Husband Doesn't Want Me to Go to the Club

Dear L.,

You have had lots of good advise and suggestions from the other Mamas. I'm 55 and probably older than most on here, but I remember the club scene. I loved to dance, and when I married I married a wonderful man that can't carry a tune or keep a beat. But as many have already said, it's a matter of priorities. When I went to the clubs it was always in the hope of meeting a cool guy to hook up with. All the guys and gals are checking each other out. That's what people expect and that's why they think you are there. There is real danger in putting yourself in a situation where temptation is obviously there, even if you don't plan on acting on it. It's too easy to get carried away, and just ONE TIME will ruin your marriage. Even if no one knows, you will know and so does God. I remember a few weeks after we were married, I had a really vivid "single" dream one night. As I woke up, feeling great, I suddenly remembered that I wasn't single anymore and in my foggy state of mind I believed that I had gone out and cheated on my husband. Two thoughts came crushing down and brought me to tears. First, I felt the pain my husband was going to feel, and second I knew that what is done can never be undone. You would not believe how thankful I was to wake up fully and realize that it was just a dream and everything was not ruined.

Take the advise we have offered and find other activities and new directions. Instead of looking back on what you think you've missed, look around at what you have. Would you trade the love of your husband and children for a world of drinking, smoking, noise, and sexual temptation? It is a choice you need to make soon. I'm older now and I've been through my husband's mid-life crisis. I NEVER want to feel that much pain again, and I'd never want to cause that much pain. I thank God that He was able to mend our marriage. And guess what?! it gets better as you get older. Those things you are missing are not the things you will want to build your life around. God has a plan for each person, but He will only lead you if you ask Him. Would you ask God to go clubbing with you? He won't force you to make wise decisions, but He is willing to show you how to overcome these feelings you have and replace them with much more satisfying things. There is such a peace within, a contentment with what you have that is so much better than seeking approval from strange men. A long time ago in my 30's, God let me know that age 40 would be the best year of my life so far. And it was. But what really surprised me was that it continues to get better, through the 40's and on. Don't you want to share the truly best years of your life with that loving husband of yours? I hope you do and I pray you will take all of the advise given to you on Mama Source in the heartfelt way it was given. Everyone who responded wants the best for your family. Be active about seeking a new direction.

Like another responder I also run a business from home. I get to talk to lots of people on the phone, both customers and business partners. Then I get out of the house to do home demonstrations at Healthy Home Parties or meet with customers in their homes or businesses by appointment. I can choose how much or how little I want to work, set my own hours, earn bonuses and profit. It's a great business for stay at home moms, especially since you can understand the need for the indoor environment to be safe and unpolluted. I'd be glad to talk it over with you, or you can just check it out at www.tryecoquest.com/3angels.

Whatever you do, please know that there are a bunch of Mamas out here wanting the best for you.

Sincerely,
Angie P.

About me: I'm an elementary teacher that took early retirement to get out of the city and the rat race around D.C. My husband, our dog (14yrs), our cat (1yr), and I moved to the boonies in VA where we sometimes get to watch deer while we drink our morning coffee. We've been married almost 23 years even though we separated for nearly a whole year.

Have you ever considered getting a sitter and taking your husband with you?? I am around your same age and had a child young as well. I can't help but feeling I missed out on a little bit. I have met a great girlfriend who is also married and has a young child. Our husbands are friends, too, and sometimes we get a sitter for her daughter and my two little ones together and we all go out. Sometimes to a restaurant just for dinner and drinks. Sometimes to a "bar" where it is more hanging out and people watching, maybe a local band is playing. Once in a while, it is a club. We all went out together on New Year's Eve. Our husbands are not really dancers. We got all dressed up and looked good and were getting many looks from single guys. Our husbands were fine with us being off dancing and doing a little innocent flirting b/c we were going back to them and they were reaping the benefits of us feeling so good about ourselves. I think it doesn't hurt if you've done nothing wrong and maybe if he sees that it can be innocent - and that you're not against him being there, too, it may be good for both of you. He may also benefit from some young girls checking him out. I'm sure lots of mommies are gonna think I'm crazy, but my hubby always loves that others look at me because he is proud that he is the one who has me and it makes our sex life that much better. The other option is to respect your husband's wishes and find friends who understand that. No matter what, you do need an identity outside your family and you need to be able to spend time away from your family with your friends. You both need that, so make sure he has that opportunity, too. Otherwise, you will resent him and that won't be good.

Hi L..
I don't ususally like my hubby telling me what to do, so I can see where you feel like something is being taken away from you, and you want to do it anyway, just to prove that you can. Try to see it from his point of view. What if he said that he was going out with the guys for the evening, leaving you home with four kids, and walked out of the house all done up, looking and smelling good? You'd totally flip, as any wife would/should. Have you and your husband thought about hiring a babysitter one night and going to the club together? or even him joining you with your friend at the club? What about taking a dancing class together?
M.

In all honesty, I get your husband on this one. That is exactly how I would expect my husband to feel about it, if it were me, and that is probably exactly how I would feel if the shoes were reversed. If your activities with friends is something that not both partners in the marriage are comfortable with, it should be respected as so. Considering there are legitimate reasons, you should probably take more to heart what your hubby is trying to express. Just imagine, that if he were doing something while going out with his friends, that made you uncomfortable, and expressed this to him, you would like for him to respect you enough to stop. I am guessing that it is so exciting for you at the clubs, because it feels like you have stripped away all your responsibilities, don't feel like a mom, our wife in the moment. That can make any woman feel a bit free! But on the same note, that is exactly what bothers your husband...I think. Maybe you could suggest other activities to do with your friends, and if partying in that manner with your friends is going to cause problems in your marriage...which is more of a priority for you? It is as simple as that. He is not asking you to drop your friends, just to change your behavior/actitivities that you participate in. Best of Luck!
K.

girl... I love to dance and its a great stress release. If you are only going once in a ble moon then dont give it up.. If it was him and the fellas he would be singing a different toon. He needs to understand that it is 2008 Moms need a life too. I just returned form a trip with my girlfriend we travel once a year no husband no kids and I too frequent the club. THe only difference is we both are party animals. THis wasnt fine in the begining when the kids were little I didnt want a babsitter either him or myself had to watch them and of course I always ended up staying home.My kids are 5 and 7 and are asleep before we go out.now grandma is retired and lives with us so we have the freedom to club if we want to. Now I barely have the energy to go. (37) Go when you feel you need to dance just respect him and set boundaries for yourself.The kids are not suffering he is just insecure.

