How Much Worrying Is "Normal" in a Six Year Old?

one thing is for certain; do not force him to be exposed to these things, dont make fun of him for it, and dont try to make him watch things in order to get him 'used to it' - after all, in all reality, when it comes to movies or etc, these are NOT things you want a child getting used to. its good that it bothers him. this is natural, it bothers me in the SAME WAYS and im 26 years old. it just makes my skin crawl that someone would think of such horrible things and call it entertainment. however, im an adult and can realize that its not real. for kids, they dont quite understand that when they see something its just makeup and acting. they really dont understand.

i would make sure to keep in tune with his emotions. there is nothing wrong with your son, he doesnt have an anxiety issue. he has fears, and thats normal and healthy. as far as worrying about dying from something, those things arent a big deal, remind him that though some people have health issues sometimes, he is healthy and as long as he eats good healthy foods and exersizes, he should be able to live a long healthy life! :D when it comes to the forms of 'entertainment' scaring him, by all means, keep him from seeing these things, even if it means you have to record your shows to watch later, do it. commercials these days are just as bad as the shows or movies they advertise. and i dont have cable or satellite, so i dont know about the kids channels and the ads that they have on there, i would like to think that they are age appropriate, but i guess i cant guarantee it.

we as a society have become WAY to desensitized to scary, fearful, terrorizing and sexual material. we dont realize that its NOT in our best interests to watch these things, but as adults we have every right to make that choice. however, our kids are NOT desensitized to it, and shouldnt be. they are within their natural selves to be bothered by these materials. as a parent, it is our responsibility to PROTECT our children from seeing things that bother them at such young ages. i know a family that let their 6 year old child watch saw 2, and i was HORRIFIED. she wasnt necessarily scared or crying about it, and i cant guarantee that she didnt wake up with nightmares or anything, but they treated it as if it were normal or healthy for their child to watch that movie. its not, its HORRIFYING that they think she is mature enough to handle that type of material.

anyway, im kinda blabbing. i honestly dont see any anxiety issues with your son, hes just having fears and concerns, and if you explain the health related ones, or the breaking into the house ones... those are normal, everyone wonders sometimes if those things could happen to them. if you are religious, you could explain to him the role God has in our lives, how He does protect us.... you can explain to him what you or daddy would do if someone broke into the house - for an idea my dad always had a baseball bat, he figured he didnt have to shoot someone to protect us... he would just bonk them in the knee or something... anyway, you could explain your plan, and that he would be protected, if anything like that happened, tell him what you would like him to do. i was going to say he could close his door and hide, but you dnt want him doing that if there were a fire, so ... its up to you. either way, he should stay in bed and not come out to find you ya know?

im still blabbing. its normal. hes normal. theres nothing wrong with your son. :D just be concerned for his feelings and acknowledge them - dont pass them off - and no counting wont help him. talk to him - take care of his emotional needs. :D and he will be fine as he grows up

Hi H., I have a five almost six year old boy in Kindergarten also. He was having much the same issues as your little guy. He would ask a lot about me dying or bad people. He would have bad dreams and end up sleeping with us. I couldn't drop him off at school or a birthday party with out lots of anxiety. We ended up sending him to a therapist and so far so good. She does play therapy with him and some of his anxiety was stemming from an older cousin telling him these scary thing.

I would also talk to his Kindergarten teacher, she can always keep an eye out for anything unusual. Kids at that age are talking about the scary movies they see. Just because you don't let your son watch scary movies doesn't mean his friends aren't watching them and talking about it.

Good luck!

Some kids worry more than others. I did, because I had an overactive imagination. We didn't even watch TV so that wasn't an issue. My son is terrified of gravel roads and having the sun roof open. He is afraid of getting lost or falling out of the car. Totally irrational but a real fear to him. I have to always ask, do you trust me? If we are lost, I will find the right way. And reassure him that if I thought he would fall out of the sun roof that I would never have opened it in the first place.
You will be reassuring him for a long time. Especially if he is really creative and thinks up wild scenarios like I did :)
As far as the unknown, we pray with our son that God will comfort and protect him. Keep up the good work mom! Your son is normal! Reassurance and comfort will go a long way!

