Hi Moms
Let me start by saying i have a very busy 4 year old daughter. Her main issue in school has always been talking during quiet time, talking out of turn, well you get the point. She has a great personality but is just a busy body! That being said, i picked her up from school yesterday and she was wearing different clothes and had a bag of her clothes in her backpack. Teacher lets her out at gate and does not say anything to me. I question my daughter in car and she starts crying that she had an "accident". This is a big deal for her as the last accident she had was when she turned 3 at the beginning of starting preschool 3. It is obviously very uncommon for her. Well after the crying and some comfort we managed to be able to talk about it. Her answer to me was " I didnt want to raise my hand to say i had to go potty because i didnt want to get in trouble". Well that upset me a little but we kept talking. From what i get she raises her hand to ask questions ALOT during rug story time and the teacher has just decided to tell her to put her hand down and be quiet each and everytime she does it. I understand you cant have a child doing that while reading and stopping to answer questions everytime you would never finish the book. But i am worried about this continuing and developing into something worse. She did get alot of praise from us this past week when teacher told me she was listening better and behaving better so she could have been worried about disappointing us too by not being quiet during rug time or interrupting. I just dont know, its upsetting. Thoughts??
This may sound dumb but could you have her raise her hand and hold up one finger when she needs to go potty? That could be a secret sign between her and the teacher. The teacher would call on her when she sees the finger up and she asks to go and the teacher can say yes.
In my preschool classroom the thumbs up sign means "I need to go to the bathroom." Could you ask the teacher to talk to your daughter and come up with some sort of signal?
My daughter's kindergarten teacher used sign language to help the kids convey what they needed without interrupting. The sign for "toilet" was the letter "t". You make this by making a fist with your thumb sticking up through the index and middle fingers. When the kids raised their hands their palm was facing the teacher with the "t" finger position. She then knew the didn't have a question, but that they needed to go to the bathroom. No talking needed to take place and the teacher could indicate that the child could go with a nod of her head.
Ask your daughter's teacher if this could work for her.
So sorry this happened. Talk to your daughter and let her know that you will talk to her teacher and let her know what she said, and that you will ask her to allow her to go potty, but at the same time to only raise her hand to ask that. Knowing this her teacher should be willing to call on her when she sees her hand go up. Approach her teacher calmly and politely, don't assume animosity or anything negative on her part, it may indeed be that your daughter was worried about disappointing you after being praised for her better listening and behaving. Also use this as a learning tool with your daughter, acknowledge that you know this was an embarrassing thing to happen to her, but that because of all the times she was raising her hand to ask questions, the teacher didn't know. You kind of have to play diplomat as your daughter is still going to be in her class. I'd be upset, too, but hopefully this is the one and only time.
Since she is 4 and it is approaching the end of the year, I would guess that she's in preschool and as such teachers should expect some interruptions and potty accidents. Plus you have selected and pay this preschool so you should definately be comfortable w/ having your daughter there all day.
I would ask the teacher if you can have a few minutes of her time (which may be better at the end of the day if drop off is hectic). Ask her what happened regarding the accident (as in when it happened) and then if her story matches your daughter's version, explain that your daughter has apparently taken to heart that she can't raise her hand or she will be in trouble and ask that she clarify things to your daughter. I don't believe a child of any age (but especially this age) should be in trouble for asking to go to the bathroom. My daughter's teacher (also Pre-K and has ages 4-5) has a "get up a go whenever you need to" policy.
I do understand that the teacher will need to limit interruptions. I would suggest letting the teacher know why the accident happened, and figure out a signal that your daughter can use rather than the raised hand five fingers up that signals needing to use the toilet. It's also important to talk to her (and teachers should do this with their class too) about transition times, and when it's a good time to use the bathroom, to cut down on how much they have to go in the middle of lessons and activities.
approach her openly, warmly, matter-of-factly, and let her know you want a discussion, you're not there to rip into her. she's doing her job by teaching your daughter that repeated interruptions are not acceptable. but it would have been better had she let you know (unless she was busy supervising the herd and unavailable for a quick private chat) what happened.
clearly the teacher isn't an ogre and is willing to praise your daughter for progress. so go ahead and model the behavior you want your daughter to emulate, that is to be confident about opening up an important conversation. no need for elaborate dance steps here.
khairete
S.