Hi. I go out once in awhile with my friends. My husband don't like it too much but he knows I don't do anything bad & I always come home to him. I tried taking him with me but he don't like the bars. But I do go out & do other things with my husband so that I'm spending time with him too. I'm not a stay at home mom but I only work part time & never have time for myself (like now my daughter 4yrs old wants me) so going out once in awhile is my time. I also love the music & dancing. I don't care to much if a guy hits on me or not. I mean its nice to know someone else thinks I look good but I really don't need that part. I guess what I'm trying to say is you should be able to go out with your friends once in awhile but should also do something with your husband.

I understand how you feel. It's an amazing feeling getting the attention from men YOU KNOW don't have a chance! WE know that, but our husbands don't. We know that we wouldn't do anything, but the way that it looks to your husband (getting all done up for the club, but what about him? or why does she have to get all done up? why not tone it down...who is she trying to impress anyway or besides me?) For the sake of your marriage, since it sounds like you guys are happy...just talk to your husband about how often going out would be comfortable for him. Trust me, I'm a lover of music and dance myself...since I can't go out (SAHM of 3, babysitter to 2, and the only one who will do any chores around the house AND no babysitter) I put on my ipod and dance around the house...usually after the kids go to sleep. It's not the same, but at least I'm happy after listening to LOUD music in my ear and dancing like a fool in my living room!!!

Dear L.,

I know it can be so hard to be in the at-home-all-the-time-with-a-toddler stage in life. However, if "life is good" for you, please do the things that will keep it that way!

If you want to preserve your marriage, please find a reliable babysitter and go out with your husband! It's so important to strengthen, rather than weaken, that relationship, and I can promise that if you continue to go out without him, it will harm your marriage-- it can't help it.

I'm sure that when you go out and leave him home, he feels "trapped [and as if] something was being taken from" him. That wouldn't be fun for anyone, and I'm guessing you probably wouldn't like it if he went out and spent time at clubs getting attention from other women. I know that wouldn't make me happy!

If you don't have trusted family members to babysit for you, try swapping sitting services with a friend, or paying someone. It's truly worth it-- a good marriage is hard to find, and well worth preserving. It sounds as if you know that clubbing alone is dangerous, and you're right-- it is truly destructive to a relationship.

It sounds as if you may actually need better friends-- other moms who have children of similar ages, so that you can do fun things together during the day, and save the clubs and such for dates with your husband.

Friends who encourage you to act like a teenager or swinging single are not really friends-- they don't care that it can destroy your marriage-- they just want to do what they want to do, and they don't mind that you have a lot to lose. You may be able to find a mom's group through a local church or by Mamasource or Google search. It can be so much fun to build relationships with moms who are in the same stage of life as you!

Also, have you considered starting a small business from home? There are many things you can do, but one of the most fun things is to do something related to a hobby you enjoy. For example, when I was middle school, the fad was macramé bracelets with names or phrases beaded in. I made a very healthy amount of money taking custom orders and making these, and I got to do something I really enjoyed without spending a lot up front. You can sell things like this on the site called www.etsy.com, and it would give you something fun and creative to do.

I'm sure you're spending time reading to your toddler and sharing experiences such as the park and library, and helping him or her learn ABC's and other fun things. If you ask your librarian, she can doubtless direct you to resources that will give you fun ideas of things to do with your family, and perhaps even a mom's group.

I know it's a challenge, but I hope you can re-focus on being a great wife and mom, because those are the roles that will matter most as the years go by. The young years pass so quickly, and you and your sweet husband will have plenty of time to have fun together in just a short while. Meanwhile, please find a babysitter, so you can share your love and sparkle with your husband, rather than strangers;-).

I wish you the best!

Warmly,
J.

Sorry I'm a little late replying but after reading your question I couldn't just walk away. This is called deception. Whether you are a Christian or not the facts are the facts. If you play with fire you will get burned! Please walk away from the clubs and even those friends if you have to. If they cannot or just simply won't respect the fact that you are MARRIED then you don't need them. If you read the Bible, it will show you how this has already been done before. These same tempations that you are experiencing right now, others before you, eons ago, have already been there done that! The good news is we have freedom of choice. You are sitting in the fork in the road position, so to speak. But in order for you to be truly free, you have to choose which way that you will go. And NO ONE can choose it for you. Or you wouldn't really be free now whould you?

I can share with you many things that you can do that are FREE of charge. Even things you can do with other moms that have young children too. Please email me directly anytime at ____@____.com.

I truly do know what it's like to feel the way you are feeling. I am a SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 12, 7 & 2 yrs old with no sitter (no money for a sitter either) and married for almost 15yrs to my Mr. Wonderful. He works very hard for me to be able to stay home and teach our children. I feel most days like "N. who? Who is N.?" And I know what it's like to love the attention, whether it's good or bad, that we can receive from others. THAT'S NORMAL FOR US TO FEEL! But that's not really what you want. You love your family it's obvious in the wording of your question. In fact, if truth be told, you knew the right answer to this situation even BEFORE you asked it.

You are a good, smart woman L. and you don't need any of us telling you to do what you already KNOW you need to do. Bottom line, you don't go to the clubs unless your husband goes with you...PERIOD!

God Bless you L.! N. =)

Hi L., You don't know me but I have been in your shoes. I have been marreid 26yrs. Reading your letter, I could feel your pain and excitement for a life you have had to miss out on. I too had my first kid at 20, I was the PARTY girl in high school, thought I was ready for life, then came the 30's I was young and looked great and NEEDED attention other than hearing MOM yelled. My husband was a workaholic but always came home by dinner and then read his paper watched TV and went to bed. BORING, I started going on girls weekends with my friends. I started to feel things I had not felt since I was nineteen. I felt alive for the first time since the kids were born. I wanted more, I love the memories that I have now but it is a very dangerous fire that you are wanting to play with. Some things you can never take back. I wish I new then that the thirties were such a tempting time for those of us who had our families young. Try to get someone to watch the kids for you and your husband to go out or away for a few days and let him see the wild girl he is lucky enough to be married to. I know she is different from the Mother of his children. Good Luck Girl!

L.:
I am on the other side of it - my husband likes to go to bars and clubs and hang out with his single guy (and girl) friends. At certain times, it has gotten out of hand (he was going out 3-5 nights a week with his friends, and his only times of happiness were when he was out pretending to be single). But as long as he is being moderate and responsible and spending quality time with us as well, I don't have any problem at all with him going out.
That said, your husband obviously does have a problem with it. Maybe you could suggest finding a babysitter - not a regular one, but a one-time sitter - and he could go with you? Or does he have a friend he could send along as a chaperone? My husband has a guy friend that I trust 100% to not let hubby do something any worse than flirting, so I'm always more comfortable when that friend is going along with him.
Good luck! I think you deserve some time away from responsibility, and I hope you and your hubby can find a way to meet that need in a setting that makes you both secure and comfortable!

