How to Punish Someone Else's Kid?

Can you put them in a room and close the door for timeout? Have you been stern and they still dont listen? I would not allow them to play with the other children if they are going to be mean. I would have had the kid just sit out and watch the other kids play.. If I found out my son threw sand in someones face, It wouldnt be pretty. Talk to their mom again, they need consequences at home. I know you need the money, but if nothing works, its not fair to subject the other kids to these out of control children.

I agree with the suggestion to post the rules in the house. Review the rules every day after school. List consequences for breaking a rule. Enforce all rules and punish all infractions. Make T.O. in a separate room (a boring room) with a door you can close.

You are basically a daycare provider and you need to act more like one. You need to spend some time coming up with a schedule and a plan for discipline. You need a15 minute conference with mom to tell her the issues and tell her your plan and get her buy-in so she tells her kids to get with the program.

The kids shouldn't just come over and play. I would do 10 min snac, 30 min homework, 30 min play, and 20 min quiet reading time. You need ot write up incidents and give them to mom when your kids or her's are hurt. You need to make them sit in time out. Seeperate tehm and odont' let them play. If they truly won't listen to you, then you need to call mom. One time she has to leave work to get them, and they will listen.

You are are taking care of someone else's child. This is not just a money maing venture. You need to get serious and treat it as such. SOmeone will get hurt if you don't get things in order. And you will surely lose your mind. Get out of the "playdate" frame of mind. If you can't, then you should stop.

TELL the Mom. ALWAYS TELL THE MOM... about trouble with her kids.
THEN together... you both have to work out a plan.
TELL her, her kids do NOT even listen to time outs.
SO... if she is okay with other types of punishment.

ALSO.... after school, it is COMMON for kids... to be 'hyper' because they are already, over-tired. AND they had a LONG day at school, too. SO.... they need a SNACK (because kids are often hungry after school)... and a time to 'deflate.'

If I were you.... I would have a ROUTINE with them DAILY, after school. You tell them or have on a poster... WHAT the routine is. They can read already at this age. THEN... you enforce it. Kids NEED routine.
You do NOT just let them.... do what they want... without aim. Not aimless.... activity.
You tell them what is allowed and what is OFF LIMITS. Put a SIGN on things/rooms if you have too. I have done that. It is then a VISUAL aide.... for the kids.... in addition to your VERBAL cuing, them.
AND EXPLAIN... these things to them, blatantly.

ALSO, have them HELP in the house. Put their shoes in place, put their backpacks in place, HAVE THEM DO HOMEWORK.... after school too.... if that is what you would USUALLY do with your kids. DO what you would as usual... with your own kids. NO sense have your kids' after school routine/homework time.... disregarded because of the other kids you watch. Have them... do the SAME things... you would expect of your kids in terms of homework time... snack time.... deflate time, after school.

OR, have a quiet time, after school. TELL them that.

Sit them ALL down... EXPLAIN your house rules.... explicitly AND your expectations.

Give that kid who threw sand... a dustpan and brush... and have him SWEEP UP the sand he threw.

all the best,
Susan

Is the money really worth what your own child was put through? I would think no, end of story.

If you're outside, get a chair and when something like that happens -that kid goes and sits in that chair until you say, "Get up!" You can put him in an extended time out. If he were at nursery school or preschool/daycare the same thing would happen. If it happened with regularity, then they wouldn't let him come back. I know you need the money, but you need to tell the mother that it would really help if she made sure to tell her kids that they MUST mind you every afternoon. Be honest with her -she needs to know what they're doing. I'm sure she's happy to have you to watch them, so it probably wouldn't be good for her if you refused due to their behavior.

sounds like you need to make time for timeout/corner time at your house also. I would also tell the mom about their behavior, that is what a daycare or after school program would do. Also make sure the kids know that you have rules in your house and they need to be followed.

See, this is one of the reasons why I prefer a center over private daycare.
You need to put a procedure in place that spells out your discipline options. You are a paid employee here. Neither you, nor your kids are served by just letting this go and really, it doesn't help the two boys you are watching either. Kids need boundaries and discipline to feel safe and be happy.

Sit down together with this mom and discuss what you have observed. Find a way together of disciplining the kids that you are both comfortable with.

When you first introduce time out (sitting in a corner), especially when you have not be consistent before, it will take a while for them to know that you mean business.
If he doesn't stay in his spot, place him back, again and again, restarting the timer. At first he'll think it's funny... but after a while it loses it's appeal and he will probably throw a tantrum. Normal. Just stick with it until he has actually spent the time he was supposed to in his spot.
I am not going to lie, it's going to be stressful for you too! Just remain calm and put him back.

In the meanwhile if you can and need to occupy the other kids, give them something to do that they love and maybe even that they don't get to do a lot. Ideally a somewhat quiet activity that doesn't require a lot of supervision, so you can give your attention to the offender.

Remember that discipline is not about punishment, it is about learning to control yourself as to not hurt others. I would never want for anyone to punich my daughter, but I do not mind close friends and her teachers disciplining her appropriately.

