10 Year Old Daughter Scared to Be Alone

Empower her. Make an emergency plan and do a fire drill. Have her help you check the batteries in the smoke detectors. Let her check the locks before she goes to bed. Make sure she has access to a phone and knows how to call 911 for help. You could even have her take the babysitting course, a safe walk course and a first-aid course.

SH makes a good point - ASK her! She's old enough to explain what is scaring her. I remember when I was about 10 someone put cyanide poison in Tylenol (anyone remember that?!) That scared me a lot, but then people just kept talking about how it could end up in Halloween candy! I was scared, but not scared enough not to eat my candy that Halloween. I ended up with the worst stomach ache and I kid you not, I thought it must've been laced with cyanide and I was going to die - for sure. I was so upset, crying, etc. I told my mom what I was scared of, and she made me feel better (and she let me sleep in her room that night just in case - in case of what? I have no idea, but it comforted me for sure!) Anyway, you saying your 10 year old is scared of something made me think of that story. ASK her what's bothering her. I bet you can convince her to tell you what it is. THEN you can begin to help her.

Wow -- you are punishing her by taking things away because she's frightened? How is being scared a reason for punishment? Please rethink this right away or she will feel, with good reason, that she cannot trust you to listen to or protect her; she will believe that expressing emotions to you brings punishment down on her -- do you want her to think that, and to stop telling you what she feels?

Like Sherri says, help your girl gain some power over this fear. Take active steps, with her help and input, on making sure every fire alarm (and carbon monoxide alarm too!) has a new battery, and is in the right place, and you have enough of them. Plan escape routes and practice like Sherri said. Tell her what to do if she is home (even if you're in the house too) and sees someone at the window or door trying to get in. Roleplay what to say if she calls 911.

Don't dismiss her fears with telling her "it's never happened, this area is safe." That doesn't mean anything to a child. When you say "it's never happened" she only will think, "But it could!" No matter how much you reassure her, she will keep worrying "but it could happen."

Please think hard about what she is exposed to on TV -- is the news on much? Even if she doesn't watch it, could she be overhearing news that is disturbing her and making her more aware of crimes and fires? Could it be that kids at school are talking about these things, whether it's because it really happened or because they hear about it? All it takes is someone who knows someone whose third cousin died in a house fire for the word to spread and kids to talk it up for a day. As for not wanting to be alone -- has anything happened at your house, any change at all? New strangers in the neighborhood? Or could she be hearing from other kids about break-ins, or kids being harmed?

Have you sat down with her when she is calm -- and you are not threatening to take things away -- and talked to her? Have you asked her to think with you about what might have started this in the past month? If she fears you're going to take things away if she even brings this up, she may clam up and not want to discuss it. I would start any conversation by telling her that you want her to feel safe and want her to come to you with her fears and thoughts, and are not going to take away things over this. Ask her if her bedroom has something in it that seems scary, or if she's hearing stuff at school, or on TV. She may say "I don't know why this is happening" but don't be angry at that reply -- she really may not know but may be anxious. Her emotions are hers and she doesn't have to know the reasons for them, but you do need to acknowledge them and take them seriously.

Have you asked her teacher if your child is anxious or upset at school or seems fearful? I would really talk to the teachers as well, and maybe involve the school counselor (for you as well as for your child, so you can get some ideas on how to talk with your daughter and find out what's going on with her better).

ADDED: Liv b, and others, if you see this, the poster took out a sentence in which she referred to "taking away" things from her child because of the child's fearfulness. Interesting that she chose to edit and remove that sentence. But the original post did indeed say she was taking things away as an attempt to make her child change her behavior -- that's why I and others posted that she should not do that. I can't imagine considering fearfulness to be something requiring discipline.

Why do some of the people who responded think that you are punishing your daughter for being scared. Am I missing something? I don't see anything in your post that suggest that you are punishing her?

Did she see something on the news?
Did a friend or other classmates talk about things like this in school?
Many times, at school, other kids say things... to other kids.

Did you ASK you daughter why? Or if something happened???
Ask her.
She is 10.

One year, during Halloween time, a couple of my daughter's classmates were telling very scary stories, to the other kids. They were doing that IN order to scare, the other kids. These are kids I know, and they are snide. Anyway, so MANY of the other kids, got scared and went home and told their parents. It caused a lot of kids, to be frightened. I told my daughter's Teacher... and she had a talk with her classroom and was very stern about it. There is no reason to scare other kids, simply for the reason of trying to be mean.

Anyway, the point is, many times, kids hear things in school or read or see things, that cause fear in them.
So talk with your daughter.
Being scared, is not a reason to punish a child.
I am sure as a child, you were scared of certain things or even of the dark. We all went through things like that.
But talk with... your daughter. See why, she is so frightened. She probably needs someone to talk to.

Why would you take things away from her because she is scared? Wouldn't that be punishing her for being scared?

Instead of punishing her reassure her she is safe. Remind her often that nothing like that has happened in her life. Remind her you live in a safe neighborhood and break-ins are rare and you have done everything you can to prepare for fire. Make sure smoke alarms are working, you have a working fire extinguisher, if you have bedrooms upstairs get an excape ladder that hooks to a window, show her how to use it. Have a family gathering to plan an excape route and a tell the kids where to meet outside the house should a fire happen. A place like the neighbor's house or a tree in front. No one is to go back in but stay in the meeting place. Once she understands that everything is prepared for an emergency she will relax.

10 year olds are easily frightened. Maybe you should dig deeper in teh conversation. Suggest a night light of her choice and let her know that you have smoke alarms that would help protect her and that the doors are secured every night. Help by talking her through some of these things. Although, you don't want to create a further anxiety situation. She needs reassurance, but from what is the questio? My daughter use to have frightening dreams around this age. I'm 43 and sometimes I am scared about "what if someone breaks in, what if there is a fire, what if I forgot to lock the........." The What If's can consume you with fear and anxiety.............sometimes for no reason at all. Good luck.

I remember being a little bit like this around this same age. At that time, there was a lot of trauma and deaths in my family. My Mom got really sick and my Grandpa was in the hospital, my brother was diagnosed with Epilepsy. We had like 3 deaths in our family; a lot to take in as a young kid. Really trying times and I was trying to process it all. Mine was more never wanting leave an adults side-especially a woman/my Mom when she came home from the hospital or my sister. I didn't like being alone either. Since your daughter has told you the things that are scaring her, I think you need to spend some one on one time talking and dig a little deeper. She may have heard or watched some scary news stories or is having nightmares. It could be a lot of things. I wish you the best...

my son went thru that stage after someone told him about bloody mary. she is suppose to appear in the mirror if you say her name three times or something like that. he still has his moments and he is 10 also. just keep talking to her about her fears and let her voice them to you and maybe together you can work out a plan that she feels comfortable with!