I am sorry L. I must admit a dance club with temptations all aorund you while your husband is at home is no place really for a MOM. I feel that there are other things you could definately do to have fun adn enjoy your time with your GF"S and if those girls can't think of something else to do that doesn't involve clubbing then I think you may need to find other gf's to hang out with that are not going to come between you and your husband. I have been married for 20 years I have 4 kids myself and I have so much fun with my gf's and we never go clubbing. Anything could happen while your at those clubs. I owuld keep the peace at home and not go against what your husband would prefer you to do. Take Care Girl and God Bless.

Annie R

I actually was able to do this type of thing before I got married (got married later in my twenties). What you have right now (a loving husband and children) is so much more valuable than any thing you can ever have in the club. I know you are not looking for anything but a little fun but there is a lot of trouble to be found in the clubs. I really feel that you should respect your husband's feelings. If the situation were reversed you would not be any too happy at the thought of woman checking him out even if he had not interest in them. I agree with the previous woman, about getting a baby sitter like once a month and the both of you doing something together. It sounds like you need to find some girlfriends with some different interests than your current ones. How about getting involved in some church activities. A lot of church activities are geared toward mothers. For example MOPs provide child care while the mothers do there thing. Another suggestion, ball room dancing is popular now (with the show) or salsa classes - why not find a dancing class that you could both take? You may find your husband is not opposed to you getting some social interaction outside the home, just not at the clubs.

Every two months doesn't seem like a lot to me to go out and have little excitment. I'm not hearing that you're going out every night or even every week. It's hard to raise children with no outlet. Maybe you can talk to him about that and see if there are activities that you can do that you both feel comfortable with. Also, talk to your friends about varying your activites to respect your husbands feelings a little. Then, see if there is an inexpensive activity like excericise, knitting, or volunteering somewhere that can give you some of the connection with people and activity and freedom from boredom that you are looking for. Maybe he can hire a babysitter one night and you can both go out to the club so he can show off his beautiful wife!
A.

Hi, L., I would suggest you and your girlfriends get a "babysitting co-op" going--where you switch off keeping all the kids once a week or something like that--and take your hubby with you to the club. Have fun!

Hi L.,

I can understand you wanting the attention that you get at a club as well as the fact that you didn't really get to experience that before you had kids, but if you are happily married and want to stay that way, then please take your husbands feelings into consideration. Is there a way that you could swap babysitting with a friend or get a relative or even a babysitter to watch the kids and both you and your husband go to the clubs. My husband doesn't dance, but you would have your girlfriends to dance with if he doesn't dance like my husband. You never know, it could spice up your marriage.

Another thought is to ask your friends to do movie and dinner. Explain to them how your husband feels and if they are true friends, they will understand and do something that is fun for you and still "safe."

I'm sorry that you feel "trapped." That is not a nice feeling at all. Discuss it further with your husband and see if there is any compromises or solutions that will make both of you happy.

Hope that you find what you are looking for and everything works out for you!

Take care,
D.

Hi Ms.L.

I think because you started out young having your kids and getting married that you missed out on the club life, that most of us in our 20's experience. Since you and your husband have an open relationship I would really suggest that you stay open and honest with him and tell him that going out to dance and listen to music is a way you destress yourself. Let him know that having the kids all the time and not really doing things in your younger days is sometimes a little depressing.So in order to get a little fresh air and time away from being mommy 24/7, going out to the dance club helps. Maybe ask him if he would like to go out with you, you might want to take him to a club that you don't visit often and you two can dance and have a few drinks together, come home and make some good ole love. SO maybe once a month with the girls and once a month with hubby. Letting him be apart of what you do with your girls I think he would let up off your case about the club thingy. Oh one more thing don't let the guys that give you attention mess anything up you have at home!!!!!

Wow, you have alot of responses--I'll be brief! I know exactly how you feel. Staying home w/kids is lonely, not pretty or exciting. I feel the same way and know how nice it is to get attention and feel pretty and desired. Be honest w/your husband that you need this kind of attention (he may admit he needs attention, too). Get a sitter for you two and go out together (complete w/a new sexy outfit, your favorite cocktail or whatever you need to feel flirty). If you can afford it go away w/your husband even just for a night. Many of my friends get hotel rooms in town but feel like they're going away--it does wonders to rekindle feelings and feel wanted again.

There's nothing wrong with going out w/your girlfriends as long as you don't cross the lines w/other men. Don't give your husband any reason to mistrust you or things will get worse. Agree on a time you'll be home and stick to it. Maybe agree on how many nights per week you'll go out. See if he wants to go out w/his friends and agree he can have his nights out, too. Good luck!

Bottom line: Flirting is fun and harmless as long as you don't go any further. You have a wonderful solid relationship you've worked h*** o* as well as kids--not worth losing for a little attention from strangers.

You are setting yourself up for trouble by going to the clubs without your husband. Do you have a family member who will watch the kids so you and hubby can go out together? Maybe you could join your local Moms Club. Our Mom's club has a monthly Mom's night out that isn't an activity that is geared to "singles". A Mom's Club will also offer other activities that will get you out of the house such as playgroups, book club, field trips for the kids, etc. It will also introduce you to a network of other SAHM's with whom you can share and discuss issues.

L.:

Hello! I understand where you are coming from. Here's what my husband and I do. Friday night is MY night out. I get to chose what I do - stay at home with the family OR go out with friends. He stays home with the kids and has "boys night in". Saturday night, we have dinner together at a restaurant and I take the boys home and have a "mommy and me" night. My husband stays out playing cards with his buddies, watching baseball, etc.

If this can't work for you, here are some options for you:

1. Have a dance night at home. Get all dolled up for your husband and play music and dance with him and the kids. I know it's not the attention you are getting from men who don't know you, however, you'll put a spark back in your marriage.

2. Sell your bead work to be able to have a babysitter and take your husband to the club.

3. Ask your girlfriends to respect your marriage and go to the movies instead of the club every time you go out.

4. Find friends your age with kids and take turns babysitting so you can go out - oh heck, I can't remember what it's called - but for many people it works!

Tell your husband exactly how you feel - it sounds like you have a good man. Think about what he's going through too - he's still young and if you are a SAHM, then he's making good money or at least enough to take care of a family. Find out what he needs. You might find he might be feeling the same way.

You CAN party with your husband. You might have to wait until after the kids go to bed, get inventive! Surprise your husband and do something with HIM. You might be able to find some fun that you won't get in a night club and your husband might start giving you those appreciating looks too! Even more so if doesn't already!

I'm not sure where you live, but you can contact me privately and maybe we can work something out!

