Holding Mommy's Hand

We all have gone through this, I agree with everyone else though it's stroller or go home! The harness is what I was going to get for my daughter but never did I was the MOM running behind and grabbing at her and feeling so embarrassed lol. The leash would have been a lot less embarrassing though. I have learned a lot from my daughter in her 7 yrs! Now with the baby I'm more strict. The whole reason I wrote though was that last summer I was at a car show and this little girl was on a harness but it looked like a doggie backpack. It was very cute but I don't know where she found it though so I thought I'd tell you maybe someone else will know where to find them its a lot trendier than the old fashioned one that they have and maybe she will think its neat and want to wear it:) Good luck.

My rule always is... Do it or else. Heres one kids hate and usually chose stroller over. Get one of those harnesses from just about any store. The ones that go over the chest and have a leash on the back. She will probibly hate it. So BEFORE You put it on her explaine to her Its this or the stroller. Let her decide. But you lay out the options of what is acceptable to you. If there is a fuss, out to the car.
It will be tough the first time or two. But they are easy learners.

Pay attention to her personality. Some are more stubborn and will fuss about it more. But at 15 months its hard to keep an eye on her 100 % of the time and it only takes a second... Public places is one place I donot compromise on. When out, you follow MY rules. I'll compromise at home and in trusted places.

Hi N.,

I have a little boy who is exactly like that. He will be 2 in April, so a little older, but what I do is give him a choice and say, "Do you want to hold mommy's hand, or sit in the stroller?" and if he won't hold my hand, then it's in the stroller for him. He will pitch a fit, but for his safety he needs to hold my hand and until he learns that, we just need to take control of the situation and let him know that wandering off on his own isn't an option. This can get on your nerves if the fits/tantrums are unbearable, but that's what I do! I hope this helps!

15 month old children are almost 6 years away from the brain development that will make it possible for them to understand cause and effect. Even when it's explained to them.

They have no access to impulse control, and their memory for instruction lasts about 12 seconds.

This means that she can't be 'holding your hand.' You must be 'holding her hand.' If she struggles to get away (and she will) hold her firmly by the upper arm -to avoid dislocating her wrist or elbow- and say something soothing like:

'I need to hold your hand, if you don't want to walk, you can get back in the stroller.'

Expect to say it about a million times the first week, and by the time she's 5 you won't have to say it anymore. Well, or not more than about once a week. Parenting is a parent's job - including keeping a child safe regardless of the little person's preferences.

My oldest, when she was 18 months (now 7)did the same thing. She was talking full sentences befor a year old so it was easy for me to talk to her. I kept explaining to her that she is a very beautiful little girl and some one would take her if she did not stay by me. She to would not stay in the cart and would scream if i tried to keep her in it. She wanted to "help mama". no matter how much i kept explaining this to her she still would run down the the end of the isle and i would have to go fetch her. Well one day we were in the grocery store and i was again going through all the explainations and then she took off down the isle as I was loading my things in the cart. When she got to the end of the isle a little old lady came around the corner and said
"My you are such a beautiful little girl, can I take you home with me?" My daughter screamed at the top of her lungs
"YOU ARE NOT MY MOMMY!!!!!" and came running back to me. That poor old lady was so sorry for scaring my little girl but i thanked her for helping me to teach my daughter a good lesson. so evan though you dont think your kids are listening keep talking because they are.

I had the same problem with my son about that age and they have this fabulous harness you can put them in that looks like a backpack (ours is a puppy dog) and its tail is long and has a handle for you to hold onto. So she can feel free to walk and you can feel safe because you have a hold on her so she can't get away from you or be snatched by a stranger. I thought I would get looks and comments about having my son on a "leash" but all people kept saying was "great idea, where did you get that" etc. I found mine at Walmart and it was only $10. Great investment. We still use it and he is now 2yrs old and he asks for it when we go to the store. Hope this helps.

N.,

I am a firm believer in the harness. My DH and I used it on our son at that age, now 6, and he learned limits while as well as independence in a "safe" environment.

Some people feel that they are treating their child like an animal, but you need to remember that at 15 months your daughter actually has less of a survival instinct than most family pets. She can't remember something you told her two minutes ago, much less think about consequences and what is safe for her. A harness gives her mobility, independence, and some freedom while keeping her safe.

