How Do You Other Single Parents Handle Christmas with a Divorce?

What I used to do when my daughter was that young was to say, I'm going to have to call up to the North Pole and see if we can get a special delivery set up for our house. Then I would call my mother and I would say, hello is this the north pole, can I speak to the Delivery Dept? Yes, I need to arrange for an alternate delivery date. Then I would spell the name and the address and ask them to call back to confirm. Then my mom would call back a little later, posing as the North Pole, to confirm it. As long as she believed in Santa Claus, she bought this whole routine and we would just have Christmas on a different day. My daughter is an adult now and she says she believed that Santa came to our house every year and she never noticed the dates.

My ex and I started splitting the holidays when my DD was 7. Since winter break is 2 weeks we alternated who got Christmas Week and who got New Year’s week. I’m not going to lie and say it was easy because it wasn’t. The first Christmas at age 7 she was away for that whole week I was incredibly sad. My DD was worried like your son about Santa. What I did was go on-line and have “Santa” write my daughter a letter. In the letter I had written that Santa KNEW that she would be at her Dad’s house and not to worry. All the reindeers were alerted of what address she would be at and Santa would be taking her gifts to Dad’s this year. There is some on-line program where a letter from Santa is mailed to your house. You have to pay per letter but I remember it was really inexpensive. Just google "letter from Santa" and find the one you can customize.

At 7 y/o my DD thought that Santa still brought Mom and Dad one gift each. When she was 4 she had actually written a letter to Santa asking if he could bring a gift to Mommy and Daddy too! It was so cute!!! Well, her Step-dad and I decided to also put in the letter that when he dropped off a gift for Mom and Step-Dad he would leave her a couple at our house too while he was there.

My DD felt so much better after reading the letter. She truly believed Santa sent it and she was just awe stricken that he KNEW she would be at her Dad's =-)

My DH and I decided to make a gift hunt game for her to find the toys Santa left for her at our house when she got home on Dec. 26. We had a small gift under the tree with a note hidden underneath with her first clue as to where she would find more gifts. The next led her to her stocking, then upstairs to her bathroom. The clue to her bathroom was that Santa needed to brush his teeth and left a toy in there. She laughed so hard! All the clues were rhymes. The last clue led her to her bedroom where she found a few toys right by her bed. By the end my daughter had laughed so hard at all the clues and loved the extra gifts she got. She thought the game was so cool and hoped that next year Santa did the same thing! It actually became a tradition for us. The next Christmas she was with us most of her gifts were under the tree but we also took some gifts and played the gift hunt game again with all the clues!

You’re doing the right thing by telling your son that Dad loves him and wants to spend Christmas with him too. Maybe if you get the Santa letter sent to him you can have it say that Santa knows where he will be and not to worry. This first year will be hard, but as long as you remain positive and reiterate to him how much his Dad loves him, it will go a lot smoother.

Santa comes to our home the gifts at dad's are from dad that is how we have always said it and done it because it would not be fair for Santa to visit some children twice and others only once.

Just curious but what does your court order say?

You can pick any day you want, even a morning before school if you want him to have something early. Let your son know that he can let Santa know which day to come, that Santa is happy to accommodate his schedule. Tell him that some people don't believe in Santa and that's okay, just sad, so he doesn't see his dad as bad or wrong. Tell him that he should just talk to you about Santa if that is easier for him (a subtle way of telling him not to talk to his dad about Santa).

Let your son know that you understand his fears. Then explain what you will be doing the whole month of December to celebrate Christmas. Stay positive. Sounds like you do a good job of making the time with his dad sound exciting. Remind him that he is so lucky that he gets two Christmases. Ask him if he has some suggestions of things he would like to do. It sounds like he is feeling out of control.

Why don't you and him write Santa a note letting him know that Santa needs to come on the 27th that morning since your son will be away. Then Santa can decide if he will come twice or not but your son will know that he at least will come at your house. We write a note b/c we are out of town each Christmas.