Take care!

L.,
I understand that you are a SAHM and need your time to have fun...I've been there, done that myself; and you do need your unwinding time. Why don't you go to the club with your husband? Couldn't you dance with him? I used to do the club scene when I was single, but gave that up when I married my husband. If he wanted to go to the club and had women looking at him, I would not be happy with that. If your husband was asking the same of you, how would it make you feel? Maybe you really don't have a problem with it..but if he does, then you need to respond to that. Your husband should always come first, that keeps a strong marriage going. You already said you have good communication, that's great...make sure you are really hearing him on this issue, though. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same way. Maybe you can take him to the club and go other places when you spend time w/ girlfriends. If you say that "boredom" hits when you can't go, how about planning something adventurous for you and your husband and then suprising him. Or maybe you need to do something for yourself to find fulfillment such as a club, church, or social organization to give you an outlet for your energy...something positive! How about a dance class, since you love to dance? Something with a more wholesome atmosphere would probably make your hubbie happier. If you love beading, start a beading club...if you can't afford your hobbie, have a yard sale, sell on Ebay, work from home....change your situation and discover your deeper purpose. Hope this helps:)
Blessings,
L.

I think one of the first questions you need to ask yourself is would you mind if your husband went to the club with with his guy friends, and admitted he liked the attention from the other women? Does your husband not give you enough attention like that? I know what it's like not to be appreciated by my husband. Does he need to pay more attention to you? Maybe you and your friends could take turns sitting with each others kids while the women and their husbands went to the club. Would he go? You were pretty young when you got married, and are still pretty young now, really. Don 't let this wreck your marriage and family.

Been there done that. There is nothing wrong with going out occassionally but you are a MARRIED woman. Question? Is your girlfriend married? If you like to go out why not go out with your husband to the club. I'm sure there is someone that can watch the children while you and your husband go out. It's always nice to get attention from other men but you have to realize the guys in the club are hunting for women. Its trouble waiting to happen. You will ruin your marriage with the hanging out at the clubs with your friends all the time. Find something that you and your husband can do together. You have to look at it from your husband's point of view...If he was hanging at the club with his friends and leaving you home with the kids I don't think you'd like it. Just don't ruin your marriage over the club is all i'm saying...its not worth it!

If you want to go to a club, you should be going with your husband. Get a babysitter and go out on dates. Being a Mom does not mean being boring.

Partying with your female friends at a club, without your husband is a recipe for an affair and a divorce. You are also breeding resentment by leaving him with the children while you party. I am sure he needs a break too.

Your husband is seeing the trouble and warning you about it. Appreciate the warning and step back from the edge.

Find a babysitter (there are services) or do an exchange with a friend and go out with your husband! You say you have exceptional communication with your husband, maybe you need intimately reconnect so that BOREDom goes away. Occassionally going to a club with friends is okay as long as it IS for the dancing and music and NOT attention from other men. Good luck.

Is going to the club more important than making your husband feel good about your alone time with your friends? Being married for 13 years and having 4 children definitely merits alone time! I admire that you get out regularly. But, if you have a good marriage to a man who communicates his needs to you, do not ruin that by choosing an activity that makes him feel uncomfortable. And, while some men do like that others admire their wives, yours is not enjoying that he's not there. Go dancing and enjoy the music with him, instead, maybe. (Not with your friends, though.) If he hates clubbing, period, invite couples to your home for fun. Choose movies and dining with your friends, and if they want to go to the clubs, then you'll have to miss out. Also, get new friends who are in the same situation as you are. Do not give up your old friends totally. But, you're in a different place from them. Their single? status can make you dissatisfied, when you really have a nice situation going on yourself. It's just different. Pregnant and married at 19 does not mean that you can reclaim that time. It has passed, even if you do not look like you're 33. Ask yourself how you would feel if your husband chose to do the same thing. (And he probably will when mid-life hits.) Anyway, there will come a time when you can have that free time, again. Children are not children forever. And, yes, you'll be older then. But, wouldn't it be nicer to enjoy those moments with the man you married than chasing dreams? Seek the flattery from his eyes, because that's real. He's the one who's been there with you through real (hard) times over the last 13 years. (I've been married 11 years, and I know if you've had 13 years and 4 children there have been some trying times as well as good.) And, given time with him, he might be ok with you going out once in a while to a club, even without him. And if you still choose the parties without him, know that you are making a choice but you cannot choose the consequences. Do not make something nice and needed (your alone time) turn into something that causes bitterness, insecurities, and resentment. Dad should feel good about spending alone time with the kids, but he's probably even prouder of the fact that the alone time for you makes you happy. Some men really want to make their wives happy. Don't turn that into something ugly over a principle. It's not worth it, and too many families wish they had the situation you have now. Be blessed and may you continue to have a good life.

Well, I'll confess up front I don't understand your situation exactly. I do understand wanting to get looks from other guys but I've never been much on the bar/dance club scene.

That being said... I agree with the others. You have to factor your husband in on your decisions. Talk with him and brain storm some ideas to help you get some of that much needed non-mom time and make a plan. I have the problem that my husband has many hobbies, interests and activities. He is always wanting to go do something. I am usually at home with the kids because I think it is important to support him getting some relaxation time. However, where is my relaxation time?

My husband asks me to think of things I want to do so we can both coordinate having fun... together and with friends. Friends are an important part of healthy living, if they are good friends. You need someone other than your mate to talk to. But you need friends who share the same sort of journey in life. Trying to be single won't work. Staying home and pretending not to want to won't either. You need to find some moms that have fun in a more respectful way. You can enjoy turning heads without making them drool and rub all over you.

Take you husband out!!! Show him a night on the town with dancing and celebrating your marriage together. Get one of your girlfriends to babysit (if you trust them). Meeting other moms also opens the door to communication so you can ask for babysitting references. Use the bar hopping money to plan a beading session with other moms and each of you pitches in $2-5 a session to cover a babysitter to keep the kids while you bead. Consider doing some beading to sell. You can all work to make some jewelry that you can sell to cover your costs and maybe fund a day at the spa.

Think outside the box. You are not 19 any more and as much as that hurts to admit to yourself... you need to. You can't get that time back, it was a decision you made. Live your life like you would like to see your children live theirs. You are the best example they have of how to act.

Best wishes to you. I hope you find a happy solution. Life is too short. Enjoy it, responsibly. Embrace your husband and realize that he can be supportive if you consider his feelings too.

Good luck.
Liz

Hey L.!