It will be harder know, because you have been inconsistent and let them run wild - but if you stick to whatever plan you come up with and give appropriate, immediate reactions to unwanted behavior - as well as praising good behavior, you will find your house becoming a whole lot calmer!
Good luck!

I think you need to keep working on a time out place or chair AND Maybe a chart would help with a happy face, sad face for each hour that you will color the correct face depending on their behavior and then reward with a cool sticker after five happy faces and it would be great to send home a chart at the end of the week for mom to praise good behavior

How would you prefer to discipline these kiddos??? At my house kids are to follow my rules. I would talk to the mom and the kids and establish the rules and consequences. If you continue to have the issues it may be something you have to stop doing.

I would get 2 poster boards and write up one with the house rules - No running, No hitting, No yelling, No throwing things and the second with the schedule. And follow that EVERY day. Once these are written down, have the mom come in and be part of a review that you do with all the children. Have that mom reinforce that in front of your, your kids and her kids that she expects her kids to follow these or you have authority to apply the consequnce. Regardless of the fact that you are being paid, I do believe in the "it take a village to raise a kid" concept and I have no problem telling someone's child (even if I don't know them) if they are doing something inappropriate.

Dear A.:

Even thought you really need the money, this arrangement isn't working. I'd suggest scheduling a time to meet with the mom of the out-of-control kids, not just catching her for a few minutes when she's picking up. Tell her about specific incidents, like the sand incident, not just a vague "they're running wild." A big if, IF you can both agree on discipline methods AND you see results in a week, then the baby-sitting continues. If not, she is on notice to make other arrangements. If you can't reach an agreement or she dismisses the problems, tell her to make other arrangements.

Your children's safety is more important than the extra money. Good luck.

L. F., mom of a 15-year-old daughter

I regularly have people asking me to babysit who are willing to pay. It leads me to conclude your service is valuable and this M. needs to understand that. I agree with the moms about running it on a schedule.
I also like the idea of finding different kids after Christmas if they don't shape up by Christmas.
Believe me, where I live people would be making their kids behave and staying on your good side.

Well so did you try "putting them in the corner"? How do you discipline your own kids? I get the need for the money and I also get that it's a bit touchy to discipline others' children, but you have to have some sanity. I would go with a time out rule. I would find a "naughty" spot or whatever and next time you pick them up sit them down and say something like..'hey guys, I've been kind of letting things slide around here with rules, but we really have to make sure we're following them. Son was really hurt when he got sand in his eyes the other day, so we don't want any one else to get hurt. Here's what's going to happen. I'll give you a warning if you don't stop I'll put you in time out. What are some things that will be okay to do? What are some things that won't be okay to do?...etc., etc.' You might even want to follow up with some sort of rule chart that you write together or something that you can pull out each time they're over. At 6 and 8 they can and should totally get it.

After all that I would tell the mom how you handled it and just say that's how you're going to handle them from now on when they're at your house. I might even send home a list of the rules/guidelines you drew up together just for good measure.

I would just tell her that he did something naughty today and then she'll ask what. Wait until the holidays are over or you don't need the money that bad. She'll be upset with him when she hears he did that to your son and will probably be embarrassed and will talk to her kids about how to act. I hope so for your sake. Let us know how it goes!

I guess I would say, if you are going to have THAT many kids (6 kids under the age of 8?), you will need to run your house like a daycare. You will need structure and very specific rules. Sounds like you are doing it like it's a play date. You will need to discuss behavioral expectations with the parents, the same as any daycare would. When there is an incident, like today, you will have to follow policies, even though it was your kid.

I babysat too for many years in addition to my own kids. But only an extra kid or two at a time, and even then I tried to schedule specific activies. There was limited amount of 'free play' (where all the trouble happens). Do you really want to run it like a business or are you just doing too many favors at the same time?

Sounds like TOO MUCH STRESS to me.

Bad kids, I'd find some different ones to sit. Your only alternative is to discuss with their mother that they will not mind and are not responding to the time out in the corner she has recommended.
I totally would not have the patience for it. Sounds like they probably don't mind her either, usually kids are much better for a sitter than they are for their own parents.

Tell her what her children does, let her know your way of discipline and ask her permission to do the same. If she objects, ask her what she does to them when they behave the way they do and if she is ok with you implementing that while they stay with you. The kid can't be doing that spitefully. If in play, then it's play, but he has to know not to do those things deliberately.

When the mother gets there you should tell her they are not staying in the corner and that you and her and her children need to sit down and she needs to tell them in front of you that you have the right to put them in the corner and if they do not stay there they will have to deal with extra punishment from her when they get home. You can not have that kind of behavior around it can be dangerous for the other children in your home if you are distracted by them and their bad behavior.
Good luck!

Yes, absolutely have rules! I experienced the same thing. She had 3 boys 8, 6, 4 and they were wild! That was they were at her house and she allowed it. When they came over to stay for the day, they were the same! Mom was even there and didn't say anything! UGH! so when she left I called all of them, my two were 4 and 8, boy and girl, I LAID DOWN THE LAW. I told them we don't do this, this, this and this in MY HOME. I EXPECT this. Boy what a difference! I don't mind them coming to my home at all now. Kids will run the house if there are NO rules. Keep your chin up. :)