My son is rather like that as well. For him, (he's 4), it comes from knowing part of a situation but not all of it. For example, he worried quite a bit that we were all going to die when my grandmother died (she was 87). He asked what the smoke alarm was, and after I told him, he worried for quite a while about how to get all his toys out of the house. It's very hard to teach a child that age about probability--it's NOT unreasonable to worry about a heart attack killing you; it IS unreasonable when you consider that he's 6 years old and very healthy--but how do you explain that? We have simply told our son that he is very healthy and not likely to die, that fires don't happen much and we take precautions to make sure they don't happen. We do NOT poo-poo his worries and tell him not to worry and that it's not going to happen; the reality is, he learned SOMEWHERE that it DOES happen and telling him those things don't occur is a lie. My son has nightmares from doing "Going on a Bear Hunt" in preschool. He worries about watching movies, wanting to know if they're going to be scary, and even when we reassure him they're not, he still cowers (HE wants to watch movies; we don't make him!) until he's pretty sure.

Ultimately--we try our best to walk with him. If he's scared, we ask if he wants to shut off the movie. If not, we snuggle with him, and eventually wean him of our presence during that movie. At preschool, they held him close during the Bear Hunt, then the hunt went on hiatus when several of his friends declared, for his sake, they were afraid too. Now it's back, and he's had one nightmare, but he enjoys it in class. We do try to explain why those fatalistic things are not likely to happen to us--but you DO have to plan for things like fire, and I even told him how to call 911 in case anything happened that was an emergency. Anyway--I do think it's normal; kids worry because they can't process concerns the same way we do (My grandma died because she was 87 and her heart wasn't healthy; that doesn't mean it's going to happen to 32 year old me; my son doesn't "get" that yet.)

Of course, if it concerns you, ask your doctor!!! Or request that he see the school guidance counselor or psychologist--or you could email him/her yourself.

Hi there,

Same story for my daughter, who was always a little anxious, but really got problematic when she started first grade. She's a worry wart, but anxiety also runs deep in our family. I took her to see a therapist who made a worry thermometer. 1 to 10 with 10 being the most worried. He had her put a # on different activities and fears. It helped to put a # on things and compare them. That might be a good thing to try or what about meditation/relaxation? Maybe some more quality time alone with you and/or dad? I wish you the best of luck.

I would look into him seeing a counselor or therapist. I think it would help. I was a child that worried alot like that and ended up with an ulcer by 4th grade. Our family dr suggested a therapist. It helped sooo much. Sometimes it easier to talk to someone else thatn your parents, no matter what the age. I think i went for a year. It was the best thing for me, with a positive outcome! Good luck!

Some amount of anxiety is normal for children as they discover new things. One effective way to help children with anxiety is with daily exercise. The book "Spark" written by a doctor describes the scientific studies that show that 1/2 hour of fairly stenous exercise each day is AS effective as the perscription anxiety drug Zoloft in children. And the side effects are...kids who are in better shape, able to focus on learning better, and have much less obesity! I would shut off the TV (I don't have TV in my house) and get outside and play.

over active imagination is very normal some kids can seperate it and others can't i still remember not wanting to sleep at night because i was afraid i would die in my sleep,after hearing a night time prayer(as i lay me down to sleep) i was very tired for a long time eventually i just got over it but i still have an over active imagination so it never fully goes away. i dont think i worry a lot but if i get my mind going down a certain track then i can't stop what i am thinking. All you can do is reassure him that he is not alone and counter act his fears best you can with out mocking them or dismissing them. If he is afraid of an intruder tell him he can watch you lock all the doors and windows. My nephew is worrisome too, he wants to know exactly what is happening after school so she tells him she will pick him up or his dad is picking him up and then they are going home or groceries whatever she has planned if it changes she tells him as soon as he gets in the car.

Hi H. - I personally believe that the tv is a source for many of our woes. All the things you're describing that he's afraid of are coming right off the tv set. Personally, I would turn the tv off for a couple of weeks and see if that helps. The weather is finally nice and having the kids outside to play is a great alternative. I wouldn't turn on the tv during primetime either (which is when he's seeing the commercials and hearing the news) read books, play games, provide him with good things going in. Avoid the video section in the stores so he doesn't see the covers. Actually, even the Disney movies can play into his fears (Lion King, the father is murdered, Rescuers Down Under, the little girl is kidnapped).

I would bet once you eliminate the source, you'll find a child who's more calm and assured. Yes, other kids can also be the source but I imagine that's fairly minimal. I don't recall my children playing serial killer. I can't imagine being a little fearful and than having your fears played out on tv/dvd's over and over again.

