Holding Son Back a Year from Kindergarten Due to Size

Here's the opposite question for you:

My 7 year old is the size of most 11 year olds. Should I move him up, so that he's with people his height?

We're nordic. One of my kiddo's best friends is Israeli. He's a year older and foot shorter. It makes no difference to either of them, because they're buds. People are different heights, ESPECIALLY in this country where we're non-homogenous. Superficial biology reeeeeeally only matters (skin color, height, body type, "beauty") as much as we make it matter.

I would not hold him back with an April birthday because of his size. My daughter started kindergarten this past fall and there are kids of all heights in her class. Some are on the shorter side, some on the taller side and lots in between.

I would definitely not hold him back for appearances sake. Can you imagine if he found out later why you held him back? I think that could be pretty damaging. There's a boy in our son's 1st grade who is smaller than our preschool-age daughter. From best I can tell, he's doing fine. He certainly has a lot of friends and seems happy. Our son doesn't seem to care one bit that his friend is shorter than him. There are kids in his class of all shapes and sizes, so I just don't think it matters.

As a mom to a son who has severe short stature and an August birthday....Please do not hold him back due to size for a few reasons.
1. He may have a huge growth spurt anywhere along the way and that will create a whole new issue.
2. If he does not grow, you will have shown him that his size does matter and then he will have self esteem issues over his size.
3. Once he realizes he was held back because of his appearances, you will have bigger issues.
4. If he is ready for school and you hold him back , he may get bored and you will see behavioral issues due to his need for greater stimulation in school.
My son is now 8 (his bone age is not quite 5 and he is 8.8 yrs) and knows he is smaller, but we teach him (to steal a quote) "size doesn't matter".
The best gift you can give your child is a good foundation of self esteem.
If he is not bothered, don't be bothered.
Let me know if you need a name of a good endrochrinologist. You may want to get him tested to see if his body is on track.

Gosh no, don't hold him back if his birthday is in April. It would be different if he had a late August birthday. If he is ready socially & academically then you need to send him to kindergarten. I had a friend in high school who's parents held him back, so that he would be better in sports. He was miserable. He was too mature for his peers & was very resentful toward his parents for doing that to him. He may also surprise you with a growth spurt. My son was in the 10th percentile for height since birth & then grew 4+ inches in one year moving him to the 50th percentile in height. Besides, being short isn't the worst thing in the world. He may not be a basketball player, but there are many other sports that are great for smaller people (gymnastics, martial arts, soccer). He may be teased, but all kids get teased for one thing or another. I was teased for being short & my husband was teased for being tall. Just make sure he is well supported & loved at home & he'll be just fine.

I would not hold him back due to his size. His size at five is not an indicator of how large or small he'll be in the future.

I have considered what to do with my daughter in a few years only because she's right on the cusp of being too young to send. But I do not want to hold her back if she's ready to go.

If he's socially and academically ready to go, I suggest you enroll him.

I wouldn't consider holding him back because of his size! That won't matter at all. My son was a bit of a peanut (March birthday) and this year at his 7 year check up he had grown 3.5 inches in O. year! He's got classmates taller and smaller than him and the kids don't seem to notice the differences at all--if they do, it's in a matter-of-fact way. If he's academically ready, (google "kindergarten readiness"), send him!

I would not hold him back. I have a little guy myself who is a July baby (end of) and I did hold him back and don't have a single regret. However, he was socially and academically not ready (we had also only recently brought him home from Russia when he would have started K) and his tiny size was never even a factor. If it would have been a factor, it wouldn't have mattered in the long run - he is still the very smallest in his class and holding him back a year simply because of size wouldn't have matter one bit - he is always going to be very tiny.

I don't think at 5, you can reasonable predict the outcome of size (unless he is seeing a professional who can determine from growth plates). Out of my 6 kids, it is amazing how different they turned out size wise later in life versus when they started Kindergarten.

Good luck no matter what you decide :)

I would not hold him back just because he is small for his age. If he is socially and academically ready there is no reason to hold him back.
If you you wait another year he will probably be bored in kindergarten if he is truely ready to go in August. I think that would hurt him more than do him good. You never know, he could go through a big growth spurt over the summer.

My daughter is small for her age, and she has not had any problems in school or with peers. In fact she likes being the smallest one in her class.

No.

Many of my daughter's classmates/peers are small. There is never any problem. I see them and know these kids, and they are very well adjusted and happy and socialize just fine and integrate just fine. Their size, is NEVER an issue. These are boys and girls that I know... of all ethnicities and cultures.

My daughter on the other hand is tall for her age... as well as my son. My son is only 3.5, but EVERYONE thinks he is in Kindergarten and he is bigger than most Kinder kids. So then they judge him based on "size" thinking he "should" act older than he is. Misplaced & mistaken expectations. So there is that perception too.
And, as for my daughter... it is the girls in her grade level, that are bigger/taller than many of the boys.

Do not focus on your child's size. If you do, he will then get hung up on it too. Guaranteed. And then he will have issues because of it. So do NOT displace your apprehensions about his size, onto him. Just always focus on what he can do, what he is good at, how proud you are of him.. and foster his INNER sense of self.... NOT if being contingent on his "appearance." NOT EVER. A child, if raised without focusing on superficial appearances or compared to others... he/she will be "blind" to those superficial affectations as well. And then, they will have an inner sense of self... that is FAR more solid in stature.

All the best,
Susan

Ya know, I have never had a problem with holding kids back for kindergarten, typically it gives them an advantage academically and socially. As far as doing it because he is small, I am thinking that it might not make much of a difference.

