How Should I Proceed - Ex-friend Compass Points Due South Now.

If you do not fell comfortable being around the woman, I say send a small gift. She sounds like a real piece of work and I probably would not want to be at the party. I would not spend much money, because if she does not even send out thank yous for her bridal or baby shower then I really would not care about what she thought of the gift, but I would send one just to keep things good between the men.

I don't see any reason you need to go if you don't want to. But, you could always give it one last shot. Having a child can really change a person. Maybe the last year has done that for her.

Life is to short to deal with all the bull. If your husband is friends with her husband that doesnt mean you have to be buddies wit her. How does your husband feel about it all?? Im a straight forward person so i would tell like it is.... I have an impressionable child that im trying to raise with morals and since you dont have any i prefer my child not to be around you. And tell her husband sorry----but hes welcome any time to your home but she another story. Im already 42 and a grandma and ive dealt with alot of people i also kept a friend around me that belittled me thinking friends are hard to come by especially since i knew her since we where teenagers but i couldnt take anymore and i feel relieved i dont associate with her anymore.you are in control of your own life. You control what your children see at this time and you and i both know you wouldnt want your child to think its ok to belittle especially someone your suppose to love and be married to.

Wow, she reminds me of my ex-husband, but we never had kids. Nothing I did was good enough. I had better watch out for him at all times because if I got in his way he would shove me into walls or doorways. I always had bruises on my arms and legs. He was always very sly about where and when he'd give a good shove. Usually only at home. So, when he did it in front of our best friends, they were shocked and instantly realized that I wasn't as clumsy as I said. They asked what was going on, very gently. They made me see. They saved my life. Only after I left did I find out the number of people who were praying for me. Also, he was dealing drugs from our house, so he may have been dabbling in his supply.

Maybe it is a good idea to attend the party. You could either volunteer to write down the gifts as they are opened, but then that means you are sitting right there with her, listening to her comments that she might mutter as each gift is opened. Or, you could occupy yourself with watching over your son and any other children that are playing at the party.

When you look at it, there are two really good reasons to go to the party - your husband's friend and the birthday boy. Good luck in your decision, whatever that might be. D.

Jodi,

Talk to your husband. Does he want to attend the party? If he does and he is aware of your feelings about this woman, I would go for him. There will be other people there to talk to, so you could avoid her for most of it, if you wanted to. Really how long will it last? A couple of hours tops. Be sure to tell your husband he owes you big time for going with him! LOL

Hi Jodi!
I know that these types of situations can be very difficult for either spouse - a long time friend who is married to someone you do not like.
I think that it is important for your husband and his friend's relationship but also for that little boy for you to attend. Not attending will not change her, her mannerisms or her lack of appreciation for your support. It may even make her angry or make the day more difficult for your husband's friend. Going will brighten your husband's friend day, having friends to support him there.
It's definitely not an easy thing to do. It's the great friend thing to do - and will mean a lot to your husband's friend. I hope this helps...

Hi Jody - yes, despite the child's mom having questionable morals. It really isn't the baby's fault so buy a gift (not huge), wrap it nicely, and put on your best smile. your husband obviously really likes his friend so you're doing it for him - good luck - Alison

Every etiquette book would say that a thank you note is appropriate for all the things you've listed. However, to expect one, in my book, is worse than not giving one.

I do have to play the devil's advocate and say that maybe she just has a sense of humor that most people may find offensive. She may have a relationship with her husband where this type of banter is perfectly acceptable. Also be wary that there may be people out there or even among your group who would conclude that you are acting like you are so much better than everyone.(Just a general statement)

That said, you obviously do not like her so why subject yourself to her company. If this woman drains you regardless of whether your reasons are valid or not you should just stay away. Send a gift if you must.

D.

If the guys are close friends, then I would say put up with the wife as much as you have to, but don't let her empty your emotional bank account. Say things like "Wow, I would never talk about my husband that way..." and "Im sorry you are unhappy with your husband, how can you make it better?". At the very least, your positive outlook will block her negativity from seeping into your mood. Even if she doesn't 'get the message', you will be doing yourself good by staying on the plus side of things. Maybe give her a devotional book for couples and tell her how much you love to focus on filling your husband with blessings.

If her negativity is just too much, there is no reason for you to feel obligated to be around her much. The guys can hang out and if there is a time you have to go out as a quad, keep your attention to the guys.

~L.

that a hard one, from what it sounds like the woman has no manners, or respect. But for your husband i say keep the peace. we are not going to like all the wives of our husband friends. i'm sure there is going to be a time that your husband doesn't like a husband of one of your girlfriends. he will do that same and put up with going place with you.

