel overwhelmingly good and bad. I don't think it's so unusual for you to wonder about taking a bullet for your child, given the news these days, but worrying about whether your fiancé is also wondering about this is not healthy. Not everyone is a worrier. I am sometimes, but I've learned that the things I worry about are not usually the things that happen. Life's tragedies usually aren't the things we can anticipate, and certainly worry doesn't prevent them.
It may be that your relationship with your fiancé is really not meeting your needs and you ultimately want to separate and be co-parents instead of husband and wife. But it also might be that you are experiencing post-partum depression and anxiety that is interfering with your judgment and causing you to see and create drama.
In my case, it was my husband who feared I was not going to keep our son safe. I don't know if he truly felt that way, but he was constantly telling me to do things a certain way and reminding me to be careful and saying, "Don't drop him!" It was incredibly insulting. How could he possibly think I wasn't capable of taking care of our son?!? This was really more about my husband's fears and insecurities than it was about my abilities. He knew I loved our son and was taking very good care of him. He was just overwhelmed and scared and that's when he has trouble allowing someone else to be in control.
It would have been safer if the baby had been closer to the center of the bed. What likely happened was your fiance didn't really intend to fall asleep. He should have been more careful, but we all make mistakes. This one's pretty easy to fix. Next time, even if you think you aren't going to fall asleep, place the baby towards the center of the bed. Done.
Your fiance is your partner, your co-parent. No matter what happens, remind yourself that he loves his son. You should talk to him about this, but try to do that without strong emotions. Stay calm and just say, "Hey, sweetie? It would mean really help me feel better if you could keep Joey near the middle of the bed and not so close to the edge. I'm sure you have things under control, but this would just really mean a lot to me."
It's really hard during those first few months, especially if this is your first. Babies just seem so fragile, and it's easy to think that the littlest thing could really harm them. It's important to be safe, but babies are tougher than you think. Give your fiance some credit, and just remember that he loves his son, too, and he doesn't want to hurt him.
I honestly think that you have pretty severe tunnel vision right now, or perhaps some post-partum depression going on. The “take a bullet” comment is a bit scary and you come across as a bit unhinged.
There is a reason you are with your fiancé. What is it? Did you fall in love and want to get married? Did you get pregnant by accident and decide to get married? Did he decide to marry you in spite of you getting pregnant? If so, it sounds like he’s a pretty stand-up guy. He could have dumped you.
Now you can do a few things here. You can dump him and get child support and be by yourself and manage as a single parent. Maybe he will “be there for you”, or maybe he will decide dealing with scary and judgmental YOU isn’t worth it. Maybe he’ll sue you later when the baby is older for joint custody, and if you are still talking about “bullets” he can get full custody. Or... you can realize that YOU NEED HELP and talk to your gynecologist about your state of mind being so over the top. If you want a chance of not losing your fiancé, calm yourself down and talk to him like he’s a human being and not like he’s someone for you to squash. He’s brand new at this baby-thing too. He has a lot to learn, like you do. Give him a baby book to read. Give him a chance to be a daddy and not just some guy you yell at because he’s “doing it wrong”.
One of these days, YOU are going to do something that will make your baby cry and cry. You’ll turn around and he’ll fall, bump his head, something. You’ll feel awful. We all do. And if you are very lucky, someone won’t write about you on here saying what a terrible mother you are.
Men have to learn to be caregivers. Don’t scare him out of wanting the job. Help him learn the job. Or if you decide you don’t want him anymore because he’s not what you thought you wanted, then dump him BEFORE you tie the knot! But not because he doesn’t yet know how to take care of a baby.
We had another mom write in with this same scenario not long ago, where she felt she couldn't leave the baby in her partner's care. She'd leave, then return and the baby would be near the end of the bed or couch while her partner slept.
We all suggested she find a sitter, or take the baby with her if she left if she had concerns.
It seemed that boyfriend was a dud for other reasons. I can't find the posts (seems to have been removed).
Is this a regular thing?
I don't understand the take a bullet thing.
ETA - I never felt my husband didn't love/care about our children. He was more 'relaxed' around our infants. I think we're called 'mama bears' for a reason. I know I was overprotective. We had a couple of mishaps. I don't know any parents who haven't.
Then there are moms who have pretty severe anxiety or depression and kind of cross over into being pretty unreasonable. You might be crossing into that territory. You sound pretty insecure from your last post. I don't know. Maybe ask a close trusted friend or sister if that sounds like you.
I hate to generalize about people, but in my opinion it is usually the Mom that is better at providing safety and protection for the baby/kid(s). It just seems to be wired into us and sometimes moms get over protective! My kids are 9 and 15 now, and I know many times I have thought what my husband is doing with the kids or letting them do is slightly unsafe and NOT how I would handle it. Yes, I say something or I INSIST he do it the safer way. I can give many examples...like him letting our kids ride bikes with him without a helmet. He let them do this once and hilariously another mom friend saw them and spoke to him about it and then told me! I then made the rule that nope, we always wear helmets. This does not make him a bad father...in fact he is a great great Dad! He just is much more relaxed about things. Sometimes a bit clueless! This does not mean he loves the kids less than I do! Your husband loves your baby as much as you, I'm sure. So, hang in there. When you see your husband doing something unsafe tell him, no, from now on you need to do xyz.
