How to Deal with Unemployed Husband

Dana W is 100% on the money. I was laid off 9 months ago and it has been impossible to get a job. I have interviewed everywhere. The "no brainer" isn't going to happen. No employer will higher an over skilled person who they will think will quit the second they find a "real job". Just tell hubby it is the economy and everything is so much harder. In an article on msn they say any professional can look to being unemployed at least a year before finding a job. Tell him most importantly not to take the rejection personally. These HR people know that they have the time and a huge amount of candidates they can pick and choose from. Their ideal is top of the line at the lowest price, not easy to find. And you might as well brace him to the fact, that when he does find a job in his field the salary will be low balled. It's crazy out there now. Tell him to be patient and as they say this can't go on forever, just seems like it.

You might suggest that he pursue temporary work through a staffing firm until he can find the right job. Getting out in the workforce to some degree can really help boost his spirits (speaking from my own personal experience trying to find a job out of college in 92 when the economy was rotten). It can also help him build his network and could lead to a full-time opportunity. Also, check Craigslist and your local unemployment office to see if there are any support groups in your area for the unemployed. Talking to others going through the same experience can help him feel understood and motivated.
ETA: Is there a professional association for his field? You might check online for any such groups and see if they have local chapters. Getting out and attending meetings might put him in touch with hiring managers; at the very least, it will get him out of the house and help him feel connected to his field.

Last May, I and 199 colleagues were laid off without any suspicion that it was coming. We're in an industry (pharmaceutical) that is slashing people left and right. Jobs are almost impossible to come by. Several of my friends are still out of work.

So, I'd reassure your husband that this economy is making it h*** o* everyone, and it really will come around - no one really knows when.

The problem with the "no brainer" jobs is that they know someone smart and capable like him will bolt in a heart beat once a better offer comes along. And, because there are so many people out there desperately looking for something, they can be more selective and pay less than they would have 3 years ago.

I'm just now dealing with my own emotions following my layoff - and it's been almost a year. At the time, I thought it was a blessing in disguise. Now, the bitterness is coming out, and I'm dealing the best as possible despite being one of the lucky ones who got back to work relatively quickly.

Be supportive in whatever he needs - please just try not to be overbearing or critical because it will exacerbate his woeful feelings.

Best wishes to your family.

things are tough alright! Some posts have already mentioned doing temp work - which I have used twice and it's led to full time employment. Check the federal government WWW.USAJOBS.gov there are many federal positions open all over the country. I actually don't believe in doing the no brainer job - men have a harder time with that than women. (It's the whole breadwinner thing). If he's been in school is there any additional classes he can take that will help him be more marketable? For instance if he's an LPN, then why not go for an RN. Or how about moving to a bigger metropolitan area? Hope this helps.
Hang in there

You might want to take a look at the unemployment numbers for people in his field. Maybe knowing others are having a hard time finding a job might help him feel a bit better. Also, is there any kind of work that's sort of related to the field he's in so he could expand his search?

I think, first and foremost, you need to deal with the most pressing problem. Sounds like he's depressed. He has come off of a super difficult load with school which was very stressing for him, no doubt, and now he is doing nothing, and unable to find a source of income to care for his family. Double ouch. He may need anti-depressants, even if just temporarily, to help him cope with some of the feelings of depression. As someone who has suffered from depression, believe me when I say, it is near impossible to come out of that funk once you have fallen in, without some kind of help.

Secondarily, I think that he should acquire some type of employment, even if it is not in his field. I assist in the hiring process at my company and I never think negatively of someone who supplemented their income during their job search with a job that was less desireable. As recently as last week, we hired a professional who had been installing satellite television to supplement his income for the last year. Nothing wrong with that. Any company that would scough at that is no company that you want to work for, let me assure you. It is important that your husband feel like he is contributing something. Anybody that says they "can't" get a job doing something less desireable because that would hinder them from getting a "real" job, is just making excuses.

