My Husband Lost His Job. Unfortunately, T

Updated on April 19, 2010
A.S. asks from Spokane, WA
16 answers

He got hired at a great place, that would provide further training to him, because he is a recent graduate in the field and had great internships, so the boss knew he just needed more exposure and to learn further policies as he was looking for someone that was fresh in the field.

The day before his start date began, the person who was going to be his trainer lost his family in a tragic situation. He could no longer train him and understandably left the company to deal with his grief, and the boss couldn't train him either because he didn't know much about the job and was busy with his own job.

So, for 6 months, after we packed up and moved here for his new job, he has been training himself, going to conventions for further training and his performance reviews are always wonderful, all his tasks are met on deadline with good results, but the boss started to plain ignore him and distance himself from him.

Yesterday, on his review, he told him to leave, that even though his performance is great and is doing well, he is just not a "good fit". He also said my husband's failure was 50% the boss's fault for failing him as an employee by not providing him with the resources he needed. Though the boss said he would provide an excellent recommendation and even look for places that are hiring where "he would be a better fit".

We are just so hurt by this. His job is in a field where everyone talks and now we feel like he is going to be seen as not teachable or qualified for any positions in an area that is already tough to get into.

He is already searching for employment, sending his resume out, but in the meantime, we are going to have to leave our home because we can't afford it, move in with family and put our belongings in storage, all the while having to answer everyone's questions about his unemployment, so for now, we are keeping quiet about his job loss.

I will probably have to get a job making next to nothing while he job hunts and watches the kids during the day part time, and he will have to get a night job or something to help, as all of our savings are going into the heavy fines of breaking our lease.

Well, this is a long story, but I needed to vent and encouragement since I know this happens too frequently. He is considering going to school to get his master's now, to maybe help get a leg up in the industry, but that's 2 more years of uncertainty and poverty again.

What would you do? (and yes, we do qualify for benefits because his firing was not performance based.)

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Thanks heather, but we aren't 'freaking out', my husband is a 'big boy', and we already have all of our bills as low as they will go and we do not have cable or any other memberships, nor do we have any credit card debt. We have to move b/c the college and other job opportunities are several hours away and we can't afford our rent. And yes, I do actively search for jobs for him as well. While he was completing his degree, he worked 2 internships and held a full time job, so we aren't strangers to hard work and no free time. and we haven't given up, it's only been one day, just seeking other stories for encouragement. Unfortunately, this isn't a case of a company downsizing, we are pretty sure now they are going to hire back the original employee who my husband replaced when they quit. We are looking into the online master's program for him in his field. Thanks all!!!

More Answers



answers from Dallas on

I'm not sure what field he's in - my husband is a programmer - and he's been going to school for his masters while working, it's taken him 3 years (including summer) but now he's finishing his thesis and will have his Master's in the fall.

Yes, it's a lot of work - and I get a lot less hubby time, help time, etc. We talk and when people say how great it is he's going to school he's quick to comment it's a sacrifice his family is making - because it's extra work for all of us.

My point is, he is able to do both living in the DFW area there are a LOT of schools with a variety of offerings. Thankfully, this area isn't hurting like a big part of the country. It's certainly not easy, but it could be worse. I think your husband needs to have a positive outlook and not let himself dwell on this one lost job. It doesn't mean he gets to pack it up and hide back in school. He's a big boy - time to dust himself off and FIND A GOOD JOB. Find one that will pay for him to go back to school, or at least work with him if he needs a little flexibility for school.

You said he's already looking, that's great. You can help him -- I always look when my husband is job hunting and send him listings I've found.

Why do you assume you have to leave your house? Do you not have any emergency funds? :( Between his unemployment and you getting a job - could you pay your living expenses until he gets something better? Look at your bills and see what you can cut out. Lower your cell phone plans, put your home phone on "vacation" mode (usually $5 a month), cancel cable/dish, lower your internet service speed, cancel anything unessential -- gym memberships, gaming monthly fees, etc. Buy groceries through Angelfood Ministries --- there are a TON of things you could do for the next few months before assuming you have to turn your life inside out.

Sounds a little like you're freaking out and not thinking of solutions beyond giving up. You both need to take a breath and see if there are other possibilities you're missing. Good luck.