(PS - Don't overreact and end things with him! That's over the top. Also, be careful not to become an overprotective helicopter mom! If you continue to be so agitated that you want to end your relationship go seek therapy or marriage therapy. Your child needs their dad as much as their mom and you need to learn to work on problems and not just throw in the towel. I've been married 20 plus years and it takes a TON of work. Good luck)
Okay so many may not agree with me on this..it also depends on each personality ( warm and fuzzy or cold and hands off type of parenting) but I think women after carrying the baby for many months, constantly thinking of what to eat, sleep, rest and worrisome drs appointments, etc, feel more attached with the baby-and we are. ( again my opinion)
Now the baby is out we tend to behave the same ( especially Baby is young and our 1st) is being overly protective ( do t get me wrong sometimes it’s the dads)
Now thinking about divorce because he did not put baby in his crib or bassinet.. that’s definitely not a normal thing hun. Now I don’t know if he or you have other children.. but you learn as you go along. Fathers learn along with mothers. And you did say you went to brush your teeth, maybe you and him should have put the baby to bed 1st?
Now I will say if you trusted him enough to get prego, so at some point you though he would make a good father.
Try to stop yourself from negative thoughts, this should be an amazing bonding time for both parents. And you do not need to think that someone must jump in front of a moving train or take a bullet to prove they live the baby. If you remember talk is cheap ( from dating).
Baby needs both parents and a stable happy home be be raised healthy.
Also we women go through a lot of changes.. physically and emotionally.. do you think you might have ppd ( postpartum depression)?!
Try to relax more hun! And definitely talk to your dr! Lots of luck!
Males often don't have the same instincts about babies that women do. You don't need to break up your child's family over this, you just may need to watch the baby until your fiance learns how to take care of him properly. It doesn't mean he doesn't love him, it just means that he's a man.
Men and women are different. You will need to allow your fiance to care for his child differently than you do. If it's a matter of safety, then you will need to be the primary caretaker until your baby is older. In my family, I did most of the caretaking of my children, because my husband wasn't always that good at it, and my husband and I are still together. Breaking up my kids' family would not have been a good solution, and would have hurt the children more.
Your fiance could have just fallen asleep and figured (in his sleepiness) that the baby would stay on the bed as long as HE was asleep, too. He may have had a hand or arm on the baby, but moved it in his sleep. In a case like that I would wake my fiance up and tell him of the danger right under his nose. If you're afraid it will happen again put up some of those bed-side rails--probably a good idea anyway.
I think because you carried him for the 9 months, YOU being the one to feel most of the kicks, etc. first hand it makes you MORE defensive. Plus, I think hormones/chemicals going through you from the whole pregnancy/birth intensify that feeling. They are built-in that go with the territory, and that's a GOOD thing.
Your fiance probably just needs a good wake-up call about being more attentive. And I hope I'm right about that. I hate to tell you, but YOU will do things you regret, too. All parents make mistakes. But you learn from them and move on as best you can.
I know how you feel is discouraging, but he will care for the child when he is older and more yet when he is a teen. You have to be careful that he does NOT push you aside. Men are very possessive and you will not be needed anymore. You have to be smart. Sometimes they do this because their parents were not very loving or caring with them.. Do nit push, don't fight you will find yourself out of the circle later on.. Mothers would take a bullet for their child but children do not understand that either.. Children do not until they have their own children.. Sad ? That is motherhood! Not easy..
Updated
I know how you feel is discouraging, but he will care for the child when he is older and more yet when he is a teen. You have to be careful that he does NOT push you aside. Men are very possessive and you will not be needed anymore. You have to be smart. Sometimes they do this because their parents were not very loving or caring with them.. Do nit push, don't fight you will find yourself out of the circle later on.. Mothers would take a bullet for their child but children do not understand that either.. Children do not until they have their own children.. Sad ? That is motherhood! Not easy..
Updated
I know how you feel is discouraging, but he will care for the child when he is older and more yet when he is a teen. You have to be careful that he does NOT push you aside. Men are very possessive and you will not be needed anymore. You have to be smart. Sometimes they do this because their parents were not very loving or caring with them.. Do nit push, don't fight you will find yourself out of the circle later on.. Mothers would take a bullet for their child but children do not understand that either.. Children do not until they have their own children.. Sad ? That is motherhood! Not easy..
Updated
I know how you feel is discouraging, but he will care for the child when he is older and more yet when he is a teen. You have to be careful that he does NOT push you aside. Men are very possessive and you will not be needed anymore. You have to be smart. Sometimes they do this because their parents were not very loving or caring with them.. Do nit push, don't fight you will find yourself out of the circle later on.. Mothers would take a bullet for their child but children do not understand that either.. Children do not until they have their own children.. Sad ? That is motherhood! Not easy..
There was a recent post with some similar circumstances. In that case it sounded pretty severe. I suggest you guys get some parenting classes or discuss the danger of this and make it loud and clear that is unacceptable. And remember you too would be liable if something happens to your baby. Fiance may just be exhausted but most parents are so he needs to get it together. I totally understand why you said that.
I totally get what you are saying.
From what I have seen around me, women are the better caregivers because they carry the baby for 9 months.
My husb had kids w/prev wife so I thought he'd be great from day one.
While he was understanding, he did not help out as much as I thought he would being a seasoned dad.
It wasn't until our youngest was about 2 that he started helping.
I feel it's because males don't have that bonding stage so when they're old enough to be cute and do little amazing things, they aren't hardwired to "check in".
Just calmly tell your fiancé that he needs to be very aware that he is an infant and will rely on you both for everything! From feeding, changing, to burping, to watching out for dangers.
Calmly state that he needs to keep that careful, watchful, awake eye while he is with him.
