How to Help Baby Sleep

rent the happiest baby on the block dvd. it is focused on the first 3 months but you can use his method into the 4th month & it is just a great dvd to maybe learn other things that you can use regardless of age. Also have noise-like a heart beat machine, a bathroom fan etc like that plus the room being pitch black can help to have her stay asleep. The best temp for babies to sleep is 68 degrees...also doing the same routine each time that it is time for sleep...mine is bottle, pacifier, soft blanket over head/near face & rocking ....lets the baby know that it is time to sleep....also I know it's a personal decision but how about a pacifier only @ sleep time? Babies love to suck & my Dr. says nothing is wrong with a paci up until the age of 2. ...good luck

I have a 14 year old who was an amzing sleeper from the start, and I have a 9 year old who was colicy and had more trouble getting to sleep. I personally think it is really important that babies learn to put themselves to sleep. I let my youngest cry herself to sleep. And it took way more than 10 minutes in the beginning. But it got better and eventually she learned that crying got her no where. She learned to put herself to sleep and has been a great sleeper ever since.

M. Ross mother of 2 girls

Hi M.,

I am sorry that your little one is frustrating you.

Someone once told me to relax about my newborn wanting to be held all the time. Your daughter has just spent 9 month sinside of your body all dark and cozy, and soothed to the sounds of your voice. Now that she's "out", her world has changed significantly. The only way to keep her feeling safe, is to cuddle her.

Some babies adjust to the outside world easier than others. Having more than 1 child, helped me see this difference. But by having a good attitude about wanting to keep my baby snuggly and safe, was a very good start to sleeping better. And nobody can do this better, than the mommy.

Your daughter is "sensing" your frustrations. I think this is why she's not sleeping.

If it were my baby (all over again), I would throw the "Rule Book" out the window, and hold that little baby whenever she needs. If she's good with others, too, have them hold her to give you a break in between.

She's too young to actually cry that much to go to sleep, so something else must be the problem. Maybe she is not getting satisfied with enough breastmilk.

I think it's time to "throw in the towel" and just be at her every need. Let her develope a better sense of security. A routine will naturally fall into place.

Good Luck!

~N. :O)

I have a suggestion for you, although you may not like it, as it is not the 'normal' thing to do, especially in the U.S.! Did you know the North American continent is the only one (i.e. the U.S. and Canada) that frequent the use of cribs? Other countries, espescially across the seas... use a 'family bed'???
Here is my suggestion...feed her, sleep with her, then you won't have to move her! (Put a pillow on the outside of the bed, if you're feeding her on that side, but... if she frequents eating on both sides before she's out and down for the count, start on the side that is near the outside of the bed... that way, when you feed her on the other-side, she'll be on the safer side to stay asleep!)
I have slept and breast fed all of my babies! 5 total!
Honestly, it may not be the most common practice, but... it's great for getting to sleep! And getting caught up on your missed sleep!

Much Sucess!

Aristokatz

Great suggestions, but no one has said that your daughter is too young for sleep training!!!! You CANNOT hold an infant too much. At 3 months, holding her is not spoiling her, it's meeting her needs.

I agree with another mom when she suggests that something in your diet is upsetting your baby's tummy. Try her suggestions, and have you tried burping her? My son was HORRIBLE to burp, but when he finally did, he was so much happier!! It was amazing to me how long it took to one little burp...

Another idea no one has mentioned is that maybe your daughter isn't tired enough to sleep when you think she should sleep. There's no such thing as a schedule at 3 months old, so you need to somewhat ignore the clock and watch your baby's signs. If definitely sounds like she's just not tired enough, and one thing you can't do is force your baby to sleep (as much as we'd love to when it's 3am, and mom hasn't slept much). I was in the same boat with my son before I realized that I truly was on HIS schedule. Nothing I did, tried, etc, made him sleep, and for a long time, I had to suck it up with regards to a schedule. We had routine throughout the day but not a schedule by a clock.

I hope some of this helps, and as hard as it sounds, RELAX, especially if you're nursing. Frustration is a roadblock to producing enough milk for your son, and it doesn't help for mom's mental sanity either. I've been there, I understand, and things will get better!!

Then you have already figured it out. Sometimes babies (and other people) just need time alone to process what's going on around them. Her 10 min. of crying will continue until she is done with the need of it.

So put her down, put in your earplugs and go about your business.