A friend of ours tried the autocratic method with his "very busy" daughter. He told her that she HAD to hold his hand and she didn't have a choice. It may have worked, but she kicked and screamed every time he took her hand, even at home, for months. She is 5 now and still hates being restrained and runs off at every chance she gets.

I found the autocratic method didn't work very well with our son and decided on the harness. Much less stress overall and our son has learned to listen to us and respect our wishes because we have respected his.

In the end, you should try different methods and see what works best for your family. It sounds like you are a great mom and really thinking about your daughter and how to keep her safe while thinking about her feelings. Keep up the good work.

When my daughter was that age we went through the same thing. My mom was so paranoid that we'd lose her that she bought us a harness with a tether. It worked really well! The "leash" attached to the back so she couldn't get it off. It was a nice thing to have when I became pg with our second and was to big and tired to chase her. You can get them at babies R' Us.

I agree with pretty much everyone here. My daughter is 2 1/2. She knows to hold my hand, and always actually reaches out for it. Especially when we are walking in parking lots or out to the car. I give her a little freedom in the store, depending on how busy it is or where we are at, but I used to always hold her hand at that age. I always make her sit in a cart in a grocery store, but if we are in a dept store and its not busy, I let her walk on her own.

Anyways, I used the hold my hand or go in the stroller technique. You have to mean business, so they know you mean it. If she doesn't hold your hand, put her in the stroller and most likely she won't like it. Like everyone said it might take a few times, but she'll catch on fast.

Your options are: don't go to the mall.
be firm and insist on hand holding
a child harness. And even that isn't much because it's embarassing to treat a child like an animal. Secondly the child still risks running off and bouncing into people which will not be a good thing at the mall.
So you're down to two options, really. Go to McDonald's instead where they have the play area. It's pretty much kid oriented and parents are required to supervise. Gotta go to the mall, use that superglue on your hands! do not let go.

Hi N.,
I agree with Tamara, I always gave my boys a warning and if they didn't want to hold my hand they sat in the stroller. I think they liked me giving them a choice. Be consistant and she'll get it.
Chris

I got down on my knees and told the boys very firmly, "I want you to be safe - you either hold my hand or hold the stroller, there is no other option. If you can't do that, we will pack up and go home." I had to take them screaming out of the mall and to the car once that first time, and then after that, they knew I was serious and all I had to do was say the words and they are like - okay mommy!

My twins are almost 3 and one just doesn't like to hold hands. Most times when we are in a parking lot or something, where holding a hand is required, I still have to give him the speech. But I have no big arguements or anything, he just needs more of a stern voice reminder... constantly! Good luck.

I personally dont let my 2 year old walk by himself, he has to be in the stroller. There are too many looney bins out there and it only takes a split second for her to be gone and if she's as active as my son...its virtually impossible to keep him still. Because he has to be in the stroller we make it as much fun as possible. I bring snacks, drinks, games, we act like he's driving the stroller, etc. Just whatever you decide to do, just be consistant in it and eventually she will catch on. Good luck!!

My daughter isn't that old yet, but my sister has always had a few rules that worked for her little ones that I like....one hand on the stroller or you go in the stroller (that way your hands are free to shop but theirs are attached to the stroller at least)...or have them help push the stroller. Or you can do floor tiles - like you must be two tiles away from mommy or something (they would get so busy counting tiles that they couldn't get too far away). She also does "one hand on the car" which works well in the parking lot.

It's been awile since I had a little one but when I went to the mall my biggest fear is losing my daughter....after all from her perspective (from the knees down) we all look alike. I bought what looked like a curly cord in between two wristbands. That way she could walk and even run but only as far as the curly cord would stretch. It worked great. I'm sure there's something like this available and she won't feel constrained while you still have control. I tried to find this product on the internet and the only place I found the "wrist link" was on e-bay ... but there must be other places that sell such a thing. C..