You sound like a fun gal to hang with. I am also a mom of 4 and love to have fun, but not at my husbands expense. I found a happy medium. I work from home for myself, but our team meets for fun times and training. Soon we are going to start having our training meetings on my managers boat! I think it will be awesome! We also have fun while working. We do fashion shows and such. I LOVE the fact I get to have some "me" time all-the-while contributing to the family. If you would like to meet to learn more about the business contact me!
T.
www.myparklane.com/tgreenwood

I like what angela p. said.

Find new friends and a sitter! Perhaps you can share your joy of the club with your hubby. Which is more important~your family or your clubbing?

Well, I can't say that I blame him in one aspect, but if you are acting in a way that is loyal to your marriage, when you are out, then in truth it shouldn't be a problem. I've been married for 20 years. Thru the years I have always had a 'girlfreinds gig" in place. For a few years it was the "Friday Night Girls"- a group of women that got together on Friday nights(at our single childless friends house!) and we took turns Cooking a meal(apps, drinks, entree & deserts)-I learned so much from that, garnering knowledge from women of many ages/backgrounds AND not just about Cooking! Now I have Scrabble night- not so glamourous, but fun- a few old friends and a new one and always good wine(or cheap wine when we are all broke!)! What you get out of these type of nights is good talk and support, a place to be yourself and your self alone, and something to look forward to-expand your mind. The problem with 'clubs' is your partner doesn't want to share his good thing with other men- who would? It's to special. I would try to find something fullfill that "me' void in a more positive way. I surely do understand how you feel tho! Every wife/mother needs ME time to keep the spirit alive- How about starting a Bead co-op night? Get a group together to pool supplies and make something beautiful! Much luck- blessings!

Well, you should do what you want to do, it is your life and you should not regret missing any important part or experience in your life. On the other hand, you should try to understand your husband and tell him the truth about how you feel. As well, He should help you do what you love to do. So if you like beading see if you can start making things and sell them online (like your own business) to have something for yourself.
I have a 2 year old. When I was pregnant I decided to go to college and now I am about to graduate. It has given me something. Being a mother is rewarding at times, but it is not my entire life (and it should not be). The same goes for you. You are a mom, but you are also more than that. You should have something for your self that makes you feel successful (looking good at the club - beading - whatever).
:) I wish you luck!

Get a babysitter and take your husband with you. If your friends are that great, they would even offer to watch your kids for you so you can go out with your husband. Put your marriage first. Go out and have fun but do it with your man. If you really can't get a babysitter, put the kids to bed and do something special at home. You can still get dressed up even if you aren't going anywhere.

You're asking for advice, so here it is... your job right now is to be the best mother you can be. That means a lot of sacrifice and commitment. Both to your children and their father. Your commitment to your husband is very important, and clubbing isn't helping your marriage. He's already expressed his opinion, and it's your obligation to respect that. If you are bored, get out and do something. If you want to go to a club, go to a Mom's club. Seriously. Check out Mom's Club International... there's a website you can find a local club based on your zip code. There are so many women involved in this you are sure to find someone you connect with. The activities range from going to the library for kids crafts to going to the movies (bringing your little kids along) to bigger outings to museums, etc. They also have mom's night out events, but not clubbing!

I understand your need to get out, but you really need to respect the decisions you've made... there is no bigger job than being a really good wife and mother. Focus your efforts on that and you will find fulfillment. ...and there is no better reward than your family's respect in return.

It won't be easy to change your habits, but if you really try hard and ask your husband for some help, you can make it work. I think you should also get a babysitter for date nights. Even if you can't make it a regularly scheduled thing, get out with your husband and maybe he'd even want to go to the club with you now and then.

You should probably explain to your friends what the situation is - without bashing your hubby. You should be glad he told you what he was thinking instead of just leaving... some people don't talk, they walk. If your friends are really good friends, they'll understand and maybe you can go out for coffee now and then instead of the club.

Keep your life good. Enjoy your family. :)

maybe you should go WITH your husband to the clubs. you can dress up for him. or you two can go out to diner alone and dres up then too. if your friends want to go out with you go to a carnival or concert instead.

hello. i am also a mom and i love going to karaoke. my husband hated it. he told me and i went anyway. same thing with other things i wanted to do (i auditioned for American idol twice and went to jamaica twice on a missions trip with my church - leaving my husband behind, which he resented). my husband is really important to me, but doing these things, even something as simple as karaoke, made him feel like his opinion didn't matter, like he was not important to me. like i didn't care how he felt or what he thought. we are getting ready to separate and possibly divorce for many, many reasons - one thing he holds against me is that i went places when he did not want me to. he did not like me hanging out in a bar even though i don't drink and was there with my best friend who he knows wouldn't stand for me doing anything behind his back. he didn't want guys hitting on me, lusting after me, and potentially hurting me. i know now that's because he loves me and was afraid of losing me. now that fear is so great he is leaving. there's more to it than that, and i am sure your situation is different, but put yourself in your husband's shoes. if he went to the club and girls were all over him, even if you trust him completely how long could you take it?? i trusted my husband completely and emphatically; because i didn't listen to him he turned to his sister's friend and had an affair. if i would only have listened to him and acknowledged his feelings and respected him the way i should have. i am old-fashioned and believe the husband is the head of the household. how can i expect my kids to respect their father and listen to him when i don't?? i have changed dramatically, and i pray everyday that my husband will stay home with me and our 5-year-old son, but it's in God's hands now. i'm not saying all this will happen to you. but think about what you have with your husband. is it worth potentially losing it to go to the club once in a while and have men lust after you?? i know it feels great, trust me, i know that feeling, but even when you are bored don't take your marriage and your husband for granted. tell him you go because you like the attention - he will give you more attention! trust me! tell him instead of going to the club he needs to take you out - or go with you. find a babysitter. take him and let him see the other guys looking at you. he will appreciate you more. you will have fun together. sorry i am writing so much. i just have been in a similar situation - even though it is different - but i don't want anyone to ever go through what i have been through this past year and a half. not that you will. i hope you make the right decision for you and your husband and family. may God bless you and your family! A.

I'm going disagree with most of the other posters here. I think you need to get out and have a little fun with your friends. If you have a foundation of trust in your relationship, it shouldn't be an issue.
I love to go out with my girlfriends whether it be dinner/drinks, a movie, dancing, etc. (We always have a designated driver.) It's not often that we get to go out, once a month or so. If I am ever feeling the least bit guilty, he's pushing me out the door saying "go have fun (and call me if you need a ride!)"
We do a lot of alternating GNO's at each other's houses too. Everybody brings something to share, food/drink. Great girl bonding time. Women really need female friends and all the support that you get from them.
If on the other hand, what you're feeling from your club friend is not supportive, consider her motives and find some others who have your best interest at heart.
I've made some of my closest friends through my youngest son's friends parents. Playdates for the kids and volunteering at school eventually evolved into wonderful friendships built on trust and respect. (He's now 13, so these relationships go back 7 years or more.) It does us such good to just get out and feel a little free! We all love our kids, but our lives can't revolve completely around them.
Setting up a date night with your husband is good idea, just to reconnect and remember why you fell in love. Your oldest is 12, could she not babysit for a couple of hours while you two go have a nice dinner? Just a thought!