My daughter is exactly the same way. I tried everything, and I finally had to resort to letting her CIO. I hated it, but eventually she cried less and less and was able to fall asleep. It's strange to me, but it almost seems like she has to cry to get herself to sleep. I tried nursing, rocking, and all the things you mentioned. She would fall asleep, but the second she hit the bed, she was awake. She is almost 3 and still has trouble getting herself to sleep without a fight (which makes me even more convinced that no matter what I did then she still would fight me and cry herself to sleep). If your daughter is only crying for 10 mins before she falls asleep, I'd say your lucky and I would just let her do it. Eventually it should be less and less (or not, but atleast she is getting herself to sleep).

I also agree with what someone else said. You should make sure she is getting enough to eat. My son is a much better sleeper, but he also had troubles early on because I wasn't producing enough milk for him. Once I started supplimenting with formula, he slept great. Some signs that she isn't getting enough is if she is nursing constantly (like every hour to hour and a half), if she is fussy and un happy after eating.

This sounds very similar to my second child at 3 months. He was misdiagnosed with colic that turned out to be "silent reflux".
He tried Prilosec (which made him cry much worse due to the alcohol base) and Axid (which worked for 4 days) and finally took Prevacid for 2 years and grew out of reflux by 3. He still cried for a few weeks while his innards healed from the stomach acids. But he was a changed baby on the right medicines.
His symptoms included over-eating (as he was trying to soothe his acid-burned throat), sour smelling burps and crying lots. The only way to hold him comfortably (for him) was to keep him to my tummy upright (so the stomach acid didn't come up his esophagus) with both his arms propped over my shoulder. Looked kind of like a stiff Barbie doll with his arms sticking out, but the position actually stretched his hurting esophagus away from the stomach acids.
I remember the KellyMom.com website had a list of symptoms and suggestions. I fianlly read enough symptoms online that indicated reflux that I got to a Ped GI specialist for the correct diagnosis. His reflux was hard for our regular pediatrician to diagnose because "regular" reflux involves the baby spitting up TONS of milk. In silent reflux, the baby burps up to mouth and swallows it back down instead of spitting up tons.
In any case, it sounds like all the Moms here have lots of great suggestions. I hope something works for you soon! I know you must be feeling mightily overwhelmed with caring for 2 right now.
Hang in there!

M., my daughter was the same. People thought I was exaggerating when I told them that she literally NEVER slept. She was colicky too - we started getting relief right at 3.5 mos. when she would FINALLY tolerate the crib. It has only been in the past few weeks that we have been able to put her in her crib and she will get herself to sleep without too much hysteria in about 10 mins. (she is just about 5 mos. old now). Basically there is no magic solution I am sorry to say - some days some things worked, some days other things. Like you, we tried EVERYTHING - rocking, swing, Baby Bjorn, car, etc. For us something just changed in our baby at 3.5 mos., so while this may not be helpful there is light at the end of the tunnel....colic will abate right about now and hopefully that will help. We would use the following pattern and it eventually paid off: when she woke we would change her, feed her, let her play on her gym mat, and then put her to sleep (or try!) for hopefully an hour - all of this was on a 3 hour rotation. Eventually the baby can predict what is happening and start to wind down for sleep time. GOOD LUCK!

i also have a 3-month second child, so i can understand how frustrating this can be. let me start by saying everything got a lot easier for me about a month ago when i realized i was putting a lot of pressure on my newborn because it is so much harder to let them be babies when you have the older child to deal with too. so i have been focusing on relaxing, spending a lot of time to let him fall asleep, etc. luckily for me, this time around my little one will let me put him in the cradle without issue about 75% of time, but my first was not so easy. i mastered wearing him and getting stuff done. do you have a moby wrap? do you have a maya wrap sling? both are totally necessary in my opinion. moby wrap you can make dinner, do laundry, wash dishes. its not ideal, but if you can get your child to get good stretches of sleep, i guarantee she will welcome sleep more when you offer it. "sleep begets sleep" is the ultimate truth. you may be in an overtired, overstimulated tailspin. the maya wrap is similar to the one dr sears recommends, but without the bulky padding that just gets in the way. i prefer the upright hold -- dont remember what sears book calls it, but it is essential for a colicky kid. moby wrap also keeps kid upright to let milk settle. so the joy of the maya wrap sling is that after baby falls asleep, i let him hang out for about 10-20 minutes, then slip him into cradle keeping him in the sling and wrap warm sling tight around him before laying more blankets on. it really eases the transistion to cradle. by the way, my kid does not rock, swing, cuddle, etc to sleep. he only sometimes nurses to sleep. you know what always works -- though sometimes takes some time... the upright sling hold nice and snug while bouncing on one of those giant exercise balls. you do what you got to do, right? good luck!

