Homework troubles...help!

Updated on October 08, 2008
S.W. asks from Littleton, CO
6 answers

I need help...any experience you've had with this would be greatly appreciated! My oldest daughter has not had any big issues with honesty and homework in the past. It has gotten out of control this year (5th grade). I know from my own experience as a child that kids will be dishonest concerning homework from time to time...however! This has become a now weekly habit. When she comes home and has her specific homework time, she'll do homework...so I think all is well and good. If she doesn't have much, she says she left something at school and so cannot do it. Since I do not know day by day what the teacher is giving, I have little to go on other than what I see in her backpack and what she tells me...due dates, etc. We budget out her homework time so she has adequate time to do what she needs to do. This has always worked pretty darn well in the past. If she didn't get something done, she lost privledges. That still stands today, but she seems to have found a way of using dishonesty and my lack of knowledge to get around it. I have allowed her to take her own falls from time to time, but now I think she is falling enough that she's digging herself deeper and deeper. The only reason I know when she is being dishonest is because I contact the teacher to find out what is true and what isn't. Also, it isn't until almost a week after the previous week of homework that we get a weekly report telling us whether the kids are getting their assignments done or not. I'm at a loss...any experience, suggestions, something that has worked for you, etc.?

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answers from Denver on

I would let her know right away you are in daily contact with her teacher (be in contact via email or whatever it takes) and that her lying has to stop NOW! Let her know you are very familiar with what she needs to do and all priveledges, phone, computer, outings with friends will be completely STOPPED until she has redeemed herself. Give her a few weeks to set up a pattern to earn your trust back. Explain to her, that her way of doing things is causing you to lose trust in her completely, that she will be grounded until the cycle stops and ask her how it is working for her to lie? I mean my favorite Dr Phil quote (though I don't watch him anymore) is "how is that working for you?"...it isn't working for her and she needs to deal with the consequences harshly.
Also explaining that just trust in homework will go into every day life and you will no longer be able to trust her with anything if she continues. Explaining what a priviledge to have someone trust you is, what the consequences of lying are and how it just doesn't effect her! Good luck. I would say be hard core and have her earn your trust back, if she sees you are truly talking to the teacher daily, even a sheet of what is to be done each day and you checking it off with her each evening so there is no way she can lie may help!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Colorado Springs on

There is really no answer. Your daughter may have to learn the hard way. I have two suggestions. one is talk to the teacher and see if there is a way she can give you a weekly email or call saying what is due for the week. There may also be something she is giving the child and she is just not giving it to you. So I would check into that. My other suggestion is to just let her fall. She is old enough to know the out come of not getting her homework done. She may have to be held back or she may have to take summer school classes in order to catch up. You may want to talk to her about that and let her know this could be the solution. I have learned you cannot hold their hand forever and with Junior high right around the corner, it is better for her to learn now. I know it sounds harsh, but I would try the first suggestion first and see if you can work something out with the teacher so you know what is due and what she has to do. If it does not work, then let her learn the hard way. She will get the point..... Take things away if you catch her lying. Dont let her do things during the week so that she has plenty of time for homework. She knows what she is doing. Although it is your job to make sure she has time for homework, you can not and should not do it for her:) Good luck! Hope that helps....

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Denver on

Talk to the teacher daily and get all the assignments. If you really want to drive the point home, march her in front of her friends to the teacher and get all the assignments everyday. If this is effective it should only last a short amount of time. Keep it up everytime she says she forgot something. She will learn not to lie and to get her homework done.

I do have one question. Is the homework overwhelming her? They do step up the learning in 5th grade.
C. B



answers from Denver on

This sounds just like my son. He is also in 5th and it so far has been a tough year. At one point he had 14 missing assignments. I was on his case everyday, I was in contact with the teachers, finally went to work late one day and went in to school and had a talk with all the teachers and got all his assignments. I took away hockey for a month, grounded him from friends, tv and video games. Nothing mattered. He finally is caught up but I can not slack off on my end. His teacher signs his planner daily of his work he has for the night, I then go through it all with him and then we put all his to be turned in work in a seperate folder for him. He goes to his class first thing in the morning before all the other kids go to class, hands in all his work before he gets his friend time. So far its working. I have requested a meeting with a counselor, teacher and principle to talk about dyslexia, do I feel that is the reason for all these problems, NO but I do feel he may be overwhelmed and struggles a bit so he lost interest. If you find any great strategies I would love to hear them. I hope it gets better for you on your end.




answers from Pueblo on

Have you had the school test her for disabilities? My nephew was just diagnosed at 13 with dyslexia. He was able to use coping skills for most of his school career, but it finally caught up with him.

His old school suggested ADD or laziness. He switched schools and they caught it right away.

The school has to test if you request it and you will have a staffing meeting. Send me a private message if you want more info - in my BK life, I was a special education teacher!

Good luck.



answers from Boise on

Have your DD take a weekly/daily agenda to school everyday, have her right what the homework for that day is and then have the teacher sign it saying that that is the work, and then leave a seperate space for the teacher to acknowledge that she did the previous homework. This is what our school district does, so the kids never can say "I didn't have any" or "I only have to do this side" I can see that isn't true and then the next day I would know for sure.

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