How Can I Let a Sick Friend Know I Care?

L., I am so sorry this is a hard one all around. When a friend/coworker was going through this we made a blanket. We each made a couple squares w/ pictures, saying and jokes that only we would understand. But it was in the end something that went to her kids so it was a blanket full of memories and great things about their mom.
And if you like this idea I would have it washed or sprayed with lysol so that there aren't any germs for the family to worry about. And send a card to the family too, they may not know how important you all are and this is their fight too so it may be nice for them to know you ladies care about her and her family! You are in my thoughts! Friends are family in my opinion!

Since most hospitals cannot allow flowers on cancer floors, see if you can send balloons or cards with pictures of your group being funny or pictures of her with the group. I am sure when she thinks about your friendships she will find strength and peace. Perhaps talk to the nurses who are caring for her to see if she needs anything.

It is wonderful that you are so close to her, and that your friendship runs so deep that you want to be close to her even in this time of sadness. I wish we all had such friends :-)

That being said, I'm wondering if because her family has lived so far away and not seen her often... now that they've flown in and it is "the end", perhaps they really need this time to focus on their relationship with her in these last times? And can we blame them for being jealous of their time with her?

Also, there are 101 interruptions when patients are in the hospital. Nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, nurses' aides, dietitians... Of course she needs a break to rest and some peace. I don't blame the family for limiting phone calls at all. If your cooking group hasn't yet, I'd suggest making a contact person who is the ONLY person who contacts your friend/friend's family on behalf of the group. Hopefully that person can express the group's love for your friend, and state that you all don't want to be a burden at this time - get a verbal okay for this contact person to call the family member once or twice a week for updates on your friend's condition (or whatever is confortable w/the family, assuming your friend is too weak/sick to do this herself). Certainly, send a card, and call the hospital unit she is on to ask about other restrictions (flowers, latex balloons, etc). But if the family has already refused other offers of help - I'd say just graciously accept their refusal.

Other ways to show you care - get a group up to do a cancer bike ride or 5K walk in her honor...take a donation and donate something to the cancer unit...something along these lines.

Good luck!

You have such compassion for your friend! I think your idea of a photo collage is wonderful! Could you include outdoor scenes and photos of flowers and other things that she might miss since she in indoors all the time?
Also, you could put together a basket of things for her to make her feel pretty and loved. Like pretty slippers, lotion in a pretty bottle(scented or unscented), pillowcases and a new magazine.....all things that she could use in bed or while resting- in hospital or out. Also, you could burn a CD with tons of different songs on it! Music really does help!
There is nothing pushy about a gift to someone you care about! Anna will feel loved!

L., how about giving Anna her life story in a book? If you don't know her whole life story, you can just do photos and stories of the times your club spent together. The book serves as a way for Anna to remember her happy times, and can then be passed on to her family if, or when she passes away. I am a consultant for a company called Heritage Makers and am more than happy to help you and your club make a memory book about Anna! If you want to know more, email me, or check out my website http://www.frommemoriestobooks.com
I'm very sorry everyone is going through this difficult time and hope that what ever you decide to do is greatly appreciated by both Anna and her family.

My condolences to your group and her family. You have received some good ideas already. I would add one more. Since it's a cooking club, why don't you all get together and make some of your friend's favorite dishes for the family. Make sure the card or person explains its for them not your friend, as you dont know her restrictions but thought they could use a break from something while they're taking care of everthing else for your friend.

To be honest, some family members get real mean and protective when one of theirs is dying or has died. By doing something for them, you may be able to open the lines of communication w/ her family. But don't expect it. Don't even say it when dropping off some dinners for them. Just say, you know there is nothing your group can do but pray for your friend but since she talked so lovingly bout her family, you felt you could do some small thing for them.

At the end of cancer patients life they lose their appetite so maybe that's why they're declining.

I guess I'd put a photo together and send it in a card and let her know that you are all thinking of her and care for her very much. Mention that you and the others would like to visit her one day and to call you or have her family call you and leave your phone number.

I didn't know cancer units won't allow flowers. My Aunt was able to have flowers in hospice so I'd just call ahead of time and send your card, photo and flowers or balloons. That's a nice friendly way to express your love and to leave it up to her to call you. She may just be too sick to contact you and at least you did what you could.

My Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer March '07 and in May '07 he died. After a month or so of digesting that his life will end at any moment he pushed his friends away first and then distant family next. It's a normal reaction. Things that we think are important just are not as important when you're going to die. People turn inward and reflect on their own lives.

You're not family but I think you can do a friendly thing and express how much you all care and leave it up to her to arrange a visit:)

Another thing to consider is that she has a person in charge of her decisions if she's too sick to decide herself so maybe her family is getting involved too early or that you're friend is so sick they won't allow you to talk unless you're family.

I'm sorry to hear your friend is not doing well.