You said you just recently moved here. I was trying to help and point out this area has a LOT more jobs then most. I don't know what field your husband is in - but technology is doing really well here and unemployment in DFW is some of the lowest in the country. I just didn't, and really still don't, understand why you feel like you guys need to immediately leave this area because of this job loss? Why be willing to take the hit on breaking your rental contract? I was trying to give you solutions to work your budget between his unemployment and you possibly getting a job to make ends meet while he looks.

You original post came across like you felt he wouldn't be able to find anything else, you guys had to move in with family, and kind of like you had already given up. That's why I told you it seemed like you were freaking out and not looking at all solutions.

I also complimented that he was already looking and tried to give you other ideas (I have no idea the condition of your finances - just trying to help, which I presume you wanted.. since you asked). I don't know if you checked out Angelfood.. at the link I provided. It's a non-profit, with no income requirements. Its a great way to get groceries half the price you would find in the store.

I wasn't trying to offend you, just bring your attention to the fact it sounded like you guys had already given up.. You guys are adults, parents and in this together. I stand by what I said - I think he can do it, and you guys can make it here. Like I said, good luck - whatever you decide.

By the way, the US Census is hiring temp help that pays $15 an hour in our area. That could be a great way to make ends meet while he's looking.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on


2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Have him go back to school to become better qualified to work in his field, if he doesn't find a job quickly. Two years of uncertainty is better than a potential life time of uncertainly. Poverty sucks! Be thankful you have someplace to go.

My husband is out of work and has been trying for a long time to get another job. Things are really tough where we live and he only gets a few temporary, part time jobs. My work hours have just been cut so drastically that we, too, can't continue to live here. Only we have no place to go, or anyone to go to.

Sacrifices now will be rewards later. Best of luck to you both!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

first of all the you don't "fit" sounds like a bunch of junk. that was wrong and it makes me a little mad to know someone did that. get the benefits from the state. i see nothing wrong with it and you have a family to support. yall earned them when you had taxes taken out from your paycheck. from there see what happens. a lot of people will hire temps from temp agencies so theres an idea. and its no one's business about why your husband lost his job. don't fret over the little stuff like that b/c it'll make you crazy me on that one. good luck and God bless.

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answers from Dallas on

Have you guys checked out the unemployment benefits in your area? If they let him go and he wasn't fired for performance, then he might be entitled to benefits. It was a god send when my husband was laid off in August! We would have drowned without it. He was unemployed for 7 months and now has a great new job at a new company making more than he ever has. Keep your chin up and pray for some guidance. Good luck to you!
Here's the website for Texas benefits:

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answers from Chicago on

That has probably happened to quite a few of us in life. I know that happened to me. And I still am not quite sure why. I have since gotten another job and have had that for a year and a half now.
I was told in this economy that the same stigma is not attached to losing your job as it was before. Some places simply cannot afford to keep us. Some places are family based and we are seen as outsiders. Some people at jobs get very jealous of others (perhaps your husbands boss was like this). Some people are just plain old ardvarks (can't say what I want to here). The point is it really is horrible that you and he will be suffering the consequences of a selfish nasty human being but you will find out later that things really do work out -lots of times for the better and the selfish boss will eventually reap what he sowed, also. Believe me. I am older and I have seen it really is true. You are in a firey tunnel, but you will come out of it.
I had a review at my new job recently and while I thought I was doing excellent work I was surprised at how negative my review was. I told the person I disagreed with her. I was also told that places do not want to give raises so they give negative reviews, in spite of the fact that they have great workers. Tell your husband for me that he and you will be in my prayers, please turn this over to God for some peace of mind and try to limit the time you worry. I have been throught some horrible things and I know how awful this is for you, so hang in there and keep venting to us. That is why we are here.

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answers from Dallas on

For sure apply for unemployment benefits! ASAP! they are for folks like y'all.

I'd also put off, for a time, the fines for breaking the lease. Or see if you can set up a more reasonable payment plan...$50 a month 'till you are back on more solid ground. I wouldn't spend my little bit of money on them, they can wait or take less. You gotta eat!

As far as what I would do? I'm not sure. Could he work part time and go to school? Would the master's really pay off in his field? Two years goes by fast, but when you're actually IN the two years it can seem long, I know. My husband is currently making that sacrifice so I can go to school full time and it is harder with me not working...much harder financially. Sometimes I even feel guilty about it. these is a lot to consider. I can work, but it's not easy. It's only two years though - which if it will be worth it money-wise, may be worth the sacrifice now. I'd research that - his industry.

