I Am Having a Hard Time Getting the Kids to Bed at Night!

Start with the baby, bathe early and get down very early. Then do the 2 in the middle, finally, the oldest. Read a story at dinner or before, when you put them down, hug and kiss, and that is all, do everything else early and tell them, this is for night night, and when I put you in bed, you need to go right to sleep. It may take a week or 2, Be very firm. It will really pay off in the end, and you will feel so much better. Good luck.

I have a two year old that sleeps with us because we are too lazy to make her go into her own bed. She will sleep in her own bed but only if we lay with her. I feel for you with 4. Hang in there.

I too have four children and was once in the same situation with bed time. Till my friend gave me her secret. After reading instead of laying down with the kids I told them I was going to sit with them with the lights off (sometimes I used my balance ball and could nurse the baby too while I sat) sometimes I would sing a song or two after lights out and then quietly sit with them. every night for almost a week then I would sit with them for about ten minutes or till they were settled then I would say I will be back in five minutes to check on you and I made sure I did that and sat longer if needed. after two weeks my kids were getting the hang of things and I would turn the lights out sing one song and tell them I will be back to check on them in ten minutes and say goodnight. It did take about three weeks total but my evenings were much more enjoyable. good luck to you and remember, this too shall pass.

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Give yourself a lot of credit... having four kids is tough! (Mine are 11, 8, 4 and 3! Boy, boy, girl, girl, snip, snip!)

Only advice I would give is that you tell them, at the start, that you will lay with them for five minutes only if they get ready quickly and without fuss. If they do a GREAT job without any reminders, you might even add a few more minutes! Then it's their choice and you can remind them of that as you hug and leave.

I once tried to have them take turns "being the boss." That is, one child would be responsible for getting the others in order. At first they were really excited about getting to boss around their siblings, but I reminded them that it was going to be their siblings turn the next day and to be a good boss! It was really cute and I was suprised at how it worked. We got away from it for a while, but you might see what happens (make the older boys boss for the night of each other, then switch.)

Good luck... like they say, we will miss this once the kids are grown!!! :-)

I'd suggest watching some of the 'Nanny' shows (NOT 'The Nanny' as in 'Fran Fine', but Nanny 911, Take-Home Nanny, Supernanny). Your kids are 'guilting you' (DON'T let them do this!) and 'ruling the roost'. They need YOU to be in charge (even if you don't FEEL in charge, you must BE. 'Fake it til you make it' -- calmly and cool-ly).

First off, don't 'repeatedly' tell them ANYTHING. If you don't mean it, don't say it and if you say it, MAKE IT HAPPEN! Know what you want to happen and cause (MAKE) it to happen however you need to! Make a list/chart and stick to it AMAP (as much as possible)!

Since you have stairs, have the boys run up and down 'so many' times before their bath or bedtime. And/Or give them 10 minutes to wear off their energy then it's bedtime (and ENFORCE IT).

How about this:
Storytime/Book reading downstairs for all 4 kids, then
Baths, changing for bed, putting toys away, clothes in hamper, etc.
Quick prayer (all together) in upstairs hallway. Sometimes have them add their own prayer, youngest to oldest so that no one's intimidated. (When our family --now grown with 3 grandkids-- have communal prayer, we even interrupt each other with 'add-on's. Hey, God knows we're not fully 'holy' all the other 24.9 hrs a day!)
Kiss them in the hallway, and off to bed (except for the youngest).

God doesn't coddle us like we think our kids need coddled, so be a little more demanding. They'll quickly measure up to your expectations of you REALLY 'expect' them to!

This will be hard for everyone, but my advice is do what you as parents agree to do. Our routine with our kids when they get home from school is a light snack, playtime inside or out, clean up for dinner, eat dinner, watch 30 min of parent approved TV, jammies and get ready for bed. Our son reads to my husband (son is 8), and I read with my 5 yr old daughter. Then that's it, lights out.

Yes, it was hard coming up with this routine, as DH is the worst.

I read a book called How to Have a New Child by Friday. It would be a great read for you. It's basically set the rules, then stand by them. The kids may not like it, but they will understand that you mean business...you still love them, but you need to do what's right for them, having them get the right amout of sleep, etc.

