My husband deployed over a year ago and was in Afghanistan for 5 months. He came back and had very short temper fuse. I was about 3 months pregnant so when he went off so did I. Even a year after he still has that short fuse. I am about 2 months pregnant now again, and it doesn't help because they are petty arguments. Like the one we had earlier was about the don't ask don't tell policy for the military. In my opinion I think it is wrong to kick someone out of the military because of their sexual orientation. He explained saying they were afraid that the gay person would be looking or feeling up on someone during a battle. He says they are stupid and show off in some way they are gay. I told him not all of them are like that especially if they like their military career. He starts yelling at me, I don't yell at him and it hurts my feels and with me being pregnant I cry easily. I have enough to deal with with my 5 month old son. My husband usually comes home around 5 to 5:30 and only spends maybe 30 minutes with his son before he goes to bed. His temper is still short when our son cries because he doesn't want to go to sleep, and I am the one who watches him all day not him. I just need some advice or maybe just someone to talk to. I feel lonely since I am here in South Korea and have no friends.
My husband had been tested for PTSD and was said he doesn't have it. The doctor said he is stressed but shouldn't be bad. Unfortunately we don't have our things from the states yet and won't receive them until the 1st. Its really annoying because my husband thinks I never try to stop arguments and I do all the time. He thinks he is the better one and I just am second rate. Its really frustrating because I have a lot on my plate even though he doesn't think so. I don't work but I still have other things I do. I have doctors appointment, doctors appointments for my son, trying to get WIC overseas done. I am so sick with this pregnancy I can't even go into my own kitchen except to make a bottle for my son. I try playing with him but its hard. I told my husband that I think I might have postpartum depression and he said "NO YOU DON'T!!! your pregnant so its your hormones." But to me I really don't think so.
I've never beeen in the military and don't know anyone that has but don't they have free counseling on base for people that have come back from war? I'm guessing that this is happening to a lot of people when they come back from the middle east. Do you live right on base too where there are other moms you can talk to for support? Lots of *hugs* to you. Take care!
I'm a Marine wife of seven years and my husband has deployed four times to the front lines of war in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has NEVER treated me in this manner nor would he ever. PTSD is one thing and being mean to your pregnant wife is another. We are only hearing your version of the story, of course, but sounds like you are all pretty unhappy and need marital counseling. I'm not trying to be harsh - sorry if it sounds that way. I just think a lot of people attribute bad behavior automatically to PTSD when there has been a deployment. Sounds like there are some other issues going on as well. You also can seek help if you are feeling depressed (as many of us do after a move.) Relocating is hard with a young family and money strains that come with it. Base chaplains are a wealth of resources (even if you aren't religious) and you can always contact your family readiness officer for your unit for help with anything. Bottom line is get help if you need it and put on a smile as best you can. Get settled, find friends, do your best to be sweet to your husband and know you aren't alone. Moves are really rough.
Does the base have a counselor that he (and you) could see? Most soldiers returning from war have some emotional scars, and his seem to be ones that could be handled through counseling.
I'm a retired police officer and police marriages are often disrupted by the violence and stupidity with which officers deal every day. Rarely are our experiences as heavy as the ones seen by soldiers during war but the stress on their marriages is similar.
It's my understanding that counseling is available for military families. I don't know your situation in relation to a base but I'd make phone calls until you find a resource for help.
It's also my understanding that the military, just as the police, want spouses to tell commanding officers if there is extra stress at home. Even tho your husband probably denies it, fighting at home does affect work and can put him and his co-workers in danger. If you have to, use the threat of calling his CO as a way of getting him to seek counseling on his own.
He may not be suffering PTSD. Actually he probably isn't if he's still on active duty. However, how was he evaluated? If you know what the professionals are looking for you can usually fake it and come out looking OK. Did he tell them about what was happening at home? I suggest that you may have to be the one who seeks counseling for him.
I also suggest that you get counseling. Doing so will help you learn ways to manage your stress as well as ways to deal with your husband. Towards this end I also suggest that you look up non-violent communication on the Internet. It's about wording what we say in such a manner that the other person is better able to hear what we mean.
Perhaps you guys can agree to disagree on subjects such as this. His personal experience from the policy may be hard due to some things he has personally seen or experienced that you couldn't understnad. I understand you saying not all are like that, but perhaps he feels like you are discounting his experiences.
A lot of men who have been deployed are coming back with short fuses and different or more volatile reactions to stress, mainly from PTSD. I hope in South Korea you can go to counseling together to work these things out, or at least him to learn more coping skills. He really sounds like he could be possibly depressed or very stressed out.
It's very sad he is not spending time with his baby, especially knowing a second is on the way so soon. Perhaps you can try to focus on reinventing a family togetherness night or even a date night with you two... even if it is just cuddling and watching a movie together and eating a yummy treat.
As for you, perhaps you can make friends at a local church or soldier's wives group?
He needs to talk to someone about getting counseling to see if he is experiencing PTSD and how he can deal with it. War is impossible to understand, because there is no way to wrap our heads around that kind of pain and it messes with your ability to control your emotions and your sense of well being. Sadly, it gets taken out on the ones you love most. He can't share that with you. He can't really share it with anyone. That doesn't make it easy on you, though. He needs professional help and the military is obligated to provide him with it.
If you go to www.thisamericanlife.org and stream the most recent episode, the last segment is a soldier talking about how his time as an artillery man affected him. It might help you understand what your hubby is going through and the kind of help he needs.
Good luck and as an American, I'm so sorry.
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He probably has PTSD and should talk to someone about it. Try to be understanding, you would probably be different too, after being in a war. Encourage him to get counseling and that he is not weird for having this. It's completely normal
