I have a daughter that is 17 months old and very independent. I am having problems with her wanting to walk on her own, without holding my hand while in public. The situation normally starts off where she is in her stroller and after about 1/2 hour she wants out of the stroller, which I can understand. However, if we are in a public place I don't want to let go of her hand or she will take off running all over the place. I have tried to explain that she needs to hold my hand and stay next to mommy when in a store but she will continue to pull her hand away or will just sit down in the middle of floor and refuse to move. If I try to carry her, she starts squirming and pushing away and if I try to put her back in the stroller, she starts arching her back and throwing a fit. Has anyone ever had this problem? Has anyone ever used those harnesses to help with this? I hate the idea of putting my child on a leash but do not know what to do. Please help.
Hi D.,
I have two sons and I used both a baby harness and back pack. I loved my back pack as it was a stroll and go. I could roll him like luggage or wear him.
The harness was wonderful when at the mall or park.
It was wonderful that he could roam a bit and be safe and I did not worry about them getting snatched.
P.
Hi there! What you're describing is absolutely normal. I don't think they can really understand why they have to stick with you when they're this young. They are just trying to assert their independence and have no clue of the dangers around them.
Like you, I wasn't thrilled with the idea of a leash, but then my 2 1/2 year old got away from his grandma at the zoo. He loves to run and just took off. Thankfully another couple with a small child stopped him and she caught up. But the thought of what could have happened just completely freaked me out! Thinking about it still makes me cry! So, the very next day I reserached the 'leashes' and ordered one. Until he can learn to stay with us, he's either buckled in the stoller or buckled to an adult! I don't really think it harms their psyche or degreades them or anything - they're too young to even know what that means! And to anyone who says it's harmful to them, well - I say they're going to be hurt a lot worse if some sicko grabs them!
Anyway, here's a link to the one I ordered. http://www.opair.net/. I gave it to Caleb as a 'special present' and he loves it! I asked him if he remembered how scared grandma was when he ran too far away, and told him this was to help grandma from being scared. He even wants to wear it in the house and wants us to hook him up - so we won't be scared. He thinks he's protecting us. It's too cute really!
Good luck!
My 20 month old was the same way at about 15 months. I just stuck with it and insisted. If the fit is too much for public, then we just left the store or wherever we were. If you want her to hold your hand, then that's the standard and she will learn. My son fought my husband when he got picked up in public, because he knew my husband would give up and put him down. He fought me for only a minute, and I just calmly told him that he is staying with mommy and then showed him things in the store to distract him and calm him down. Now my little guy reaches up for my hand instinctively and rarely fights me about this issue. It won't take too long if you stay strong and consistent (which isn't always easy, I know, but it pays off and creates less work in the long run).
Well we all know the independence is normal and I too have a harness. I bought it for my then 2 yr old but he never really needed it so Im saving it for when my 13 month old starts walking b/c I have a feeling he WILL. Its a doggie with a zipper for snacks..even though the compartment is very..very small but the lease to it can be taken off or put on and it looks adorable. Franly I dont care what someone else thinks of how im raising my child.Buy the harness, its helps..although expect her to rebel and whine to take it off but that is how I got my son to stick by me. I told him that if he stopped running off I would take the leash off and if not it would go back on. When all else fails I just let them cry it out and act like I dont hear a thing. Sometimes it helps to bring fav toys or snacks for those whiny moments.
Wow, I have a 17 m old son born March 10th,06. He is at this very same stage. Very independent... and he has 3 older siblings that he tries to keep up with as well. They try to get him to do things and he pitches a fit. I have learned from the older ones that they can't handle the freedom of getting out the stroller or walking in public. They don't understand the dangers and you can't really reason with a 17 m old that they can't do this and why. We even had this problem when we were out at a restaurant... wanting to get out of the high chair. We will order our food and then my husband takes him outside to play until our food comes to the table. It's hard for a little one to wait that long at the table bored with nothing to eat. You just have to loosen the reigns as they become older.. but at this age you can't give them the freedom to roam. Oh.. and about the harness. I have used those on my oldest son when he was 3 at Disney. Still no fear and excitement at this age made me worry that I would lose him. Good Luck, Mother of 3 boys and 1 step-daughter.
