How and When Do I Tell My Older Children About My New Pregnancy?

Updated on January 01, 2011
D.S. asks from Morrill, NE
12 answers

Hi all!
This is my first question on this site...I am 7 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. I have a 4 1/2 yr old and an almost 3. With my last pregnancy, my oldest was too young (she was 18 months when she became a big sister) to really "tell", but we did read a couple of books in the last month before her little sister was born. Both of my kids are sharp and articulate....while I know I will need to tell them when I annouce it to friends and family (which I plan to do around week 10-11..yikes I am already sticking out a little bit!), I also know that there will still be a A LOT of time to wait before the baby gets here...

So how did you tell your kids and when did you tell them? Any really good books for 4 and 2 's about a new baby that you recommend?

Thanks so much for your input...I've really enjoyed reading the ?s and answers on this site!

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S.R.

answers from Great Falls on

The book we liked was "Berenstan Bears Get A New Baby." My daughter, too, was impatient to have the baby out, though at Christmas time he kicked her right off when she was sitting on my lap so that may have been part of that. The funniest thing, though, was after he'd been out about a week, she said, "Mommy, put him back!" It all worked out, though. Kids are so adaptable.

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K.R.

answers from Spokane on

We told our son after we had a healthy heartbeat ultrasound - about ten weeks, and he accompanied me on Dr appts and all that good stuff so he was MORE than ready when his sister finally arrived. Although, he commented frequently (he was 3 1/2 when she was born) that sister was taking too long to come out! Keeping him involved and letting him feel her kick and having him read stories to her really kept him excited, he even wanted to name her firetruck (we chose something a little more feminine ;)).

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K.M.

answers from Denver on

At that age I would not tell them until you are ready to tell others. Kids that age cannot keep a secret. However kids that age also do not notice a slight weight gain in their parents either. I really liked the books what to expect when your mom is expecting and what to expect when the baby comes home. They are cartoony and great and point out that the baby is still a baby and will not be able to play with them for quite some time

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G.L.

answers from Salt Lake City on

A book to recommend - the Usborne books first experiences series includes one called The New Baby. I loved lots of things about this book - good information aimed at preschool age children, and including engaging, fun illustrations. It's one of the few "new baby" books I've seen that includes a picture of a mother discreetly breastfeeding the new baby.

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K.S.

answers from Kansas City on

We told our almost three yo pretty much as soon as we found out. He's now 4 1/2 and will be a big brother again and we told him right away this time also.

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J.G.

answers from Cincinnati on

whenever you do tell them, theyre going to ask everyday when the baby gets here. kids are SO impatient. Christmas time? When can we open our gifts? How many more days, mommy? I remember when my mom was pregnant I just wanted that baby out and i think i drove her crazy....so just keep that in mind lol. it might cause less anxiety for everyone if you don't tell them until they ask why your belly is getting so big.

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K.B.

answers from St. Louis on

We told my boyfriends daughter when she did finally notice the change in my stomach, which wasn't till like 6 months. She was kinda blunt and said "K., when did you get so fat" so we told her then. Of course this is my first kid so I didn't start looking really pregnant until around then anyway. Now that she's really understanding what is happening, she asks everyday about her baby brother and keeps asking when he's gonna get here and also talks to my stomach telling him to hurry up. I don't know if I couldn't handled 9 months of her asking everyday when he was gonna get here (I found out I was pregnant at like 4 weeks). So do at least be ready for the impatience no matter when you tell them lol

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T.W.

answers from Denver on

I am on baby #4 and I have always told my kids (and everyone else for that matter) immediately. It was too hard to walk around and not have it come up in front of them with my husband. I know most people wait to tell others until after the first trimester and I just never adhered to that either. I actually had a miscarriage after telling everyone too and was glad I had so many people to be there for me. I would not have known what to do if I couldn't talk to people.

As far as how I tell them, I just sit them down an tell them straight out. Kids understand more than you realize. In fact, they have always had lots of great questions that are fun to talk about with them. As far as books, I don't know of many but do have one that is called "My Little Brother" that shows little kids what it is like to be the big sister or brother.

Good luck and congrats on #3.

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K.H.

answers from Boston on

Tell them before everyone else, and let them help spread the good news. My daughters are 3 years apart, and we told my oldest at about 11-12 weeks. She then announced to the extended family that she was going to be a big sister. Everyone was like "what?!! really?" She loved being part of it. Although that left a long time until the baby was born, it worked out for us. I always referred to the new baby as our baby and my oldest talked to her little sibling and said night night baby especially as I started to show. The best book I found was "A New Bear at Koko's House". Congratulations!

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A.Y.

answers from New York on

Tell them just before you tell everyone else. Nothing worse than finding out everyone knows before you do. You know how smart little kids are.
I wouldn't go crazy about finding the perfect book. Just answer their questions as they come.

Congratulations!

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L.E.

answers from Provo on

I told my 4 yr old and 2 yr old fairly early. I wanted them to understand why I was sick or needed a little extra help from them at times. They didn't bug me with asking when the baby would come. They asked on occasion, but those times were fun for us because we would pull out the book with the explanation of the baby's development at each stage. I was very worried about my 3rd pregnancy and I felt comforted by my boys' excitement over the baby. We told the kids before telling my mom and they actually kept the secret pretty well from others for a couple weeks. But I think they were relieved when we gave them permission to talk freely about it. Congratulations and God Bless!

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A.G.

answers from Pocatello on

Well I have a 4 year old and an almost 2 year old and I am 24 weeks pregnant now. So for me I didn't tell them until I was telling everyone. Cause I knew my 4 year old (or actually when I first got pregnant she was still 3) would tell anyone she wanted too haha. Like I told my mom right away but waited a while to tell everyone else. But my daughter did go to preschool one morning and announced to her class that mommy was puking in the toilet this morning and always feels like puking....so her teacher new when I was like 7 weeks along. I started telling everyone else I was pregnant at 15 weeks so once I did that then I started explaining to her that there is a baby in my tummy. Once I said that it was common for her to blurt that out to anyone she met so if I were you just wait until you don't care if your 4 year old starts spreading the news. :)

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