Hi M.,
One of the most frequently asked questions, I think. We all want (and pretty much expect, I think) for things to just fall into place on their own, but that certainly doesn't happen in most cases. I'm going to have to go in opposition of some of the previous postings and say CIO. I know, I know, not popular. Here's the thing. This is how you can tell if your baby is colicky/in pain or not. If she stops crying when you pick her up, bingo, there's your answer. Then it's not a pain/hunger/colic issue. It's an "I am used to being held and rocked" issue. Let me just say that if it takes somewhere around 10 minutes for her to cry herself to sleep, you would fall into the "Very Blessed" column. All 4 of my daughters had to CIO to some extent. The worst was my first and she would cry for an hour or more. I can hear the collective gasps as other mothers read this....but I knew she was okay, her diaper was clean, her tummy was full, she was not colicky, she just wanted to be held. She was tired and obviously needed to go to bed but she sure fought it hard. I checked on her every 10 minutes to make sure she was okay, but in the end, she just had to work it out herself. However unpopular, CIO is effective, practical and it works, especially if all it is is 10 minutes. And I have to say also that I am a firm believer that "family bed" or "co-bedding" is a bad, bad idea. The reasons being that that becomes the only way the child will sleep, you don't get the proper sleep you need, and your marriage/relationship suffers...A LOT. The key, of course, is consistency. You can't start something and change your mind in the middle. It just confuses the baby, plus they begin to realize the longer they cry, the greater the chance you will come and "rescue" them. So of course they won't give up trying for an hour or more. Do yourself, your baby and your partner a favor and let her learn to self-soothe. Such an important developmental milestone. It will make your life a whole lot easier!

M.:

I think you've gotten some good suggestions regarding what else to try (diet, swaddling, etc.). The Happiest Baby on the Block could help, too.

I just wanted to second a few thoughts.
1. 3 months is too young for the words "schedule" or "training". Every baby is an individual and you'll figure out what your baby needs if you throw out the rule books and just listen to her cues. Are you trying to put her down on a clock other than her own? Listen to her, not society. Maybe your baby DOES need to be put down to go to sleep (which would be unusual, but, like I said, every baby is different), but maybe there would be less crying if she was put down on her schedule rather than someone else's. Just a thought - maybe you're already doing this.
2. The family bed is a GOOD thing - but it's not for everyone. Obviously, it's not for the mother who posted that it's bad for everyone and everything including relationships. She obviously has a partner for whom the family bed does not work - and that's OK for her. But, it's not fair to then make a generalization that it's not good for any family. The important thing is to communicate with your partner and decide if it would be a good thing for you. A family bed doesn't have to be forever - but it can sure help with those early months, especially if you're breastfeeding (which is great by the way)! My 9-month-old daughter sleeps with me at night and sleeps in the crib during the day. She started protesting the crib 2 weeks ago - but is old enough now to be trained to accept it again which we've already been working on. The au pair was able to put her down in the crib again on Friday and I was able to transition her to the crib this morning. And, based on experiences other moms have shared with me, I'm confident that when the time is right for her to transition to her bed for night-time as well, that we'll be able to do that in a non-traumatic way.
3. If she wants to breastfeed every hour or hour and a half, this does NOT necessarily mean that she's not getting enough milk. My daughter breastfed every 30 minutes for the first 3 months. Then went to every hour, then every hour and a half. She's now 9 months old and still gets hungry every 2 hours or so. She's simply more of a snacker. Back to the concept that every baby is different and to suggest that every baby should only need to eat every 3-4 hours is misleading and erroneous. Just like it would have been wrong for me to start forcing my daughter to eat solids at the "magical" age of 6 months. She wanted nothing to do with solids. So, I kept offering them, letting her play with them, etc....and eventually, she started tasting them and is just now FINALLY ready to really start eating solids! Hallelujah! But, I'm so glad I didn't listen to the doctor and instead listened to those mothers whose experiences were against the norm and had children that didn't eat until 10 months, 11 months, even 12 months. My daughter is doing things on her own time and what's right for her. And, it's not hurting her so that's OK. So - back to you, don't be automatically convinced that your daughter isn't getting enough milk if she's eating frequently. Look at her growth. As long as she's growing and thriving, she's getting enough milk. Even though my daughter was growing and thriving, my doctor still wanted me to force solids on her. I'm glad I didn't since neither of us would've been happy.
4. A word about swaddling. One daycare provider told me that she's had babies need swaddling until they're over a year old! So don't be afraid to use this method and think it's only for 0-3 month old babies. It didn't work well for my baby but, again, every baby is different - it might work for yours as it has for others so it might be worth a try!

