How Hard Is It to Have a Second One with a 7 Year Old?

Hi M., my name is M., I just had a baby boy June 22nd. He is my 2nd child, my daughter is 11 years old. For me it was easier with the second being older,because she helps out alot, if I need her to get a bottle or diaper she is right there to get it. She is very protective of her little brother, she doesn't like it when he cry. I think it's going to be great for you and your family. With your husband being away she will be there to help out. I'm sure others moms will be there too to help out. My baby sleeps in a Bassinet right beside my bed and I dont have any problems with him, he sleeps well. Also talk about planning the room with your daughter to help ease some stress, that may be fun!!

I just had a baby shes 3 months, I have a 5 yo I thought he was going to be jealous and not want the baby but I was wrong LOL but before I had her I bought him a Transformers toy and when I went to the hospital I took it with me and when he came to the hospital to see her I told him she brought it for him. He really liked that, also Ive found he loves to help with her and loves her alot! He was a only child too I was really scared but we had him involved from the begining asking what we should name her and all sorts of stuff like that He went to a ultrasound apt. once and saw her. But he wanted to name her Aroko Saki from Ninja Turtles LMAO! But when we figured a name out and we asked him what he thought about Emma cuz its a girl he said I guess.... LOL I hope I helped ya a lil bit :)

All of my children slept in the bassinet in the pack and play for their first six months. It was alot easier and they seemed to like it better than the crib.

Your daughter should be fine. In fact, she should be a great help. Just make sure you still allot special time with just the two of you whenever possible to do "big girl" things. My daughter was 5 when I had my son, and she will be 9 when I have my third child. She's been very happy about both pregnancies, and very supportive the whole time.

My husband was deployed when my son was born. They didn't meet until after 6 months. Draw on support from family and friends as much as possible. Keep plenty of pictures around the baby. You might even let him sleep with one as he grows a bit.

My son slept in a travel crib/ bassinet style system for most of his first six months or so. I had limited space, and it worked out perfectly. I then converted it to a storage area for his toys. He never really played in it.

M.,

congrats! It's me again, E..

I was 6 years old when my sister was born, until then an only child. I had always wanted a sibling but to tell you the truth, I was rather disappointed when the baby came. (I'm 37 now and still remember all that too well, you can see how hard it was on me.)

Everybody just looked at the baby, baby got all the gifts--even though it didn't care. Then when my sister was getting older--moving around, walking--she got into things and destroyed them (like homework that I had to redo). My mother was always telling me that she is so much younger and that she did not do it on purpose and that I should understand. Well, I didn't! My son's are almost 4 1/2 years apart. I vowed to myself that I will never tell the older to understand. And up till now I think I succeded. I told him that he needed to be careful where he left things laying around because little kids destroy things and that I will help him in any way to protect his things. Bought him an IKEA Billy shelf unit. He keeps his clothes in the bottom with a door on and on the upper shelves his posessions. I told him that it will not be a problem if baby takes out his clothes but that anything important he needed to put on the top shelves. In RI we were in a 3 bedroom with the 2 boys sharing a bedroom for sleeping and our guestroom, Sebastian's desk and my craftroom was the other room. And I told him that this is also our save heaven from baby (who was 1.5 to 2.5 when we lived there). We had all the things in there that were treasures to the two of us, he could let some stuff lay that would have been dangerous to baby because we either had a gate up or the door was closed. I take things away from baby (he is now almost 4) and tell him that it is Sebastian's stuff and he is not to touch it, but I do that with our things sometimes as well. I think I did a pretty good job making sure that my older son was "protected" from baby and I think you really have to view it very often that way rather the other way around. I know babies will have the need for protection but sometimes older kids need more help than baby get already by nature.

Good luck!

Hi M., My name is N.. We're in Mannheim. I have 2 kids who are a little over 3 yrs apart. Our son is 13 & our daughter is 9 (almost 10). She was born here as well back in 98. Though my hubby was home the whole time of my 2nd preg., we did in fact involve our son immensely! We let him help in any & every way that (at little as he was) he could. We figured that even though he was young & little we knew he wanted to be a part of the process & help. After all he was so happy that his "Mommy" was having another baby! What other advice I can give you is to make your child "feel" like they are contributing, it'll help there self esteem as well. As far as the port-a-crib goes, I say go for it. We had our son in one & I have to tell you that it was one of the best things we ever bought! We absolutely loved it. Not only could we keep him with us in our room (as you stated you wanted to do) but also as you said they do take up a lot less room & they travel very very well. Instant baby bed! I say go for it with that!
I hope my advice has helped you out in some way.
Good luck to you & yours.
N.

Hi M.,
Like you I was pregnant with my second child when my oldest was 5 going on 6 yrs old. You will appreciate the age difference as time goes by. The oldest will be a huge help to you. My husband was deployed most of my pregnancy and I am also in the military. I included my oldest daughter in almost all of my appointments. We picked out baby clothes and other items for the baby. I used some of her ideas. We spent as much time together as possible. When the baby was born my oldest daughter was very happy but seemed a little jealous but talking to her and still showing her that we loved her helped alot. Now my girls are 12 and 6. I do not regret having them 6 yrs apart. the oldest one is old enough to watch her sister some times and show her easier ways to understand things that we teach her. So, my advice is to include your oldest in everything and keep loving them both.... I hope this helps.

N.