Try one of those backpacks. Its a cute animal and it has a strap that you put on your wrist and I think it also straps around her belly. What girl wouldnt like it she can put all her goodies in it. Goodluck
My 21 mos. son is the same way. I bought him a very cute monkey backpack harness and he loves wearing it. He has freedom to move around without holding our hands but he can't get too far. It snaps around his belly so that he is in it good. He has not figured away out of it and he is pretty talented. Some people do look but most ask where did you get that or thats cute or neat idea. I don't care if anyone has a negative response because I know how fast my child can run and he could get into a lot a trouble quickly. You can purchase them at Walmart or Target for around $10. Good luck
Hi, now my daughter is only 8 months, but we did this with my 4 yr old nephew. You get down to their level and tell them the "rules" BEFORE you leave the house. "If you get out of your stroller, you have to hold mommy's hand. If you don't hold my hand, we will have to go home". Then repeat the rules once you get to your destination. Then again after she gets out of the stroller. If she pulls away, get down to her level again and remind her of the rules and give her a warning. "If you pull away from mommy and don't hold my hand, we will have to go home". If it happens again, go home. You may need to do this several times before she understands that you mean business and not try you. Hope this helps!
I put my son on a leash and would take him to the mall that way, or anywhere we went. Some people would look at me funny, other's asked me where they could find it. It's a very effective way to get the point across. I would start off with, you need to hold Mommy's hand and if you cannot, I will put the leash (we didn't call it a leash, but I can't remember what we called it) on you. In a way though, I think he liked it because it did give him a certain amount of freedom to kinda lead the way when he wanted to or I wanted to let him to. He's 2 1/2 now and I haven't used it in awhile but have considered doing it again as he just wants to RUN all over and now he's getting too fast to catch! Trust me, your child's safety is far more important than the weird feelings you may have about it, or any looks you may get from others.
We tried the full harness and then just the one that goes on the wrist. He didn't like the full harness and he got to the point where he would bring us the wrist one when he wanted to go somewhere! Here's a link for the ones we have.
http://www.safety1st.com/product.asp?productID=219
http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/kidsstuff_1961_1...
Hey! I have a 2 1/2 year old that is very independent! He doesn't want to hold my hand when we go somewhere and definitely doesn't want to sit in a buggy or stroller for too long! So i know what you're going through!
But before i had kids, i was all against the harness. I actually thought that it was kinda like a dog leash! However, since i've had kids I think it's WONDERFUL! They sell them at wal-mart and it's the best thing to invest in when you dont know what else to do! I would much rather see a child with one of these on than to see something bad happen to them or get kidnapped.. etc.
Dont let it worry ya if ppl talk about you b/c you use a harness on your child.. it's your safety belt!
Hope everything goes well!
I have used a harness with both of my children. They are much safer than having your child run off or snatched. Kids can disappear in a few seconds no matter how careful you are watching them. they arent leashes they are safty harnesses, leashes come with collars I have a very nice one for my dog it keeps him out of trouble too lol. we had one with elmo on it my daughter called it her special elmo shirt.
D.,
I'm 52, when I had my kids 30 years ago, in England, everyone used the harnesses, we called them reins. They are a Godsend. They allow the child to be able to walk and not have to hold your hand BUT you are still in control, no running into the road or into the path of cars, and keeping the child close in stores. Once you and your little girl got used to one, it would become second nature. I can remember being on one about 4 or 5, and pretending that I was a horse! Lots of little girls did that back then :)
R.:)
Buy the leash. We had one for our first son who was very independent (read headstrong!)I bought the leash after he broke away from me at a very crowded County Fair. I was running after him but the croud was shoulder-to-shoulder and he could get through the legs better than I could get through the shoulders. I thought I would never catch him and probably would not have but I started screaming "Catch that kid!" and someone finally grabbed him and held him until I could get there! We only had to use the leash for a couple of months. I would get it out of the car and he would say, "No Leash" and I would say, "I will take it with us, if you walk beside of me, I will keep it in my pocket, if you run off, you have to wear it." Only a couple of times and he was trained to walk near me with no problems.
You are in my prayers,
W.
My son does the same thing. He is 21 months old and he wants to do everything by himself. He refuses to hold my hand sometimes and will also sit in the floor and pout if I try to make him. My solution has been to tell him that either he holds my hand or I will have to carry him/put him back in the stroller. Sometimes he will hold my hand after that and sometimes he won't but either way he understands that he's going to have to come with me. He will throw a fit sometimes if I pick him up but that's okay. I let him throw one. I tell him I know he's frustrated but it's safer to be next to me. I don't know if this will help.