We struggled a bit with bedtime when the boys started school so I made a new rule. If you are not ready for bed by bedtime there would be no TV (or whatever) the next day. It didn't take long. Of course this would only work with the older ones. Also, they had to be in the tub by a certain time to get a story. You have to get really tough and follow through with consequences. My 7 yr. old had a late Tball game at 7 pm this spring and he told the coach he couldn't make it to the game because he had to be in the tub by 8. Ha! I told him we could make an exception for that.

When we broke our son, who is now 5, of us laying with him, we had to prepare him for it. We had to say, "as of Friday, mommy and daddy will no longer lay down with you, you are now 4 yrs old and you are old enough to fall asleep on your own. We will let you pick your book as long as you go to bed on your own, if you do not go to sleep by yourself, then the next night you will go to bed earlier for making us waste time laying with you". I would suggest that you tell the two oldest children that as of ??? (pick a day about 3 days from now)..Friday they will be doing a new routine going to bed. "you are old enough now to be going to bed like big boys." "starting Friday you will get your pajamas on, brush your teeth, and go potty by yourself. If you do this the first time we ask you to do it, you will be allowed to pick out two books (or whatever reward you think they will like) and if you do not, you may get reading time taken away that night" "If you are not in bed with the lights out by 8pm, (or whatever time you see appropriate) you will start your bedtime routine 15 mins earlier the next night and if you still do not listen, you will go to bed without a story. You must be firm with them and you MUST stick to whatever you say. They really do learn if you do what you say. With our son, whenever he does not listen or has behaved badly, we tell him that he is going to bed without a story. Sometimes if he has gone two nights that week w/ out a story, I tell him that since I think he needs to be read to, tonight if he behaves badly, he is going to go to bed without dessert. Sometimes he goes to bed before his younger sister which he really hates. You have to determine what will affect the kids the most. If it is playing with toys that they continue to do, take that toy away right then and they do not get it back until the next day. Another thing you can do is threaten them with going to bed earlier each night they do not listen. If you do all that and they still do not listen, leave the room telling them that you will be back in 5 mins and if they are not dressed and in bed, they will go to bed directly after dinner tomm. You and your husband need to talk to them together and be firm. Stick to what you say!

If your one child says he is too tired to get ready for bed, tell him then he is too tired for a story and to get in bed NOW. Tell him if he is too tired to put his jammies on, he can go to bed in his clothes, and turn off the light. I bet he gets up and gets dressed.
Good luck! W.

My son will be 7 next month and my daughter will be 5 in October. Here is our routine.

At 7:30 the kids are sent upstairs. If it is not bath night, they have to change underwear and put on pajamas and come back down. On bath nights, they get undressed, go potty, and get ready for a bath.

Once they are back down, we clean up toys. Then we drink milk or water. Each child gets 1 book of their choice (unless it is really long and then we only read part of it). If we are really running late, we may only read 1 book (and whoever was the leader for the day gets to pick it). After books, we have hugs and kisses. Then we go upstairs to brush teeth and go potty one more time. While one of them goes potty, the other brushes teeth and vice versa. The kids get in bed, we tuck them in, dim their lights, and say god night. We do not lay down with them.

If one of the kids gets up or calls us upstairs without a good reason then he/she gets counted. Once he/she gets to 3, we take away a stuffed animal for the night. They almost never get counted at all, much loess to a 3! Good reasons for getting up include being sick, really having to go potty (you get counted for not really having to go or only making a drop or two), or some other real problem.

About the leader for the day: my son is the leader on odd days and my duaghter is the leader on even days.

Do your kids use nightlights? We installed ceiling fans in the kids rooms that have a dimmer switch and a remote control. We dim the light low so that it gives more light than a regular night light but is low enough for them to sleep. They sleep with their doors open and the hall light dimmed low too.

