Hubbys Annoying Friend

Totally empathize with you and unfortunately my husband has relatives like this (ok no deer but they used to show up unannounced all the time) OR the phone would ring right when it was dinner time and he would talk to them for hours and hours. There went dinner...In about the last couple of years (sorry it did take a long time) he himself began to see what leaches and annoyances they were and they do not appear too much anymore and he doesn't really seem to want to spend time with them either now that he has a more stressful job and little time on weekends to do his own thing. I wish I had advice, I don't because every now and then, just when I get comfortable...ring, ring. There was one thing I used to do and that was (is this possible for you?) I just started to leave and disappear when they showed up. For some reason that also bothered him. Well, like I said I have no advice, only empathy. My friends were always courteous about not calling at the wrong time, or took the hint 'gee we just sat down to dinner' but some don't. What to do what to do, who exactly knows. Good luck, good luck!

You know what? You should just tell your husband all that you have said here. Stop being nice about it and say that the friendship has to come to an end. At worst, he tells his friend. Life goes on. An acquaintance of my husband found out from the grapevine that I didn't like him. At first I was pissed and embarrassed and felt bad about that guy finding out how I felt. ...BUT, then I thought about it more and said to myself "THAT guy was rude to me, he's rude to all women. He's not classy and drinks too much- why in the heck should I care about the fact that he knows that I don't care for him!?!?"

...and now he's not around my husband any more, and that's awesome! He wasn't a close or long-time friend, so its different than what you are going through, but you need to speak up. In your husband's life YOU are #1. Speak up:)

ADDED: after reading some other negative responses about your husband, I just want to say that i did NOT gather from the info you put on here that your husband is a jerk. If anything, your husband is just too nice of a guy to be mean to his friends. It sounds like he isn't even imagining a problem that you have with them. This is fixable. Just be straight-up and firm about what you want, Jenno- and don't pay attention to the "man haters" on here. You have not been assertive enough on this, it seems because you are worried about your husband being open with his friend about it. You aren't awful, either. To me it just seems that you need to let go of worrying what they think.

Well, you could try saying to your husband, No That Doesn't Work for Me, He will Need to make Other Arrangements.

After putting your foot down a number of times and STILL he is just showing up uninvited, THEN get back to us!

(Or just let it go and roll with it, but you never know until you try, right?)

:)

I had the same problem with my hubby and one of his friends, except it was just his friend because he was single. I had a long talk with my hubby and told him he needs to respect our relationship and not have his friend come around all the time. I told him he needs to make him realize that my hubby is no longer a single man and he can't hang around like they used to in junior high and high school. This guy was really annoying too and weird to top it all off. He has serious, serious issues. He would throw fits if my hubby didn't want to do something he suggested like go bowling or to the movies. He would complain that I was always around when he just wanted to spend time with my hubby(no he wasn't gay, just has serious issues because he used to do drugs!)He's an alcoholic so he would always crash at our place when he would get drunk! When he would crash at our place he would get up at all hours of the night and go out to smoke waking me up every single time because at the time we lived in a loft apartment! That was one of the last straws. I told my hubby right then and there that I wasn't going to tolerate it and if he didn't talk to him, then I would. My hubby talked to him and he picked up his things and left! Good riddance! To make a long story short, he's not even in my hubby's life anymore because he totally let down my hubby when he asked him to be his best man and he declined because we are Catholic and were getting married in the church. He said he didn't want to take part in our; ''false doctrines'' and to not get him involved! (He's a ''Christian'' supposedly, even though I know Christians aren't like that) My hubby was hurt for a while but he's over it now and we don't miss him one bit. I totally know what you are going through. Moral of the story: YOU NEED to tell your hubby to have a talk with his friend. He is being disrespectful to your relationship, which should come first above anything or anyone else. This can ruin a relationship. Your hubby needs to understand this. If he truly cares about you and I'm sure he does, he will listen to you. Good luck!

OMG I feel so sorry for you!

Hopefully your Husband wises up.

I cannot believe, his friend even MOVED and followed you to another town????!!!
What the?

And you have allergies.
And your Husband is totally... catering to them???
What the?

And your Husband has a loose jaw and tells them everything?
What the?

Gee... you and Hubby need to get help.

Maybe if you go an get a Motel room for yourself, that your Husband pays for. He will, wise up.

Which is more important?
A destructive dysfunctional weird drama stinky friend that affects your home and daily living and brings over their pets?
Or his Wife?

Just tell your husband that he can see his friend somewhere else besides YOUR house. and if you go away for the weekend tell hubby that his friend is NOT to follow you. his friend and wife need to be respectful of your wishes. however, this is your husbands friend, not yours, so you don't need to be involved whatsoever. Just nicely tell your husband these issues and that you are ok with him seeing his friend but you don't need to be involved. ask him to respect your wishes. good luck.

It sounds like your husband likes his friend more than he likes you.
If my husband acted like yours, the divorce would have been years ago.
Try some marriage counseling if you want to, but I think the only way you will have this friend out of your life is by leaving your husband.

The other couple probably thinks you guys are best friends since your husband won't say anything. I wouldn't be rude to them about it, but just be assertive. Next time they show up, say sorry but we are busy right now. If you let them walk all over you, they are going to do just that. You need to stop it before it gets worse!!

Well, it sure is annoying. But he is your husband's friend, right? So I think you need to be civil. Sometimes a little kindness goes a long way.
Really, though, I don't think it's going to stop until your DH says something. Just like "Please call before you stop by..." etc. This friend is married. He should understand that.
OR why not turn the tables a bit & pop by HIS place for a few unannounced visits? ;) That should make a point.

Why haven't you told them not to bring the dogs? I have several friends that are "dog people" and they just take the dogs with them whenever they go somewhere. They cannot possibly know that you are not "ok" with it unless you tell them.

You say that your husband has been friends with him since they were young. This is the relationship they have always known. You cannot expect him to read your mind. If you don't tell him that you have other plans or that you want to spend some "family time" how is he supposed to know? Why wouldn't he bring his wife and kids over to his buddy"s house to hang out like they ALWAYS have?

I understand it can be frustrating and annoying, but honestly it is because you have let it get that way. I do not mean to sound offensive so please do not take it that way, but if you are uncomfortable with the situation, then you need to set the boundaries.

As for hubby telling everyone everything it is surprising that he hasn't told his friend that you are p.o.'ed because he keeps showing up unannounced. Have you asked him that question?

Sounds like a real problem. The ball is in your court. If you try to make hubby choose you or them who do you think he'll choose?

I think I would figure a way to let them have their time while I was gone. So what if you're not there. That way you don't have to deal with them at all.

why don't you tell him he wel-come but he can not bring the dogs because of your allergies. and you have breathing issues. Tell him that their are times that you need the cabin to just you and your husband. You need to say it to your husband to so when you tell his friend he knows that it clear that he agrees with you. I went through this my-self now my husband ask me what we have going on before his friend comes. His friend still drives me nuts but it easier to deal with that it not all the time but I had to talk to make it happen :) good luck