How to Prep My Son

There is no way to prepare children for all the misunderstanding or outright cruelty they will encounter in their lives. But there are some things that will reduce the potential for emotional injury.

One is to simply acknowledge when something is true. My little grandson tells me I look old, and I simply agree. It doesn't hurt unless I'm in denial about being 62 years old. If he lives long enough, he'll get wrinkles, too.

A child at our church is called brown, black, or chocolate by some little white kids, and she agrees with a smile. It's simply the truth, and it has no power to hurt unless she believes it does. There's no shame in being brown, black or chocolate.

I met a young woman who was born with only one arm, and she simply accepts that people would sometimes be curious, stare, ask weird questions, and make awkward comments. That's just what people do when they encounter something outside their usual range of experience.

I know a man who is flamingly gay. He used to bristle when people called him queer. Now he just agrees, because it's the truth. He's a queer fellow. His life is so much easier, because now people can't offend him, and stop trying to attack him verbally.

A man in a wheelchair notices that people avoid looking at or talking to him. He knows that it's often because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing, so he starts conversations himself. He's got a collection of jokes that fit awkward situations, and you can see that it relaxes people right away.

Really, nobody is completely "normal," and if they insult others, it's often because they secretly feel insecure or unlikable, and hope to deflect people's critical attention onto someone else. Suggest to your son that he simply nod and agree when people make observations about him. What's there to fight about, or even be insulted by, if it's true?

In the case of kids saying "si," maybe I'm a little dense, but I don't understand why that would be a problem.

(Bullying will sometimes become an issue, but that should be handled differently, getting the teacher or principal involved in a solution.)

I would say you are on the right track. I would not worry about it until there is an issue. Your son is smart and will tell you if anything is said that he does not like. He can tell the teacher if there is an issue. Do not worry so much. Kids are more resiliant than you think. Just tell him if anyone says something that is not nice then let the teacher know.

I just told my kid if other kids are calling you names it just shows how dumb they are. It is usually to them having a low self esteem and its the only way they can make themselves feel good. You will have to lower this explanation to a five yr old level.

My boys have been on the receiving end of bullying
For years, off and on. And let's face it - kids are mean
Parents today are not teaching their children manners
Or common decency. Bullying should not be tolerated
And you should advise your son to always speak to any
Adult that he's comfortable speaking to. As far as kids
Just being kids he's going to have to get some thick skin.
My youngest son is in 4th grade and I'm still trying to get
Him to get some thick skin. My oldest son grew out of it
And doesn't let anything anyone says bother him now.
Also, you giving him praise and boosting his confidence
Will go a long way in helping him to ignore what a bully
Says or does. Physical bullying must always be told to an
Adult immediately!!!!!! Good luck to you and your kids!!!!

I'm blown away by how poorly kids are being raised and how mean they are. My 2 year old is already getting hassled by a 3 year old menace at our gym daycare, and my 2 year old has already been taught not to hit with firm discipline, so it's so not fair when "sticker-chart-time-out" boy comes to pull his hair and kick him and hit him every time he pops off his "naughty seat". The other day I heard a commotion coming from the room and learned later the little punk had my son crying. I was a little upset my son didn't hit back! I was like, hmmm, is 2 too young for a mixed message like "you can hit BACK??!!" Because I swear, I'm going to teach him that as soon as possible. My son is way bigger and stronger than that little spoiled rotten scoundrel too-sorry. True.

What I would do in your case at 5 is first tell him to yell at the child to "Stop it" as well as telling the teacher. Saying, "Don't say that to me, you're not nice." would be in order. I would give him permission to strike back after a warning if the kid is hitting him-but I may be crazy. He may get in trouble from the teacher if no one knows who started it, but he would probably stop the kid from coming after him. I would speak to the teacher as well to make sure she is upholding the no tolerance for bullies thing. Bullies like a weak target and almost never mess with kids who fight back.
Be sure to talk openly about racism and the colors of children. My daughter is 4 and we already have discussed that people are all different colors and the same on the inside and if she ever hears people saying mean things about people's skin to yell at them, go to the side of the bullied person to stick up for them and to tell the teacher etc. She knows that people who do that are not being nice. Make sure your son knows they are not nice and their parents didn't tell them how to behave and that he is not to blame. I might come up with some insults for white skin or black skin for him to use SPECIFICALLY if someone calls him a name for his skin color. If they call him "chocolate boy" he could call them "vanilla head" But again, maybe bad advice, as I would never want my kids calling kids a color name no matter what. Figure out the best way you feel he could stick up for himself, and let him feel empowered to do so!
Good luck and sorry this is happening.

Our family is a "United Nations" family and I tell them that some of us are chocolate, others are butterscotch, and I'm just plain vanilla. When a small child came to see our new bundle of joy, he said, "He's black!:" I said, "Yes, he's our little chocolate drop." He went home and told his mother that HE wanted a chocolate drop for his family, too! Our children call themselves "brown" and when coloring make their people mainly brown. I see the beautiful nuances of color that the "brown" people have that the "vanilla" ones don't have and tell the children so. Also teach them that God made each of us just the color and way that He wants us and that they are beautiful that way. Also, my mother told of when my red-headed brother was little everyone was saying, "You have a red-head!" until he was feeling that he hated his red hair and she found him about to put clorox on it. She said, "If no one else likes your red hair, your mother does."

Hi, M.P.

Never laugh off ugly comments. Role play with your son to prepare him to stand up for himself. Role play the things that are said.
Your son learns how to say things like, "How come you are saying such mean things to me?" or something like that.

When you heard the boy call him "chocolate boy," You could have taken your son over and supported him while he state that to the boy. If the other boy apologized, they the relationship is mended. If not, you step in a say something.
It takes a village to raise a child.

For the school issue, You call the principle and tell her what happeded and ask if they have a way to allow both children to express the situation.
and resolve the issue. Teach you son things to say.

Hope this helps. Good luck. D.