Repeat Kindergarten - Sacramento

My daughter has an end of August birthday and our cut-off is September 30. We also sent her to kindergarten when she had just turned five. She is TINY for her age. I'm pretty sure she was the second smallest kid in her grade last year (out of 120 kids). She is 12 and in the 7th grade. Weighs only 75 pounds. She is smaller than my 10 year old 4th grade daughter. It is what it is!

We had the same conversation that you are now having. It finally came down to the fact that we were going to hold her back a year just because she was small. We chose to keep her going where she was. I have no regrets. She is now in 7th grade and has gotten all A's both first and second quarter this school year. Is she a little immature? (I actually like how you said "less mature" - that makes more sense!) Maybe she is. She sometimes still plays American Girl with her little sister (although she probably would not admit this to her friends). She has friends, but she's not getting invited to parties every weekend. She's a happy kid and I think she's where she belongs.

I don't know if this helps, but I just thought I'd share my story of my "little" girl. Best wishes to you! :)

If your daughter is keeping up academically, she should move up. She'll just get bored having to "learn" everything she already knows. Her mind will wander instead of being challenged. Her social skills and maturity will catch up soon.

Her size and petite stature should NOT play a role in whether or not she advances to 1st grade.

My son who is in middle school has SEVERAL kids that are his age (11-12y) and around 4ft tall. I went on a field trip. 6 kids in my group 12-13y. Shortest kid was 4'10". Tallest kid was 6'1". They were the same age.

One kid that I saw in the office, I thought had been dropped off at the wrong school! He was the height of an average 3rd-4th grader. Nope he was a 6th grader. (It didn't help my image of him that he was carrying a happy meal into the school!)The office personnel knew him.

Advancing to 1st grade should be based on two things.
1. academics. If she can do the work expected of her, let her go.
2. social maturity. if she interacts with her classmates on an equal level. she is fine.

If she refuses to speak, or has temper tantrums, or other key things that a younger child would do, then I would consider keeping her back.

Also, it is only Feb. you have 7 months of growth and maturing, before a real decision needs to be made.

Full disclosure: I'm a teacher and I like the August cut-off dates though I personally started kindergarten at 4. My girls were already 5.5 entering K and I think it helped them immensely. Especially the very petite younger one. She was significantly smaller than most of her peers and only recently (starting 2nd grade) not the smallest in her class.

I teach middle school where kids can range from so small I initially mistake them for elementary schoolers visiting an older sibling to tall students who look like they belong in college! Often, physically smaller students are the ones who are less emotionally or socially mature than their peers, but this isn't universally true. However, there is a correlation sometimes between physical development and certain types of motor skills that can make a difference in whether a student will thrive in the next grade level or struggle. Kindergarten at my younger daughter's school was not about knowing, but about doing. A child who was very verbal with lots of background knowledge but couldn't manage a pencil well was retained. His parents switched schools so I can't say how he did after that.

Kindergarten teachers see hundreds of 5 & 6 year olds in a career and have the benefit of discussing norms & expectations for that age with their coworkers and other professional peers. You have the benefit of seeing your daughter in a setting in which she is more comfortable. Request a conference and come up with an action plan. It is February. What should your daughter show you and her teacher to demonstrate she is ready for first grade? When should she be able to show it? What can you do to help support her development in that direction?

Retaining a child because of their size is absolutely ridiculous to me. First of all, I'd like to say that I'm really glad you put your daughter into kinder in the first place. I am a firm believer that most kids are ready for kindergarten when they are age-appropriate and I'm against redshirting in most cases (though I do believe some are warranted). So I think you made the right decision in starting her.

Some kids are meant to be short. Some kids are meant to be tall. Some are average. As you said, your daughter would be a short kindergartener next year too. So she still would have the same label, only then she'd be without her friends and she'd be bored repeating the work she's already done.

I was a TINY child. Always the smallest in my class, usually smaller than kids one or two grades behind me. My son, at his 5 year checkup, was the same height I was at my 8 year checkup, and he was about 10 lbs heavier! He's bigger than average for his age, but not huge by any means. I was just tiny. I didn't start growing until I was 15 and I topped out at 5'3" I got teased by only one boy in elementary school and easily stopped it by making one mean comment back to him. Maybe not the best way to handle it, but it worked. No one else teased me in elementary. I did get teased in 7th grade, but honestly, I would have been teased in 7th grade if I was there a year or two later, too, because I was just as small.

My point is, your daughter should move on to first grade. She's academically proficient. There is nothing wrong with being bashful or introverted. We can't all be extroverts - the world NEEDS people to have different personalities. We need leaders, but we also need followers.

Absolutely nothing you said makes me think retaining her is the right move.

If she is small she is small, holding her back won't change her gene pool. Sure and older child would be bigger than a younger child but if you are small that isn't going to make a noticeable difference. You would probably have to hold her back four years to make her the same size as the other kids, does that sound rational to you?

Should tall kids go to kindergarten when they are two? My son's friend was as tall as me in fourth grade, he stopped growing in high school at 7 ft 2! In my daughter's class one of her friends didn't hit the height and weight restrictions to sit in the front seat of a car, when she was learning to drive! How long would she have been held back. She was a mean point guard by the way. Size means nothing.