Jodi,
Yep she sounds like a real winner! lol
Does your husband know your not fond of her?? If so, maybe see if he will go and take your son, sense he is bff's with her husband he won't be bored. If not, I would just suck it up and go... I do like what the other Mom wrote though about offering to write down gifts for her as a hint for thank you's, lol. I would just look at it like, its for her baby- not her, sense he obviously has a crazy Mom, he/she needs some normality :-)
Good luck!!
and congrats on # 2!

First of all, i feel for you having to put up with this woman, i certainly couldn't. Second, it's not the 1 year olds fault his mother is like she is, go to the party and stay as long as you can stand to stay. Let your husband be the guys friend, but fade out if you want to (i mean, just because your husband is friends with him, doesn't mean you have to be friends with her)
Hope everything turns out well for you.

That is frustrating when there is someone in your life like that. Since your husband is good friends with her husband it would be a good idea to keep the peace for your husband's sake. Sounds like you don't see her often since the last time was a year ago or so at the baby shower. And its not like you have to be best friends. Just be polite and unless she says something directly to your or your husband then I would stay out of it.

I would not go. You do not need to be her friend. Send a gift and keep your contact with her to a minimum. Your hsb can see his friend without you...

This woman is in serious need of help. Okay now that I said that. Ideally what could happen is your husband could communicate to his friend how you feel about how his wife treats him.

Yes it is difficult to sit down with someone and let them know you one feels. But I suggest your husband and his friend have a heart to heart, in a compassionate manner. From what you've said I don't see how this man could be happy with a woman like that. Also my concern is how will their son turn out with a mother who belittles her husband! Maybe this guy just needs another guy to let him know it is not acceptable for his wife to treat him like that and he supports him.

This is my suggestion and easier said than done, I know.

Oh and I wouldn't go to the birthday party. Your first concern is your son and you the baby you are carrying, so you know, the less stress the better.

I have people in my life that I choose to be around because they are positive and live life to the fullest. Life is so much better when one surrounds themselves with those people.

Hope this helps.

If you don't like her...have your husband and son attend. Make sure excuse up... you aren't feeling well, or had other plans.

WOW! She sounds like a wack job! I think I would go to the party for the child. None of what you mentioned is his fault and maybe your family can be a positive influence on him and even his parents. I would suggest "killing her with kindness". Offer to write down gift and giver info while the gifts are being opened as sort of a hit that she needs to do fromal thank yous. Then hope she takes the hit. I use to get really frustrated when I didn't get one but have decided that life is just to short to worry about it. Not every one is raised with the same morals. Good luck!

Well, personally, I would go. It's important to your husband, and who knows, maybe having a little one has helped her grow up a little.

As far as presents go, the offering to help write the thank-you list was a brilliant suggestion. BUT even if you write it she may or may not get around to writing them. Some people are just bad about that kind of thing. Really though, the present isn't for her - it's for the baby - and you don't really expect *him* to write you a thank you note now do you? :)

I try to focus on the joy of giving (even if I am giving in to a "pressured" give) rather than on my own need to get something (like a thank you) out of it. Knowing I did something nice is the best reward anyway (as well as instant gift-giving gratification!) and seems to keep me feeling better about the whole gift-giving thing than basing my feelings about the event or person on whether or not they write me a note or give me something back.

I'd say go for your hubby, and who knows, maybe with you being the kind person you are, you will become the woman she turns to for advice to get that world-view of hers turned back around!

just respond that you can't make it. Shouldn't be a big deal. It's one event.

I've been there. Look, you do not have to like both of them. He and your husband will still be friends even if you distance yourself. Just order a gift and have it shipped to their house or have your husband give it to him when he sees them. I had a friend who was the same way. My husband and I would feel so uncomfortable. But we felt obligated to be around them (long story). It did make me appreciate my husband more and vice versa. But it stinks being around people who you don't like and morally inept. Why put yourself in that situation?

jodi; rule of thumb treat others how you would like to be treated, you have gone to all these events and why make this the one you are not there, its ok to go and get a gift for her, sometimes its those people who need us the most that that stick by us even through thick or thin, even in ugly personalities, i would not leave my child there however i would stay and see that they are ok, during party its ok, to keep peace, and be the kind person you are, dont stoop to her level and be mean, just enjoy life and maybe your good example will rub off, either way enjoy life and have a good day . D. s

Make an excuse not to attend. Send a gift. After all, it is for the child, not her. She is not a good person and you do not have to be friends with her just because your husband is friends with her husband. Be polite but avoid her at all costs. Good luck! :)

Oh darn, don't you already have a commitment on that day and time? I'd say save yourself the stress, and stay home. You can always send a little gift with your husband next time he sees his friend to keep the peace...and I do mean just a LITTLE something if she can't seem to send out a thank you. Maybe even just send a $5 bill in a card. I had a neighbor just like her, and know just how you feel. My advice, STAY AWAY!

I would just go for the sake of your husband. I would be cordial. You don't have to act like she's your best buddy or anything. Hey, who knows, maybe motherhood has changed her. Good luck.