Have your Christmas celebration when he comes back. Leave his present from Santa under the tree and tell him that Santa left it there for him. When we went out of state to visit family last year, my daughter (5) wondered if Santa was going to come while we were gone. I told her he would still leave presents at our house and they would be there when we got back. Santa only leaves one present at our house, the rest come from us. She is 6 this year and also still believes in Santa. She has to tell Santa what is the one thing she really wants, otherwise she has 30 things on her wish list.

Also, find some holiday festivals to go to, which are usually during the first couple weeks of December. My daughter loved the hometown parade we went to last year with a festival that had lots of things for kids to do. If you like church programs, you can find those as well before Christmas. Or find a theatre and watch a live production of the Christmas Carol. There are lots of holiday traditions that you can start that don't have to be on Dec. 25, like driving around at night looking for the best display of Christmas lights in the local neighborhoods (free!).

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! If it were my child, I would tell him that Santa knows he won't be home Christmas morning, but that he'll leave the presents so he can have them as soon as he gets home on the 26th. I applaud you for not saying anything negative about his father - that's not always an easy thing to do. Please also try to do something for yourself while he's gone. Not being with your child on the holidays is so hard. Have dinner with friends, see a movie, get a pedicure - it won't take your mind off of your son completely, but it will help fill the time.

As much as it might suck, you have to let him be the parent over there and leave you at your house. I won't come down on the whole Santa thing, but his father is not obligated to perpetuate that lie, as sweet as you might think it is for your son.

I think that my husband's decree states that they will alternate, but I don't celebrate Christmas, and my husband and I do not decorate or make a big deal on that day. Therefore, he gets up on Christmas day and drives over to give his son his gift and then comes back home. He knows that his son enjoys havign a big to-do on Christmas day, so he gets to do that with the people who will do that with and for him. That's how we handle it. His son is older, now, but there was never a Santa Claus involved, so that was not an issue.

In terms of the Santa issue only, I think that your son is old enough to know that Santa will only come on a certain date (Christmas Eve/Day, depending on your tradition) so you can tell him that Santa will still visit your house this year as always. Explain to him that you will be doing the gift opening from Santa when he gets back from his dad's. Try not to show that you are upset about the change in plans this year. If you are flexible and accommodating about this situation, I think your son will be also.

It is hard when one parent has the child for an extended period of time that covers the days of the holiday. Just tell him to write a letter to Santa and tell him that he won't be home on Christmas Eve and could he just leave his gifts anyway.

You might want to make a story up if Santa also finds him at his dad's too. Maybe Santa didn't want him to not have some of his stuff to open. If the ex forgets Santa though that might just be awkward.

That way he'll stop stressing over Santa finding him. Plus the ex might mess it up anyway.

My daughter and her ex had a written agreement from Sunday at 6pm until the next Sunday at 6 pm. They swapped the child at the police station. That way we knew he would show up. He was really afraid of them and he knew if he didn't keep strictly to the agreement they would come looking for him to arrest him and take the baby to my daughter. It didn't matter what days happened while he was at one or the others, no exceptions were made.

I just think he needs to focus on his dad and having fun and not be stressing over not seeing you. Millions of parents out there are not going to have their kids on Christmas Eve and some on Christmas Day too.

My friend's brother ended up divorced and his ex moved to another state. He gets his child from the day school is out until the day before it starts back up again. The whole holiday and he is't going to drive 18 hours to let her have Christmas with her mom. They just have the celebration a different time too.

I hope you can settle your mind about this and that your son can too, it sounds like he is really worried about you and loves you very much.

When he comes home have Santa stuff ready, a nice dinner for both of you, Christmas music playing and after eating watch some Christmas movies.

One of our Christmas traditions is sitting and watching "Blizzard". Whoopi Goldberg is the voice of Blizzard, the offspring of 2 of Santa's main reindeer. It is a heartwarming movie about finding true friends and overcoming obstacles. Maybe you could go caroling earlier in the week to some of the nursing homes with a group of friends. Anything that cements the reason for the season and brings you closer together.