Sorry for your hard time. It seems to be going around...

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

As an owner of a small business, I can tell you that it is not easy to let people go. Sometimes a person, no matter how qualified, just doesn't fit in with your company. It's extra hard to let them go when this is the case. However, in every instance (which have been few) the parting has been better for all. Keep on moving forward. You are going to be just fine. This will not hurt his future prospects. It is only a temporary disappointment. Your family is going to be fine. As Dory in Finding Nemo says, "Keep on swimming. Keep on swimming."

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answers from Dallas on

We had a similar situation several years ago. My DH started a job, he loved it, got along well with the boss, got excellent reviews. But after a few months he was let go because he didn't fit with the junior partner. We were very upset, it had been excatly the job that he wanted.

But he got out there and the boss did give him good recommendations, and it wasn't long before he found a new job.

So basicaly all I can say is have faith that it will work out. It sounds like you have already taken steps to reduce your expenses.

Good luck,

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Las Vegas on

I don't think his job loss will appear he is untrainable. You just state what happened...upon the training period his direct supervisor lost his family and unfortunately parted with the company. The job was no longer available. No one is going to ask anything further. If they looked in to it, it is the truth. You will be fine. I raised my daughter on my own and look back and wonder how I ever did it...but I did. Hang in there.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

Take it one day at at time - there are so MANY in your situation. Also, don't be ashamed he lost his job - and be there to support each other through this time. Good luck.

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answers from Dallas on

Since I do not know what field your husband was working in, I m not sure if going for a master degree at this time would help. Has he asked himself was he really happy in the last position or job? I know that because he is the bread winner and it is really scary right now he may not want to look into other fields. This may be the time to do it and follow what makes him happy or follow a dream that he has. I would look into that before he completely gives up, now may be the time.



answers from Dallas on

In my field (and I think most), there comes a time when experience is more valuable than education. Based on your post, I'd say he is at a point where some practical work experience is probably sorely needed on his resume. It takes about six months to replace professional jobs. Plan for that and give the job hunt a chance to work its magic.



answers from Chicago on

Ashley, I am so sorry to hear about your husband's job loss. I agree with the previous posters that your husband shouldn't feel stigmatized for being downsized. He is in very good company and no one can hold it against him in this economy.

Getting a masters degree won't guarantee a job down the road. And two years is a long time to live on just your (soon-to-be) income so that your husband can go to school. You will need to take out student loans too, right? And the fact that you have kids makes it a lot harder. If and when your husband gets another job in his current field, his employer may even pay for him get a masters degree part time.

One thing I feel that I should mention is that breaking a lease shouldn't drain the rest of your financial resources. If you talk to the landlord/property manager and explain that your husband lost his job, you may be able to get your deposit back if you help find a new tenant. At the very least, you should be able to just forfeit the deposit and not pay rent for the remainder of the lease after you move out. The landlord has a duty to mitigate his losses -- meaning he needs to try to find a tenant to replace you. It is a financial hardship on him when a tenant breaks a lease, but in your situation, it is beyond your control.

Good luck to you. I hope one or both of you find a job soon!



answers from Dallas on

I agree with J.L. Getting a Master's Degree at this time probably isn't the best idea. It would make future employers feel like they'd have to pay him more than the 22-year old that just graduated with a Bachelor's Degree. I think he needs to get his foot in the door at a good company FIRST. Then he can go back to school in his "spare" time. Some universities are offering masters programs in evening and weekend classes. Some great companies even pay tuition for their employees who pursue a degree while they are working.



answers from Dallas on

you are not alone. we went through something sim. my husband lost his job in july and worked to find something very vigorously. he ended up finding a great opportunity in another state. we didn't move since i was in my final trimester so he lived there while i stayed here with our other girlie. he was told, out of the blue, on dec 28th that contracts the co expected didn't come through and thus they don't need him and don't move... and no job. that was 2 weeks before our actual move. luckily we did not buy another house and did not sell our current house. thankfully they did pay for the fees of getting out of leases etc. what they didn't pay for is the anxiety and all the other emotions we felt during the time. he did find something else, but the whole experience drained us and especially him. i know it'll take time for him to trust another co.

i hope this helps you. for me, i was sad to hear what happened to you. what i know is you sound like a strong person and you'll work to make things right and they will get better. remember to listen to him since he's having a hard time grappling what just happened.

take care.

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