I think the preschool teachers are so busy during pick-up time, all the parents are there but they're still monitoring all the kids and making sure they're leaving with the right person. I'm sure it just slipped her mind to tell you.
I'd go back and talk to her either before the day starts or at the end. Or, just call her up. Explain what happened the same way you explained to us. Doesn't sound like you're super upset, just want reassurance that the teacher is working with your child so that she gets the difference between when it's okay to raise hand/talk out and when it's overboard - talking out too much. I'm SURE the preschool teacher has dealt with this in the past and will have some good answers for you. Goodluck!
Hi there!
Just have a nice talk with the teacher and tell her about your concerns, tell her exactly what you are saying H., share some ideas like the sign language or others. Your kid is still learning and adjusting to many new things. Always talk to the teacher openly and respectfully, and always listen to your daughter.
Talk with the teacher and ask her if there is a cue that kids can give when they need to use the bathroom. She can use that sign and the teacher will know exactly what she needs and can help her. My son's kindergarten class does this and its very helpful.
If it's just a concern that she doesn't get to say when she has to go to the bathroom, maybe you could ask the teacher to establish a sign for all the kids to use to ask for the bathroom. It would be different from the usual raising the hand, so she would know right away what they needed. Like raise a finger, or something unusual like that.
My kids do the sign language sign for needing to go to the bathroom. No words are needed.
And I would talk to the teacher about her being scared to raise her hand. That's a problem. My daughter is in 3rd grade and had that issue with her teacher before we moved her. She is now thriving in another class. Having your child have a healthy respect for their teacher is a good thing. Having them so scared they are having accidents because they don't want to ask a question is a whole other thing.
She's 4. She's still learning self control. Heck, I'm still learning self control! I don't think the teacher did anything wrong. Your DD probably has cried wolf too many times by talking too much. But your DD didn't do anything wrong either. Most little kids are quirmy when they have to go and the teacher should have been able to tell the difference. I'd use this situation to tell your DD the importance of not talking so much. Be objective when you talk to the teacher. Find out what happened first before you start thinking the teacher purposefully ignored your DD.
First, and foremost there is a conflict I as a parent have gone through very similar situations. You as a parent teach your child differently she trust you , your her protector she is used to how you do things. In school even though I feel the system is flawed not everyone does and that is ok. My parenting to my son is very soothing to him . By, the way he is 9 now. On a daily basis I have him get off the bus he is in tears not that he is a cry baby but he is not used to people speaking to him in manners that are not appropriate. She tells him to shut up , your opinion doesn't matter, and he also was upset because she called him pee pot he was in class had to go to the bathroom and she told him no not right now. He said mom I waited for about 15 mins which felt like an hour . He raised his hand again he asked to go she said no pee pot i just told you no and well he got up and left the classroom I know that was not a good thing on his part . Nevertheless he said mom I didn't want to pee on myself.The point I am trying to make is we as moms/dads are different with our children then some teachers not all (Some). We are kind , patient and loving. Right now teachers are under a lot of stress they are doing major cutbacks and of course have to produce real numbers not to mention they have a flawed system to work with that is federal mandated . I am homeschooling while this collapse of our education system falls right in front of our eyes. Not every one will agree with me and that is fine.For her to tell you she was scared to get in trouble is a huge indicator something is wrong. Stepping outside of the box looking in the only way she would be frightened is if she has witnessed or experienced it herself. Your child should not be scared to ask her teacher so me I would set up a parent teacher conference body language tells you many things that the lips don't have to say. Your daughter will become extremely submissive around her if she feels scared. There are so many things I could go on and on I hope I could help in some way.
It appears to me the teacher and your daugher are not meshing. I'm not saying the teacher is a bad teacher but sometimes it can be like oil and water deal. I would just get her class changed because if the teacher is already picing her out and not letting her ask questions when they are doing story time and you do nothing it will only get worse.