My advice is to just do what you would normally do- so what if the calendar is a bit different than usual. There are plenty of families who have to deal with the same issues, so it's no big deal.
I haven't gone through this as the parent, only the child, and I was 12 when my parents split; my bros were only 5 & 7. My parents just celebrated Cmas with us during their time with us the same way they would when they were together. They would each have trees and gifts for us and we did all the normal things- gifts, carols, dinner, the whole bit. The only difference was one was on 12/24, the other on 12/26. We got 3 days of Christmas, which we thought was pretty cool. Eventually different people came into their (& our lives) and traditions changed and melded to the new households. My parents easily agreed to let us spend Cmas Day with my paternal grandma, where we'd spent every Cmas our entire lives, and Mom would either drop us off or pick us up there. (Dad was custodial parent, and I think it was the only thing they didn't argue about regarding how life would move on).
Best wishes for a wonderful Christmas, regardless of when you celebrate! I know this is a difficult transition, but it will get easier in time.

I've been in your shoes. Even now- my son is almost 11 and we got divorced when he was 4- I still don't feel like he is 'really' having Christmas unless he is home with his stepfather and I or with us at my parents' house.

But- first off, if you have ANY kind of working relationship with his dad, call him up and ask him to 'play along' about Santa, even if he doesn't do that usually. Explain to him how important it is for your son and that 'Santa' is a tradition that can make the holiday 'normal' for him, like other kids. Also- it gives your ex a chance to be the 'good guy', which they always like.

For your son, tell him very clearly that Santa can find ANYONE, ANYWHERE! If your ex refuses to go along with Santa, tell your son that some growups get big and they forget that they believed in Santa when they were little kids. Tell him that it's too bad- but it doesn't mean that Santa forgets anyone else!

If you need to, back this up with a little 'letter' from Santa before your son goes away, telling him that Santa is leaving his presents with mommy or grandma and grandpa, etc. That way you're covered even if dad doesn't go along with it.

We alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. This year we have my son with us for Christmas and are going to Ohio to see my family. His dad will pick him up the Monday after Christmas and have him for the rest of the week. It's a pain, but when you think about it, MOST families do some juggling at the holidays - you spend time with one side or the other, drive so the kids can visit other relatives, etc. I always approached it with my son sort of like that- that going to see his dad and stepmom was just going to be with that side of the family . Good luck- it can be hard! Make sure YOU have family and friends to be with- it can be very very difficult not to have your little guy with you, I know. I sat and cried the first holiday he was with his dad! But just stay busy and give him a phone call and you will get through it~!

Can you celebrate the day before school gets out? I never had that problem because my ex so hated me he would have nothing to do with his children. Just show your child all the love you can and let him know you are there for him. I would of course try prayer. Nothing happens as fast as prayer and I believe God can fix it.

If you have a custody agreement, what does it say?

I had joint custody of my son but placement was with me. We split the holidays so dad got to pick him up after our dinner on Christmas Day. When I was a child, I had to leave after dinner for a whole week. Some people alternate holidays. Some do Christmas Eve and Christmas morning at home and then Christmas Dinner and night at the non-custodial parent's home.

Did you agree to this arrangment or did he just demand it? I would bulk myself. If you are locked into this and can't have him at all, I would suggest that you let him know that Santa will still visit him and when he comes home his presents will be waiting for him. If you don't have other children, can you wait to open presents until he comes home?

Otherwise the only other option would be to talk to his dad.

I have to do this with my son for quite a while. It's only been recent that his dad has been decent towards me. I've told my son that Santa will still come to our house. Fortunately his father and family do celebrate Christmas so Santa goes to both homes. We celebrate Christmas when we have him. So every other year we have Christmas starting on the 26th. Let him know that you and your family will wait for him because you want him to be a part of it. My whole family waits as well by choice. When he comes home we open presents and then our unwrapped gifts from Santa come the next morning. It may take your son a little bit to understand it because this is all new but if you make sure he understands that you won't do Christmas without him and Santa will still come to your house then you should be ok. Hopefully his father will do something with him as well but either way if you keep the stability in your house then your son will know what to expect. Be prepared for many questions when he comes home. A lot of times my son has a little bit of an attitude when he comes home and his dad has told him XYZ and so it must be true or why is that? questions. Keep doing what your doing by not talking bad about his father. He will form his own opinion and when he gets older he'll notice and start to understand the truth that you tried to protect him from. Good Luck and Merry Christmas to you both.

