I am just feeling so sad lately! I don't know what to do.
Background: I'm 15 weeks pregnant with my second and I have a 27 month old boy. My husband and I are living with his parents right now to save some more money to buy our first house. I'm a full time student in an accellerated program for pharmacy technician. Husband works full time.
I'll just throw everything out there: My mother-in-law and I can get along, but I don't like her. I'm soft spoken so she really doesn't know that I don't like her. She is the complete opposite of me though, so we just don't click. I do love and respect her though, she has helped us a lot and does love us. But man, she stresses me out!
I'm having a hard time adjusting to hardly ever seeing my husband. I leave for school at 6:30am, I get done at noon then meet him at his work to pick up our son (this way we can avoid daycare for now). So I see him for about 10 seconds, enough for a kiss goodbye. He doesn't get home from work until around 10 pm, sometimes later. Being pregnant and exhausted all the time, I go to bed at 8:30-9ish. So I only see him on the weekends, and even then it seems we're busy with the toddler and hardly get any time to reconnect. I know I sound like a baby, especially compared to people who's husbands are over-sea. But I can't help the way I feel. I feel so lonely. I don't have any friends. We've all disconnected over the years, or they've made the choice to go down bad paths that I don't want my family or my children around. So I find myself with no friends and lonely. And because I hardly get to see my husband, I don't want to complain to him about how I'm feeling. I have this irrational feeling that he's going to leave me. He is a wonderful, hardworking man that I love from the bottom of my heart. And he shows me that he loves me too, and I know he does. So why the heck do I feel this way?? I think it's because my self-esteem is so low right now, and I don't like me very much, so I guess I feel like he shouldn't like me either.
My two year old is usually a pretty good kid. But he is two, and definately has those moments. I'm usually a very patient and calm person, but lately I just get so frustrated and impatient with him! Sometimes I yell at him, and I feel so guilty about it! I don't like yelling, and I've been trying to stay calm with him, but sometimes I just get so overwhelmed I either yell or cry. I want him to see me happy.
I read somewhere that 10-20% of pregnant women can actually become depressed during pregnancy, could that be what is going on? I just feel so overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, emotional, sad... And I feel like most of it is irrational. I'm normally okay. I do have a history of depression, but that was years ago. I've been pretty happy until I got pregnant.
This pregnancy was planned, and I am very happy to have this life growing inside of me, and ecstatic to have him/her join our family. However, I'm worried that all this stress I'm under (rational or not) is affecting the baby. What should I do? Has anyone developed depression DURING pregnancy? Or is this just me?
L.,
I know exactly how you feel... I also know that it does get better. It does help to have someone to talk to.
I live in Battle Ground and I have a 4 year old daughter and a 10 month old son. If you'd like to meet for coffee or go to the library sometime, let me know, I am a good listener.
M.
Congrats on the baby. Congrats on your continuing education. Congrats on you n hubby saving to buy your first house. See how many things you have to be proud of. I think its just your hormones. I know your feeling down right now, but your situation is only temporary. Soon you will have your baby, be finished with school, and have your dream home. You'll look back at this post and say to yourself, that was then, this is now. Good Luck. And cheer up. You have a lot to look forward to.
L.,
I think it may be time to be kind to yourself. To take care of yourself. All the people who say, "cheer up!" can go fly a kite.
Okay, let's name the amazingly difficult things you are handling right now;
1. Going to school
2. Living with the in-laws
3. Raising a toddler pretty much on your own
4. Creating life in your own body
Sheesh, woman! You've gotta go take a nap! Any one of those things is enough stress on it's own. And you have to do each and every one of them every day? No wonder you feel defeated, deflated and depressed! You are basically superwoman, did you know that?
I think you should talk to your OB/GYN about your feelings and worries immediately. Today. I guarantee just picking up the phone and getting the ball rolling will eleviate some stress. Also, I liked the suggestion some one made about talking to an on-campus counselor. Treat this just like any other medical symptoms you are having, because I guarantee that this is medical. Pregnancy hormones get the blame for a lot of things - and rightly so. They can wring you out, twist you up, make you into a crazy woman. I went through it with my second as well and I am pretty familliar with what you're feeling right now.
Aside from talking to your doctor, please take the time to be good to yourself. I know you don't have time right now, but try and indulge a little 'you' time when you can. Be greedy. You need to.
All the best to you
Your feelings are normal for the situation you are in. Is there anyway you and your husband can make some changes? This much stress cant be good for you right now. Could your MIL help with child care so your hubby can change his work hours ? Your children are your life right now and you cant put your life off for when you finish school and when you buy your house... These years will be gone soon and you'll look back at the blur that went by and wish you could have enjoyed those years.
Since you are a full time student there should be a counselor on campus who you can talk to. But I think the main thing here is you need some friends. There must be a fellow student who you can hang out with. Also check into getting daycare assistance through your county. Hopefully you can qualify for assistance and your son can be in daycare while you are at school. There should also be a daycare at your school. If you are not running to go pick up your son, you should be able to stay at school to study, get some counseling, and maybe find some friends.
And yes a lot of it could be horomones but that doen't mean you don't need someone to talk to or have friends.