Hello L.,

While I think that it is healthy for a mom to get out and enjoy herself, you also need to out yourself in your husband shoes with reagrds to his feelings. Why don't you find a babysitter and go out dancing with your husband? This may even make for a better relationship for the both of you.

LOL

Hi L.. Reading your story was as if I had written it! I am in the same situation. Though my husband has not mentioned his dislike for my weekend outings, he communicates it clearly non verbaly. We have a great relationship and we love spending time together. Though I am more of a social butterfly and I need to go out! I run an in home child care, so I 'm in the house all day except for our outings to the park or some where special. Come the weekend, I'm ready to party! Well sometimes, (usually tiered) :) We have three children of our own, ages 18, 9 and 12. we too don't have a baby sitter(use to be my oldest but he's in the clubs now)so my husband stays home and watches the two younger ones. Sometimes I feel guilty but in the end my husband trust me, I'm home at a decent hour and he rather be at home than hanging out anyhow.

You should definatley go to the club. I'm also a mom of 4 but you need to realize that first and foremost you are you, not a mom. It would be best if your husband could go with you, that way you could have fun together. Try to do a babysitting swap, if you can no afford to pay straight out of pocket! Get your groove on and have fun!! Soon your 30's will be behind you, enjoy them now!!!!

I have a saying, "don't ask, if you don't want to know". There seems to be too much excitement about the adoring looks from other men. I'm a beautiful woman, married 14 years and feel very uncomfortable when men stare at me too long with a longing look. I don't want that from anyone other than my spouse.

I can understand the loving to get out and dance the night away, I too love to dance, but would never feel comfortable having the kind of fun I do on the dance floor with anyone other than my spouse.

Invest in a babysitter and go out with your husband. My husband and I do this and we have such a good time. We dance until we can't stand up any longer. It's worth the investment to pay a babysitter than to run the risk of having your husband feel left out.

Best of luck to you,

".. Number one that he is home with the kids feeling like a fool and wondering who is all up on me at the club."

Hello L.,

Sorry for this, I am going to try to bring it into perspective here. Please re read what you stated from your own writing. I took the liberty of copy and pasting it for you. Look at each of the words. Now ask yourself. What would I feel if I was in HIS shoes? o.O
I have been through this myself but, I was the one staying home bored, made a fool, and furthermore recieving phone calls from people at these clubs. Ask yourself this too. IF there was nothing to these outings then why not get a sitter occasionally and invite your husband? Make sure that the people that you are hanging around KNOW that he is a very loving and active participant in your marriage. Going out occasionally is very healthy, going out and having a great time is healthy but what I am reading into this is that the marriage itself is in need of some attention FIRST before you go out "Clubbing".

Just some words to think about. I hope I have helped a tiny portion.

Hi L.,

I totally understand that you enjoy clubbing and the atmosphere--it's a party, and it's fun, and everyone is (usually) on their best behavior . . . what's not to love?!

However, your husband is right to be concerned, not solely for the atmosphere but for your reaction to it. You enjoy the adulation, which is fine, but it's coming from the wrong place. And, even if you KNOW "nothing would EVER happen", things DO happen, especially when there's alcohol flowing. Better yet, get a sitter and get dolled up for your hubby, he can do the same for you and you can adore each other. Then, if something DOES happen, well, all the better!! :)

In the meantime, find a mother's group to join. You'll find women who can certainly relate to your situation and they're looking for adults to hang out with, too, but most likely not in a bar. They may also have daytime activities that will help assuage the boredom. If you're near Dover, DE, check out our Mothers & More Chapter. We're actually having a meeting on Tues (13th) at Kent General Hospital in the basement cafeteria. It starts at 7p and we're always looking for new friends! You can see our website at www.delmoms.org.

D.

Put yourself in his shoes!!! Keep your priorities straight. If you like going out to the clubs get a sitter and have a date with your husband. Take heed save your family and marriage. Be a good example for your children. Think about when they are married and have families of their own. Yes, it great to be happy and have fun but include your husband. It is not worth losing your family. Hope this helps.
R.

Mentally, I understand your need to go to the club and be out. However, since i'm usually the one left home (and it's my husband who seems to 'need' to go out to the corner bar 1 or 2 times per week) I know how bad it can feel to be the one at home. For me it has helped if he actually comes home when he says he's going to (so tell your hubby you'll be home at X time then be home then) and also it has helped having my own thing to do. So maybe your husband needs his own thing to do and you alternate nights out. Other venues you could try for dancing are dancing lessons (not at a club) or more traditional dancing like contra dancing which is not done at a club. Maybe your husband would feel comfortable with you having fun dancing at a place that wasn't a pick-up-joint. Or maybe he should come with you and you find a babysitter.

Girl, there is nothing wrong with going to the club, as long as you do not act on any advances from the guys! I am married and go out every chance I get (at least when I am not tired!). My husband also goes to the club with his friends, it's mutual understanding that we need time to hang out with our friends. I also love to dance! You need your time away from your kids and your husband. My doctor told me to either go on dates with my husband or go and hang out with my friends whenever possible. It's helathy for you and your family to get away from each other that's not including going to work, especially since your a stay at home mother! You should have you time where you go out and do things that you enjoy, even if it means going to get your dance on! Going to the club does not mean that you go there to hook up, even when I was single, I didn't go out to get numbers, I went out to dance!

L.,

If this is something that really bothers your husband and you do it anyway, you are going to work your way towards being single again like your friends.

Someone once told me to be careful who you surround yourself w/ and you take advice from...

If these are truly your friends, they will be respectful of your marriage. You simply cannot do what they do - unless you want to be single like them. Maybe that's what you want???

Take the advice already offered: get a babysitter and go to the club w/ your husband. Or go out w/ him on a sexy date.

I'm 35 and have been married for 12 years - so I relate to feeling like you've given up your "fun" years. Look at it from the other side though - you probably have more stability now than your friends. Your children are certainly more stable.

Hi L.,

Yes, Honey, you are going through a change.

You are now searching for more in life than what you now have.

Go to the Community College in your area and take a vocational test to see what your interests and abilities lies.

Take some courses. Contact a local mother's support group.

http://attachmentparenting.meetup.com

Hope this helps. D.