If she is in a public school, they can not hold her back in kindergarten without an academic reason. Go to the principal and ask what their academic criteria for promotion are in kindergarten. Here is an example if you haven't been given one:

https://www.ocps.net/lc/west/emt/AC/Documents/0_Promotion...

IF she meets whatever the criteria are at your school (not now, but by the end of the academic year) than insist she go to first grade. Being short has absolutely nothing to do with it.

I would suggest some playdates with her classmates or enrolling her in an afterschool activity, maybe soccer or an art or music class. Also, check with your pediatrician to make sure she is on her growth projectory - it is totally normal to be 10th percentile and stay at 10th percentile but NOT normal to be at 60th and then drop to 10th. If she is steady than she is fine!

In 1993, I finished my bachelors at the age of 20. I was 5'2" and about 100 lbs. I accepted a position at JCPenney in the management training program, completed it and was assigned to a store as an assistant manager. My 2nd day on the job a sales clerk who was probably 60 told me that she was not going to follow my directions "because I was too short". This continued for a bit and then I fired her! I am sure she meant I was too young - but I had the manager position and she did not!

Your daughter will be fine! Sounds like maybe she needs a new teacher!

Sounds like you want to push her forward. Go for it. Try not to read too much into the fact that your child is short and the teacher is tall unless the teacher said she is small, therefore needs to be held back (it did not sound like she said that from what you wrote). Consider yourself lucky that you might have the option. Many parents do not.

Most schools push the kids forward and it is really hard retain a child. I know several parents who realize their child might need to repeat kindergarten and the school would not let them because they were great academically. Many parents feel terrible because the child is now in 4th or 5th grade and the social aspect is dreadful.

Other parents especially in CA do not want their 13 year old daughters in Freshman year with 16 year old boys (yes, my son's kindergarten class had boys turning 7, so these boys will be 16 Freshman year).

edit for your SWH: I do not think Third Reich as much as I think the curriculum has change and what used to be taught in first grade is now expected in Kindergarten. Yes, I was a 4 year old kinder and a 16 year old Senior. I graduated 20+ years ago and things have changed.

My youngest daughter ended up in Kindergarten at 4 (and not 4-almost-5, but 4). We had intended for her to repeat Kinder (she was too academically advanced for Pre-K, and had been very bored, so the Pre-K teacher actually recommended this). Anyway, long story short, she is super tiny for her age, and is still a grade ahead. Also, she has ADHD, so that makes life even more fun. We ended up pulling her out of public school after 3rd grade, and we are homeschooling now. She is 8 and is doing 4th grade language arts/history/science, and 5th grade math. She's happy and has a lot of friends (we belong to several after-school activities).

I'm wondering if the Waldorf School in Sacramento might be a good fit for your kiddo? We have a few friends with kids there, and they have all LOVED it. I know there are also a few public schools in Roseville that have the K-2 classrooms, where all of the kids in that age range are in one classroom. Some kids work ahead in some subjects, and some work a little slower. I have a friend who had two of her daughters go through a school like that in Roseville and it worked out well for both of them.

Your daughter is not being "labeled" by her teacher. Her teacher, who spends several hours a day, five days a week with your child, is giving you her professional opinion.
Being less mature might be a valid reason to have her repeat K, or not, but ultimately that choice is up to you. Her size is irrelevant, unless of course, it is affecting your daughter's physical maturity and self esteem. Is she physically coordinated, can she keep up with the other kids in terms of play skills? If yes then don't worry about it.
Either way it's too early to make a decision now. The teacher has shared her thoughts and now it's up to you to see how your daughter does over the next several months.

Honestly, that's the most ridiculous reason for holding a child back I've ever heard of. To the point where it's almost borderline discriminatory. What about people from ethnic groups where there's a genetic tendency to be smaller than other ethnicities? What about people who physiologically have short stature. Should they all be made to repeat grades????

It also sounds developmentally harmful. If your daughter is destined to be petite all her life, the last message in the world you want to send is that she can't compete or even be in the group because she's too small.

Just to bolster your point, though, you might want to get some outside testing done. Have her tested for first-grade readiness. If you come to the school administration with test results, you'll be in a stronger bargaining position.

Size has nothing to do with brainpower. If she's meeting or exceeding academic standards there is NO reason to hold her back.

There is a little boy in my daughter's grade (1st) that is still wearing 4T clothing, or something absurdly small like that. ALL the 1st graders are head and shoulders taller than him. None of the kids seem to care either. He's got such an awesome personality. His only problem, and it's not his fault at all, is that he's REALLY short.

ETA: I have a niece, Sally, who will be 11 in April. Sally is only about half a head taller than my daughter, who will be 7 in March. Sally's younger sister is a year and a day older than my daughter, and this younger sister is actually as tall, or taller than Sally. Sally also has something going on in her brain chemistry where her body thinks she's about 8 years old instead of almost 11.

Can't figure out why you would consider holding her back?

I don't know why you'd consider flunking her if she can do the work and isn't failing. If she's doing the work and reading then she is going to repeat a grade that will teach her absolutely nothing, you get that right? She will not learn anything because she's passing and doing well.

There is no way I'd let her stay in kindergarten unless she was flunking. In our school district they wouldn't let you hold her back if she's academically doing well.