Boys develop differently in general. My girlfriend had twins and one was VERY tall, in the 95th percentile and more, and the other was in the 10th percentile or less. Obviously they were not identical. Needless to say they both had their challenges but about two months into their senior year of high school, the little one had a growth spurt and now is SUPER tall like his brother.

In short, kids develop differently and you just never know if holding him back is going to change his status in size with the class. Your son may still be the smallest and has his growth spurt in 2nd grade or well into high school, you just never know. I say you just let it be and teach him to love who he is.

Good luck!

don't hold him back, not if you think he is academically and socially ready to be in kindergarten. if you do, he could be come bored because he's not challenged enough. his peers, i assume, don't care that he's little. and that won't change for a few more years, by which time i'm sure he'll sprout up. let him move on to kindergarten, there really are no benefits to holding him back, other than he may grow some. being little is hardly a valid reason to hold him back.

I would not hold him back based on his size. Even if you do, as your son and his peers grow over the years, he'll likely be smaller and will have to deal with it. Holding him back will not protect him from any adversity he may experience because of his size, it will just postpone it. My kids are sometimes uncomfortable because they are taller than their classmates, another kid may have a disability. Your son, as well as his peers need to practice acceptance and realize that everyone is different and special in their own way and the younger they come to terms with this, the better off they will be in the long run. Best of luck

If he is academically ready, I definitely wouldn't hold him back. When I was young, I learned quickly and was not easily challenged by the curriculum. It was easy for me to get A's at first. But as it got more difficult, my habits on skating by to get those A's stuck and my grades slowly fell. By high school, I was a C/D student. And I wasn't smart, just lazy because of those early habits. So I definitely would recommend you keeping him going. And as someone else said, it's good to have a bit of differences between kids. They learn quickly that being different is okay.

If he is ready then my vote is to send him. He is a minority and that's perfectly fine. That's what you want to teach him. Do some research and reading on how to take his size in your stride and boost his self esteem.

You need to decide what your son can handle. Only you know that. My son is now in the 3rd grade. He has always been smarter then the kids in his class and was moved up because of this. We made the decision to move him back down to 3rd grade this year because the kids in his 4th grade class were so cruel he no longer wanted to go to school. It has effected him that he is so small. He is very shy and not very confident even though he has far more talent then most of the children he is around. We enrolled him in some extra curricular activities in an attempt to boost his confidence and his coaches are constantly telling us "he is so good if he would just believe in himself a little he would be great" etc. From the day my son started school he was bullied for being "the little kid" and he isn't the type of kid that can handle that. My daughter is the exact opposite she is tall and very thin. (She is 4 years younger then her brother and 3 inches shorter then him. My son is SMALL) When people mess with her brother she is the one to stand up and get loud which just makes it worse for him. I'm not saying this to scare you into making a choice one way or the other. It's just this has been what we are going through. My sister was always the small kid in class growing up but she was also the toughest. She still has that chip on her shoulder. She joined the Marines when she got older and she is pretty darned scary when she needs to be. She directly credits being picked on for making her that way and it has helped her many times to do what she needs to in her career. Talk to your son about your concerns and see what he says. There isn't anything wrong with giving them a choice. Good luck and let us know what you decide.

it's good for kids to be around others who are a little different from them. it widens their definition of "normal". let him go to school.

My son was also very small compared to other kids his age, although in every other way he was on target. His birthday was very near the cutoff date (just 4 days early), so we made the choice to hold him back, thinkin gthat being small AND one of the youngest kids might be a disadvantage. This worked out just fine- he is a straight A student and very confident and socially comfortable. But, held back or not, he was always STILL one of the smallest kids in his class! Finally this year, at almost 11 years old, he had a growth spurt and is now slightly taller than some of the kids. So, I say go with what feels right for him socially and academically, and don't worry so much about the size thing. You never know where they will end up!

If he is academically and socially ready, then I think you risk making him self-conscious about his size if you hold him back. He will notice that his preschool friends have gone on to Kindergarten, and surely he will wonder why he doesn't get to go, too. What will you tell him? "Son, you're just too darned short to learn to read!"

My daughter is two months younger than your son, and although she is exactly her age socially, she is very advanced academically. Her school made the decision to move her into Kinder this year instead of Pre-K. I was ok with this, thinking that if it didn't work out, she could easily repeat Kindergarten. Well, she has done great! My daughter is *tiny* for her age - she is still wearing 3T clothes. Granted, she's a girl, but nobody seems to notice or care that she's a head shorter than everyone else. If height is the only reason to hold him back, I wouldn't. You'd be selling him short.

Hi L. - If he is ready academically and socially I would not hold him back because of his size. Boys grow at all different rates - if his genes are programmed for small stature then holding him back a grade isnt going to change anything - he wont just be smaller, he will be older than all the other kids too.

If he's ready - send him on to school.

I have a friend who was held back because she was so little and 20+ years she is still little. I doubt it will be a big deal to your son unless you make a big deal out of it. Is he really going to be that much bigger in a year. My thoughts are if he is academically and socially ready, let him go. It would hinder him not to not let him go in my opinion. If he wasn't ready, hold him back, but really there is no reason not let him go.

If you truly feel that he is ready in the other areas you mentioned, then I think you should send him on time. I used to think size was fairly important, but I look at my 3rd graders class now, and there are kids like my son that are almost 5' tall, and their are kids that are still shorter than my 4 year old (who is also quite tall). The variances are HUGE! My girlfriend's daughter missed the cutoff, so she is one of the oldest in her class, and she is most surely the smallest, and will probably always be.