Why not get a babysitter and the two of you go out to a club? Make it a date night. Also, the "friends" you are going out with - are they single? Makes a difference. I do not know where you are but in our area - Fredericksburg, you can take dance lessons on Friday evenings at a coffee shop - they offer salsa, ballroom all kinds. The atmosphere is very much like a dance club. Not as risky. I would think that the money you are spending at the club should support your hobby - maybe you just need to get out and do this hobby. I get out with my girlfriends once a month for dinner and then go away for a 4 day weekend with my girlfriends once a year to do my hobby - scrapbooking. Also, your husband needs to be able to go out with his friends sometimes too. (which you didn't mention if he does or not.)

You need to find a real sitter (not your husband) and go out on a date with him!!! I'll bet you'll enjoy the attention you get from him in public even more than the attention you're getting from a bunch of strangers!

R. M

While I truly admire your honesty about this situation, I still very much think you need to seek some counseling. There are good REASONS you feel this way and need to work thru them. Let me tell you, it sounds like your husband is a better-than-average, wonderful guy.....communicating, letting you truly make your own decisions, giving you space. You will regret losing him if it comes to that....especially over THIS. Go to counseling....yes, it may take a few months to 'get it' in there but it's worth it!

Hi L., I totally can understand how you feel, and guys do it all the time! they go out with their friends while you sit at home with the kids...I had very similar issues with my husband also got married young and had kids young so it's tough I hear you. My advise would be to find yourself a babysitter and go out to the clubs with him, and maybe your girlfriends boyfriend or husband, make it about both of you and not just you and the attention you get! you'll find out he's willing to give you all that attention and more! best of luck maybe me and my husband will see you out sometime ;0)

I was on your side right up until you said "I love the attention I get from all the men". That is just wrong. Why not invite your husband to go out dancing with you? Get all dressed up and appreciate HIS stares. If your friends that you're clubbing with are really good friends they should be willing to watch the kids once in a while. So leave the friend at home with the kids and party with your husband.

Right now, please don't fall into this. You can do this when your children are raised. Look at them. What you have are gifts. Those men in the club don't really care about you. At the end of the day, what those people will want is what you have. Get involved with a sport, a church group. Read the story of St. Francis. You'll see. If you're feeling weak, pray about it or talk to a counselor, find new friends. Your children are the most important thing and you'll screw things up like this because it's addictive. Go for a walk and get out of the house, maybe get a part time job and take a dance class! Dance with your kids!

Hi L.,
I am 33 years old and have only been married for 1 year. I understand that you are trying to make up for what you missed out on as a 19 year old. I don't think it's wrong to go to clubs but I aslo understand how your husband can feel threatened by this. Imagine if he were the one out at the clubs with his buddies. What I suggenst is that you get a babysitter (perhaps a family member, a teen from your neighborhood/church) and the both of you go out together to the club or some other venue so that he can see that you are not out looking for another man. The important thing is that you do things TOGETHER. Hope all works out for you!

You are in a sticky situation. I understand how you feel but at the same time you need to respect your husbands wishes. The club is not where a married woman with children needs to be exspecially without the hubby. I am 36 with two young kiddies. I did take care of that when I was younger and I know that at the time you couldn't do that. If you have a good marriage and you love your family you really need to try to find another hobby. You don't want to throw away what you have for the club. I have been there done that and yes the attention is nice but the club is nothing but a meat market. Your friends are gonna say whatever to get you to go but be careful and make the right decisions no matter if you like it or not. I hope you do the right thing and take care.
S.

Dear L.,
I've been married for almost 15 years so I understand your feelings as well as those your husband expressed to you.

I think if my husband wanted to go 'clubbing' on a regular basis while I was left at home I would be upset too. I also think if I were at home all of the time and felt that I was taking care of everyone else except me, that I would want to go out everyonce and a while to have fun.

My advice would be to ask the friend you want to go out with to babysit for you. That way you could get all dolled-up and go out with your husband. You never know, you might just re-discover why you got married 13 years ago.

Best wishes!
E.

Here is my advice, from a woman who also loves to go to clubs:

I used to go out with my girlfriends when I was a single mom and go to clubs, and it was fantastic. Now I'm remarried and although I do occasionally miss that "girl time", I simply never go out to stuff like that without my husband. I would hate it if he went out without me, and I know he feels the same. We go out of our way to find sitters so that we can do it together because we both know how rejuvenating it is.

There are websites where you can find babysitters - I just recently found this out. One is sittercity.com - which I actually found here on mamasource - and if you Google something like "find babysitters" you'll get lots of others. They have a nominal membership fee - some more than others - but if you can use it to get some babysitting resources it'll be worth the cost and then you can cancel your membership.

I think that your husband is communicative, honest and thoughtful enough to have come to you and shared his feelings about this, you should come together and try to find a mutually-satisfying solution. I have to tell you, I get immense pleasure and satisfaction from exactly what you describe: getting all done up, receiving those appreciative looks, the music, the dancing...etc. Of course it's different with your husband than with your girlfriends, but it's food for your marriage and if you can both get into it, it can be a very satisfying and even erotic experience.

Good luck to you. And remember, what's right for me may not be what's right for you. This is just my opinion, and I'm sure you'll find your way to what is right for you. Take care and enjoy.

Jenny

You should find a babysitter you can trust and take your husband out with you. It could be great for your relationship to go out and have a wild and crazy time together! He probably just feels left out!

Hi L.!
Just a thought, it might sound corny, but my girl friends & I get together every so often & do the midnight madness bowling. There's beer, wine, etc., music, lights turned down low & believe me you'll giggle your butt off (especially if you suck at bowling) and you'd be suprised how many guys are at the bowling alley for the midnight madness. It's one cost & you get to play for like 3 hrs. (usually 9p-12a or 10p-1a)
Good luck!

Oww, I don't want to upset you. Find a baby sitter. The only man you should get excited about looking you over is your husband.

I think you are being very disrespectful to your husband. If you continue clubbing without him, you are most likely putting your marriage in danger. The only man you should want "appreciating" your looks is your husband. Put some real effort into finding a babysitter. Go out to the clubs with your husband, dance with him. If that doesn't sound appealing, then your marriage is already in trouble.

Hi L. ~

I'm with most of the gals on this one. You might not think that anything bad could happen - but a bar scene, in this day and age, can be dangerous if you're not very careful. And what about the drinking? Are you drinking and driving? NOT A GOOD THING EVER! You could loose some of your inhibitions when drinking and might not have the best judgement. All of these things would make me very worried about my husband going out to a bar without me. This kind of thing is usually the beginning of the end for alot of marriages. You ARE a wife and mother and have people who depend on you to be responsible. Find other ways to be happy. I wish you the best!

~ K.