I think you've seen my theme that every baby is different. I don't support cry it out but am open to the idea that maybe your baby needs to be put down to go to sleep. I'd suggest, however, that you are present while she's crying when you put her down - and stay with her to comfort her and sooth her. You don't have to pick her up if you don't think that will help, but you can rub her tummy and caress her head and shush and sooth her and be by her side while she cries herself to sleep. Personally, I'd try this only after I've tried any other new suggestions

Good luck!
Cassie

I truly sympathize; all I wanted to do was rock my infant son to sleep as I had my daughter but it never ever worked. Nothing did, but CIO. I think some babies just need to be alone to get themselves to sleep, call it personality I guess. Once I started CIO however I did not regret it. He sleeps better and is much much happier throughout the day. So I guess I'm saying it's not as bad as it seems and you shouldn't feel guilty if it's what works for you and your baby. Good luck.

This was my story until last week. My second child is 11months old and he started sleeping through just the last week. Before that he was getting up at least 2 times a night. Earlier he used to get up as much as 5-6 times every night. Those last 11months were very very stressful for me. I have a very busy job also and not much help at home. I tried everything also. I think what made the difference is that I started feeding the baby bit more solid food. It seemed to me that I underestimated the amount of food that my baby needed. But he needed food more than what the typical recommendations were. For that matter what my first one used to eat. (My first child is 3years old and is a good sleeper)

So try to feed the baby until she rejects the food. They know when to say unlike we grown ups that have problems expressing ourselves at times:)

Just my experience... all that babies need are food, sleep and nappy change. Of course they want to be in mama's arms all the time :-) Good luck!

I put our daughter in our bed and she just moved out last week. (Although, she has spent the weekend with us due to illness.) I used to swaddle her and put her down, snuggled between the sofa cushion. I always had something at her head. (I think she was head down most of the pregnancy and likes to feel something on her head. Still does. It can be 80 degrees outside and she wants to wear a ski cap.) Making the baby feel like she was being held was my objective. I was home alone all day and had no one to hand her off to, so this gave me about 30-60 minutes to do what I needed before she'd wake up and wonder where I went. I also started putting my night shirt around her, so she would smell me. That usually gave me a longer free time.

I agree with one response about making sure she's full before putting her to bed.

As for colic, for my daughter it turned out to be gas and after some Mylicon drops for infants, she was fine.

Stephanie

thought i would pass this on...

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Hi M.,

First I want to say that the first three months are always the hardest or at least that is how it was for me. So sounds like in some ways that the hardest part might be behind you. Each child is definitely different.

My oldest son wouldn't nap during the day at all and he would cry a lot. I would try everything to comfort him and nothing would work. I felt like I wasn't a good mother as I couldn't comfort my child. One day I remember in particular that he was crying and I was rocking him, nursing him, walking with him and nothing was helping and the phone rang. I had to set him in his crib so that I could hear and I walked out of his room and within a minute he was asleep. It made me realize that what he "needed" was for me to put him down. Something I never even considered. He would also do better to just cry it out before bed. Seemed like for a while that it was a long time and after a short time of consistently putting him down like this he would lay in his crib and play with his toys quietly before falling asleep.

The one thing I learned too is that 3 months is too young to think "routine". It takes that long to learn the child and then you have to go from there. Sounds like you are discovering that he does better to cry it out. I don't think this is a bad thing. My oldest is an excellent sleeper and has been since he was about 6 months old.

My younger son slept great from the start and I could rock him to sleep and this was nice for me to find out that I could actually comfort a child fine it was just that the first child needed something different.

Sounds like you are on the right track. Keep it up and try to not feel guilty about giving your baby the space it needs to work out the stress of the day :) Good luck!

B.

Well, here is my take on it. I have only read the last two posts.

I know that many people say to rock, walk and pat your baby to sleep. I did that will my first child, and it was exremely frustrating. Not to mention that it just didn't produce what I was hoping for. she would fight it all the way. (she still has a hard time going to sleep. She is 12.)Realizing after the fact that it created a monster so to speak, I changed my tactics with the next child.

My second and third child I put down in their beds when it was time to sleep. They have no problems going to sleep to this day(they are 6 and 8.) All babies will cry when you lay them down to sleep. That is NORMAL. In fact it would be abnormal if they didn't. They have a need. The need is to sleep. They will cry from the moment they give you the signal cry (it's time for me to sleep) until sleep state occurs. It doesn't mean they need stimulation, they are not crying for that.(Think about how you would feel when you've been up for 24 hours- how agonizing it is, how the ONLY thing you would desire is sleep. You don't desire personal touch, you frantically HAVE to have sleep.) That's how it is with them. They must have that sleep, and have it frequently, because they do their growing during sleep. They grow more and faster in the first 6 months than any other time in their life. You'll notice a new baby might stay awake only 15 minutes at a time. By the time they are 6 months, they should only be awake an hour and a half or up to two hours between afternoon naps.