Have a set time the kids need to be in bed by such as 8:00. Nurse the baby before it is time to start getting the other kids ready so you won't hve to interrupt your routine for that. If you have 2 bathrooms. have your husband take 2 kids to 1 BR while you take the other kids to the other BR. That way, you only have to help 2 kids brush teeth and go potty. Since they will have already put on pajamas and read books, all that is left it getting in bed and tucking them in. You can each listen to prayers for the 2 kids you were responsible for. Make the rounds to kiss everyone good night. Do not lay down with them. You may have to gradually wean them off but the sooner the better. You and your husband can alternate which 2 kids you are responsible for each night so that you get to hear everyone's prayers at some point during the week. On the nights your husband is not home, it will be a little crazier but still doable. You could make a game of getting teeth brushed (properly) and getting in bed first. Maybe you could put the 1 year old in her crib to listen to music while you tuck the other 3 in.

Good luck!!

Hey, I've got 4. My first two are close in age and then there is about a two year gap and then my younger two are close in age. My oldest is now 12. Bedtime became an issue for us around the time our oldest went to Kindergarten. Then it became imperative that they get in bed and go to sleep. We've done two things that have worked so well that we really don't even do them anymore b/c they are all good about going to bed now. First, we would set a timer for our oldest child in his room and tell him that if he was all ready and in bed by the time the timer went off then he would get to do something in bed (book, gameboy, etc) for so many minutes--like maybe 10 minutes. Usually he fell asleep by the time those 10 "extra" minutes were up! Then we started doing it with our 2nd child and he loved it! It became a game for them and they learned that they had to be all ready (pj's, teeth, room clean, etc) to get the extra time.
The other thing we did as they got a little older was we had a "deal" to where if they were in bed on time and went to sleep during the school week then we would let them stay up "x" extra minutes on either Friday or Saturday night. That usually meant enough time after dinner to watch a kid movie/have popcorn. They loved this! Good luck!

E., YOU have a routine, the kids do not. Your routine is fighting until they have exhausted themselves to sleep. They just do whatever until they have exhausted themselves to sleep. This is not a routine.

I suggest you begin by sitting with your husband and making a plan together. Make a chart for each kid that defines each ones' routine. The exact time and chore they should be doing for their bedtime routine. Don't back down. If one gets off task be firm that you will not allow it.
The goal is to eventually get them in the routine without needing the chart. And maybe some stickers on the chart in the places they completed the task on time will help.

Either way, whatever direction you decide to take with these children make sure you find a routine.

Also, it's not a bad habit to lay with your children. That is a precious time with them. They will want to talk and hug and all that good stuff before sleeping. It's a good comfort. They will outgrow it. God Bless.

No t.v. or rough housing after dinner. Don't wait until 7 PM to start the bedtime routine. Our routine starts the moment I pick them up from school. It goes like this: yardplay and roughhousing, dinner, bathtime (one kids at a time), p.j.'s, reading, last potty trip, quiet flashlight time in bed with music, sleep. It works for us. From bathtime on we do one kid at a time with the youngest going to bed at 6:30 or 7 PM and the oldest in bed with his flashlight no later than 8:30 PM.

It's a sacrifice on my part that there's no t.v. on in the evening but a smooth, tear free bedtime makes up for it.

Sounds frustrating. I'll say a prayer for you.

Giving the kids one instruction at a time might help. Tell them to brush their teeth, and after they brush tell them to put pajamas on, etc.

Perhaps the story time could be an incentive. If you have a clock on the wall you could show them that they have 10 minutes and if they haven't done what you've told them to do to get themselves ready for bed by a certain time ("when the big hand is on the number 3" or something like that), then no story time. If they have completed what you told them to do, then they get story time.

Maybe you could phase-out laying with them, decreasing the amount of time each night?

I can only tell you what I did:

My two older children (6 &5) have had "bedtime routines" for the last two years that they can read and follow, and they have not changed. I set it up in word with simple words, its a few simple steps and it starts with dinner.

1. Dinner
2. Put up toys
3. Shower/ Bath
4. Pajama Time
5. Brush: teeth, hair, ect.
6. Bedtime prayers

There are pictures before the words so they know what to do and I make them do it by themselves. I just thought about what I want them to do before bed. And then wrote it down we followed it for a week without them knowing it, an dthen I made the paper put it in a page protector hung it in an inconspicous area in their room and they flip it from morning to bedtime when needed.