13 years of marriage!!! What's wrong with doing things with your husband? Have you ever asked him if he wanted to go to the club? I was married for 17 years. I used to club, club, club. Husband was always at home with the children. One night he went out with his cousin. Didn't get home until 6:30am. Also found out that he was deeply involved with conversation and lots of attention from a young lady he met while at the club. Did I like what I heard? No, I didn't!! I even asked him about it, and he admitted it. But then I started thinking about how I opened that can of worms. It was like the tables had turned. I may have enjoyed my time in the club, but when that happened, it opened my eyes and it wasn't as much fun. With all of that being said, "don't take your husband's feelings of displeasure as being offensive, but take heed to it. If you get that bored when he leaves for work, then find a daycare for the 3 year old and get a job. That will take you out of the house for a few hours. But it sounds like you need to find a hobby or something to do, but don't mess up your marriage just because you love the attention you get from the other men. If you don't want your husband doing what you are doing then you need to stop doing. Use your spare time and plan things you can do with your husband. Praying much for you. GOD bless!!

Hate to tell you but you should not be going to the club those days are over. You should be doing more constructive things, ie... do you volunteer??? Are you kids in sports? You keep going to the club and your going to be by yourself, apparently you have way to much time on your hands. If you wanted to be a party girl you should have never married or at the very least never had children. Of course your husband disapproves.... what if he was doing what you were doing, would it go over so well with you. I doubt it. You better step out of the box and take a good long look at what you have and see what is more important to you... I am sure it won't be clubbing with your girlfriends.

Well, here goes..... First, why not get dressed up to go the grocery store or to the park and take your daughter along. Most important, make sure you are "dressed and ready" when your husband comes home and notice the attention you get. We can get stuck in a rut and forget that we can be dressed up everyday. I start my day with a shower and put on makeup and a decent looking outfit everyday. When it comes time to make dinner I put on an apron, GASP! Also, I do not know where you are located, but in Glen Burnie on Wednesday nights they teach Line dancing at La Fontaine Bleu and lots of groups of women attend. They serve dinner then do lessons and then you dance.

It is true I know what you are experiencing when you are out as the same thing happened to me, however, I got over it after one too many of the wrong impressions! Be very careful, men can easily take things the wrong way.

With that said, take out your daughter and meet other moms who like to do Mom Things you will find it is great fun and enjoy them while they are small they grow up fast.

About me: SAHM of 5 and homeschooler, oldest in USAF (20), 1 in college(19), 3 at home (17, 15, 14) with me

That is a tough situation. I can understand how it's fun to kind of live a fantasy by going to the club and getting lots of attention, but I can also see why your husband doesn't like it. What about getting a babysitter or asking friends or family to babysit one night and go to the club WITH your husband -- you could even arrive separately and pretend you don't know each other and let your husband try to pick you up ;)

It also might be a good idea to get involved with more groups during the day. Being home alone with the kids is exhausting and you really start to crave adult interaction. Story-time at the library is a good option. Also, a lot of gyms offer really cheap babysitting, so if you were to find a really interesting or fun class that could be a fun option. I did that and while I didn't make any BFFs at the gym, a lot of the same people took the same classes and it was just fun to hang out and talk with other adults.

Also... it is still okay to have girls night out every now and again, but you need to make sure you give your husband boys nights out in return.

Hey mama...I think like yourself there is a little solid gold dancers left in a lot of us mommys! I am a single mother of two but was married to the father of my children and we went to the club together. My advice to you is take your hubby along. Find a way to get a sitter and if your friend resists than let her know you are married and she will have to adjust or find someone else to go along. I know you enjoy the attention from other men and that is completely normal and fun as long as you don't act on any offers. I think once you take your husband and he sees the attention as well, it may add some spice to your bedroom life. MEN love to prove themself and it can't be quite exciting especially after 13 years of marriage. Who knows maybe he will get attention that turns your head as well and you will appreciate the amazing and COOL relationship you share.

Sorry, if this reply is a bit jumbled I am writing from my blackberry as I usually don't reply but your writing hit home and I wanted to respond and let you know the club CAN be innocent fun...but be careful as sometimes it becomes so inviting anything else seems boring.

Goodluck and HAVE FUN TOGETHER!

Hon,

I'm going to give it to you straight. I too was pregnant at 19 and had to be a grown up real fast. I did get to go out but not as much as my single friends with no kids. When you become a parent and spouse there are some things you have to let go and will never get back again.

How would you feel if your hubby was clubbing?

The club is no place for women that aren't looking for something. You apparently need some attention and instead of getting if from your husband you get it from strange men that only want one thing from you. Very soon you will have an affair because you are seeking what's lacking at home.

Maybe you can take your husband to a nice "adult" dinner and dancing place where men won't be drooling on you and you can still get dressed up.

What are you wearing when you go out? In order to get all that attention you are probably leaving nothing to be imagined. I can say this cause I use to party with the best and know the protocol.

You can not continue to disrespect your husband this way. Are you supporting your friend or loving your husband? You took vows to that man not her. If you keep this up all you will have is your friend. Will she support you and allow you to be a SAHM and pay all your expenses. In a few short years your 12 y/o will be in the club will you party with your child too?

I would advise you to:
1.Get marriage and individual counseling something is missing somewhere.
2.Get with some long term (5 or more years) married women that can advise you on some appropriate adult wife activities.
3.if you get bored during the day take the baby out for a walk, write your life story, read someone else’s life story, do meal planning (that should save the house money),plan activities for the family (game night movie night, have a night out with mature married friends, take some online classes, try some new healthy recipes etc.

See your husband has nicely placed the ball in your court it's up to you to make the right move before he comes in and make demands.

You do deserve time for something fun for yourself, but would you like it if your husband was doing the same thing? You really need to talk this out with your husband.

its amazing...you are me. i love dancing and am a movie buff. i, too, got married and pregnant by 19. i completely understand where you are coming from. pre-family i used to go out all the time. so much that i was always escorted in by the bouncers and never had to pay the cover charge. it was surely a good year! hahaha!! i definitely missed it after i had my family and I went a bunch of times after that and my husband was the same way as yours at first. i think the only thing that changed his attitude about it was that I found friends whom both of us completely trusted and loved and he knew that we would do anything to protect one another from the sleaze balls that roam. I also made sure that he knew that HE was the ONLY one that I ever wanted and ever loved and i was honest about EVERYTHING that happened at the club. im not sure this will work for you but it did for me. its been about 6 months since i last went, the novelty of it wears off after a while. it may seem weird but after the millionth stranger tries to grab your hand and you wonder where that hand has been, it just grosses me out. anyways, i hope you can find a way to keep doing what you enjoy the most.