I hope that this helps. Ultimately you have to do what keeps your husband and family healthy and happy. I think that may mean that he has to get a job that makes him feel like the man of the house again, because that's important to men. Just curious, but what is his degree in? My company is hiring. :)

umm it's a tough one.. BUT why doesn't he just get the "no brainer" job as you call it and at least get his foot in the door.. nothing wrong with that.. in careers , sometimes one has to settle.. it's not always where you start but where you end up.. what's important here is that he get his foot in the door..... then go from there.. but if he is holding out for the "perfect" anything, he might be waiting a long time, in the meanwhile, there's that old saying....get your hands out of your pockets and start with where you are right now, right this instance" what can he do to move towards the career he wants.... well, sometimes it means doing whatever it might take... perhaps a pay cut in the beginning... an entry level job.. and so on.. how about applying at a temp agency? good way to get one's foot in the door....
Sometimes, we have to take a step back and rearrange our thinking and understand that for the most part, job interviews are NOT to be taken personally..... hiring managers don't know that your husband may have busted his you know what by taking 7 classes, could be they don't even care.... what's important here is that if a person can take the "personal" out of many situations, one... they won't be as let down and two.... they won't feel as bad... by removing the feeling bad and let down feeling, it gives you more energy and focus for the job search.. try and get him to see the job search as part of the job... they go hand in hand... I have a feeling there IS a great job out there for him.... but it may take a little more time getting to then first imagined..
stay positive..

stay encouraging
you have to keep him uplifted
prayer would not hurt either
I have been through this twice with my hubby in the last ten years

if all else fails have him go to therapy and get some happy pills

My husband took a job delivering pizzas just to get out of the house and bring in some extra cash. He thinks its a "no brainer" job and he still applies for "real jobs" but he has actually made some friends and some what likes doing it.

My husband finally found a job after almost a year of looking ... the job market hasn't recovered with the recession after all. The week he did get an offer, he had 3 to choose from, but it took enough time.

He was depressed when he wasn't working. I tried not to stress too much about money, I tried not to push him to take just any job because i think that would have just added to his thoughts/feelings of worthlessness (is this all I'm good for type of thoughts).

Eventually he got that idea himself and took a seasonal job. He was animated for the first time in months but I think it had to be his idea.

The more depressed he gets though, the harder it will be for him to stay motivated in the job search, and the reality is that unemployment is still very high so it will probably take some time even to find a "no brainer" type of job.

If he is at all open to it, see if he'll consider counselling to get him through this time and/or get involved in some of the organizations that help you find work, his school might have something. That way he'll have encouragement and reality setting from outside sources as well.

Best of luck to you!

Your husband is feeling like a loser. When my husband was out of work years ago he was just a bear to live with. He felt so guilty he couldn't support his family. I think this goes back to the caveman!

I vote any job. He needs to feel like he is contributing. If he can take something in his field, but that is a start up not much pay that will be even better because it could work into something down the line..

Also, I have my own small business from home. If he would be interested in doing that on the side I would be glad to help him and tell him about it. Then he could be contributing in more than one way.

I'm sure you are, but do your best to support him without making him feel incompetent or that you are babying him. If you truly believe he is almost suicidal GET HIM HELP. If at any time you believe he really may be suicidal, call a hot line or ask him to commit himself. No kidding around.

My hubby will graduate this summer and is in the same boat. He has been interviewing since January and nothing so far.
Taking a "no-brainer" job has it's risks too, it doesn't build your husbands resume for his field and when hiring picks up he will be at the bottom of the list for lacking experience.
We are looking into unpaid internships - if that's financially doable for you, I would give it a try as well... we have my income, so at least he would be building expertise in his field.

Good luck!

I have too been through this with my husband, I will admit it is very HARD.It took over 1 year for the next job. It was really h*** o* our marriage. Money was tight, and I had to work a lot more. On the positive side he did see how hard I worked at home and work since he did all of the house work during this time.
Reach out to friends for support. You will get though it!

One of the best ways to get your foot in the door is to sign up with a couple temp agencies. When I graduated from college 15 years ago, I did this and worked temp at this company for a few months and then got hired permanently. I've been working in the same industry ever since.

It's good he's trying...mine is so bent out of shape about figuring out what 'kind' of job to apply for he's stuck, it's like a mid/quarter life crisis and it is driving me absolutely mad.

I guess I'll tell you the same thing I tell me, be patient and supportive. Counseling is good too if he can find a good therapist, I'm trying to get mine to go on anti-depressants.