I forgot to mention we have one for morning. I got all this from flylady.net Not the actual routines, but the ideas to have them. Plus, it helps to maintain consistancy when you hubby is helping instead of you helping.

As for the one who insists that he can't do it or is too tired, talk him through it (like take your arms out of the shirt, then pull it over your head, ect.) but DO NOT PHYSICALLY help him and when he does it make a big fuss about how big he is and how he CAN do it if he really trys. My son still requires this, its more about him getting my attention. And I don't mind giving him attention when he is begin a good boy.

Hope That helps,
~T

Routine, routine, routine. Sit down with your husband and talk about how to make changes. WRITE DOWN and even use a time table that will be easy to follow and not forget what to do next, (you will not need it after a while.) Then, sit down with your children and talk to them about what is going on. Do it when you and your husband are calmed, not overwhelmed. Children do not like change SO, don't mention the word change or you will scare them. Tell them that Mommy and daddy are going to work together and make bedtime routine more fun. Here are some ideas: Instead of putting them all to bed at the same time, work with one or two children at a time. Start with the baby and that way you can tell them that the baby is down for bed and they have to be quiet. If they share rooms do it together. DO NOT let then watch TV before bed, instead read them a book, or two. Play a game with them while brushing their teeth. (count their teeth aloud and check for sugar bugs or monsters, sing a song or tell tell them a story of you growing up.) Instead of laying down with them, put a chair inside their room by the door, tell them that you are going to sit down instead of laying down and after a few minutes leave AND REASURE them that you will be back to check on them. DO go back and check on them, sit down for a minute (or more if nessesary) and then leave again. After a few nights, move the chair into the hall and do the same thing. After a few night you will not need the chair and just come back to check on them. After a while you will not need to go back at all. You and your husband have to work together and be consistent with the routine. This is not going to be easy but if you stick to YOUR plan it will work.

http://www.drhull.com/ visit this site and if you can afford the DVD, buy it. IT IS WORTH IT and you can e-mail the Dr. any questions you may have. He responds withing 24 hours. After my husband and I lost a child, we gave up on the second child's routine. After two years of no routine and a new baby we bought the DVD and to this day they both have a routine we stick to. Work together and be consistent. Good luck!

Hi E., I feel your pain here with three kids. Everybody so far has had great ideas that I support. 1) Have a specific routine, every night, that the kids can get very used to and know what to do/where to be. At least the bigger kids can manage most of the routine on their own, 2) divide and conquer: you have specific duties and your hubby has his, and 3) until they get better at it, start earlier (7:00 is late!). Organization and structure will be your best friend. If you deviate from it, they will take advantage of it! My kids also will whine and want me to lay in their bed with them, I feel guilty saying no but it would put me in my own bed too late. Maybe you could do "first one with all of their 'chores' done each night gets special time with mom", or... you could have a specific night per child to make it more fair. That way you're not spreading yourself too thin!

I do have to add that this sounds VERY normal and some aspects won't change. But you can help it a ton. Good luck!

I like what Dawn said -- divide and conquer! :-)

It sounds like you're ready to give up lying down with the kids at night (even if they protest, which they will). They expect it, and will take some getting used to, to change. But it's like potty-training -- it's a lot easier each time you change one diaper to change that diaper than to go through the process of potty-training; but once you get your child trained, it's so much easier not to change diapers any more. Right now, it's gonna be tough to get your kids to go to sleep without lying down with them, but once they get used to it, it'll be a lot easier to tell them to go to sleep and they do it.

I've just recently had to do this with my two-year-old -- I nursed him until he was about 22 months old, so he was used to getting up and coming into my room whenever he woke up, as well as nursing to go to sleep. When I weaned him, it was a tough transition to get him to understand that "bed-time" meant *bed-time* -- that once I laid him down in his bed, he wasn't allowed to get back up. Now, I tell them to go to sleep (my older son is almost 4), and we do our bedtime routine -- bathroom, teeth, story, prayers, kiss, and lights out. If my younger son hasn't gotten his "snuggle quotient" during the day, he occasionally protests and I hug him for a few minutes, but then that's it. He is now used to the routine, and it's soooo much easier!

Just stick with it, and it will eventually get better.