Good luck,

Hi H.,
There is no "normal" for a six year old. At this age, children are realizing that the world is much larger than than previously realized... and less sheltered. Exposure to television and media ads is greatly influential. My oldest two are 7 and 5 and can practically recite a commercial after hearing it once. They don't quite understand their role of selling and believe what they say to be entirely truthful. An asprin commercial can make one fearful of a heart attack and a home alarm system of a burglar. Movies can cause the same fears or worse. We also tune things out because of our repeated exposure that little ones pick up on. The best thing we can do is limit exposure and answer questions honestly and reassuringly. Kids tend to bottle up and if they express concern, we need to acknowlege it and deal with it the best we're able. This behavior out of your 6 year old is also good. It shows higher level thinking skills and an awareness beyond himself. You're doing a good job to calm him down. I wish you the best of luck and with your love, patience and reassurance, he will get past this. Good Luck.

H.,
I think your little boy is just realizing that people die and it scares him. I also think that sometimes children have a hard time distinguishing what is real and what is not, especially when they see it on T.V. or somewhere else.
I remember telling my daughter over and over that what she sees on T.V. and in movies isn't real, it's just people "pretending".
I think it's normal for children to realize that we all die at some point and find fear in it. Maybe your son is more sensative than some children.
Maybe you should talk to your pediatrician and see if he/she has any suggestions or recommendations to help him. Also, keep reassuring him that those things usually do not happen.

Your story reminded me of a book my daughter has. It is titled "Wemberly Worried" by Kevin Henkes. It is about a little mouse that worries about everything (cracks in walls, monsters, playground equipment breaking...etc) and how she deals with going to school. Its a cute book that may help your son deal with his worrying. Hope it helps!
C.

I think it sounds like a little more worrying than is typical, but my oldest son (now 12) went through a very similar phase from about age 4 to 6 so maybe it has something to do with the age. Our son's fears were thunderstorms, fires and school buses. He was in OT for sensory issues at the time so we sought advice about the anxieties too. We were advised to acknowledge his fears very matter of factly--don't ignore them and don't make a big deal out of them. Don't dismiss his fears or let people tease him in any way about them and don't force him to be exposed to things that scare him. With this approach our son gradually grew out of his anxieties. He doesn't even remember the school bus anxiety and ended up loving the bus ride, but to this day he does harbor a little bit of concern and fascination with storms and fires. It might not hurt just to mention it to his pediatrician to see what he/she thinks. Good luck.

I think some of it is normal. My son, just turned 5, also worries about dying, bad people, kidsnappers, burglers etc. I think now he knows more and questions things he does not truly understand or have real expereinces with. We just talk with him and reassure him that he is safe and that it is Mommy and Daddy's job to worry; kids are supposed to have fun and live life. Now he has decided to stay a kids forever!!!;o) I believe their emotions at this age level and on a roller coaster and they are trying to just figure everthing out. Good Luck!

I was an extremely anxious child, and that later translated into severe depression and paralyzing social anxiety. I wish I had have had access to treatments, therapies etc a LOT sooner. (I was officially finally diagnosed with clinical depression at age 18.)

Please don't ignore this. Yes, do what you can at home to comfort him and to help him earn to cope with the world. But please also strongly consider having him evaluated by a specialist, so if there are things that can be done to help him feel more at ease, you can evaluate their potential worth and decide what if anything to pursue.

My anxiety, paranoia, and depression stole my childhood. Some kids can learn to cope on their own. Some can't. I was one who couldn't, and my parents did not recognize the signs that I was having problems, nor did they realize there were options to pursue once they finally realized I was so troubled.

At home, you can encourage him to get involved in some sort of artistic expression" painting, drawing, writing, acting (even if it is for an audience of none), singing, playing an instrument. Put no pressure on him to compete or to to achieve high success in these artistic areas- these are for self-expression and to help him work out his fear etc. My emotional outlet was journaling, writing poetry, and later on expanding to other forms of writing, as well as some drawing. These artistic activities were extremely theraputic , and I largely kept my artwork etc to myself. I played the piano only in an empty audatorium, and it felt wonderful. I could NOT perform for an audience. It was only in my late teens that I was able to share my poetry with a select few people, and do a very few small readings; evenually joining a school choir. The point here is not to push for results. Just let the art do the work of relaxing your child.

That is the best advice I can give you, as someone who has been there from your child's point of view.