It is the parents who have a hard time with it, with allowing the child to cry. Once you realize that they are simply crying because they have a sleep need that must be met, you will not have so much of a problem allowing them to continue the "need" cry until that happens. Give them 5- 10 minutes, and they will fall asleep. Rocking, patting, walking, etc, stimulates them. They eventually do fall asleep, but it is from exaustion. A baby continuing in an exausted state, will start to sleep less and cry more. In fact, crying will become louder, longer and like a pain or distress cry.

Keeping track of their wake, sleep, and feeding schedule in a diary allowed me to meet their needs. It is VERY easy to lose track of time. For example, if the baby starts cring, and I look in the log, I can see that she ate an hour ago but she is an half hour overdue for her nap (keeping a log of natural sleep patterns from infancy will show you her natural sleep need.)So viola, I know that it is a sleep need cry. She doesn't have to get frantic, because I meet the need. I put her down, and she continues to cry until the "sleep state" is accomplished.

The reason your baby doesn't cry when you lay her down in the early morning is she is reaching sleep state immediately. She is reaching sleep state quickly because she is well rested from sleeping all night. The more they sleep, the more they will sleep and the better they will sleep.

ps..I think reflux and GERD are a diferent issue than colic. I think Colic occurs when the child is crying excessively because the correct "need" is not being met.
Reflux and Gerd are usually food allergies. Milk intolerance being one, but a big culprit ofter overlooked is wheat gluten. (not just in breads, it is added to most processed foods,processed meats, ice cream,condiments,dried fruit, gum and alcohol,spices, rice milk using barley enzymes, and some infant formulas)

Drink more water if you need to increase your milk, please don't formula supplement.That's not going to help things. Your body will quickly adjust to your infants milk needs.

Have you considered that it might be something in your diet that is giving her stomach cramps? My first daughter had no food sensativities. My second daughter was highly sensative to the broccoli and onion families. (You don't know how much you miss garlic until you can't eat it for a year!)

Some of the worst offenders in Mom's diet that get through to the breast milk are as follows:

Cows Milk/Cheese/Yogurt/Butter/Ice Cream
Broccoli/Cauliflower/Cabbage
Onions/Garlic & Garlic Powder/Green Onions
Soy Products
Peanut Products
Chocolate
Coffee
Orange/Lemon/Grapefruit
Strawberry/Kiwi/Tomato

Remove ALL of these items from your diet for two weeks. (Yes, it WILL suck.) Add ONE item back in your diet every 4-5 days after the two weeks are up. Watch her closely to see if there is any reaction.

The following few paragraphs are copied from a longer page that has many good ideas: http://www.coliccalm.com/baby_infant_newborn_articles/gas...

{{Air bubbles can also be taken in through baby’s mouth. Most commonly, it is a result of the suction created during nursing. For this reason, it is important to burp every 3 to 5 minutes during feedings or between breasts. If your baby is bottle-fed, make certain that the bottle’s nipple is the right size. If the nipple is too big, it will cause your baby to eat too fast. If it’s too small, it will cause your baby to gulp air.

Another possible reason for infant gassiness is hyper-lactation syndrome. When a mother has a very abundant milk supply, she may produce a larger amount of foremilk. Foremilk is higher in water content, higher in lactose and usually delivered with greater force during letdown. In excess, foremilk can make baby’s stomach cramp, creating more fussiness. A baby that gulps the quickly flowing milk also tends to take in more air, thereby getting gassier. Because the baby may not be getting enough of the rich hind milk, he or she tends to want to eat more often, which perpetuates the problem. The baby that suffers from hyper-lactation syndrome is characterized by higher that normal weight gain, increased gassiness, and fussiness.

Over stimulation can also lead to increased gassiness. Just as many adults experience intestinal disturbances in stressful situations, so are babies affected by their environments. Sensitive infants that are bombarded with noise, lights, touch and multiple experiences will usually “shut down” in an attempt to reduce stimulation. This shut down response does not completely insulate baby from the effects of the stimulation. Babies that are easily overloaded often experience more severe gas, fussiness, and difficulty sleeping later in the day or night. In general, the more activity (errands, visitors, T.V., phones, etc.) in baby’s day, the higher the chances of gassiness and fussiness in baby’s evening and night. }}

You might also try "white noise" next to her crib (a fan, humidifier, static player, etc.) after you thoroughly burp her then briefly snuggle her.