Hello!
I know your exact feelings. My oldest was six when my little on was born nine months ago. While excited, I couldn't help but be scared and worried on how my only baby at the time would react. My advice is start transitioning her role now. My oldest was always given a lot of attention and wasn't treated like a baby but that was her role in the family of the three of us. As soon as I found out I started talking about her important role of being the "Big Sister". I made sure to tell her that her dad and I would love her and that the baby would love her and need her. I involved her in many things. I took her to hear the heartbeat at the doctors. She was there to find out the sex. I also explained what would happen when I went into labor that she would go stay with someone but as soon as the baby was born she would come to the hospital and be the first person to see the baby. I also involved her in the area of picking out clothes and the nursery decor and asking her input on if she thought the baby would like a certain toy. I also made sure that when she came to the hospital I had something special for her. I got her a t-shirt that had Big Sister on it and her name and a book about how mommies love their children. Once the little one was home I let her help wherever she felt she wanted. If she wanted to feed the baby, as long as I had expressed milk I would let her, if she wanted to help with bathing such as handing me things I would let her, I would let her get things ready for the bath and pick out the clothes or pjs for the little one. While any addition or differnt situation is hard it first, I think it transitioned well. At first there was a little jealousy, but plenty of reassurance helped and occassionally is still needed. On your part you will probably have a ton of mixed feelings and talk about guilt...at least until you get into a routine. Just keep her involved. My oldest is now almost 7 and my youngest is 9 months and they are a riot. It is funny watching them play and they have a bond that will last them a lifetime. I wouldn't have it any other way.

In regards to a pack and play with a bassinet. It would be fine. I had one for the first few months in our room for my little one to sleep in so she was close for nursing in the middle of the night and becasue I was to nervous to leave her in the crib at first. They are safe in the bassinet until they can start moving around and then you take the bassinet out and put them in the play pen. I use ours anytime we move or travel. In fact the 9 month old will be in one this coming week due to moving. I know a few people that kept their children in pack and plays instead of cribs due to their portability and they traveled a lot.

Everything will be fine and will turn out great. You have already done it once and she has turned out well. Enjoy the pregnancy and relax. You'll do great and your daughter will transition wonderfully.

I w as just wondering how your doing? My oldest daughter was 10 when I had her sister. She was the biggest helper. She actually was called mama when my baby started talking. She saw the delivery so she,s going to adopt she says. But overall it was a blessing. I didnt want my daughter to be alone since we havent much family. She is a straight A student and will take good care of her sister. She begged me to have her. She even wanted me to go and get pregnant by somebody other than her father cause he wasnt willing at the time. She wanted me to just tell him it was his. She is so funny. They look exactly alike. I mean like twins in their baby pics. I have to make sure to write names on their pictures not sure who,s who. Congradulations! Hope you like my story.

my sixth child slept in a pack-n-play for almost the whole first year because I was nursing and I didn't want him waking all the other kids in the middle of the night. Switching to his crib was easy. So of course I don't think there is anything wrong with it. It'd way better than letting a baby sleep with you.

my Mom gave my older brother presents from the baby..So that he knew I was already appreciateing him..We never had the jealousy issue alot of kids do..I personally think it was a brillant idea..It helped when the baby got so much stuff that he was still being thought..not from anyone else but the baby..She is older so i dont know exactly how you could do it..But the concept is great.. I only have 1 child so I dont have to do iit..Also i think the port a bed is fine..As long as you are good with it that is all that matters.. Good luck S. A

How wonderful! My second child is 5 years younger than my first. My experience is that while the new brother was a baby my oldest loved the attention a baby brought into the family and he soaked it up with the rest of us. The problems didn't start until younger brother could take his things, destroy his things, and wanted to be with big brother at times big brother did not want him. It got bad enough between the ages of 2-4 for the older son that we put a lock on his bedroom door so younger brother could not go into big brother's room without permission. We have since moved. The kids are older and locks are no longer needed. Also, I personally tried to be "fair" to both children and I will tell you I did not find that to work for me. At first it did but as the years go by it is no longer even close to being possible. The older child does get to do things the younger one can not do, because of the age difference. There are jobs the younger one does not have to do, because of the age difference. My expectations are different for each child and to each child there are times "it is not fair" in their minds although I, as an adult, would disagree since I am treating them the same in terms of age expectations. I personally think it is easier to have children close in age (I also have a third child close in age to the second child.) Reguardless, they are all mine. Each one special and wonderful. They do love each other and get along most of the time and that seems very resonable to me. Good luck navigating your children and each of their thoughts, feelings and personalities. What a fun life we live!

Congratulations. It is a challenge. There is about 6 years between my oldest daughter and our middle one. Deployments and God made decisions for us on the gap. I think it honestly depends on the child. Sarah was fine with me being pregnant, but once Olivia arrived it was a challenge in some ways because she was no longer an "only" and had to be told no to things that was normal to be told yes too. It also was whammied on Sarah because we got really good at making babies and I found out I was pregnant again when Olivia was 6 months old. That was 5 years ago and it has gotten easier, but the age gap does make it a challenge for activities for Sarah and the two younger ones and we have to work on a balance with that. The question why did we have to have the babies has diminished a lot and she is doing a lot better with them now that they are getting older. Oh and they do gang up on her on occasion too :).

Hi this is Katie, G.'s friend. I got pregnant with my second child when my oldest was 7 and it has been a really good experience. My oldest was an only child for a while and wasn't much on sharing. Now that my youngest has come along they get along really well together and my oldest is learning alot from my youngest. They are now two and ten. My oldest carries the diaper bag for me and entertains my youngest when I need to get things done around the house. It also encourages him to read because my youngest wants to be read to all the time. They get their breaks when my oldest is at school. All in all I'm glad I went through it. So I say, go for it!
Katie

It is not hard at all. My two children are 7 years apart. My oldest is like a big mommy's helper. Keep your oldest involved with the pregnancy. THe more she knows, the more she will feel special and important. My daughter was talking to the belly telling her little sister to stay calm at night so mommy could get some sleep.
My daughter slept in a Travel Crib the first couple months because that is the only place she would sleep. I see nothing wrong with it. Again, it is not hard. Keep her involved otherwise she may get jealous