Hi N.,
I'm a SAHM of 3 girls (7, 4, 9mth). You may not like what I have to say, but, please know that I say this only out of true love and support for you as the mom. I would give my best friend the same advice. That being said.. you need to be the 'mean mom' on this one. She needs to stay in the stroller at the mall. Reward her (aka, bribery) with stroller snacks, carosel rides, smoothies, library story time - whatever it takes to quickly get your errands done. At this point, she needs to know some boundaries and limitations. The terrible twos will be right around the corner and you'll want to be ready for them. Keeping her in the stroller is beneficial for so many reasons - safety for her being the big one. Plus, if you balance the stroller time with time where she can be on the run but contained, you will get the best out of your child. Maybe let her get the wiggles out at the tree house IF she cooperates, listens to mommy, and stays in the stroller. With her walking next to you, you'll be worried about strangers, or her running off, or just the hassle of the ordeal. That won't make you a better mom. And the moment of shear panic when she runs out of sight for a split second - yikes! You would never be able to forgive yourself if something ever happened to her. Don't be afraid of putting your foot down. She will feel more comfortable and secure with herself when she sees that mom is in control. Good luck, my friend!!!

Our oldest was never a problem to hold hands - she loved it. Our youngest always gave us fits, but I learned something real quick - she would rather walk than ride in the stroller or be carried. That said, if we were going out and she didn't want to hold hands then I would tell her that she either held my hand or I carried her (or put her in the stroller if we had it along). She learned real fast that she needed to hold a hand in order to walk. We still have a problem with her occassionally (mostly in the parking lot while we are opening doors - a much worse situation), but in general she'll hold a hand or a shopping cart if we are at the grocery store.

I use to give them a warning, and if they didn't hold my hand they went back into the stoller.

Dear N.,

Are you for real? I dont know why on earth you would let your child walk around a mall of all places alone! Do you not watch the news or read a newspaper? I think this is a pretty lame question isn't the answer pretty obvious. Who the heck lets there kid just wander around. It's sad that anyone can have children especially when there are so many women in this world who cant and would give anything to have them. Im just in shock that you would even bother to ask a question of this nature.

My 22 month old daughter has started the same thing...she loves to be independent, but doesn't always want to hold our hand. We take it situation by situation, if it's not crowded we let her walk as long as she's close by...if we say "stop" she needs to stop. It's when she doesn't listen we give her the option to hold our hand or sit in the stroller. If she can't listen and hold our hand then I put her in the stroller. If she's screaming I tell her that it's Mama's job to keep her safe and love her...she doesn't have to be happy, but she has to be safe. She hears this a lot and usually it somewhat calms her down. Then, I just keep moving. If going home is an option I may do that...but a lot of times it's when we're traveling or somewhere it's difficult to just leave.

Good luck! Sounds like you have a very independent little girl...the good thing is the older she gets the better of a listener she should be able to be!

I have 3 kids 4,3,& 19m. Around that age I would have them sit in the stroller at crowed big places like the store or mall. I have let them walk by me around church and offices we go to.
Anyway, I have learned a lot about how different kids get to the stage of walking by you. My oldest had to be in a cart or stoller until she was about 3 1/2 becuase she would not stay by me. On the other hand, my son walked very well by me when he was only 2 1/2 years. They don't hold my hand becuase I have the baby to cary or the stoller to push. We just all watch for people and cars and if they do wonder off, I have a seat in the stroller that they will have to sit in.
Kids don't like being confined once they learn to walk, but they get through the stage and then it's a matter of when your child can handle it without running away.

We have a very busy boy and we would train in a safe place like a the soccer field at the park. My husband would hold his hand and if he let go we would tell him to sit down where he was - this way he is not going to get away. When we retrieved him my husband would hold his hand out and tell him to hold daddy's hand. We decided to make it our sons responsablitly vs making him do it. We figure haveing him submit willfully would be more effective. If he didn't do it. Back in the stroller we go. All freedom lost.

Another thing we did at the park is make a game of stop and go. This worked very well! We would say ready, set go! And run together. While running say STOP! And we would all freeze! From many times playing this game we have never had a problem if he did run off. Cause the minute you say stop (while he is running) he thinks he is playing the game.

Like I said eariler too - train your child to stop and sit where they are. If mine is getting into something I tell him to sit. And he does.This atleast delays future trouble.

Hope that helps

My 2 year old doesn't like to hold hands either. You can either try the green strollers that Briarwood (if you go to Briarwood) offers ... they're $5.00 but they have a little steering wheel so that it may keep her occupied more easily. If that doesn't work, we bought a harness/leash at babies r us. I know it sounds cruel, but it isn't. The harness goes around the chest and then the child can walk a few feet in front of you, but can't get too far ahead. They have "independence" but are still dependent. Good luck.