How to Help My 4 Year Old Deal with a LOT of Changes?

Updated on August 29, 2012
M.. asks from Anchorage, AK
7 answers

Hi moms, I need advice! Here at our house, a lot of things are changing. My husband is being transfered to Alaska, so we are moving almost 5,000 miles away. We flew up last week for a house hunting trip. This was my daughter's first real 'trip'. 4 airplanes and 10 days in a hotel. Now we are back home and in 3 weeks we are moving to Alaska for good. I went ahead and quit my job (YAYYY) because I have so much to do. Because I quit my job, of course I pulled my child out of daycare. So there has been so much happening and changing. My poor 4 year old has become so clingy and whiny!! I don't mind the clingy part so bad, but the whining is driving me nuts. I understand that her little world has been turned upside down, but I am trying my best to talk to her about all this and ask her how she feels. What more can I do to help her with this transition? I know that it will take some time to adjust to our new lives, but in the meantime how do I get the whining to stop? She was never like this before. Thanks in advance.

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

My goodness that IS a lot! But I worry about poor MOM more than a four year old. Who's helping Mom through the HUGE major life changing transition?

(I mean, she might be coincidently going through a whiny phase anyway, right?)

It can be your Big Adventure. You and her together. Think of all the exciting new things you're both about to experience!

Wow, Alaska! That's SOOOOO cool! (ok, no pun intended either)

10 years from now she'll barely remember it. But you'll STILL be reeling!

Stay positive (if you can).

Keep us posted!

:)

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

Take some time to give her extra hugs, do something familiar, get her back on an even keel. We recently took my SD to college and the hair trigger this week is driving me crazy, but I know that DD is reacting to her sister going away, preschool looming, etc. Sometimes to end the bad behavior, I get down on DD's level and say, "Do you need a hug?" and then we hug and start over. Try to be patient.

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

To add to what the other posters have said, maybe:
-google what fun things there are to do there once you get there. Talk abt
them w/her to get her excited.
-buy her something new for her room there, like a lamp, stuffed animal,
toy, bedspread, picture etc.
-talk up the place. Be positive.
-when she starts getting whiny, give her a big hug, say "mommy loves you. I do need you to tell me w/o the whiny voice what you need. That
way mommy won't get a headache & I can help you."
-spend time w/her. Just some down time. Love on her. It's a lot of change for her and for YOU!
-buy her a special "moving" toy
-buy travel games for the trip there
-tell her you're going to have a mini party once you get there (pack balloons, some brownies, cute plates, cute napkins, confetti & a wish jar).
Keep them handy so once you get there, you set out a "welcome" party.
-take pictures of your old house for posterity. don't show them to her but save them in case she ever asks about the old house.
Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

She just doesn't know how to articulate her feelings of uncertainty. So what you may be able to do is tell her what you know-when you're leaving, details about the new house, what her room will be like, the days daddy will work, where she will go to school, how many boys and girls will be in her class, the name of her new street, when relatives will come visit, how much snow there will be, where you'll go shopping,etc-anything you can do to dispel her fears will help-in three weeks-she'll be ready to roll! All the best!

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L.N.

answers from New York on

oh. we have done this going on 4 times in our kids' 8 years. they get used to it. i usually talk to them a lot about the exciting things we will do in a new place. like oh wow can you imagine the new neighborhood will have a pool and we can do anytime we want. or can you imagine the new town has such and such. i don't show any stress, even while packing (which i hate), i just keep a cheerio attitude so that the kids can feed off that positivity. good luck

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

Let her be a part of the decision making. She can pack up her room and decide which pj's, clothes and toys to leave out until the last packing. If you will be able to paint her new room what color does she want? I think if she can have some imput she will feel better about the whole thing.

1 mom found this helpful
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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

To add to what the other posters have said, maybe:
-google what fun things there are to do there once you get there. Talk abt
them w/her to get her excited.
-buy her something new for her room there, like a lamp, stuffed animal,
toy, bedspread, picture etc.
-talk up the place. Be positive.
-when she starts getting whiny, give her a big hug, say "mommy loves you. I do need you to tell me w/o the whiny voice what you need. That
way mommy won't get a headache & I can help you."
-spend time w/her. Just some down time. Love on her. It's a lot of change for her and for YOU!
-buy her a special "moving" toy
-buy travel games for the trip there
-tell her you're going to have a mini party once you get there (pack balloons, some brownies, cute plates, cute napkins, confetti & a wish jar).
Keep them handy so once you get there, you set out a "welcome" party.
-take pictures of your old house for posterity. don't show them to her but save them in case she ever asks about the old house.
Good luck.

Updated

To add to what the other posters have said, maybe:
-google what fun things there are to do there once you get there. Talk abt
them w/her to get her excited.
-buy her something new for her room there, like a lamp, stuffed animal,
toy, bedspread, picture etc.
-talk up the place. Be positive.
-when she starts getting whiny, give her a big hug, say "mommy loves you. I do need you to tell me w/o the whiny voice what you need. That
way mommy won't get a headache & I can help you."
-spend time w/her. Just some down time. Love on her. It's a lot of change for her and for YOU!
-buy her a special "moving" toy
-buy travel games for the trip there
-tell her you're going to have a mini party once you get there (pack balloons, some brownies, cute plates, cute napkins, confetti & a wish jar).
Keep them handy so once you get there, you set out a "welcome" party.
-take pictures of your old house for posterity. don't show them to her but save them in case she ever asks about the old house.
Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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