L.,
I feel so bad for you. You have A LOT going on and all of your feelings are normal. I would suggest talking to your doctor first and then going to see a counselor if you can. Sounds to me like you may have depression but it seems like your school, husband's work, 2 year old, living with your MIL, not having anyone to talk to, etc., is the REASON for your depression, not to mention your hormones are all outta whack. So in my opinion there is nothing wrong with YOU. You just need some TLC and a break. Maybe you could give yourself a nice bath or do something for yourself to help you relax so you can be there for your 2 year old. I don't know what to say about your MIL. Not much can be done there. Just keep your distance as much as you can. Keep a gratitude journal to help your mind stay focused on the positive and try to eat healthy and gets lots of rest.
My thoughts are with you,
L.
L.,
I think is very understandable that you feel overwhelm with all that is going on. I do agree with Chetina, all this sacrifice will eventually paid off.
Be kind to your self, enjoy weekends alone with your husband, 2 years old are difficult some times but they get better and sweeter, while you may want to leave the MIL issues to your own (or share with us) I think everything else is ok to share with you husband, that is what couples do and you need his support.
Maybe he would like to tell you things too but he doesn't want to bother you either and both of you are feeling lonely?
Try text him here and there to keep some comunication too, and perhaps if you have any energy find a moms group in your area to find new friends would help.
Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling so lonely and overwhelmed!
I can only imagine how tough it is to only see your DH on weekends. My DH worked 2nd shift for the 1st seven years or so that we were married. I HATED it because I always felt so lonely. I usually only saw him for an hour or 2 a day. You see even less of your DH than I did, PLUS you have the stress of not being in your own home, caring for a toddler, and being a student. Your plate is pretty full, and you don't have a lot of support.
It does sound like you're suffering from depression. I've struggled with it on and off over the years as well. I found some information about depression in pregnancy that might be helpful-
http://www.webmd.com/baby/pregnancy-depression
I also found some information that I found interesting about using acupuncture to treat it- I've never tried acupuncture, but it sounds like a # of women have had good results with it-
http://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20100222/acupuncture...
Hope this helps. Please feel free to PM me any time you want someone to communicate with :)
I was depressed during my secound pregnancy. I thought it was just hormones but when they didn't end up going away after I had the baby and I had PPD. I would talk to your doctor. I am not sure what they do for pregnancy depression though because I didn't realize thats what was going on. Try to look on the bright side of things pretty soon you will be in your own home and away from your MIL. Your son will not always make you crazy. You won't be in school forever. You will be having a new baby soon and that's always exciting. You won't be soo exhausted forever so you'll be seeing your husband soon. I know your saving money but you and your husband should have a date night on the weekends. Go to dinner and take a long time to eat. Or you could rent a hotel room and just be together without your family around if your inlaws will keep your son. I don't know your faith but you could join a church and you would make friends there with good values. Keep your head up and just keep reminding yourself that it's going to get better!
I am so sorry you're feeling this way. You have a lot going on, are under both physical, mental, and emotional stress from all avenues...no wonder you are overwhelmed. I have been there...you'll get through it, that's all I can say. Think about how strong you are and how wonderful your husbands is.
Also, maybe when he comes to bed, wake up and talk every night for 20 minutes. That 20 minutes could become precious. :)
Talk to your doctor.
Your doctor can help you sort out if you are just hormonal from the pregnancy, worn out and worn down from the schedule you keep, or if there is more to it than that. Then you can either figure out what to do to deal with it (if there IS more to it) or you can put it aside and not have THAT worry hanging over your head, too.
I realize you don't want to burden your husband with your worrisome thoughts right now, but talk to him. You don't have to tell him that are worried he might leave you.... but you NEED to tell him that you are having a difficult time adjusting to not seeing him much. Tell him that you miss him. Of course you do! Maybe the two of you can figure out a way to reconnect better. But he can't help you figure out how if he doesn't know how you are being affected by it. Maybe one day a week you can grab a sandwich together at lunch, instead of just a 10 second peck/pick up the kid moment. Maybe your MIL, who sounds like a nice enough lady that just isn't your best friend (which is SO normal), could watch your 2 yr old for a few hours on the weekend so you and hubby can be alone... go to the bookstore and browse and chat in the coffee shop. Go sit in a dark movie theater together and hold hands. Get there early before they turn the house lights down, and talk some before they start the previews/commercials. That's what me & my husband do sometimes. If you get your seat 15 minutes before the start time... there is usually NO ONE in the theater. You can talk freely. It's really kinda neat, because you still feel like you should be whispering. :)
Do you keep a journal? That might help you sort through some of the emotions you are feeling.
Congrats on the new baby. And congrats on furthering your education and hubby being so hard-working! And you are so blessed to have in-laws who are helping you get your house in order so things will be better down the road.
Be happy you see your husband on the weekends. I have three children. The youngest is 11 months old. My husband has been working 7 days a week since she was a month old. He has only had one day off which was Christmas Day. I am with my children all by myself while he is at work. I sometimes feel alone but I make myself be happy and content with my life where it is right now. Count your blessings, enjoy your child and your time with your husband and quit stressing. Your attitude and how you feel is 99% in your control. Things won't be like this forever. In one year things will be different. They may be worse or they may be better but they will be different so enjoy this time now.
So sorry you are going through this. Women can experience depression during pregnancy. There is an organization in the Portland/Vancouver area called Baby Blues Connection that helps mothers going through perinatal mood disorders. It is a non-profit organization that is completely free for mothers. Their website is www.babybluesconnection.org and they offer phone support, informational packets, referrals if needed, and support groups. They have a toll-free number listed on their website. Take care!