My parents were divorces when I was really young. We would spend Christmas Eve with my Dad and Christmas day with my mom (most years).

I would suggest a compromise. See if your ex will allow your son to sleep at your house and pick him up late morning and keep him Christmas night. That way he can have his Santa surprise in the morning and your ex still gets to spend the rest of the day and night with him. Just a thought.

Hope you can work it out, I know it breaks your heart to think that your son will be miserable on Christmas, but you could always celebrate Christmas a day later or earlier and let him know that Santa came late or early because you wrote him a special letter (or something else creative.)

Our situation is a little different, but last year we were in China adopting our second child over Christmas. Our first child was 5 at the time and came with us. With a 44-lb per bag limit for flights within China, there was no way we could bring Christmas gifts. We told her that Santa MIGHT bring something to China, and he knew she was there (that way we could put up some tiny stockings on the mini bar and have her open a few little things--IF we could get it together with the new little one) and we also said that he'd fill her real stocking and leave the rest of her presents under the tree at our house in Texas because Santa knew that we couldn't travel with her new toys. On January 2 we had another Christmas, and it was fun for her that Christmas hadn't totally ended when we returned right after the Christmas season. Good luck!

Can you talk to Dad and explain to him how upset and worried your son is about Santa not being able to find him? I don't understand why your ex would want for his son for Christmas if he doesn't believe in doing many of things that are part of celebrating the holiday. How does he expect it to be fun for his son? Does he live far away? Can he bring him back on Christmas Day instead?

My husband and his ex have 2 boys, now in high school. When the boys were younger, they split the 24th and the 25th, and alternated years. One year they spent Xmas Eve at Mom's, then Dad came to pick them up (or Mom took them to Dad's) around 11 or 12 on Xmas Day. They spent the rest of the day +/- that night at Dad's. The next year they switched and Dad had them Xmas Eve and took them back Xmas morning after they opened their presents at Dad's. Mom and Dad only lived 40 minutes apart so it wasn't that bad of a drive. Both Mom and Dad had a Christmas tree and Santa came to both houses.

Why don't you have all the Santa stuff laid out so when he gets back to you on the 26th you can tell him Santa came there and left the stuff for him. Then on the 26th you and he can celebrate just like it was Christmas day. You could even have him write a letter (or help him write) to Santa and explain that this year he will be at his dad's house, but still deliver the stuff to your house. Explain to your son that you and he will celebrate Christmas when he gets home.

In 2008 when we had Hurricane Ike, our house was flooded and we didn't know when we would be back in. We were essentially homeless. We were staying with my parents 6 hours away. My son lost practically all of his toys in the flood. He was 6 years old at the time. About a week after the storm he asked how would Santa know where to find him that year. My parents and sister decided they would buy him a gift and have it waiting when he returned from school one day with a letter from Santa. The letter stated that Santa knew there were a bunch of kids who had to move because of the hurricane, so he was sending a gift to them at their new house to let them know that he knew where to find them come Christmas and not to worry.

You could do something like that. Have him write a letter to Santa, then have "Santa" send him a letter back saying OK, I'll send your stuff to your mom's even though you'll be at your dad's. This could be done even if your ex does the Santa thing too.

When my step daughter was younger we always told her that santa wasnt sure what home she was at so he brought the gifts to our home and asked us to make sure she got them. And he is so busy its hard for him to keep tract which home she was sleeping at. If she got some from santa at both homes we would tell her that he did that to make sure she had something at both places.
I would talk to his dad to ask that he doesnt spill the beans on Santa. He doesnt have to have anything from santa but not to tell him the truth.

it SERIOUSLY stinks especially at first, but what my ex husband and i did (was a constant battle) if she was with me for christmas, he did his "santa thing" with her before she came home and vise verse, so maybe before he goes to see his dad, do your own little Christmas morning with him so he still gets a visit from Santa before he goes to see his dad....my daughter loved having "two santa visits" just found out this year that mommy and daddy are santa